Chapter 2

Author's note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.

It's not easy to let go even if it's the right thing to do….

. . .

"And what's that?" Olivia asked.

Kathy met Olivia's gaze head on then and no longer mincing any words, she took the plunge and asked, "Olivia, I need to know, do you love Elliot?"

Olivia didn't answer but Kathy could see her question got to her. Kathy saw her close her eyes tightly momentarily and then take deep slow breaths as if to calm herself down and control her emotions.

When it was obvious that Olivia wasn't going to answer, Kathy decided to repeat her question to prod her. "Olivia – please, it's important. Do you love Elliot? Are you in love with Elliot?"

Olivia kept her gaze on her hands. She still didn't answer but then as she sneaked a look at Kathy, Olivia realized that until she said something, Kathy was not going to stop. So she finally replied, "Kathy, is this some sort of trick? What are you up to?"

"There's no trick here, Olivia. I promise you."

Olivia met her eyes then and asked, "Then if there's no trick, I find it hard to believe it should matter what my answer is."

"It does, Olivia. I need to know if you love him…please." There was a pleading tone to Kathy's voice now.

"Why? Why does it matter?" Olivia asked again, her voice rising a bit.

"Because I need to know." Kathy repeated.

"You keep saying that but you haven't told me why you need to know. You haven't given me a good reason as to why I should even answer you." Olivia's eyes flashed. Kathy was upsetting her, bringing up Elliot when she had finally put him behind her.

Kathy opened her mouth to answer but before she could, Olivia cut in, interrupting her. "Kathy, in the long run, whether I do or don't it doesn't matter. We're no longer in each other's lives, so…the point is moot."

"No, it isn't Olivia. It does matter."

"If you're telling me the truth, Kathy, then tell me why it matters so much Why does it matter that you get my answer?" Olivia declared bluntly staring at Kathy, unblinking, unrelenting, her arms folded across her chest. Her was heart racing. She could not believe she was having this conversation with Kathy of all people. She just wanted to get out of there. "Look Kathy…" She spoke again, this time making a motion to stand up.

But Kathy laid a hand on her arm, stopping her. "No, Olivia, stay. Please. I'll tell you why."

Olivia paused then sat back down on her chair and waited for Kathy to speak.

Kathy swallowed hard and she felt the pain rise inside her. She knew her pain must be written all over her face. She could feel tears rising too and she swallowed hard again, trying to keep them at bay. Then at last she spoke once more. "Liv, it matters because – I…I…" She swallowed hard once more. She knew once she said the words, she couldn't unsay them.

"Because what Kathy?" Frustration lined Olivia's tone now.

"It matters, Liv, because I want to be sure there will be someone there to love him when I let him go." Kathy's voice had gotten very soft and her tears started to fall silently.

Kathy's voice may have been very soft, but her words roared thunderously in Olivia's ears. Olivia could not speak. The silence between the two women was deafening. Olivia found herself without words. For a few minutes she could only stare at the other woman who was crying silently in front of her. Then finally, she managed to croak out, "What? What did you say?"

Kathy collected herself, successfully stopping her tears momentarily. Her voice hoarse, she answered, "You heard me. Please don't ask me to repeat it, I cannot repeat it."

Olivia just nodded mutely, her face unreadable, her mouth open and agape.

"So please Liv, just answer my question, are you in love with Elliot? Do you love him? And when I say that, I mean do you really love him? For all the good, the bad and the ugly?" There was no anger in Kathy's voice surprisingly. Only acceptance, a lot of hurt and a whole lot of sadness.

It was then that Olivia realized what Kathy was doing. And tears began to well up in her eyes, too. She swallowed hard, willing herself not to cry.

"Please answer me Olivia." Kathy begged her through her tears.

Olivia finally managed a nod. "I'm sorry." She told Kathy, her voice tremulous from the effort of trying not to cry. "I'm sorry Kathy, I didn't mean to…" Her voice trailed off then. She could not make herself continue.

The moment the words were out of Olivia's mouth, Kathy seemed to sigh with relief. Olivia heard it but didn't dare question it. Instead she just waited for Kathy to speak again.

When Kathy spoke once more, Olivia could hear the relief in her voice. But she could also hear that sadness and pain there. There was a sad smile on Kathy's face as she told Olivia, "Thank you for your honesty."

"You have to know we never have -"

"I know, Olivia." Kathy interjected. "I know you guys never did anything."

"Kathy, what are you planning to do?" Olivia asked.

Kathy shrugged her shoulders. "I really don't know but I know I can't go on anymore living the way we have."

"I'm sorry, Kathy." Olivia said again.

Kathy shook her head. "What are you sorry for Liv?"

This time it was Olivia who shrugged. "Kathy, I feel like this is my fault…"

Once again, Kathy smiled that sad smile. "This is no one's fault Liv. But it will be my fault if I continue to be unhappy and if Elliot continues to be unhappy."

"Why would that be your fault?" Olivia asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Because I'm the one who has the power to change all that. And if I don't do something to change things, then whatever happens will be my fault."

Olivia didn't argue but only nodded. She didn't really know what else to say.

"Olivia, can I ask you something else?"

She hesitated only a split second before replying, "Sure. What is it?"

"I know I have no right to ask you this but, I hope you can be patient and wait for Elliot."

"What?" Olivia could not believe the words that she just heard Elliot's wife say.

"Just…just…just have faith, Liv. You said you love him…well he loves you too. So just have faith and wait. Semper Fi, remember?"

At Kathy's statement, Olivia blushed and her eyes grew wide. "How did you…?"

"I live with him, Olivia."

Olivia nodded. "Okay."

Kathy knew she was done. She finished her coffee and stood up. "I gotta go, Liv."

"Yeah, me too."

"Please, just wait and be patient okay? I know you don't have to, but I hope you do. Remember keep the faith and that Elliot loves you very much."

Olivia didn't know what to respond to that. So she simply said, "Bye, Kathy."

"Bye, Liv."

. . .

Two weeks later

"So Kath, you haven't mentioned it, but I haven't forgotten. Our 29th wedding anniversary is coming up, and I thought you and I could something to celebrate." Elliot told Kathy as she emerged from their bathroom.

It was a Wednesday night and their anniversary was coming up next week. Truth be told Kathy had deliberately not reminded him. Eli was already asleep and when she heard Elliot's words, Kathy realized she couldn't put off talking to him any longer.

She sat down on the bed and faced her husband. "Elliot, we should talk." Her tone was sober and serious.

"Sure." Elliot replied, smiling, sitting next to her. "What about?"

Suddenly tears sprang to Kathy's eyes and Elliot became alarmed. "Kath, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Elliot, we've been together almost thirty years…" Kathy began.

"I know. Imagine that…" Elliot's face held a soft expression mixed with his concern.

"Elliot, I…I…think it's time for us to be really honest." Kathy told him, looking at him straight.

"Kathy you're scaring me." Elliot told her, his expression more alarmed than ever.

"No, no…don't be. It's me who's been scared for a long time, and it's time for me to stop being afraid." Kathy declared, the strength and conviction that rang through surprised even her.

"Kath, babe, what are you talking about?" Elliot questioned, his blue eyes searching hers.

Tears now began to fall from Kathy's eyes. She reached for Elliot's hand with one of hers while the other she placed on his cheek. "Elliot, it's time for us to be happy. And, El…deep down we've known for a while that you and I – well we can't give each other that happiness."

"Kathy, what are you saying? Is there someone else?" Elliot asked. His voice and face were now riddled with pain and sadness.

"No. It's always been just you Elliot." Kathy reassured him, stroking his cheek gently, tenderly. 'Oh God, this was hard. How could she let him go? But she had to. They both deserved to be happy.'

"Then why?" Elliot looked confused and even more hurt now.

"Because you deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. And I cannot give you that." Kathy's voice broke then and she started to cry in earnest.

Elliot was crying now too. He was crying not only because he was sad, but because he suddenly realized how relieved he felt. "Kathy, I…I…I don't know what to say?"

"You don't have to say anything Elliot." Kathy whispered through her tears. "I will always love you, you know that?"

"I will always love you too." Elliot replied, his voice soft and hoarse from crying.

"I want you to be happy, El and I want to be happy too. And we both know, we've tried so hard, but that happiness…well we can't find it with each other. And so…" Kathy swallowed hard, trying to slow down her tears. "And so, I need to let you go. We need to let each other go."

With those words, Kathy and Elliot fell into each other's arms and sobbed. They cried for all the years that they had together, now over. They cried for their past and their present. And they cried for the future that they couldn't and wouldn't have together.

For a while they just let each other cry. And as their tears started to subsided, the heaviness in their hearts started to lighten albeit their sadness also grew. When their tears finally stopped, Kathy pulled away and told him, "I will never regret anything with you, Elliot."

"Neither will I, Kathy." Elliot returned, cradling his wife's face in his hands.

"We had a good life. But it isn't enough. Our children our grown and Eli – well Eli will never lose either of us. And as much as he won't understand this right now, I know when he's old enough he'll know that this was the right thing. Maureen, Katie, Richard and Lizzie – they're all grown up. We raised them and took care of them as best we could. And I know we did a good job. But now it's time we took care of ourselves."

Elliot nodded. "Kathy…I…I…how did I get so lucky?" He asked, his voice breaking once more.

Kathy smiled at him then and said, "Elliot, promise me one thing."

"Alright. Anything."

"Don't fuck it up with her."

"Who?" Elliot asked, looking puzzled.

Kathy didn't answer however and instead she gave him one last kiss. She stood up then and said, "I'm going to sleep with Eli in his room tonight. You don't need to move out. You can stay here as long as you like until you figure things out."

"Thank you, Kathy. I really don't know what to say."

"I told you, you don't have to say anything. Just be happy, okay El? I'll only get angry if after all this, you're still unhappy. So be happy. Find your happiness…you know you don't have to look far…"

"You too, Kathy. Please be happy too."

"I will Elliot." Then with a last smile, Kathy walked out of their bedroom and closed the door behind her. And that was it. They were over. The door was finally closed on their marriage. But she had faith that though that door was closed, windows will be open for her and for Elliot. And they would find that happiness – individually.

. . .

To be continued….

Up next, last chapter? Maybe until chapter 4.

I hope you guys liked that. I know it's not my usual smutty story, but I hope you like it too. Please do review here or on Twitter: Jo_Bautista