So sorry for the delay in the update. My beta and I have a little trouble communicating these days. ;) That plus a lot of exams equal a very late new chapter.

Olivia smiled when she saw the child seat in the back of Elliot's car. She set Ella in it and sat in the front seat.

"Are we there soon?" the girl asked two minutes after Elliot started driving.

Elliot laughed.

"Why don't you try resting for a bit, so you won't get too tired at the park," Olivia suggested.

"But it's the morning!" the girl complained.

"Well how about some music?" Elliot suggested.

He put in one of Eli's cds. She looked in the vanity mirror and saw Ella swaying slightly at the music while looking out the window.

"So who's Gavin?" Elliot asked her.

"I told you, he's a friend from San Francisco," she answered without looking at him.

"What kind of friend?"

"Oh for heaven's sakes, Elliot," she lashed out. "We dated, okay. For over six months before he moved to New York. It's through him that Kathleen found me, actually. A friend of hers works for him," she explained.

"So I have your ex-boyfriend to thank for meeting my kid?"

She sighed and shook her head lightly.

"Elliot… How long are you going to keep doing that?"

"I'm thinking, maybe three years. You know, reset the balance and all," he answered seriously.

"Damnit, El," she muttered.

He looked at her with a softer expression and the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips.

"Been a long time since you've called me that," he told her.

"You couldn't stay mad at me for three years even if you really wanted too," she said softly, half serious, half teasing.

"Yeah, you're probably right…" he conceded. "I'm still allowed to be mad for a while longer though, Liv," he said harshly.

They were silent for a while but it wasn't heavy as it had been. She glanced at him briefly before looking out the windshield.

"Talked with Kathy?" she asked after a moment.

"Talked to her, not so much with," he answered. "She was livid, stormed out of the restaurant. She did agree to let Eli have dinner with us tonight though."

"I feel awful…." She whispered.

He didn't say anything in return and she didn't look at him.

The rest of the drive was mostly silent save for Ella's growing impatience. They arrived after a few more minutes and all got out. Ella grabbed her mother's hand and bent down to pick up the blue bow Gavin had given her from the floor of the car.

"Mommy, can you put the bow in my hair?" the girl asked.

Olivia nodded with a smile and got an elastic from her purse. She pulled Ella's hair into a high ponytail and wrapped the bow in it.

"There, beautiful," Olivia smiled.

Ella skipped to her father, took his hand and held out her other hand to her mother. Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and complied. This felt way too happy family for her liking but she could put on a show for her daughter.

She was good at putting on a show.

"So, Gavin, was it serious?" Elliot started again when they started to walk.

"Seven months is nothing short of a record for me," she scoffed. "Yeah, it was serious."

"Did he ask you to move to New York with him?"

"Yes."

"Would you have gone with him if it hadn't been New York?"

"Maybe. Look, Elliot, let's not start with the what-ifs, okay?" Olivia argued but kept her voice soft for the sake of appearance.

"Gavin is nice," Ella said. "Now he lives here. Elliot lives here. Kathleen lives here. Maybe we'll live here too, mommy?"

Olivia gripped her daughter's hand a bit tighter.

"Maybe you should," Elliot declared.

Olivia stopped and picked up her daughter to place her on her hip.

"Come on, what do you want to do, baby?"

"Something scary," the girl exclaimed.

Olivia smiled at her daughter and walked on, Elliot by her side.

oooooooooo

They left the park around four, after having lunched on hotdogs and fruit snacks Olivia had with her in her purse. Elliot carried a tired Ella on his shoulders to the car. Two minutes into the drive back, the little girl was fast asleep.

"We should go straight to my place, give her a chance to nap for a couple of hours," Elliot suggested, to which Olivia agreed.

Without the excited chatter of a three year old, the drive was mostly silent.

"Did Kathy get the house in Queens?" Olivia asked when she saw the direction he was taking.

"We sold it. She lives in Jersey City now. I got a house in Brooklyn," he answered.

They drove for about twenty minutes before Elliot stopped the car in front of a closed metal gate. He grabbed a key from the small compartment between the two front seats. Then he got out of the car, leaving the motor running. He went to open the gate and Olivia slid into the driver seat. She drove the car into the driveway and Elliot closed the gate behind it. She got out of the car and looked up at him just as he threw her the keys.

Playing distractedly with them, she turned to the house, taking it in for a minute. It was a two stories brick house, simple and tasteful. The curtains of the large window next to the door were pulled closed. She turned back to see Elliot carry a still sleeping Ella in his arms, the little girl instinctively curling up against his chest.

She didn't smile.

She walked to the front door of the house and opened it, finding the right key on her third attempt. She stepped in and left the door open behind her. She looked up at the staircase and a smile tugged at her lips. Various school pictures of his kids were hanging up on the wall up in a pure traditional American family way. Yet she knew there wasn't much tradition in this family anymore.

She was looking at the dining room on her right when she heard Elliot walking up the stairs. She guessed he was putting Ella to bed and didn't follow him. Besides, she knew the little girl wasn't a light sleeper and probably wouldn't wake up despite the movement.

She slipped off her heels and left her purse down on the floor next to them. Bare feet, she took herself on a tour of the house. The next door on her right was the kitchen and she walked through it. She wasn't surprised at its clean state; she had always been messier than him. Even now, she kept her house well but was far from anal about the clatter often left by her three year old.

From the kitchen she walked in the living room and stopped before the door to the backyard. She was still there, staring outside when she felt Elliot behind her.

"It's not much... but it's enough," he told her after a while.

"Anymore and you'd have IAB on our ass," she said turning back to him. "It's really a nice place, Elliot."

"Kathy doesn't understand why I didn't get an apartment in the city."

"What? Did you get too old for the excitement of the big apple?" she joked half-heartedly.

"I just wanted to have somewhere for the family, you know. Where even my eldest could feel like coming for a few days. Not just Eli on the every other weekend I have him," he explained.

She listened to him. Elliot didn't open up very often, making every occasion all the more precious.

"It's just… you know, one of these build-them-and-they-will-come thing. Worked I guess. They actually seem to enjoy hanging around here, grown-up as they may be," he carried on.

She didn't say a word. She just nodded slightly and didn't take her eyes off him.

"I'm even more glad I got the house now."

"Elliot…" she finally said.

"Not now, Olivia. Let's just not talk right now. We're probably going to be fighting the kids tonight as it is. Let's not fight each other too. We'll have plenty of time for that tomorrow," he sighed and rubbed a hand on his forehead.

He walked away towards the kitchen and she looked outside again, a weak smile tugging at her lips.

"Tomorrow, we'll think about that tomorrow," she said.

"Never pictured you for the Southern Belle type," she heard him reply.

She turned to him with a short breathy laugh. He was standing in the doorway of the kitchen and she walked past him and into the room.

"Never pictured you for a Gone With the Wind fan," she bit back.

In the kitchen, she started opening up his cupboards rather than ask him for a glass.

"I have an ex-wife and three daughters, what did you expect?" he answered. "Four. Four daughters," he corrected softly.

She bit down on her lip but kept quiet as she finally found a glass and filled it with tap water. She leaned against the counter and drank before putting it down next to her.

She didn't want to, but she felt surprisingly comfortable here.

Like she belonged.

She stopped that train of thought as soon as it started and threw her head back until it lightly hit the cupboard behind her.

"God," she whispered. "This is all such a mess."

He didn't reply. She heard him open the fridge door and uncap a beer. He came to stand against the counter beside her. She turned her head and watched him bring the drink to his mouth and gulp some of it down.

It took a second for her to register that he was handing her the bottle. When she did, she took it and drank from it, staring at the wall in front of her. The next few minutes were spent in silence, as the beer went back and forth between them until they had finished it.

It felt right and so, so wrong.

The sound of the empty bottle being set onto the counter brought her back to reality.

"What time are the kids coming?" she asked, her voice too loud to her ears.

"6:30," he answered.

She stood up and went to lean against the opposite counter, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Is there anything I can do? You know, for dinner or something?" she asked.

"Think they'll actually stay for dinner?" he scoffed.

She stared at him and ran a hand through her hair.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked him.

He nodded without a word.

"I should go check on Ella," she told him. "What room is she in?"

"I'll go with you."

She turned towards the door and he led her to the hallway, a hand pressed in the small of her back. She closed her eyes briefly at the contact but didn't protest. She felt too tired for that.

She walked up the stairs, Elliot following closely behind. She stopped at the top, waiting for him to show her to one of the four rooms. He jerked his chin toward the half-open door right on her left. She pushed the door of what was the master bedroom and saw the little girl curled up under the covers in the middle of the queen sized bed.

She didn't move, just watched her daughter sleep for a long while. Elliot was standing so close behind her she could feel the heat of his body warming her up.

"I just want her to be happy, Elliot," she whispered.

"I know. She is. She will be happy, Olivia," he told her.

She felt his words against her neck and it made her head buzz in a strange and pleasant way.

She turned and left the room. She brushed against Elliot in the process and squeezed his hand quickly. She walked down the stairs. She picked up her purse and the shoes she had left on the floor and slipped them back on. Back in the living-room, she set her purse on the small desk set against the wall. She took her iPad from it and went to curl up on the far end of the couch.

She looked up when she heard Elliot walk in the room. He sat on a nearby chair and crossed his leg to set his ankle on his knee. He rubbed his jaw and looked at her.

"I'm just catching up on my emails and some work… I hope you don't mind," she informed him.

After a while she glanced up again and saw him still staring at her.

"What?" she asked, curious rather than annoyed.

"I've missed you," he replied.

Her chin dropped to her chest and her hair fell in curtain before she brushed it away.

"I thought we weren't doing this today?"

"Can't I just tell you I've missed you?" he answered.

He set his arms on the armrests and spread his legs wide. Settled in his chair, he seemed to take up the whole room.

"I've missed you too, Elliot," she finally said softly.

It felt like a loaded confession, a dirty secret she had been holding on to. Because she didn't really have the right to miss him. She had left. Granted, he had left first, but still. He didn't call her on it, though. Instead, he relaxed and smiled slightly. He gave her a nod of the head.

She glanced at the clock on the mantel of the fireplace in front of her. Ten to six. Forty minutes to go, she thought. She decided to ignore the tense silence and went back to her work. She opened a email from Shannon and snorted.

"Something funny?" Elliot asked her and narrowed his eyes.

She got up and went to sit on an armrest of his chair with her iPad.

"Meet Barney," she told him.

She showed him the picture attached to the email. There was a light brown puppy licking the face of a porcelain skinned brunette who was making an "ew" face.

"And that's Shannon," she pointed out.

He put a hand on the side of the iPad. He slipped an arm around her waist and rested his free hand on her hip. She froze, swallowed hard and turned her head to him. His attention was solely on the device and she wondered if he was even aware of the contact.

"You got other pictures on that thing?" he asked.

It would be so easy to slip into his lap she thought.

She shook her head. She was not that woman. She was not that woman, she repeated silently. Instead she nodded and pulled up a file. She went through dozens of pictures, commenting on some, keeping quiet on others. She showed him their house, Ella and Jenny, Ella and Shannon, her and Ella, various birthdays and outings… She felt him tense when he saw pictures of Gavin with them. Then there was Ella and Billy, Ella and Barney, her and Ella again. The last picture was one of Ella and Kathleen. He brushed a finger lightly on his two daughters.

She choked up.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, not trusting her voice.

The realization of what he had been deprived of finally hit her.

"I'm sorry, Elliot," she repeated.

He got up and she fell into the seat he had just vacated. She leaned ahead, put her elbows on her knees and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. She then brushed her thumbs under her eyes and breathed out slowly.

She stood up and saw that Elliot wasn't in the room anymore. She went to place the iPad back in her purse and picked up a smaller bag from it. She left for the powder room she had spotted opposite the kitchen.

She was done after a few minutes, her face made-up again. She looked at her watch to see that there was only ten minutes before Elliot's kids were supposed to arrive. She closed her fists to stop her hands from shaking.

She was walking out of the powder room just when the front door opened. Kathleen walked in and greeted Olivia with a tight smile.

"How're you doing?" the young woman asked her.

"I'm more nervous than before my first date," she joked. "But aside from that, I'm ok I guess."

"Stop talking about your sex life with my kid," Elliot said from behind her.

She recognized the joke in his voice and smirked at him. The way they were able to go back from serious to joking in a few minutes gave her whiplash. But she still liked that better than having a sullen Elliot on her back.

He gave his daughter a hug, told her Ella was sleeping upstairs and led her to the living room. Olivia went to the stairs to go check quickly on her daughter. But she heard a car pull up and looked through the door window to see Elliot's twins get out of it. For a second she thought about going up to hide with her child while Elliot dealt with his. She didn't. Instead she ignored how stupid she felt when she almost raced away from the front door and to the living room.

"You okay?" Elliot asked her when she came in.

"Yes," she answered more calmly than she really felt. "Hum… the twins are here."

He nodded and she left for the kitchen, followed by Kathleen. Olivia found a tray and placed a few glasses on it. She took out orange juice and coke from the fridge and set it on the tray. Next to her, Kathleen laughed.

"You do realize we're not kids anymore, right? Even the twins can legally drink now," the young woman told her.

"Right," Olivia muttered. "Beer it is…"

"I know you're a mother now, but seriously, what happened to badass Olivia?" Kathleen asked more seriously.

Olivia looked at her thoughtfully and smiled at her.

"What happened to the wild irresponsible college kid?" she asked in return.

"Don't worry, there's still a bit of her in there," Kathleen laughed. "Don't tell dad though."

Kathleen hugged her briefly before leaving the kitchen. Olivia set the glasses back in the cupboard. She heard the voices of the Stabler family move to the living room. She hoped Ella would stay asleep until they told them about her. She leaned against the wall next to the doorway to the living room and listened. She heard Maureen and Eli and assumed the eldest child had driven her brother here.

She took one last long breath before crossing the threshold to the living-room. The voices immediately died down when they caught sight of her. She couldn't help the smile that came when she saw them all.

Elizabeth was tucked under her father's arm, her long dirty blonde hair held away from her face by a clip on each side. Richard had already slouched down on the couch, his legs crossed at the ankles. Maureen was as beautiful as ever: blond hair, blue eyes and bright smile. She had her arms around her little brother. Eli was the one who had changed the most. She remembered the pictures of Elliot as a kid that she had seen at his mother's. She decided his youngest son looked the most like him, despite his light hair, and she smiled at that. Kathleen was standing right beside her, her back against the wall, an arm on the mantel of the fireplace.

Maureen was the first one to breathe out her name.

"You're here… You're back?" the young woman asked, confused.

"Is that why we're here?" Dickie asked his dad. "This some kind of welcome back party? 'Cause, I mean, welcome back, Olivia, but…"

"Thank you, Richard," she told him with a smile, remembering he now preferred Richard to Dickie. Not that she could blame him. "It's nice to see you again, kids."

She went to lightly hug everyone before kneeling in front of Eli.

"Hi Eli, you remember me?" she asked him softly.

"A little bit, hi Olivia," he replied.

She smiled at him. So far, the children looked more confused than upset and she was okay with that. She was itching to offer them something to drink, but that wasn't her place. She was the guest, they were in their home, she reminded herself. She went back to stand next to Kathleen who gave her a reassuring smile.

"Olivia is definitely a big part of why you're here, yes," Elliot answered. "Maybe you should sit down," he told his kids.

And here we go, she thought. Let's turn these kids' world upside down.

"Could you take your brother outside for a while?" he asked Kathleen.

She nodded and walked up to them.

"I'll tell him," she told him gently.

Elliot hesitated a second. He glanced at Olivia who nodded slightly. He also gave Kathleen a nod of the head and thanked her. She took Eli's hand and went to the backyard. Her siblings looked at her curiously.

"What's going on?" Maureen got impatient.

"Are you guys dating or something?" Richard asked, his brow furrowed.

She remembered when she'd had him in the interview room years ago. He had asked if she was sleeping with her partner, his father. She had lied to him that day.

"Would you just sit down, please?" Elliot told them again.

The kids finally sat down: Maureen on the far end of the couch with Liz next to her. Richard sat up a bit straighter.

"Mom's okay, right?" Liz asked.

"I just saw her when I picked up Eli. She seemed… weird, now that I think about it. But she was okay," Maureen told her sister.

Elliot sighed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other before settling into his usual sprawl, hands crossed in his back. Olivia took a few steps and stood next to him, a few inches behind. He turned his head to share a look with her.

She closed her fists to keep herself from reaching for his hand.

"Just so you know, I already told your mother what I'm about to tell you. That's probably why she was acting weird earlier."

He fell silent and she contemplated stepping in.

"Well there is no easy way to say it, so…" he finally said.

Her gut twisted and she almost ran to the kitchen sink to throw up.

"When your mom and I were still married, Olivia and I slept together."

"What the hell?" Maureen yelled out.

She got up and went to stand behind the couch, her hands on it. The others looked too stunned to talk. Olivia lowered her head and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She bit down on her lip when Elliot shifted again next to her, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Dad! Okay, first, how the hell could you do that to mom? And second, why the hell would you suddenly decide to share your crap with us?" Maureen carried on.

Olivia glanced up at the ceiling and then at Elliot who looked at her with the same concern. Now was not the time for Ella to wake up.

"Would you please lower your voice, Maureen?" he asked her.

"The hell!" Dickie stepped in, getting up too. "We have every right to be mad!"

"Let them finish, Rick," Liz told her brother, her voice harsh but lower than her siblings. "Then you can get mad."

"Oh I can't wait to hear more!" Maureen added, throwing her hands in the air.

"Mommy!"

The muffled childish scream froze the room into silence. Olivia shared a look with Elliot before running from the room and upstairs.

"Oh my God! You've got a fucking love child?" she heard Dickie yell.

Her eyes were burning when she got to the master bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and hugged her little girl.

Hope you're still with me and enjoying the story! :)

Please please please, don't forget to drop a teeny weenie review. I need the boost! :)