Apologising for the delay seems to have become a bit of an habit for me... An unfortunate one at that. I'll try to do better...
Chapter still rated M, still unbeta-ed, although I should have my beta back for the rest of the story. :)
Thanks again for your support, my beloved readers! It really means a lot!
She walked up the stairs and she listened to his steps behind her. Her stomach was in knot and her hands were shaking. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest she wondered if he could hear it. She didn't stop at the top of the stairs but went right in his room. She heard the door close behind him. She stood in front of his bed and she breathed out when he put his hands on her shoulders. He slid them down her arms until his fingers intertwined with hers. His breath was hot in her neck.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
No, she wanted to answer. This is too much. It's not enough.
She bit down on her lip and nodded. His hands came to rest on her waist and he turned her lightly towards him. She looked into his eyes and he seemed so much calmer than she felt.
"Yes," she breathed out softly.
She tilted her head to kiss him.
"Liv," he said against her mouth. "Liv, we don't have to, you know."
She chuckled and ran her tongue over his lips.
"I know," she answered. "But I want to. I want you."
"I'm glad," his whispered hotly. "I want you too."
She looked into his eyes and brushed his lips with her hesitantly. And then their tongues were dueling and they were fumbling with the other's clothes. He let go of her lips to take off her sweater and her top in one swift movement. When he kissed her again, she smiled against his mouth. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders and ran her hands over his biceps and the taut muscles of his chest.
He sucked her lower lip between his and she moaned.
She shivered when he brushed his knuckles down her spine. His hands came down over her ass and when he sunk his fingers into her flesh, she scratched her nails across the tendrils of hair on his chest. Then he hooked his thumb in the waistband of her opened jeans. He kissed her jaw, her neck and her shoulders. He kneeled to kiss the skin between her breasts and down her stomach. His tongue darted out and licked lightly at the skin just above her panties. She sucked in a breath.
He pulled her pants down and she stepped out of it. He took her by the waist and laid her down on the bed. She sat up on her elbows to watch him get out of his own jeans and crawl on the bed on his hands and knees. His eyes were dark as he took in her barely clothed body. She didn't kid herself in thinking she hadn't been imagining this moment when she chose the lace chocolate brown lingerie.
"God I've missed you, Liv."
Her eyes burned and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Her legs spread open so he could come rest between them. She fell back against the mattress. He glided up over her and stopped to look into her eyes.
"You're beautiful," he whispered.
She felt a rush of affection for him tug at her heart. Love. I love you. She didn't let the words cross her lips, though. Instead, she raised her head to kiss him softly on the lips, cupping his cheek with a hand, the other pressing in the small of his back. He slipped the bra straps off her shoulders and his hands came fumbling under her.
She smiled.
"In the front, Elliot."
She suddenly realized his hands were shaking too. She kissed him harder and she sighed softly when he finally unclasped her bra. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and her hands around his biceps. She used her strength to flip them on the bed.
Now on top of him, she spread her legs wider to sink down lower on him. She felt his covered dick twitch under her and she moaned. She rid herself of her bra and she watched him look at her. She leaned down to kiss his bruised lips and then down his chest and his stomach.
She saw a scar she was pretty sure had not been here before and she catalogued it for later.
When she got to his briefs, she looked up at him and he bucked his hips slightly. She pulled down his last piece of clothes. She heard his breath catch in his throat and that just turned her on even more. She looked at his nakedness and kissed the tip of his shaft.
"Fuck, Liv."
She looked up at him and smirked. She stepped off the bed and shimmied out of her panties. Then she crawled back on him and the feel of his naked erection against her thigh made her tense with anticipation.
She gasped and opened her eyes wide when he turned her on her back again. He kissed her and slipped his tongue in her mouth. He grabbed her breast and brushed his thumb against a nipple. His dick rubbed at her entrance. She whimpered and arched her back.
"El. God Elliot…" she tried to find her voice. "El, condom," she breathed out.
He chuckled and her nipple hardened under his hot breath.
"Damnit, El, now."
He went up on the bed and she kissed and scraped her teeth on his shoulder. He reached into his nightstand and chuckled again.
"What the fuck, El?" she asked, hot, bothered and slightly annoyed.
He came back to her and kissed her lips. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and bucked her hips up against him.
"I can't believe I actually have six children," he finally explained.
She felt his smile against her shoulder. She nudged his head with her chin until he was looking back at her.
"I can't believe I actually have a child."
She smiled softly at him. He kissed her and the tenderness of it tugged at her heart.
He supported his weight with one arm next to her body while his other hand rolled the condom onto him before coming to grip her hip.
And then he was in her.
She gasped and her mouth hung open for a long second when none of them moved. His thumb brushed against her cheek and he looked at her as she adjusted to him. When he finally started pushing into her, she writhed and whimpered under him and god she had missed him. Her hands came on his ass to push him deeper in her as she brought her hips up to meet each thrust. He swallowed her every sound and she smiled against his lips when he muttered her name. He reached for her hand gripping the sheet and intertwined their fingers.
She came hard, arching her back and scratching his. She breathed out his name and a few seconds later her name rolled off his tongue. He collapsed half on her as he came too. He rolled on his back, taking her with him. He slipped the condom off him and then held her against him, his arms wrapped securely around her waist.
"Fuck, Liv," he said, still panting.
"I know," she replied between heavy breaths. "I've missed you too."
She closed her eyes and sighed in contentment. When she fell asleep, Elliot was still drawing random patterns on her back.
When she woke up a few hours later, she was lying on her middle, hugging the pillow. She turned her head towards Elliot and saw him jerk in his sleep, muttering senseless sounds. She watched his face tense and his fists grip the covers.
"Oh Elliot…" she breathed out sadly.
She still had nightmares at times. They came to her quite randomly and always haunted her the next day. But still, they were few and far in between and she was no longer a stranger to sleeping though the night. She knew Homicide was not as gut-wrenching as Special Victims often was. Yet, he was obviously still haunted by the job when the lights came out.
She moved under the covers closer to him. She put a hand on his shoulder and lightly shook him.
"Elliot. Come on El, wake up," she said softly.
His eyes fluttered open and it took him a moment to focus on Olivia. She smiled weakly at him and he rubbed his forehead. She slipped a leg between his to lie half on him. She brushed a hand on his chest.
"Are you okay?" she whispered.
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry I woke you up," his voice was low and gruff.
"Don't be."
She rested her head on his shoulder and kept running her fingers lightly on his chest.
"You want to talk about it?" she asked without looking at him.
He didn't answer yet she knew he was still awake. She felt his heart beating too fast under her palm. He kissed her hair and she didn't insist. Instead, she remembered the scar she had noticed in the middle of his chest and ran a finger over it.
"That's a new scar," she said quietly. "What happened?"
"Got shot."
"I'm sorry. How bad was it?"
"'Bout three days coma, three weeks of physical therapy and three months of ass duty."
Her heart skipped a bit and she exhaled a long, painful breath.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"Nothing you could have done, Liv."
Their low whispers in the silent room made her drowsy. She kissed his skin and he ran his hand down her spine. When he whispered her name again, she raised her head to kiss his jaw up to his mouth. He responded urgently and soon she slung a leg over his hips so that she was straddling him. Her hair fell in a curtain over their faces as she looked at him. This time, their encounter was slow and tender, their heavy breathing the only sounds in the room.
Afterwards, she turned to lie on her middle again and crossed her arms under her head, looking at him. He was propped up on an elbow, watching her. He saw her shiver and raised the covers on her naked back. The tender look he gave her made her eyes water.
"That's what I was afraid of, you know," she told him softly.
"What's that?"
"I don't think I can ever come back from us," she admitted in a whisper.
He moved closer to her and he pressed a kiss to her hair. She closed her eyes as he lay on his back beside her.
oooooooooo
The next time she woke up, the sun was filtering through the blinds of the bedroom. She turned and sat up on the bed. She looked around the empty room. She smiled when she saw his robe waiting for her on the back of a chair. She put it on and went downstairs.
She found him in the kitchen and she enjoyed the few seconds she had to watch him without his knowing. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and was drinking juice from the carton. She watched the tattoo on his bicep. She looked up at him when he turned to her.
"Hi," she breathed out.
He answered with a slight smile and a nod of the head. He turned back to the fridge and put the juice back. She sat up on the opposite counter.
"This is so weird," she said softly.
"What, didn't Gavin ever make you breakfast?" he answered without looking at her.
And the rubber band snapped back.
She sighed.
"Go to hell," she told him.
She jumped down to leave the room but he grabbed her wrist.
"No," he told her. "No, you see, that's what I'm talking about," he said pointing a finger at her. "I can't worry about you running the fuck away every time I open my mouth."
"I was just going to take a shower Elliot. And you know what, maybe you should try and not sound like a prick every time you do open your mouth," she said angrily.
"Fine, call me a prick, Liv. But do it to my face. Don't run away, even if it's just upstairs."
"You're a prick."
He chuckled and she glared at him. She left the room and climbed up the stairs to the bathroom. Her robe dropped to the floor and she got in the shower. She jumped slightly when the curtain was pulled open.
"Damnit, Elliot!"
She closed the shower curtain with an angry glare.
"What?" he asked. "I can watch you writhe naked under me when we fuck but this is too intimate?"
She could just picture the smirk on his face.
She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She stood naked and glistening wet in front of him. She looked at him as his eyes roam over her body. She felt vulnerable under his heated gaze but also realized that no one had ever made her feel more desirable than him at this moment. She saw him swallow hard and shift uncomfortably. She finally picked up the robe from the floor and put it on.
"Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?" she asked him harshly.
"I was just joking Liv."
"No you weren't. You were being a possessive asshole again. Why do you have to do that when I was 'writhing naked under you' not three hours ago?"
"I'll always be possessive about you."
She thought she probably should have been mad about that. But the tenderness of his voice softened her.
"Next time, don't bring up Gavin like that when I flip out about something," she asked quietly.
"What are you flipping out about?" he said and took a step closer to her.
"Because this is new to me, Elliot. This intimacy… Yes Gavin made me breakfast in the morning, but it's different with you. I'm used to you leaving to go back to your wife before I was even asleep."
She stopped as soon as the words left her mouth. He looked away and shifted, stomping his foot lightly on the floor.
"I'm sorry," she said. "That was unfair…"
He tilted his head slightly and watched her until she looked back at him.
"You won't get used to me making you breakfast while hiding in the shower."
He left the room and she smiled slightly. She disrobed and stepped back in the shower. He was back after a few minutes.
"Liv," he called again when she was rinsing out her hair.
"Next time you interrupt my shower, it'd better be to join me," she told him.
"I'll keep that in mind" he said in a laugh. "Come on, there's something you gotta see."
She quickly finished up and got out of the shower. She put the robe back on and left the room. Elliot was leaning against the hallway wall and beckoned her to him with a finger. He jerked his chin to the open door to Eli's bedroom. She furrowed her brow slightly but stepped into the room.
She stopped and smiled. The two kids were asleep in the same bed, Ella on her middle and Eli on his side, facing his sister. They both had an arm slung over the girl's bear.
"She hates behind awake and alone," she whispered.
Olivia leaned her head and her hip against the doorframe and watched the scene. She relaxed against Elliot when he came behind her, slipping his arms around her waist.
"I love you," he said in her ear.
She froze. She fought the instinct to run. She lowered her head and breathed in and out. She turned in his arms and her forehead fell to his shoulder. She wanted to tell him he couldn't say that just days after they reconnected from a four years long estrangement. She wanted to tell him he didn't really love her. He was just emotional because of Ella, because of their night of sex, because it had been four years…
Yet she couldn't do that because she felt the same way he did. And she knew it wasn't just because of these reasons. It was because he was Elliot. They could snap at each other, get pissed off or plain mad. They could stop talking for days.
But she loved him. And she trusted him to be sure about what he was saying.
So she raised her head and took a deep breath…
He kissed her before the words crossed her lips. She was grateful in a way. They had plenty of time for these three words, hopefully a time where she wouldn't feel so close to a panic attack.
"Huh, Liv…" he said when he broke the kiss.
He jerked his chin behind her and she turned to see the kids sitting up on the bed, looking at them curiously. She bit back a curse. Instead, she forced a smile.
"Hey. Did you guys sleep well?" she asked.
Elliot laughed softly behind her and she turned with a glare.
"Come on," he told them. "Breakfast in ten."
The kids got up and Ella reached her arms out to her mother. Olivia picked her up and placed her on her hip.
"Mommy," the girl whispered in her ear. "Daddy kissed you. It means he loves you."
Olivia lowered her head before kissing her daughter's temple.
"I know, baby," she said softly.
The girl hugged her tighter.
"Maybe you'll get married."
"And maybe we won't, Ella. But it's okay either way, ok?"
"But... If you get married, I could be a flower girl."
"You'll have plenty of occasions to be a flower girl, baby."
In the living-room, she put Ella down and the girl went to the backyard with Eli. Olivia then followed Elliot in the kitchen. In a move that was becoming familiar, she sat on the counter and watched him get eggs and bacon from the fridge.
"You got pancake mix?" she asked.
"I think so… Why?"
"Sunday morning pancakes are a Benson family tradition," she told him.
He turned to her with an intrigued look.
"Really?"
She shrugged.
"Well at least that's what my mother said the couple of times a year she actually made pancakes," she said. "Usually meant she had managed to stay sober for more than three hours…"
She looked up and crossed his eyes. He walked up to her and pressed his lips on her forehead, rubbing his hand along her arm.
"I'll make you pancakes, Liv, every week."
She chuckled lightly.
"I'm not going to be the one throwing a fit if you don't," she said. "Ella might, though."
He nodded and started looking in his cupboard for pancake mix. When he found it, he held it up with a grin. She gave him a small smile but her mind was back elsewhere, and not on her mother. She had managed to get Serena out from under her skin a while ago.
She was thinking about Ella's wedding question. And she really did not want to be obsessing about this. She had never been one to obsess about her wedding day. She hadn't played bride as a little girl. Her first marriage proposal had come when she was still in high school and she had seen the prospect of escape, not the romance. As an adult, she didn't stare at the white dresses in the store window.
She just wasn't the type that dreamt of a wedding. Not now, not ever. She had never thought of herself as a Mrs and she had always been fine with that.
Still, she knew the question would come up again, from Ella or from his children. That bothered her. What bothered her even more was the idea that Elliot might ask it too. She really, really didn't want that. She didn't want to be the second wife. She was just fine being who she was. She hoped he would be too.
She looked up when she heard her name.
"Sorry. What?" she said
"Where did you go?" he asked with a concerned look.
"Nowhere, I'm fine."
"Daddy!" Eli called when he came running in the kitchen. "I'm hungry!"
"Good," Elliot told him. "Pancakes are ready. Go sit down."
The kids went to the dining-room and Elliot brought out the first batch of pancakes along with maple syrup and jelly. She didn't move. She heard Elliot tell the kids to be good, that he'd be right back. And then he was at the stove again.
"This new side of you is really odd you know," she told him. "You're like a cross between Martha Stewart and Tony Micelli."
He turned his head to smirk at her. She gave him a small, tight smile.
"What's bothering you, Liv?"
"Nothing, I'm fine, Elliot," she answered.
"Liv, you asked me not to shut you out. Give me the same courtesy."
She sighed. She jumped down and went to sit on the opposite counter, closer to Elliot.
"I just got the 'are you going to get married' question from Ella."
She didn't want to even put the idea out there. But if she knew her daughter, Ella would soon ask her father the same question.
"Oh…" he said and rubbed his jaw.
"We kissed, we're in love, in her mind wedding is the next step."
He threw a quick glance at her and scratched the corner of his lips. She rolled her eyes.
"Just ask, Elliot."
"Didn't it ever come up, with Gavin?" he jumped at the occasion.
"He didn't propose to me if that's what you're asking…"
He shot her a quick look but didn't say anything.
"And Ella was too young to raise the question. But now… You're her father; most of her friends' parents are married. Besides, she wants to be a flower girl."
"What did you say?"
"That we don't have to be married to be happy. And she'll have plenty of occasions to be flower girl. She's got four older siblings after all."
"Don't even talk about that. Maureen's been…"
"Mommy!" Ella yelled out.
Olivia jumped down and went quickly to the dining-room, followed by Elliot. They stopped dead in their tracks. Ella was sitting on the table crying and Eli was kneeling on his seat, leaning against the table. The little girl was covered in maple syrup and her brother was holding the smoking gun in his hand.
"What in the world...?" Olivia gasped.
"What the hell's going on here?" Elliot asked.
"He wouldn't give me the syrup," Ella cried.
"I wasn't done with it yet!" Eli shouted. "She bit me on the arm!"
"Ella!" Olivia exclaimed.
"He putted syrup on me!"
"Alright, you guys apologize," Elliot asked with a hard glare.
Ella only cried harder and Eli sank down in his seat, crossing his arms on his chest.
"Okay…" Olivia sighed. "Just… Let's get you cleaned up."
She picked up the girl and took her to the bathroom upstairs. Twenty minutes later, Olivia and Ella were back downstairs. The girl was dressed, her damp hair brushed away from her face. Elliot was sitting at the table next to his son. He jerked his chin towards them when he saw them and Eli stood up. Olivia put Ella down before tightening the knot of her robe. The kids faced each other, their heads down. Ella turned to her mother, her teeth biting down on her lip. Olivia just glared in silence.
"I'm sorry," Ella said to her brother.
"I'm sorry too," the boy answered reluctantly.
"Good, now can we all have breakfast without any more fighting?" Elliot asked.
The kids nodded and sat down next to each other. Olivia took a seat next to Elliot and leaned closer to him.
"Was that supposed to be them bonding?" she asked.
"Yeah." He smirked.
She rolled her eyes and went back to her breakfast. Under the table, Elliot squeezed her thigh.
Hope you're still enjoying the story.
By the way, I'm turning 21 today and nothing would please me more than a whole bunch of reviews! Well, maybe actually owning SVU you know, but I'm not quite reaching for the stars on that one... :)