Dear, dear readers...
Dare I apologize for this long, too long delay? I dare. Sorry! Life, among other things, kind of got in way. I hope this (slightly) longer chapter will make up for it.
A few little things: this chapter ended up being unbeta-ed... As english is not my first language, I'm sure I let a few mistakes slip by. I apologize for that. I'm still looking for a beta, if anyone is motivated. ;)
Another thing: as I said previously, this chapter is rated M, as will the rest of the story be. Sorry to those who don't like smut. To those who do, I hope I won't disappoint.
In anycase, thank you so much for your supportive reviews!
Olivia was woken up by her daughter lightly shaking her up.
"Mommy, Mommy, wake up," the girl said in her ear.
Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled lazily at the girl who looked to be wearing one of Eli's pajamas. Olivia shifted on her side and moved on the bed until her back was against the wall. She patted the mattress and her daughter slipped in next to her.
"Why are we here, mommy?" she asked her mother.
"Y'were 'lready in bed when I got back. Didn't wanna wake you up," she slurred, still half asleep.
"It was really fun yesterday with Eli and Liz. We eated popcorn and the movie was real funny, and after we came here and we played football outside and Liz readed to us…"
Olivia chuckled and kissed Ella's head.
"That's really nice sweetie."
There was a knock on the door and Olivia raised herself on an elbow. She rubbed her eyes with her other hand. The door opened after a second and Elliot stopped when he saw them.
"Morning girls," he smiled at them.
"Morning!" Ella exclaimed, sitting up on the bed.
"Breakfast's ready," he told them.
"Go on, go with daddy," Olivia said to the girl, lightly pushing her off the bed.
Olivia threw a quick glance at Elliot and saw his lips twitch in a small smile at the mention of the word "daddy". Ella quickly kissed her mother on the cheek and bolted from the room and downstairs. Elliot stared at Olivia a while longer. He laughed softly.
"What?" she asked defensively.
"You look cute with bed hair."
She rolled her eyes and waited for him to leave the room before getting out of bed. She went to the bathroom and took a look at herself in the mirror. She wiped out the mascara stain under her eyes. She ran her hand through her hair and picked up some toothpaste on her finger to rub it on her teeth and gums.
When she was done, she went downstairs and to the dining-room. She greeted Eli, dropped a kiss on Ella's head and went to the kitchen.
"The first thing we do today is go to the hotel," she told Elliot when she walked in.
He turned to her with a slight smirk and raised his eyebrows suggestively.
"I need to change, so does Ella," she told him with a glare.
"You look good enough for me," he said, eyeing her up and down.
"Oh, give me a break," she groaned.
She lowered her head to hide a small grin. She grabbed the hem of the boxers she was wearing to pull them down on her bare thighs and tugged on the blue shirt. He walked up close to her with his arms stretched out on either side of him. He was carrying a pan in one hand and the coffee pot in another.
"First time I've ever made you breakfast, Liv," he said softly and almost apologetic.
"I hope it's good," she answered with a small smile.
"You're not panicking," he noted.
"Not right now," she reassured him.
They shared a quiet look before she turned to go back to the living-room. She saw Ella crawling up on the table to reach for the box of cereals next to Eli. She picked up the girl by the waist and sat her back down.
"Ella, can't you just ask for the cereals?" she told her daughter with a sigh.
Elliot smirked and she shook her head with a smile. No, she wasn't panicking.
oooooooooo
After breakfast, Elliot and Eli got ready while Olivia picked up hers and her daughter's things from the previous day. Elliot then drove them all to the hotel where it was the girls' turn to get washed and dressed. Elliot went to get an outfit from Ella's room and laid it on her bed.
He was watching television with his son when Ella ran out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She waved at them with a giggle and Elliot told her to put on the clothes he had picked out. She was quickly done and she called Eli to come play with her. Elliot stood up and went to the bathroom door.
"You almost done in there?" he asked Olivia.
The door opened almost immediately and she stepped out in her robe.
"Please tell me you didn't pick out clothes for me to wear," she told him with a smirk.
"I'd pick out nothing for you to wear," he answered.
She smirked, got her clothes and went back to the bathroom. When she came out a few minutes, she was wearing dark blue jeans and a light blue sweater. She put on beige boots and grabbed a beige coat from the back of a chair.
"Now I'm done," she told him before calling the kids to leave.
oooooooooo
Liz met them at the American Museum of Natural History and she took the lead of the visit. She acted rather coldly towards the two adults but was all smiles for her siblings. While the young woman kept the children entertained, Elliot and Olivia walked a few steps behind them. She saw Elliot looking tensely at his older daughter.
"She'll forgive you, you know," she said.
"I hope so..." he sighed.
She bumped his shoulder with hers and squeezed his hand briefly.
"She's going to make a great teacher," Olivia told him.
"Yeah," he answered with his proud daddy smile.
She was glad to see his worry slipping away for a while.
"Does Richard know what he wants to do?"
Elliot groaned and she turned her head to look at him.
"Not a cop?" she asked and raised an eyebrow.
"No, worse," he muttered and she grinned.
"Don't tell me he wants to be a lawyer?"
"I'm hoping he's still in this phase where he just wants to piss me off."
She laughed softly and brushed her hair away from her face.
"Well he's certainly mouthy enough for a lawyer," she said.
He looked at her and she lowered her head. She knew he was itching to ask again about what Richard had told her. He didn't though. She moved away from him when Liz and the kids stopped to wait for them.
They spent the morning at the museum then went outside to the nearby park for lunch. Liz left after but the four of them were planning on going back later for the dinosaurs exhibition that Eli was dying to see.
For now, Elliot and Olivia were sitting down on a bench, watching the two children play together with a football Elliot had gotten out of the car. He was a few good inches away from her, but his arm was behind her on the back of the bench. They were silent for long minutes.
"I've been thinking," Olivia finally started, "I'm going to go back to San Francisco tomorrow."
He didn't make a sound but moved his arm away. She looked at him from the corner of her eyes.
"Would you let me finish before you blow a fuse?" she told him with an annoyed sigh. "I'm going to go back to San Francisco. And I'm going to leave Ella with you, if it's okay with you of course."
She saw him turn slightly to her but she didn't move. She breathed out.
"And then I'm going to hand in my resignation, put the house up for sale, start looking for a place here. I thought maybe you and Ella could come to San Francisco next weekend, help me finish packing… We could have a small party so that Ella can say goodbye, you know. And then, we'll come back here."
Only when she was done, did she turn to him. She looked into his red-rimmed eyes and her heart caught in her throat.
"Are you sure?" he asked softly.
She nodded and looked at Ella and Eli. Yes, actually, she was sure of her decision. She wasn't even that surprised at her lack of hesitation.
"Thank you," he said.
"I was also thinking that maybe it would be better for Ella and me to spend the night at your place. It would save a trip tomorrow morning."
"We'll drop by the hotel later to pick up your bags and check you out," he agreed.
"Daddy!" Eli called out. "Come play with us."
"Yes daddy! Come play! Mommy too," Ella added.
Elliot was about to stand up when he heard Ella and froze. He turned to Olivia and she returned his smile. She squeezed his hand and stood up.
"Come on, old man," she teased. "Let's play football."
After about twenty minutes of a children-vs-parents game Olivia took Ella apart while Elliot did the same with his son. She sat the girl down on the bench and ran a hand in her hair. She told her about her plans for the following week and after. Ella hesitated before agreeing.
"But you come back with us after?" the girl asked quietly.
"Of course, baby. I'm already going to miss you so much for just these few days. You don't think I'm going to live in San Francisco without you, do you? So is it okay with you, moving to New York?"
"Can Barney come too?"
Olivia laughed softly and agreed.
"Then yes, we can come live here with daddy," Ella declared.
Olivia froze for a second and didn't move when Ella hugged her. But when the girl went to run to the boys, Olivia stopped her and sat her back down, telling her that Elliot was talking to Eli. The girl nodded and kicked her legs in the air. She waited in silence until Elliot and Eli came back. Olivia pushed her daughter lightly on the back and suggested that she go back to play with her brother. Elliot sat down next to her, closer than before, and put his arm behind her again. They watched the kids talk while slowly passing the ball between them.
"Is he okay with all of that?" she asked Elliot.
"Yeah, yeah he's okay," he answered. "He likes her, for now anyway. When they start bickering, that's when we'll know they've really bonded as brother and sister," he said.
He turned to her with a smirk and she chuckled.
"How about Ella?" he wondered.
"She was worried we'd leave Barney behind, but as long as I'm bringing him back with me, she's fine. There's just one thing though…"
"What?" he asked with a frown.
"I think… I think she thinks we're all going to be leaving together," Olivia said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear, her head down.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. He stood up and went to the kids.
"Hey, ready for the dinosaurs?" he asked them.
Her brows furrowed slightly but she followed them in silence.
oooooooooo
Afterwards, they went back to the hotel. Eli sat in front of the TV while Elliot helped Ella pack her suitcase and Olivia took care of hers. She was gathering her things from the bathroom when Elliot walked in and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed on his chest.
"You're done with Ella's things?" she asked him.
"Yes. She's watching TV with Eli now," he told her.
She moved around the room to pick various items all the while trying to ignore his hard stare. After a few minutes, she threw some things in her vanity case with an annoyed sigh and turn to him. She placed a hand next to the sink, the other on her hip.
"What was that earlier?" she asked him. "In the park? You got spooked when I mentioned Ella thinking we'd be living together."
"I didn't get spooked, Liv," he told her. "I just wasn't in the mood to see you freak out."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked with a hard glare.
"It means I'm fucking terrified you're going to run away," he said, his voice low and harsh.
"I told you I'm moving back here. I have no intention of taking Ella away," she answered with a confused frown.
"I don't mean it literally."
His head came to rest against the wall and his mind was suddenly far away. She watched him in silence for a few minutes before sighing again.
"Aren't you going to explain?" she asked.
His eyes came slowly back to her face. She shifted under his gaze.
"I told you what I want, Olivia," he told her. "But I'm afraid you're going to bolt if you think I'm pushing or as soon as you think you're getting in too deep."
"Elliot…"
He interrupted her with a raised hand.
"When I heard you had left," he continued "I was seething. I asked Cragen, Casey, Munch, Fin… No one knew where you were and they all told me to let it go. Over the years, I thought about finding you, many times. But I thought maybe you just needed a little more time and you'd come back. Sometimes I thought I never wanted to see you again anyway. And sometimes I thought I would lock you in my house so that you could never leave again. Now I just want to make you see what we could be and not be afraid of it. I want Ella to be right about us leaving together. Because I'm afraid if we don't, you'll move on without giving us a real chance."
He looked at her while she stood there in silence, taking in his words.
"This is insane," she finally whispered. "We're insane. We went from partners, to lovers, to strangers, to parents… Now you just want me to move in so we can all end up a happy family? You're still furious with me and I'm still pissed at you."
She glared at him. He let his arms fall at his sides and he walked up close to her.
"I'm so fucking scared of losing you again. Not to mention that my gut twists just thinking about you with another man," he told her, getting a glare in return. "And you're afraid…"
"This is not about me being afraid, Elliot. It's about being realistic."
"The reality is…" His breath was warm on her face. "We've never been able to move on from each other, Olivia. Maybe there's a reason for that. It's not the first time you've hurt me Liv. I've always gotten over it. I've never gotten over you."
She swallowed tears. She thought maybe he was going to kiss her. She was torn between letting him and pulling away. So she didn't move.
Small fingers came knocking on the door and Eli called for his dad. She released a shaky breath.
"Just a minute, Eli," he asked his son while rubbing a hand on his mouth.
He left and she turned away to pick up her things. When she walked back into the room, the two kids were having a nasty pillow fight. Elliot came from Ella's room with her suitcase and set it on the floor next to the door.
"Hey, hey, kids!" she called out.
She was promptly ignored by both Ella and Eli. She glanced at Elliot who just shook his head with a slight smirk.
"They're bonding," he told her as though he was talking to a child.
She glared at him before going to place her toiletries in her suitcase. She closed it and placed it next to Ella's. She caught the little girl by the waist and pulled her away from her brother.
"Alright, let's go," she declared.
oooooooooo
Back at the house, Ella followed Eli to the living-room where Elliot had allowed him to play on the computer for a half hour. Meanwhile, their father brought the suitcases to the guest room and Olivia followed him upstairs. He set the baggage down, took a look at the two undone beds and snorted.
"What's so funny?" Olivia asked.
"You're as messy as a three year old," he told her pointing at the evidence.
"See, you don't want me as a roommate," she said with a small apologetic smile.
He walked up to her with a hard look on his face.
"Well that's a shitty excuse if I've ever heard one."
She leaned against the wall and slipped her hands in her pockets. She watched him step closer to her until he was inches from her face.
"You just want it all," she said quietly. "You've always wanted it all."
"What's wrong with that?"
"It doesn't work. You can't have it all."
"Who says?" he asked with an angry jerk of the chin.
"Experience… Elliot, we may have a child together, but it doesn't mean we can be a couple."
"No, that's just you being afraid again. What's the worst that could happen, Liv? We break up? Fine, then we go back to being parents and… hopefully friends."
She ignored how her heart constricted at the mere mention of them breaking up.
"Think of Ella. She already has to adjust to so much: new city, new family… I can't have her get used to mommy and daddy living together if it's for us to separate after a month."
"Give the kid some credit, will you. Look at Eli, all the shit Kathy and I went through… He's still a happy, well-adjusted boy."
His hands came to rest on the wall, one right next to her head, the other waist-high.
"Your world is not going to fall apart just because you try for more," he told her.
"What makes you think I even want more?" she offered.
He tilted his head to the right and glared at her. Then he leaned to brush his lips against hers. He pulled away before making contact and looked into her eyes.
"Who are you trying to kid, Liv?"
"You know, this…" she said and pressed a thigh against his crotch. He hissed. "This is not a good enough reason for me to move in."
"It is pretty good, though. And it's the not the only reason."
"The only other reason is Ella. I mean, how can you want… how can you want me when you can't even forgive me yet?"
"God…" he groaned. "Take the blinders off, Olivia."
She heard what he was saying. Really, she did. After years of keeping her head buried in the sand, his words were even too loud in her mind.
She got lost into his eyes. She allowed herself to think about it, to imagine it. A life with him and Ella. She closed her eyes and kissed him. When she pulled away and opened her eyes again, he was watching her intently. She held her breath for a few seconds, as if waiting for the ground to open under her feet.
It didn't.
So she kissed him again. He opened his lips against hers and she slipped her tongue in his mouth. She placed a hand on his hip and hooked a thumb in his jeans. Her other fingers grazed his ass over his pants. He moved his hands and slipped them up under her shirt and around her stomach until his thumbs were brushing the skin just under her bra. She slipped an arm around his waist and grabbed his shirt. He pressed a leg between hers.
"God, Elliot," she gasped when he brushed a thumb on her nipple.
He had her crushed against the wall and her breasts ached from the pressure. Her hands fell to his zipper and a voice far in the back of her mind told her to stop. But he was cupping her ass and she thought it might actually bruise. Not that she cared.
She remembered the two children downstairs and really, they should stop. She should tell him to stop. But before she realized it, he had her pants unbuttoned and she had his shirt wide open. Her hands were under it, clinging at his back and when he slipped a hand in her panties she dug her nails into his skin. She whimpered and writhed and pushed her hips against him. He scraped his teeth and licked at the soft flesh behind her ear. He cupped her and his other hand moved up her leg and her side until he was grabbing her breast and flicking his thumb over her hard nipple.
His open mouth swallowed her cry when he pushed two fingers into her.
His thumb brushed her clit and she bit down on his shoulder. He pulled his fingers out before pushing them back deep in her. She hitched a leg up around his waist and he let go of her breast to grab her thigh. He spread his fingers in her in a scissor motion and his thumb circled and rubbed her clit. She scratched his back and it really didn't matter that she might actually draw blood. He moaned her name in her ear. He curled his fingers in her and her inner walls clenched around them as she hit her climax. She cried out his name in a curse and threw her head back until it hit the wall with a thump.
They stayed like this for long seconds, their heavy breaths the only sounds in the room.
Then she felt his fingers slip out and the cold slip in. Her head fell on his shoulder and she put her leg down. She turned her head inwards and lightly kissed the flushed skin of his neck.
She moved to close her still shaky legs and she brushed against his crotch. He hissed. He was still painfully hard and she almost wanted to apologize. Instead, she kissed his neck again and her hands moved to his belt. He stopped her before she could take it off.
"Liv," he hissed. "Don't, not now."
She raised her head to look at him. He had a slight smirk on his face.
"Elliot…"
She pushed her hips forward to press against him. She didn't care that she might be coming off as a wanton. She wasn't done. She needed more. She wanted more. She wanted him and him in her.
"Liv…" he said.
His voice was strangled and a smile tugged at her lips.
"Liv… the kids…"
"Right, right…"
She nodded in silence and stepped away from him. He ran a hand over his mouth. She turned her head towards the door and back to him.
"Go," he told her softly. "I'll be down in a minute."
She breathed out a laugh and lowered her head at the double meaning of his words. He watched her blush and smiled. She glanced up at him from behind her eyelashes and gave him a nod of the head. She turned away and went downstairs.
She went to the downstairs bathroom to quickly wash herself up and walked into the living-room. Eli was still on the computer and Ella was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. She looked up from her coloring and smiled at her mother.
"Hey baby," Olivia said, sitting down on the couch next to the girl. "How're you doing?"
"Good. But I don't like Eli's game."
"So he gave you some paper and crayons? That was nice of him."
The girl nodded without looking up. Olivia curled up on the couch, watching her daughter.
"Ten more minutes, Eli," Elliot told his son when he came down and checked on him.
She glanced up at him when he crossed the room to go in the kitchen. She didn't follow him. A few minutes after, she looked up to see him stuck his head out of the kitchen door.
"Off the computer Eli," he told his son.
He was back a few seconds after.
"Or I take your games away all day tomorrow," he threatened.
She chuckled when she heard the boy sigh. Soon, he was sitting next to Ella, coloring with her.
Afterwards they all helped set the table and ate dinner together. It was nice and easy. Olivia smiled but lowered her eyes every time she crossed Elliot's. Elliot then locked up the house and they all sat down on the couch to watch a movie.
Now the end music was playing over the credits and the two children were long asleep. Without a word, Olivia picked up Ella and Elliot took Eli to carry them upstairs and into their respective beds.
That's when the tension returned.
They shared an unsure look and went downstairs. They both walked into the kitchen, got a beer each and uncapped it. Olivia left to go to the backyard and Elliot followed her, sitting down on the chair next to hers.
"What time do you have to leave tomorrow?" he asked her.
"My flight's at 3 pm. I'll leave around one," she answered. "Will you be okay next week, with Ella?" she asked after a silence.
"What, you don't trust me with my own kid?"
She wasn't sure whether he was joking or not.
"Don't be ridiculous, Elliot. Of course I trust you. With her. But we both know the job is also demanding."
She glanced quickly at him and met his dark glare. She looked away and took a sip from her beer.
"I'll talk to my Captain, I'll work something out, take the week off… You know, I know you haven't been here for the last four years so you may not realize it, but I've been there for Eli, for my kids, more than I've ever been."
"I wasn't implying anything," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."
She just watched him drink until another thought crossed her mind. Her brow furrowed slightly.
"Elliot… The case you had with SVU. How did it end?"
"Olivia..." he sighed and rubbed his jaw with a frown.
She stared at him in silence.
"You got out of it, Liv. Just let it go."
"No."
He turned his head to her.
"Liv," he said dangerously.
"I didn't get out because I couldn't handle it. You can talk to me about it, Elliot. Besides, it's not about me, it's about you. You want me in your life, you're going to have to open up. I'm not…"
"You're not Kathy, right? Is what you were going to say?" he told her with a glare.
"I was going to say I'm not going to let you shut me out. Deal with it," she declared.
She sunk lower into the chair and looked up at the dark sky. She raised the bottle to her lips and took another sip. The silence that followed seemed endless.
"He died," he finally said.
She closed her eyes when she heard his voice. She stopped moving and held her breath for fear of disturbing the moment.
"The guy we liked, the girl's boyfriend? We booked him and he was killed in Rikers. Turned out he hadn't raped the girl, he hadn't killed anyone. The girl's brother murdered these two guys and convinced her sister to report her boyfriend for rape. Then he had him killed in jail thinking it would be the end of it."
She heard the disgust, the anger, the guilt in his words. She turned to him and he was looking back at her. The moment felt sadly familiar.
"Not your fault, Elliot," she whispered strongly. "It's not your fault and you don't like me saying that because you know it's the truth," she continued before he could protest. "But you still feel guilty anyway."
"He was innocent. And he died because everyone gave up on him. He had a rap sheet for drugs and maybe I thought, what the hell, he's guilty of something anyway."
"You know that's not true. You're a good man, and a good cop. You collared him because everything pointed to him. You did your job. We both know it doesn't mean we get a happy or even a fair ending."
"Do you feel better?" he asked her with a glare.
"What?"
"You made me open up. Does that make you feel all fuzzy inside?" he mocked.
"You're an ass. Yes I'm happy you opened up. Because… God…" she groaned. "Yes, I want to try and be with you," she admitted. "But I know that job is not something you can turn on and off, and that's okay with me."
He stared at her for a long moment. She sat up straighter and faced him.
"Bottling it up inside has never done you any good Elliot. You end up breaking your hand against a wall or dropping off the face of the earth. Talking to me may be a nice change."
She looked at him and saw his eyes darken. He sat up too and turned to her, their knees almost touching. He leaned forward and raised a hand to her face. He brushed his thumb across her lips and she kissed it lightly. His fingers swept down her chin and he let his hand fall in her lap. He nodded slightly, not taking his eyes off her. Satisfied, she finished her beer in one gulp and stood up. Her gut twisted with a nervous desire when she felt him follow closely behind.
Somehow, she didn't think their night would end here.
More smut to come. Hopefully soon. In the meantime... Reviews, anyone? :)