Chapter Sixteen

'Where is the 'good' in Goodbye?' – Meredith Willson

Spencer woke slowly. It was a comfy wake up, the sun warming him as he opened his eyes. But as he moved his body ached and he groaned. He realised quickly that sleeping in an awkward sitting position on a seat all night was not a good idea. Yet memories of Lauren laying across him made the pain worth it.

But the memories brought the realisation that Lauren was not there. As his eyes adjusted to the sunlight he glanced over the small apartment. There was the scent of something sweet and a cheerful humming. Standing up he stretched himself and let his arms get some much needed movement.

With steady steps he drifted towards the sound and smell. Lauren's kitchen was small, a common feature in the apartment. But it was sunny and yellow. As he entered she turned to him and smiled. It was more dazzling then any sun ray that spilt into the room.

"Good morning." She chimed. "I bought some muffins, and I got tea." She raised a cup of brown liquid and then seemed to pause in thought. "Though you will probably want coffee." She put down the mug and turned to begin looking. "I know I have some somewhere." He watched as she tip toed to look in cupboards only accentuating her figure. He glanced away at his thought.

"Thank you." He said. "Tea is fine."

"Oh," She turned back and smiled. "Ok." She pushed the flower painted mug to him. As he sat down on one of the stools she took a seat opposite and held her mug of tea. Even in his half awake state he could see she was nervous. She brushed her hair behind her ear and glanced over the room. "Thanks for staying last night." She said finally. "I'm sorry about sleeping on you." She laughed a genuine laugh and Spencer, once again, couldn't help but smile. He was getting used to the involuntary actions she pulled out of him.

"I didn't want to wake you." He said awkwardly. He knew he should have moved her and slept on the floor. But he didn't dare admit he liked the position they had fallen asleep in.

A silence fell between the pair. Lauren kept glancing to Spencer between sips of tea.

Just tell him, she thought to herself. It's easy, you just say, Spencer I really like you and if you're ever in New York again... She continued to scold herself at her own bashfulness. Eventually she put her mug down purposefully and looked to him.

"Spencer I—" Ring, ring, ring. The chime of her cell phone sounded, interrupting the courage she'd had. "Excuse me." She said in annoyance and left leaving Spencer with a confused look on his face.

"Lauren?" Hotch's voice sounded down the phone.

"Hey, Hotch." She replied as she moved into the living room.

"How are you feeling?"

"More refreshed than I have been in quite some time." Lauren admitted.

"You sound better." He said approvingly. "We are meeting at the airport in half an hour, I would like to be able to say good bye…" He trailed and Lauren smiled.

"I'll be there." She replied and there was a moment of quiet where she hoped Hotch was smiling.

"See you soon." And then he hung up and Lauren sighed. With a defeated smile she returned to the kitchen and leant on the wall. "Your team are leaving in half an hour, would you like a ride to the airport?" Spencer looked to her, half a mouthful of muffin in his mouth.

"They're leaving so soon?" He asked swallowing his bite.

"Yeah." She replied with as much of a smile as she could muster. As he nodded and went to retrieve his things Lauren watched with a frown. Something about this whole situation made her chest ache. She liked Spencer and although she didn't want him to go, she felt stupid for liking him so much after such a short time. It was irrational and yet here she was, trying to think of a way to get him to stay.

There hadn't been much conversation between the pair as they travelled to the airport. Lauren had commented on the weather, as was an English person's tradition. But there was an odd atmosphere between them and Lauren couldn't put her finger on it.

The rest of the team had already got to the airport. As Lauren neared them she noticed how they were all smiling and chatting as they got ready to leave. It wasn't until that moment she realised how much she would miss them. For the small amount of time they had been around, Lauren had felt a part of something, a part of a team.

"We didn't think you'd make it." Emily shouted as she moved to give Lauren a hug.

"I gave Dr Reid a lift, and I definitely wanted to say goodbye." Lauren said as she hugged her back and then let go.

"You could have kept him." Morgan joked but Lauren glanced to Spencer who gave her a saddened look, an expression Lauren hadn't been expecting. "I think I'm actually gonna miss you." Morgan said as he engulfed her in a hug. She hugged him just as tight. "Maybe we'll be in New York again sometime soon."

"Well, crime never sleeps as they say." Lauren joked. Morgan flashed her one last smile before heading on board with Emily. JJ gave a simple hug and 'goodbye' and Lauren realised how the calm, blonde agent had been so comforting.

"It was nice to meet you, Lauren." Rossi said, opting for a hand shake rather than a hug. Lauren smiled at him.

"It was an honor to meet you." He seemed to like the compliment.

"You're going to go far." He commented finally before heading away, slipping on a pair of expensive sunglasses.

Finally it was just Lauren, Spencer and Hotch left in the quiet room bathed in sunlight coming through the floor to ceiling windows of the airport. Lauren sighed and turned to Spencer. He gave a half smile and shifted the satchel on his shoulder.

Spencer felt suddenly unsure. He wasn't entirely certain he could actually say goodbye to Lauren. She had made such a lasting impression on him in such a short space of time. Never had he met anyone who he felt at ease with, so emotionally open or so connected with. And now he was forced to say goodbye. He frowned as she stepped closer to him.

"Thank you for everything, Dr Reid." He couldn't help but notice the tinge of sadness lining her words. "I will miss your amazing insight, your facts…and just you." She glanced up to him, those big brown eyes making his mind blank to the point he barely heard her words. The need to hold her was an overwhelming one, and a foreign one to Spencer who could only grip the strap of his satchel tighter to resist the urge.

"Yes—" 'Just you'? The words Lauren had said only just hit Spencer's head. Was she saying she would miss him as a person? Did she return the feelings he thought she never would? A million questions started swirling in his head as he looked down at her.

"I don't expect you realise the impact you've left." She laughed hollowly and dropped her gaze to the floor. "I guess I should say goodbye though."

"I don't think I can." Spencer spurted suddenly. Lauren's gaze flicked up to his and her hand rested on his arm. He looked at her touch and then back to her. He smiled to feel less awkward at his words. But she seemed only too happy at what he'd said. Her eyes sparkled with their usual shine and there felt like there was nothing except this moment and just them.

The odd feelings he'd had from before took over him once again. His heart raced, his head lightened and he felt weak. But it was exhilarating, like an adrenaline rush. Lauren's hand was steadily moving up his arm and as it did Spencer's throat got dry.

"You should get going. We're going to be late." Hotch's voice was a distant murmur, until it grew suddenly louder. "Reid?" Spencer looked to Hotch and the daze that had surrounded him and Lauren faded, leaving the open airport once again.

"Yes, of course." Spencer said blinking a few times to regain himself.

"Goodbye, Dr Reid." Lauren said and as she stepped back Spencer felt like a part of himself was being torn away with her; a bit of himself he would never get back. It was painful. He smiled finally and turned to walk away, glancing back only once. Once had been too much.

Lauren watched as Spencer walked away only pulled back by Hotch's hand resting on her shoulder.

"I will miss you, Lauren." He said with unashamed honesty.

"I'm going to miss you too." Lauren said and felt her eyes water. She stepped forward and threw her arms around him. "Why do you all have to go?" She asked frowning trying to restrain the tears.

"That's a silly question." Hotch replied as if talking to a child but hugged her back. "I'm so proud of you."

"Ugh," Lauren groaned as she pulled away wiping a few stray tears away. "All this goodbye stuff sucks." Hotch laughed and ran his hand over her hair before kissing the top of her head.

"Be safe." He said seriously and gave a small smile before picking up his bag and walking away.

And Lauren was left alone once again.

But this time Lauren knew what she was missing. When she had first arrived in New York from England she had not known anyone and that hadn't changed over the two years. She had grown accustomed to being solo.

Yet now, as she watched the plane fly into the turquoise sky her chest tightened. She had just said goodbye to a family she so desperately wanted to be part of: a group of close friends, a father. And a man she just didn't want to let go.