Chapter 3

Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.

Sometimes, you need to face your fears head on…it's the only way to find your happiness…

. . .

Olivia was finally going home for the day. And it WAS day. She and Nick had covered the night shift and it was quite the night. They had caught a case – and as a result, they had been on the move since almost the beginning of their shift. Now, 10 hours later, Olivia was exhausted.

She started to pack up to go home, she opened her desk drawer to put papers that she was still working on inside it. As she made room for the papers, she suddenly unearthed a picture of her and Elliot. It was taken in the precinct during their first year. They had been goofing off during a rare downtime and someone – she didn't remember who had the camera, but someone did and whoever that someone was had a snapped a picture of her and Elliot sticking their tongues out at each other like kids. Olivia's face broke into a broad smile as she remembered that day.

Almost instinctively, she made a move to take out the picture and she was about to open her mouth to say something to Elliot when she realized that the man across her was no longer Elliot. Suddenly feeling deflated and suddenly remembering that Elliot had left. He was no longer her partner. He hadn't been her partner for over 18 months.

Her mind went back to that conversation with Kathy 3 months ago. Kathy had told her that Elliot missed her and loved her. Kathy had told her she was going to let him go. And just over a week ago, she had gotten a text from the other woman. It was a simple message: Take care of him, Olivia. –Kathy

And that was it. Olivia didn't think it was right to text her back. So she didn't.

In any case, even though she sort of told Kathy that she was going to keep the faith, deep inside there was doubt. Elliot had left without a word and without a goodbye. Yes, he sent her his Semper Fi medal but that was it. After that, she had not heard anything from him. Of course, she realized now in part why that happened. But as they say, if there's the will, there's a way. He had gone behind Kathy's back before for her and though it wasn't something she approved of, it was something that was characteristic of him. So for him to not just call or text or email – it wasn't something that she was used to. It was something she never wanted to get used to. But in the past few months, she'd had to.

She glanced at the picture again and something clicked in Olivia. All at once she knew that even though she wondered why he left without a word, she knew that she would have broken if he had called to say goodbye. Yes, she would have gotten closure. But then that meant giving up the hope of him. And she couldn't give that up. WOULDN'T give that up.

She sighed and exhaustion sank in once more. She buried the picture under the papers in the drawer and shut it. She then stood up, said goodbye to Nick and proceeded to head out the door.

Outside, she jumped a cab and took the opportunity to close her eyes during the ride to her Upper West Side apartment. The traffic wasn't too horrendous amazingly at almost 9 am and she was at her apartment builiding in 30 minutes.

She paid and got out of the cab. She took the first few steps towards her apartment building and suddenly she froze and did a double take. She could not believe her eyes. Sitting on the steps to her apartment building was him. Elliot.

He saw her and stood up. He started to walk towards her, but then stopped, hesitating. Instead, he offered her a tentative smile.

A roar filled Olivia's ears and she couldn't move. She could hear her heart beating out of her chest as she stared at him almost disbelievingly. He was here. He was here again. But what if he was here to finally say goodbye? Dear Lord, she wouldn't be able to take that. And so she closed her eyes momentarily, praying to a God she didn't really believe in. 'Please don't let him be here to say goodbye. Please, God. If you do exist and you're indeed up there watching over us, I'm asking you please don't let him say goodbye.'

She took a deep, quivering breath and then opened her eyes. Elliot had not moved from his spot. He was letting her take the lead.

When she started towards him, he did the same thing until they reached each other. Their gazes at each other never wavered. They remained locked – blue eyes looking into brown ones as they closed the distance between finally stopping at the foot of the steps of Olivia's building.

They didn't speak. Olivia's eyes searched his face - for what she didn't know. Maybe for a sign that he wasn't here to say that goodbye that she thought she needed only to realize it was something she never ever would want. But suddenly it was like no time had gone by and he was there again. And they were there again. Benson and Stabler. Only it wasn't like before.

She knew she had many questions. He knew she had many questions. And they both knew that before the day was over those questions needed to be asked and answered. But then again, those questions are about the past. She didn't want the past. She just truly wanted Elliot – her Elliot back. She could feel herself blush when she realized that she thought of him as her Elliot. All these years, even as she tried to help him patch things up with Kathy, she knew she thought of him as her Elliot. She never voiced it out but there it was. In fact, he was probably the only thing in her life that could make her believe that there was a God or at least the possibility of there being one. Every other thing made her question the existence of a God except him.

"Liv." Elliot finally spoke, her name rolling of his tongue gently, tenderly.

His voice saying her name again. Hearing his voice say her name again. She couldn't take it. Her heart was near bursting. She didn't realize until then how much she had missed that simple thing. How much it hurt not to hear that voice. Not until now. His presence such a constant for 12 years of her life – for one fourth of her years on earth – and it was suddenly taken away from her. But somehow right now that didn't matter. All that mattered was they were here again, the two of them. Benson and Stabler. Liv and El.

She couldn't speak. She could feel tears in the back of her eyelids and she knew one word out of her would induce her to tears. She was exhausted. Her guard was down. It would take so little to break her at this point. And she didn't want that right now. She didn't want a long winded talk about the whys and the hows. Right now, all she wanted was to bask in the presence of him. Right now all she wanted was to be in his company again.

So she did the only thing she was capable of doing then – she reached out, offering her hand to him. She saw him smile and without wasting another second, he took her proffered hand, enclosing it in his and intertwining his fingers with hers.

They entered her apartment building. And still they were silent. No words for now, only companionable silence. They walked to the elevators, got in and took the short ride to her 4th floor apartment.

Still hand in hand, Olivia led him to apartment 4D…her apartment. As Olivia momentarily released his hand to fish for her keys and open the door, Elliot was overwhelmed by memories of the past. He remembered when she had given him her keys for emergencies. He remembered when he came here to take care of her when she was sick. He remembered every single time that he came here. Except for one time during their third year of partnership, he had always been welcome here.

When Olivia got the door open, she started to walk in. But she had only taken a couple of steps when she realized that Elliot was not moving from where he stood.

She understood his tentativeness. Smiling softly, she spoke her first words to him, "Come in, El." And then she reached for his hand and tugged on it, gently urging him in.

The hesitancy melted from Elliot when she took his hand once more in hers. He walked in with her, smiling to himself as he noticed how in sync they still were even with their walks. They used to get teased about that and the memory made him smile.

She didn't let go of his hand. He prayed she wouldn't let it go because he intended never to let her go again. And before this day was over he promised himself she would know that. He was scared as hell but he no longer wanted to deny anything. She had to know. She had to know why he left without a word. And she had to know how he felt about her for the last almost 14 years. 18 months apart, not seeing or talking to each other had not changed his feelings for her. And almost 14 years, that was too long a time. It was time to be honest.

She led him to her bedroom. His heart was beating crazily as he entered it. He knew this was her sanctuary. The place in her apartment where she retreated to re-energize, to gather herself. This was the place where she could breathe and cry and shout and rave and laugh. And his heart swelled in happiness because even after what he did, she welcomed him here.

There was so much he wanted to say that he didn't know where or how to begin. So he settled for simply breathing her name out again. "Liv…"

"El…" She turned around and faced him, reaching out for his other hand so that she now held both of his in hers.

"I…" he began.

But Olivia interrupted him before he could speak any further. "El, it's been a long night at work…"

He nodded, knowing full well what her job entailed.

"I…can you…" Her voice hitched. This time, it was her hesitating.

"Stay?" Elliot continued what she couldn't say. There was a tender look on his face as well as gentle smile on his lips. Just like that, they were back to reading and knowing each other's thoughts.

The corners of her lips went up a bit – the beginning of a smile. Once more, she couldn't find the words, so she settled for nodding.

Elliot smiled at her and squeezed her hands. "Why don't you go to sleep okay? I'll be right outside waiting when you wake up."

Olivia started shaking her head then and Elliot suddenly looked confused. "No." Olivia whispered. "Not outside."

"What do you mean?" Elliot's lips went dry and his heart began to pound yet again.

"Stay El. With me. Here." She gazed into his cobalt eyes, trying to get him to understand what she could not voice out.

When she saw that he understood, she broke her gaze and released his hands. His heart began to beat even faster. She started to undress in front of him until she was only down to her underwear. She then grabbed a shirt from her dresser and put it on. He smiled when he realized that the shirt she had put on was his old NYPD shirt. Once she was dressed, she opened the dresser again and grabbed another one of his old NYPD shirts and tossed it to him.

Her meaning was clear. He only paused a moment and then he was taking off his jacket then his shirt. He quickly put on the shirt she gave him. He hesitated once more as he hands hit his belt buckle. He glanced at Olivia, waiting for her signal. When she nodded, he unbuckled his belt and slipped off his pants, stripping to his boxer briefs.

They stood there just looking at each other, both still wondering if this was just a dream. A few heartbeats later, Olivia slipped into her bed, getting under the covers.

Again, Elliot waited for her signal. He didn't have long to wait because as soon as she settled in, she gazed up at him, and patted the space next to her. Holding her gaze, he crawled into bed with her.

Elliot slipped his arms around her, half scared – he was half expecting her to push him away. But she didn't. Instead, she snuggled closer to him and with a soft sigh, she closed her eyes and fell asleep. A few minutes later after saying a prayer of thanks, Elliot slept too.

. . .

They awoke a few hours later. When Olivia started to stir, Elliot felt her movement at once.

Olivia's eyes flew open and for a moment she didn't remember why there was a pair of arms around her. She saw his tattoo then and remembered who it was with her. Elliot. Elliot was there with her. He had finally come back.

She started to extract herself from him, but Elliot pulled her back and held her tightly. It felt so good and so right to finally hold her in his arms that he didn't want her going anywhere at that moment.

Olivia let him hold her for a few more minutes before she moved again. But when she did, it wasn't to leave – it was to turn around so she could face him and look at him.

"Hi," Elliot murmured softly, looking at the beautiful face of Olivia Benson.

"Hi," Olivia said it back, smiling softly.

"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye, Liv." Elliot told her, reaching for her face with a tender hand.

"Don't be." Olivia told him, surprising him. "I'm not sorry you didn't."

"You're not?" Elliot looked at her skeptically.

"No I'm not." Olivia said again, her expression open and sincere.

"You were okay with me just leaving?" Disbelief lined Elliot's features.

"No I wasn't." Olivia admitted.

"Then why…"

"Because El," Olivia finally confessed, her voice filled with emotion, "I didn't want to hear you say goodbye. Because if I heard you say it, I don't think I could have taken it. It would have broken me."

Elliot's eyes filled with tears now and his heart went out to his ex-partner, this brave, independent, wonderful and beautiful woman that he loved. He loved her and he needed to tell her that now. "Liv, that's exactly why I didn't. Because not only did I not want you to tell you goodbye – I knew I couldn't ever tell you goodbye. If I did that, you wouldn't have been the only one broken. I would have too."

Elliot's voice broke and he had to gather himself before he continued. "So how could I? I couldn't ever do that. I mean, God Liv, God gave me you. And why would He have done that if it only meant that I'd have to say goodbye to you? I didn't want to believe that. I couldn't believe that."

"El…sssh…I know," Olivia replied softly, reassuring him, her blazing gaze on him. "And you know it's always been hard for me to believe in the God that you believe in…but…"

"But?"

"But in this case, how can I not believe?" Olivia said feelingly. "And He didn't just give you me, He gave me you. He gave us each other. And I have to believe there was a reason for that. It was hard, but I had to. It was the only way I could keep breathing. As long as I didn't hear you say goodbye, I had hope and faith…"

"Semper Fi…"

"Semper Fi…" Olivia agreed, smiling.

Elliot cupped her face in his hands, his eyes never straying away from her. It was the right moment. He knew it. And he took that leap of faith finally. "I love you Liv. I've loved you for such a long time." Elliot told her, gently but in a voice filled with conviction and sincerity. At last, he told her. And it felt good. It felt good and right.

"I love you too, Elliot." Olivia returned with just as much gentleness and conviction and a smile on her face. "And I can no longer remember a time that I didn't love you."

They stared at each other in happiness and wonderment for a moment and then the two of them were kissing. As they kissed all the pain, all the hurt, all the doubt began to be erased and began to be replaced with love, passion and tenderness. They knew then that a new promise between them was sealed. They would never say goodbye… from now on, all they had were hellos and a promise to never let go of each other again.

. . .

End

So I promise to update "It happened one night" soon…sorry it's taking me so long to watch Season 4 again.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this. Please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista