**A/N: Another chapter to make up for my awgul updating-ness :D- Please review**

Chapter Nineteen

'It is much easier to become a father than to be one.' -Kent Nerburn

"What's wrong, Wendy?" The voice bounced off of the bare walls and made Lauren tense. Her finger nails cut into her palms as she crouched in the wardrobe too paralyzed by fear to even make a noise. "They won't hurt you anymore. You need to be protected." Again the voice eerily breezed down the unfamiliar hallway followed by a set of heavy footsteps.

Lauren held her breath and listened. But it was gone. All the noises had stopped. It took a long while before Lauren began breathing again. With a sharp crack the door was suddenly ripped back. Shards of light pierced Lauren's eyes and she shielded herself from it.

"Playing hide and seek?" The voice was shrill and Lauren screamed.

Lauren was still screaming as she woke up from her nightmare. She must have been screaming longer than she thought when her throat tightened from lack of moisture. She gripped her fingers in her matted hair and tried to breathe but the air wasn't getting to her lungs. This panicked her more as she desperately gulped at the air but it wasn't reaching her.

"Lauren!" Hotch's voice followed the loud slam of the door as he burst into the room. She looked up at him with wide, strained eyes. Tears ran down her hot cheeks and she still struggled for breath. Hotch was at her side in an instant, balancing on the edge of the bed next to her. His arms enveloped her into a tight hug. Lauren returned the gesture and pulled him closer, her fingers twisting tightly into the fabric of his shirt. "It's alright." Hotch said calmly.

Breath returned to Lauren but in ragged, sharp motions. She continued to cry for another ten minutes and Hotch just sat by her, his hands rubbing her back in the soothing way parents always know how to do. Gradually her breathing slowed and her shuddering stopped.

Lauren was happy to stay in Hotch's arms. It was safe and secure. She needed that right now. But she knew she shouldn't be selfish for it. She pulled away with effort keeping her gaze averted as embarrassment began to seep into her muddled head.

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked a little at the apology. He looked at her with a concerned frown and she once again looked away. "It's so stupid."

"No, it's not." He said firmly. "I understand." And Lauren believed him. With everything he had been through he didn't need her problems mounting on his. Even though nightmares of Tina Mayson or whatever her name was had been plaguing Lauren since the attack. In fact the only time she had slept fully was when Spencer had stayed with her that one night. "Its why I asked you to stay." Hotch admitted.

Lauren looked at him surprised. "How did you even know?"

"Your Captain told me you had been looking exhausted and pushing yourself too hard." Hotch said looking at her. "He was worried. So was I." He placed a warm hand on her duvet covered knee.

"You shouldn't." Lauren was appalled with herself. "I can take care of myself and you don't need me taking up so much time when you have… things of your own to deal with." Lauren avoided mentioning his wife and looked away guiltily for even touching on the subject

"Don't worry." He said though even he sounded pained at the memory being brought up.

There was a comfortable silence as Hotch held Lauren again. She realised then that anyone would be able to tell Hotch was a great father.

"I told your mother once-" He said in almost a whisper and then stopped suddenly. Lauren pulled back waiting for him to finish. He didn't. Instead he stood up, looked down at her with a fatherly smile and tucked a curl behind her ear. "Good night, Lauren."

Lauren looked after him confused as he walked to door.

"Thank you, Hotch." She called after him suddenly. He paused for a moment. "For everything." He didn't turn back but she knew he'd heard her.

As Lauren tucked back down under her duvet she was grateful that Jack hadn't been there that night. She knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep that night. And then her thoughts wandered. She thought about anything she could to distract herself: bunnies, rainbows, ice cream, the usual things. That's when she wondered what Dr Spencer Reid was doing now. She guessed probably sleeping.

2:35am.

Spencer groaned at the blazing red digits on his clock. By this time every night he was asleep. But tonight he had struggled to even remain still let alone fall asleep. In frustration he pulled back the duvet and got up heading towards the small kitchen in his apartment.

The moon was bright and full tonight casting a silver glow over everything by the window. Spencer grabbed a glass and filled it with cold water. He took a sip and put it down heavily on the side, some of the liquid spilling onto his hand making him shiver.

Spencer realised he was gradually losing himself. Logic ruled him, not emotions. Emotions were…difficult. He was used to caring about people, he could do that. He cared about his team like they were his own family. In fact they were really the only family he had except his mother. But this was different than that. The fact it was keeping him awake at night was not normal, surely? He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair.

Lauren Lewis. Even her name sounded so right when he said it. But what was he supposed to do? He had realised some time ago that he cared for her deeply. But he shouldn't, he knew that, especially now. As a colleague it meant that any hope of…hope of what? What had he been hoping would happen between them? He groaned as his thoughts just resulted in more questions not answers. He wasn't used to this either. He was always the one with the answers yet how was he supposed to be that for others when he couldn't even answer his own? Another question.

Spencer gave up and strode back to his bed, climbing in and pulling the duvet tight over him. It was getting colder. Autumn would be here soon.

The next morning brought a little clarity to Spencer. It was a bright day, though the chill was still in the air. As he walked towards the FBI building he realised he hadn't even noticed that the leaves had begun to get a tinge of amber hues.

But with the beginning of a new season came a fresh start. Spencer had decided that Lauren was now a colleague, and that is exactly how he would act with her. He could do it with everyone else, why not her? He would not jeopardise anything on these strange and frankly quite useless feelings. They would pass with time. Everything did.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" The voice made his new attitude crumble within milliseconds. He turned to look at Lauren. She was stood next to him staring at the trees. He mouth went suddenly dry. When no response came she looked up and smiled at him. He simply smiled back, looking like a dumbstruck fool, but it was the only response he could give.

"Ready to go in?" Hotch asked as he came up beside Lauren. His gaze flicked between the pair and Spencer cleared his throat.

"Of course." He replied and quickly walked ahead of them.

"Here you go." Emily Prentiss placed a paper cup in front of Lauren as she sat down at her desk.

"Thank you." Lauren said smiling and removed the plastic lid to inspect the cream liquid inside.

"Tea with cream, no sugar." Emily said as she perched on the edge of her own desk. "I remember you spilling it over Reid on the plane." She gave a smile as Lauren winced at the embarrassing memory.

"Yeah, I'm not so good with first impressions." Lauren admitted and gave a small laugh.

"Well, you certainly made a good one on us." Emily replied and sipped at her own drink. Lauren looked at her tea and took a gulp. It was hot and burnt her tongue but it was exactly what she needed to wake her up.

"You look awful." Morgan said as he sat down heavily in his seat. Lauren glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You certainly know how to give a compliment." Lauren said and Morgan laughed. "But yeah, I know. No make up can cover these circles." She pointed to the dark shadows below her eyes.

"Hard time sleeping?" Emily asked as she began typing at her computer, very efficiently Lauren noticed.

"Just adjusting to a different city and things I guess." Lauren sipped at her tea hoping they wouldn't notice the lie. They didn't. Luckily Hotch walked towards them at that moment.

"So what do we know?" He asked flicking through some papers in the file he held.

"Well I took a close look at Booster Drugs Ltd. Nothing unusual. Huge health chain." Penelope chimed in. She was wearing a colourful palette yet again with a variety of just as brightly coloured accessories. "They sell health drugs, have a chain of gyms, do private consults and public seminars. No skeletons in the closet for them."

"Well, we checked the private consult and representative route." Morgan said.

"True," Emily said, leaning her elbows on her desk. "But Booster Drugs is the only link we have between these victims."

"Maybe we should take a closer look at who deals with the mailing lists?" Spencer suggested.

"Yeah, that would be an easy way to access personal information." Lauren added and then smiled at Spencer. She didn't know exactly why she did it but as he smiled back she was glad she had.

"Ok, Reid, Morgan and JJ follow that up." Hotch responded almost absent mindedly as continued to flick through his papers. Lauren was a little disappointed, in fact extremely disappointed not to be helping Spencer follow through on the idea. And not just because she had agreed with it.

"Booster Drugs Ltd has just opened up a new gym close to the victim's residences." Penelope said.

"Prentiss take Lauren with you and check it out." And just like that the team were busy once again. Lauren watched in amazement. Usually people at the police department barely functioned without at least three cups of caffeine fuelled drink in them. And that included herself. She sighed as she stood up, even the small action exhausting her body.

The SUV was comfy and Lauren could have easily fallen asleep.

"It gets better." Emily said glancing to her. Lauren looked at her confused. "Getting used to a new job and city. It will be natural soon."

Lauren smiled. "I hope so. I never did get used to New York after England." She admitted. The passing scenery was still so different than New York it made her feel out of place. "Though being welcomed into the team as well as I have been has helped me settle already."

A few minutes of silence passed as Emily mazed her way down a couple of narrow streets. But finally the street widened to a busy high street and the gym came into sight.

It was hard to miss the gym. It was a large glass construction with 'BOOSTER GYM: BOOSTING YOUR POTENTIAL' emblazoned all over it.

"Hmm, very tasteful." Lauren commented making Emily laugh. The inside was open and airy though the faint smell of body odour still stained the air.

"Welcome to Booster Gym." A cheerful voice sounded suddenly. "Well, I can't see that we can do much with you." The man grinned widely at Emily before turning to Lauren who smiled back. "But your friend, we have a few programmes we could provide for you." Lauren's smile faded quickly and she almost scowled at the man.

"Um, no." Emily said obviously trying to stifle a laugh. "We're with the FBI." Emily flashed her badge and the man's eyes widened and he seemed to almost tense.

"And how can I help you?" He asked, with a little less enthusiasm.

"Well, uh, Paul." Lauren said as she looked at his name badge. "We were wondering if you've ever seen any of these men?" She pulled out the photos of the victims. He calmed and looked at each picture carefully, then looked up with a smile.

"I'm afraid not. But I only work here one day a week. Maybe you could try our reception. Please excuse me." He then wandered off, obviously about to insult another potential customer.

Lauren and Emily made their way over to the front desk. Emily explained the situation and gave the names of the victims so as the girl could check. As they waited Lauren looked over the signs. There were many introductory offers and discounts for loyal customers.

"So, you want to sign up?" Emily asked smiling widely.

"That's not funny." Lauren gave a joking frown. She usually wasn't self conscious but she pulled her jacket a little tighter around herself.

"It looks like all three men signed up for the introductory discount after having a private consult at their homes."

"Private consult?" Emily asked confused. "But when we asked we were told they had had nothing like that."

"Looks like someone most have accidentally deleted the computer records." The receptionist answered politely. "But it's down on their manual applications here." She handed the forms to Emily.

"Thanks." She replied and scanned the papers.

"Accidently, huh?" Lauren said sceptically.

"Damn." Emily sighed. "Doesn't say who gave them the consult." Lauren bit her lip trying to think.

It wasn't until they were driving back to headquarters that Lauren came up with an idea. She quickly searched for her phone and pulled it out and groaned.

"Do you have the number for Penelope?" Lauren asked sheepishly. Emily looked at her with raised eyebrows before handing her phone to use. "Thanks." She smiled whilst waiting for an answer.

"Hi." Morgan said getting out his FBI badge and flashing it at the front desk. Spencer stood a little behind him looking over the rather dreary administration office. "We're looking for some information about your mailing lists."

"Oh." The woman answered in a nasal tone that seemed to be expected of anyone in that type of position. "You want Giles. He's in the office at the back." She said all this whilst looking at her computer.

"Thanks." Morgan said sarcastically but it was only met with a grunt from the woman.

"This seems like a friendly place." JJ commented as they headed down the narrow aisle between cubicles.

"Actually, the type of person this kind of occupation usually attracts are…" He let his words trail as he realised JJ and Morgan were both uninterested in his fact. Lauren would have been interested. He sighed inwardly and followed Morgan.

The 'office at the back' was more like a closet without windows. JJ shrugged and knocked on the door. There was a sudden sound of shuffling and then the door clicked open.

Spencer and the rest were met with a frown. They knew they had the right person as the name 'Giles Morter' was etched into the door.

"Yes?" He asked impatiently, balancing a pencil behind his ear. Giles was a short, podgy man with barely enough hair to cover the top of his head. But his face looked relatively young if stressed.

"Giles?" Morgan asked. "We're from the FBI. We wanted to have a few words about the mailing list." Giles let out the loudest, exasperated sigh Spencer had ever heard.

"Fine, you'd better come in." He left the door open for them.