Well this is it, people! I can't thank you enough for your reviews and all your support during this story.
I hope you'll enjoy this epilogue because there won't be a sequel. Don't forget to leave one last comment! ;)
Mariah, I can't thank you enough for your beta work and your wonderful feedback!
Thanksgiving had never really been a special holiday for her. Growing up with Serena, holidays were often forgotten and rarely celebrated. She had been invited to the Stablers' house a couple of times, but had only gone once, early in their partnership. After that, Thanksgiving had just been another evening where she volunteered to catch the calls.
Which is why she couldn't quite believe she was now hosting a Thanksgiving dinner with Elliot.
This year, he had his children for Thanksgiving and Kathy had them for Christmas. That changed every year. Maureen had been brave enough to bring along her fiancé. Olivia had also suggested that they invite people from work, mainly Fin, Munch, Cragen, Casey and Kelly who rarely had someone to spend the holidays with. Kelly had recently broken up with Dwayne; Nick was spending the evening with his family; Amanda had declined the invitation and she suspected she was actually with his partner's family.
Which is how they had ended up with a table set for fourteen. They had set the extensions to the table to accommodate everyone. The kitchen was a mess and the dining-room was buzzing with several conversations. That was a whole new experience for her. But she was happily adjusting.
Ella however wasn't put out by the agitation of a big family, not to mention surrogate family. It was really the first Thanksgiving she was old enough to comprehend and she was enjoying herself. Elliot and Olivia had done their best explaining to the little girl what the holiday was about. Luckily for them, it wasn't a religious holiday. They still tended to disagree when it came to religion.
oooooooooo
Over the years, she had seen him slowly let go of his faith as the horrors of their job piled up. So she was fairly surprised when he declared they were going to church on Easter.
"We're not going to church," she replied. "When did you become religious again anyway?"
"I never stopped, Liv. What do you mean we're not going to church?"
"Well, go if you want, but Ella and I will be content with an eggs hunt."
He put his hands on his hips and glared at her.
"I'm catholic, Liv."
"I'm not. And neither is Ella."
"It's not your choice."
"You're right, it's not. It's her choice, Elliot. And when she's old enough to understand your priest's sermons, you can take her along with you. I won't object if she wants to get christened. But right now, she's too young for church to be anything else than brainwashing."
"You're not serious?" he asked with disbelief.
"Ok, maybe brainwashing's a bit harsh. But why is it so important for you that she goes to church anyway?"
"Because my faith is important to me and that's something I want to share with her."
"Elliot, I have the upmost respect for your faith. But it's not something you can teach. You can't tell someone what to believe in. She'll have to decide that for herself, when she's old enough. For now, let her believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus."
"What do you believe in?" he asked her with an intrigued look.
She sighed and tucked hair behind her ear.
"I believe that both evil and goodness are human attributes. I believe in free will and choices and responsibility. I don't believe there's a God somewhere with a grand design."
"Why?"
"Because if you say there's a reason for a kid getting killed, you're taking the blame away from his murderer."
"It's not about blame, it's about finding solace in a tragedy."
"That's superficial. If you thank God for miracles, you also blame him for tragedies. And then nothing is ever up to any of us, really. I'd rather believe we're the only ones who choose between evil and goodness."
He stared at her for a long moment. He let it go and didn't go to church. But he had still been pissed at her for days afterwards.
She thought about their conversation again, about a week later. He was taking his latest case pretty hard: a minister killed by his son who had been desperate to put an end to the blows. The 16 year old had been charged with murder two. Elliot came home late and checked on Ella. Then he barged in their bedroom when Olivia was changing.
He fucked her desperately, hard and fast up against the wall. She cried out in pain because she hadn't been quite ready for him. But the wave of pleasure soon followed and built up quickly until she bit his shoulder to keep herself from crying out loud from her climax. He apologized to her when he came down from his own high. She kissed him softly while she led him to their bed. She laid beside him and brushed her fingers on his tattoo of the Christ.
oooooooooo
She took the excuse of an empty water pitcher to leave for the kitchen. She filled and set it down next to her as she sat on the kitchen counter. She rested her head against the cupboard behind her and closed her eyes. She heard the revolving door swing open and looked at Elliot.
"Hi." She smiled.
"You okay?"
"Yes, just needed a minute of peace and quiet. Also, I've been thinking…" she told him. "We should go to church for Christmas."
He frowned slightly and walked up to her. He set a hand on the counter next to her thigh and brushed away her hair with the other hand.
"You're sure?" he asked her.
"Yeah, I was just listening to Maureen speaking about her catholic wedding…"
He groaned and she laughed lightly.
"She is getting married Elliot," she reminded him. "Anyway, I guess I see why you want to educate Ella about your faith."
"Thank you," he told her before joking: "You're not getting religious on me, are you Benson?"
"No, don't worry," she answered in a smile. "Even if I did believe in some kind of God, I wouldn't believe in religion, Elliot."
He gave her a small, almost regretful smile and leaned down to kiss her.
"Do you still go to confession?" she asked before his lips brushed hers.
"Not often, but yes sometimes," he answered. "Why do you ask?"
"Just curious. I mean, you do realize we live in sin, right?" she teased.
He laughed against her lips and kissed her.
"A lot of sin", she added.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened the kiss. She moaned and didn't hear the door open until someone laughed uncomfortably.
"Ha, hum… Sorry kids."
She pulled away from Elliot and lowered her head when she saw Don Cragen's embarrassed face. Elliot turned to him but kept a hand on her thigh.
"I just came looking for the water," Don explained.
She jumped down and grabbed the pitcher of water. She stopped and groaned when she noticed the door was still open and her guests were looking at them. She threw a quick glance at Elliot before walking out of the room.
"Damn," Fin said. "Never thought I'd see you blush, Benson."
"Has motherhood mellowed you, Liv?" John asked with a smirk.
"Yeah right…" Richard scoffed.
She glared at her former colleagues before turning to Richard.
"Not everyone is scared of me like you are, Dick," she told him.
She smirked and sat down in her seat, her daughter climbing up in her lap.
Things had gotten a bit easier with his children. She was still closest with Kathleen and Maureen was only distantly polite with her. But her relationship with Richard and Liz was much better.
oooooooooo
To her own surprise, Kathy had invited her and Ella to the small engagement party she was throwing for Maureen. She had thought about not going but if Kathy was making the effort to invite them, she'd make the effort to go.
She had survived an abusive alcoholic mother, stalkers, a sexual assault and various attempts on her life. Not to mention, she had delivered and raised a baby girl by herself. But standing with Elliot and Ella at his ex-wife's door had her very stressed out anyway.
Kathy greeted them with a tight smile and let them in. She introduced them to Eric, an accountant at the hospital she was working part-time. She expected Elliot to act like a possessive Neanderthal like he tended to do. But he merely gave the man a strong hand shake and a slightly threatening glare.
He was a lot more threatening towards Shane though, Maureen's fiancé, and exasperated the young woman in the process. Kathy stepped in with Eric to diffuse the situation, shifting the conversation to the apartment the couple was looking to buy. Olivia moved to leave the group but Elliot wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her to his side. Kathy's eyes dropped to his hand on her hip.
Later on, she stood in the garden watching Liz, Richard, Eli, Ella and a bunch of kids she didn't know play soccer. Elliot came behind her, slipped his arms around her waist and dropped a kiss on her shoulder. She turned in his embrace.
"This is not as horrible as I thought it would be," she told him softly. "Kathy's being… Kathy, really," she said in a breathy laugh. "It's nice."
"Yes. And Shane is… okay I guess," he groaned.
She laughed and kissed him.
"Oh come on!" Richard shouted behind them. "It's bad enough we have to tolerate you, do you actually have to throw yourself at my dad in front of my mother?"
She threw a glance at Kathy standing on the porch with Eric, looking more upset at her son than at them. Olivia placated Elliot with a look and walked straight to Richard. She pressed a hand on his chest to push him a few steps back.
"Okay this shit ends now," she told him angrily. "You're a twenty-one year old snotty brat, Dickie. You may not have had a perfect childhood, but Elliot and I haven't had easy lives too. And I'm pretty sure you don't even know the half of it. We have earned the right to be happy. I have earned the right to be happy! So suck it up and shut your mouth, because I'm done taking your crap."
He looked slightly frightened for a minute before he slipped his hands in his pockets and leaned towards her.
"What about my mom's happiness, Olivia? Or do you not think she has the right to be happy?" he asked her.
She turned away from him to see Elliot, Kathy and Eric standing a few feet behind them. She lowered her voice when answering Richard.
"Have you actually asked your mother whether or not she's happy, Richard?"
She glared and walked away, leaving him standing awkwardly in front of his parents. She crossed Elliot's eyes and he looked almost proud of her. Back into the house, she went straight to the bathroom to calm down. Kathy caught her coming out a few minutes later. She apologized to the woman for yelling at her son. In response, Kathy gave her a sincere smile.
"He's a good boy, Olivia. But you did have a point about him being a bit… abrasive at times." Kathy had given her a strong look, and a small, sad smile. "You may not have been good for my marriage, Olivia, but you're good for this family."
She seemed slightly amused at Olivia's stunned expression.
oooooooooo
After that, Olivia relaxed around his family. Richard and she settled in a light banter. He was still a snotty brat but his teasing was almost affectionate now and he was just afraid enough of her that he knew not to cross some lines. He had stopped resenting her mere presence and he had grown incredibly protective of Ella.
Liz was more at ease around her than she had been in the beginning. She had come to her once about a paper she was writing on child abuse. Since then, they talked quite often, never about personal issues though. That was Kathy's role. Liz mostly came to her to talk about the things she heard or saw at the family shelter where she was volunteering. Olivia could handle these things and always made a point about talking it through with the young woman.
Elliot had always been intent on not exposing his family to his job. And yet Kathleen was a rape crisis counselor and Liz volunteered at a shelter. They sometimes managed to sneak into one of Olivia's class at the Academy. She knew their father was both proud and worried about their involvement with special victims. He was just happy about their involvement with Olivia.
She kept reminding herself that she didn't have anything to do with his kids growing up the way they had. She still was incredibly proud of each and every one of them.
Eli was calling her Livy these days. When Elliot wasn't home, he asked her to tuck him in or read him a story. She helped him with his homework and he listened to what she said. Well, mostly. He was a seven year old boy after all. She loved him like he was her own. Elliot had been the catalyst for this evolution; Elliot and his desire to see more of his son.
oooooooooo
It was a Sunday night and they were lying in bed after Elliot had put the two children to sleep. She was reading some romance novel and as always he poked fun at her choice of literature.
"As badass as you can be, deep inside you're really as girly and romantic as Maureen," he teased.
Not looking up from her book, she slapped him on the shoulder. When he stayed quiet for long minutes, she turned to him and saw the pensive look on his face. She put away her book and laid across his bare chest.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked him.
"Eli."
He hated Sunday evenings because it meant he wouldn't get to put his son to bed for the next two weeks. It always broke her heart a bit.
"I want to see more of him," he explained. "I want to change our custody agreement."
She raised herself up and he winced when her elbow dug into his chest.
"What do you mean?"
"I think Kathy and I should be able to spend equal time with Eli. He could spend one week at Kathy's and one week here, if it's okay with you of course."
"You're serious?" She frowned slightly at him. "I mean, I think it's great that you want to spend more time with him. And of course, it would be okay with me. But you don't think Kathy is going to fight you on this?"
"Maybe not. She practically lives with Eric now. Maybe she'd enjoy the opportunity to spend more time alone with him." He winced at the idea of their alone time.
"Elliot, I would love to leave Ella with her siblings and go away for a week of sex and sun with you," she said, making him laugh. "But every other week without her? That, I wouldn't love." She saw him frown and kissed his chest lightly. "Look, I think having Eli here the whole week would be fantastic. And I'll support you whatever you decide. But you need to be sure you're willing to start a custody battle. And you need to make sure it's what's best for Eli."
"You don't think spending more time with his father would be a good thing?"
"Of course I do, Elliot. But it would also mean dividing his time between two homes, having two sets of everything. Not to mention finding a school half-way between here and Jersey City."
"Manhattan's half way. And it's where we both work. Besides, he loves spending time with Ella and he's alone at Kathy's. I really want to do it, Olivia. I'm not even sure Kathy would fight it that much. And even if she does, I don't see why a judge would refuse me shared custody. I have steadier hours, so do you, not to mention your salary. Plus, there's his sister in the picture."
"Elliot, like I said, I'll support you every step of the way. And Kathy has been great with our whole situation. But you're essentially asking her to agree to her ex-husband's former mistress raising her son half of the time."
"Don't call yourself that Liv."
"It's what she'll say. Or her lawyer at least."
"Kathy wouldn't do that."
"I know Kathy is a good and nice person. But you're asking her to give away half her time with her child. If someone tried to take Ella away from me, I'd do anything, including slandering."
"I don't want to put you through any more…"
"Or for crying out loud, don't worry about me, Elliot. I don't like the word 'mistress' any more than you, but I have thicker skin than that. Like I said, I'll support you."
She watched him process their conversation in silence for a minute before his eyes found hers again.
"I'll talk with Kathy," he declared..
She nodded and kissed his bare skin. He rolled on top of her and looked at her with one of his tender expressions that made her heart beat faster.
"Now, you said something about sex and sun?" he asked.
She laughed against his lips.
He talked with Kathy who refused to revise their custody agreement. They hired lawyers and went to court. Elliot's lawyer pointed out their qualifications with dealing with children, her regular hours, his almost regular hours, both their paychecks, and of course the positive presence of Ella in the household.
Kathy's lawyer accused them of providing an unhealthy environment. Elliot was living out of wedlock with his former mistress and his illegitimate child. Olivia fumed but kept quiet, grabbing Elliot's hand when she saw his jaw clench.
The judge asked to speak with Eli and Ella. Other than that, they didn't involve his children, refusing to ask them to pick sides.
The judge ruled in their favors. Eli's time was to be divided equally between his parents. Elliot looked at her with red-rimmed eyes and smiled. Kathy didn't fight the court's decision and didn't give them anymore grief about it. She didn't hang around after the ruling though.
Eli was thrilled with the arrangement, although he still called his mother every day for the first few weeks he spent at Elliot's. Ella was happy too, even though she had to adjust to not being a single child in the household.
Elliot murmured countless 'I love you's to her that night.
oooooooooo
She looked over at the dinner table with a smile: Kathleen and the twins talking about some movie, Maureen and Shane huddled close at the end of the table, Eli and Ella playing on the floor with Barney, Kelly and Munch discussing conspiracy theories while Fin and Don sat between them chuckling and rolling their eyes. Next to her, Casey was talking to Elliot about the new ADA. The three other detectives quickly joined into the conversation.
"You're talking about that blond nympho who has the hots for Elliot?" Kelly asked.
Olivia smirked and turned to Elliot. He gave her an uncomfortable look.
"She just flirts a lot. Honestly I think she's a good ADA. She's not afraid to fight to get her man."
Kelly snorted and Olivia arched an eyebrow at Elliot with an amused smile.
"The guy…" he corrected, "the criminal… Damnit you know what I mean."
"Well still…" Munch said. "I know someone else who wouldn't hesitate to fight to keep her man."
"Now that's a fight I'd like to see." Fin laughed.
Olivia groaned and glared at Elliot's grin.
"You know, I may not carry a gun anymore, but I'd still be able to deck you," she told Fin.
He laughed and held out his arms in surrender.
"You think she goes both ways?" Kelly asked. "Cause she really is hot."
"Do you have no filter at all?" Olivia said with disbelief.
"Not really, no," Elliot groaned.
She smiled slightly but remembered an occurrence a few months ago when he had tried to take advantage of his partner's big mouth.
oooooooooo
She walked into her office that morning and found him sitting in her chair, watching one of the frames sitting on her desk. It was a picture of her and Elliot from just a couple of weeks ago taken in the Brooklyn Bridge Park by Kathleen. She was sitting against his chest, her arms resting on his raised knees. They had hated to pose but had smiled at Kathleen nonetheless. She was glad they had. She loved that picture.
"Hi," Elliot said when he saw her.
On any other day she would have greeted him back with a smile. She would have been thrilled to see him. But she hadn't seen him, at all, in three days, neither had his daughter for that matter. She knew the job, the endless hours, the catnaps in the crib… She knew how there were cases you couldn't get away from. She knew that he never wanted to bring that work home.
She was still pissed. She wasn't just anyone. She was his former partner and she had made clear to him that he could and should speak to her about the job.
"Nice to see you, Elliot," she told him and the greeting was laced with sarcasm. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Olivia…" he sighed.
"Get off my chair."
He got up and took the seat on the other side of the desk. She sat down in her chair and looked at the memos in her inbox. He leaned forward.
"I'm here about a case," he told her.
"What can I do for you, detective?" she said calmly.
"I need the file of one of your rejected employee: Gayle Dodson."
"She's a victim or a suspect?"
It was easier treating it as just business. They had avoided personal issues for years while still maintaining an efficient working relationship after all.
"Victim."
"What happened?" she asked with a slight frown.
"She was tortured, murdered and dismembered," he told her and stared at her with a strong look, awaiting her reaction.
She nodded thoughtfully.
"I'm sorry but I can't give you that file, Elliot."
"Damnit, Olivia."
He stood up angrily.
"Has it been so long that you don't remember what this job is like?" he shouted. "I'm gripping at straws here to find any kind of lead, to find the deviant son of a bitch who did this. Did I mention she had a four year old little girl? I don't have time for you to play games like any other corporate morons we've come across!"
She flinched at the mention of the daughter. But she then pressed her palms on her desk and stood up. She looked at him with angry eyes.
"I was starting to miss prick Elliot," she hissed. "You seem to think I've just erased twelve years of working at SVU. So, you're shutting me out because you think I suddenly can't handle hearing about the cases anymore. Well you're wrong, Elliot. And you're also wrong about my playing games. You just think my job is a joke compared to what I used to do. Well disrespect me, mock my work all you want, but this is what I do now. I'm not a cop anymore. I'm the annoying corporate moron who tells you to go get a warrant."
They stared at each other in silence.
"Liv…"
"Get the hell out of my office," she said.
He glared at her again before leaving. As an afterthought, she ran after him.
"Hey!" she called out from the doorway. "If you have ten minutes to spare, go say hi to your daughter. Daycare's down on six," she told him.
He went to see Ella. She stayed pissed.
Later that same morning, she got another visit from the police, namely a 5'3 brunette.
"Detective Mason," Olivia sighed. "I hope you're here to serve a warrant. Otherwise, there's nothing I can do for you."
"You could come down to the precinct and screw your boyfriend against his locker. Elliot really needs to relax a little."
Olivia glared at the woman.
"Come on, Olivia. You remember what it's like."
"Yes I do! But I work here now. I'm assuming you didn't find a judge willing to sign a warrant. So if I did give you that file, I'd risk losing my job and I'd expose the entire firm to a lawsuit."
"Then just leave it on your desk and go grab a coffee," Kelly suggested. "We can call you a confidential informant. I know you want to help, Olivia."
"You're wasting your time trying to sweet talk me, Kelly. I'm sorry."
The detective sighed and got up to leave.
"Kelly," Olivia called out without looking up from her work. "The victim…"
"Gayle Dodson…"
"Yes her. You've spoken to her brother yet?"
"Hum… she doesn't have a brother," Kelly answered with hesitation.
"Oh. My bad," Olivia said softly.
When she got to her office the following morning, her assistant greeted her with a grin. Olivia frowned but didn't comment. She walked into her office to find a vase of red roses and white lilies sitting on her desk.
"I'm sorry."
She jumped and turned to Elliot who was lying on her couch. He stood up.
"These are from you?" she asked, pointing at the flowers.
"Is there anyone else they could be from?" he said, raising his brows with curiosity.
"This is corny."
She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against her desk. He stepped closer to her.
"You know you like corny," he told her.
"What are you sorry for?"
"Shutting you out, not to mention Ella. And… for what I said yesterday. I respect the hell out of you, Olivia. And I don't think your job is a joke. I just… this case wasn't going anywhere and..."
"I know. I do remember, Elliot. Which is way you can talk to me. I fell in love with my partner, Elliot, the one who'd get obsessed and emotionally involved in cases when he really shouldn't. So I'm not looking to change you, just to be there for you."
He stared at her for a minute with a soft smile before he tucked a strand of hair behind her hear.
"You're incredible," he breathed out. "We found her long lost biological brother, you know."
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Elliot."
He grinned at her.
"Fair enough," he said. "She had found him too and had tried to get him away from a cult she used to frequent. He confessed to killing her because of it."
"They're going to try a psych defense?"
"Probably. But we closed the case," he answered and leaned down closer to her.
"Hmm," she hummed with a slight nod of her head.
"Thanks to you," he said against her lips.
"Again, I have no idea what you're talking about," she retorted with a teasing smile.
He kissed her and his hands slipped in her hair, bending her head backwards. He scraped his teeth and licked at the pulse point in her neck. He moaned in her ear when she pressed her leg between his. She pulled away and leaned back. She pushed the button of her interphone.
"Helen? Hold my calls and keep people out of my office for fifteen minutes," she asked her assistant, not caring what the young woman would think. "Make it twenty minutes," she added when Elliot licked the skin behind her ear. She shut off the interphone and unzipped Elliot's pants.
"How many times do you think you can make me come in twenty minutes?" she asked in a husky voice.
He grabbed her waist, turned her and bent her over her desk with a curse from him and a yelp from her.
oooooooooo
She flushed slightly at the memory of their office sex. She had come twice in these twenty minutes. She had been distracted for the rest of the day after that. Elliot looked at her strangely. He leaned towards her.
"You okay?" he asked her.
She nodded with a smile.
"You do know you don't have anything to worry about, right?" he said. "About the ADA I mean."
"I know," she laughed. "I know, Elliot. But would you like me to get jealous?" she teased. "Would that stroke your male ego?"
He grinned and leaned closer to slide his hand up her thigh against the table. Her breath hitched but she pulled away when she was hit on the head by a piece of bread. She turned to a smirking Casey.
"Hey!" Olivia protested.
"There are children here, not to mention food," Casey told her. "Keep it in the bedroom, guys."
Olivia shook her head slightly. Elliot glared at the ADA and took his hand off her leg.
At dessert, Shane clinked his fork at his glass and got up with a smile. Maureen stood up next to him and wrapped an arm around the man's waist. After an almost six months engagement, they finally announced their wedding date for March. The whole table, including Elliot, congratulated them sincerely.
Kelly then leaned forward against the table to look at Elliot and her. She knew what was coming and glared at the young brunette, hoping it would make her change her mind about asking the question. No such luck.
"So, is the next wedding already in preparation?" Kelly asked.
"Ask Kathleen," Olivia answered. "She's the next one in line."
Kelly threw her an amused glance but didn't push it. The young adult chatted between them, mostly about Kathleen's lack of known boyfriend. Olivia refused to meet Elliot's eyes and instead fingered the third golden necklace falling in the cleavage of her dark blue dress. She knew his mind was in the same place as hers: the day she got that necklace.
oooooooooo
He talked to her about the cases that bothered him these days. She sometimes had to push him a little, but he talked to her and made a point to come home every day, even if only for a couple of hours. His latest case had kept him long hours at the station that week though. But that Thursday, he came home just a few minutes after her, telling her to pack her bags.
"Kathy agreed to keep Eli until Monday," he explained. "Liz doesn't have class on Friday and offered her babysitting services for the weekend, and Zoe will watch Ella on Monday."
Zoe was the babysitter they had hired a couple of months before, not wanting to always turn to his children for babysitting duties.
She stared at him for a full minute.
"Are you serious?" she finally asked.
He nodded and gave her a hard look that didn't invite any discussion. She frowned slightly and left for the backyard where Ella was playing. She called the little girl to her and asked if she was okay with staying with her sister for a few days while mom and dad went away.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Long Beach," Elliot answered from behind her. "It's really not far away and we won't be gone long, Ella."
"How many sleeps?"
"Just four sleeps," he added.
The girl agreed with a nod of the head and went back to playing.
"I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed," Olivia said about her daughter's reaction, or lack thereof.
They walked back into the living-room just when Liz was coming in. Olivia hugged her quickly.
"Thank you so much, sweetheart," she told the young woman.
"Just go," Liz said with a smile. "And don't bother with the rules and recommendations; I already know them, Olivia."
Elliot and Olivia both kissed their daughter goodbye and went upstairs to pack.
Once they got to the house his mother had left him, they took walks and runs on the beach; they went shopping and ate outside twice. He went swimming while she lay on the beach tanning and reading. They had sex, a lot of it, enjoying the freedom of making love anytime, anywhere in the house without having to muffle their sounds. One night they came silently on the wet sand of the beach, the waves lapping at their feet.
She was sore but she didn't give a damn. She couldn't get enough of him.
On Sunday evening, they sat in silence side by side on the porch, drinking beer. They stared at the sea and the sky and the barely there limit between the two elements. She looked up but didn't move when he went back into the house. He came back minutes later without his beer but holding a small dark blue pouch.
"I have something for you," he told her.
She frowned and took the gift he was handing her. She put her bottle away and turned slightly to him before opening the pouch. She let the jewelry slide in her palm. She held the necklace between her extended fingers and raised it up in front of her eyes.
"Elliot…" she breathed out.
She let the thin but long golden necklace cascade back into her hand. She took the gold ring attached to the necklace between two shaky fingers.
"Elliot…" she said again.
He put a hand in the small of her back and dropped a kiss on her temple.
"It's not… an engagement necklace, Liv. But… if you ever… want it to be, you'll just have to put the ring on. Meanwhile, it'll remind you of how much I love you every day."
His voice was low and gruff from the emotion. She laid her head on his shoulder. She shook from a single sob but the tears slipped silently down her cheeks. She bit down hard on her lip to repress the familiar urge to apologize to him, not because of her reluctance to marriage, but for whatever she had done that made him love her.
But she knew he wasn't looking for an apology. And really, that was the point wasn't it? He wasn't looking for anything from her. He was just telling her he loved her. Still gripping the necklace in her fist, she took his hand in hers and got up to go into the house.
She let him go when they reached the bedroom. She let her pale blue summer dress fall to the floor and slipped the golden necklace over her head, the ring nestling in her marine green bikini.
He stared at her with hungry eyes before stepping closer to her. He laid her on the bed and she scraped her fingers on the back of his neck, looking in his eyes.
"I love you," she told him.
He kissed his way down her body. He dropped a kiss on the gold ring before pushing the material of her bathing suit away to take her breast in his mouth.
oooooooooo
After dessert, Olivia went up to put her daughter to bed. When she came out of the girl's room, Elliot was waiting for her, leaning against the wall. She acknowledged his presence with a quick nod and took a step towards the stairs. He grabbed her by the elbow and she turned to him.
"You're upset," he told her.
"I'm not. I'm just sick of the words wedding and marriage," she answered in a sigh. "What is it with people? Do they need proof, guarantee that I'm going to stick around?"
He looked at her without answering. She furrowed her brow slightly.
"Do you?" she asked him.
"Liv," he said.
"Meanwhile," she interrupted him. "You said 'meanwhile'. 'It's not an engagement ring until you want it to be. Meanwhile just wear the damn necklace!'"
She looked briefly at Ella's door before walking in her own bedroom. She crossed her arms over her chest as she turned back to the door. Elliot followed her in and closed the door behind him.
"I just want you, Olivia," he said softly. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to marry you. But I'll have you in my life in whatever way you let me."
He took a step closer to her and she lowered her head.
"You call her your first wife," she told him in a whisper. "When you talk about Kathy with someone, sometimes you call her your first wife."
He sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"Well I'll try not to do that anymore," he said and she heard the annoyance in her voice. "Olivia, you don't want to get married, fine. But you can't get that defensive every time it comes up. Because it'll come up again, you know. We have a child, we live together, it's not unreasonable for people to wonder about the next step. No matter how annoying you think it is."
That's when it happened.
That's when the bright picture burned her eyes and made her heart skip a beat.
She could see it: her in a light yellow summer dress standing on the beach in front of his Jersey house, Elliot in a white shirt and beige linen pants leaning down to kiss her lips, Ella running around them holding a small pink bouquet.
She stared at Elliot, a bit dumbfounded at the peacefulness of the image. She felt the sting of the tears in her eyes. He frowned at her and stepped closer.
She imagined him making love to her and she saw the gold band on her finger shine with the reflection of the sun entering through their bedroom window. She heard him introduce her as his wife, not his second wife, not the mother of his child, not his former partner. This is my wife, Olivia.
"Liv, you okay?" he asked as he took another step to her.
The lump in her throat was muting her so she simply nodded. She realized a few tears had escaped her and she pressed her lips tightly shut. He opened his mouth to speak but she raised a finger to keep him quiet. She took a deep breath.
"Okay," she said softly. "But a small ceremony, not a big catholic wedding, and not before Maureen gets married."
"What?"
"Ask me. And trust that my answer will really be what I want."
She looked at his tense face until he understood her question.
"Ask me, Elliot," she told him again.
"Marry me?" he finally asked.
He frowned as if he couldn't quite believe he was actually asking.
"I mean…" he said. "Will you marry me, Olivia?"
It wasn't just a question. It was more than a proposal. He seemed to be genuinely wondering if she might actually accept. She looked into his red-rimmed eyes and her lips twitched with the ghost of a smile.
"Yes," she answered with a surprisingly strong voice.
"Are you…?"
"I'm sure, Elliot," she told him. "I won't take your name but we can hyphenate Ella's. I won't wear white and I won't ever put any metaphorical part of your Christ in my mouth."
"A host, Liv," he said with a chuckle. "And I don't care. God I don't care."
He took the last steps to her and took her head between his hands as he kissed her.
She smiled against his lips.