**A/N: I know, I know, I'm a terrible updater! But I've been working on another fanfic and trying to write something for the christmas challenge. But to make it up to you all I am publishing two chapters tonight. Please review, it's really nice to hear what you think. Thanks for your patience :) **

Chapter Twenty Three

'The measure of a man's real character is what he would do

if he knew he never would be found out.' - Thomas Babington Macaulay

Lauren knew the team had noticed something. She and Spencer had avoided each other all morning and even into as much of the afternoon as they could. A few times they had nearly bumped into each other and it was like the room fell completely cold.

Lauren would occasionally catch Emily throwing questioning looks to Derek who would shrug. Lauren frowned. She didn't want it to be like this. But when she'd attempted conversation with Spencer he'd barely given her more than two word answers.

At three in the afternoon Lauren was completely frustrated and annoyed. She'd been banned from the case again as she was still due her assessment. Dan hadn't turned up so there was no way for her to unload all her mixed emotions. She felt alone. Emily and Derek had taken JJ to see the local police to help them in the case leaving Lauren with Spencer.

"Have you found much more on the case?" Lauren asked hopefully.

"Yes, quite a bit." He replied and then continued to focus on typing. Lauren frowned and sighed heavily. She stood up, her chair swinging out from under her with force. She strode past Spencer without looking at him and headed up the stairs towards Hotch's office. She was fed up with waiting for Dan to arrive and needed to know when this damn assessment was actually going to take place. But she got distracted before she got there.

"Lauren." Rossi's voice came from his doorway. Lauren paused and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah?"

"Come in." He said, opening his door wide for her to enter. She was surprised by this sudden invite but did as he said.

Rossi's office was quite different to Hotch's. His desk was strewn was a variety of notes and folders and even the ambient light was darker. It felt more modern. Lauren took a seat on the leather chair and waited patiently to hear what he had to say. He walked round her and sat on the edge of his desk crossing his hands on his lap. Lauren noticed then that his suit must have been very, very expensive.

"Everything going alright with the team?" He asked suddenly. Lauren kept her gaze averted, he really could exude an air of authority when he wanted to. She cleared her throat nervously.

"Yes, great." She said truthfully. "They've all been really nice at accepting me."

"Good." He said with a lopsided smile. "And Spencer?"

"What about him?" Lauren's eyes shot up to meet Rossi's who smiled in a knowing way.

"Ah." He said simply. The one word was enough to make Lauren squirm slightly in her seat. "After a few marriages, you been to recognise the signals." He said in a light tone.

"I'm really sorry." Lauren apologised leaning forward in her seat. "It will not affect my work and I doubt anything affects Spencer's." She was surprised at how she said the words in more of an admiring way than the snarky way she'd hoped.

"I'm not concerned about your work." Rossi said and then paused. "Well, obviously I am." He laughed a little making the tension in the air more comfortable. "Look, Spencer hasn't had the easiest time. And when we were in New York I could see how happy he'd been. For a time I thought it had just been the fact he'd been in the Big Apple." Rossi chuckled. "But it didn't take a genius to see that it was because of you."

Lauren squirmed again. If it was that obvious, why hadn't anyone else noticed it? Or had they? She chewed on her bottom lip at the thought.

"And then we got back here and he was kind of off." Rossi admitted. "He was quiet and unfocused. Then you showed up, and he changed again."

"I'm sure that's not all down to me." Lauren said laughing nervously.

"I don't think you realise the effect you have on him." Rossi smiled. "You haven't known him as long as we have."

"I have tried to talk to him." Lauren said suddenly. "But are you trying to encourage this?" Lauren asked confused. "I thought it was against policy for colleagues to date?"

Rossi laughed. "Some rules are made to be broken for the right circumstances." He stood up then and looked down at her with a caring expression. "Try again. Spencer needs to be certain of something before he will even attempt it. Give him that assurance."

Lauren continued to look at Rossi for a moment with a look of confusion and surprise. Eventually she managed to stand up and walk out of his office, slowly shutting the door behind her.

Spencer had kept glancing up to Rossi's office. Lauren was in there and though he was sure it was none of his business why she was, he was still desperate to know the reason.

After sleeping on the situation Spencer still didn't feel any clearer. He'd hoped once he'd truly realised Lauren was off limits his feelings would die away. But they didn't. In truth they just got a hundred times worse. When he was around her he could concentrate on nothing but how amazing she was or how every time she was close his entire body got goosebumps. And then his mind would replay the words she'd said to Dan. Spencer was desperate to twist it so as she'd said those words to him, but he couldn't deny what had happened.

So now Spencer was stuck. He couldn't bear talking or being near Lauren without hurting beyond all measure but he couldn't stand not having her there. It was better to have her as a friend than not have her at all. Not having her in his life would be a torture he knew he couldn't take.

Spencer had managed to finish up his work. He'd done a little digging into the current suspect on the case and found that everything pointed to him. The suspect, Greg Forsyte, had a history of violence and there was the mystery surrounding his brother's death. It was a pretty simple case and Spencer was surprised they had even gotten it.

The elevator doors pinged open and Spencer looked up expecting to see the rest of the team come back. But instead his body tensed as Dan stepped out. The man surveyed the office and let his eyes fall on Spencer who instantly averted his gaze.

"So, you must be Spencer Reid, yes?" Dan asked as he walked up beside Spencer.

"Dr Spencer Reid." Spencer corrected him without looking to him.

"Ah, sorry. Doctor." Dan said and Spencer could hear the amusement in his words. Spencer continued to type furiously, his fingers smashing down on the buttons so hard he thought they might break. "She's pretty amazing, isn't she?" Dan said suddenly. Spencer looked to him and then followed his line of sight to where Lauren was just stepping out of Rossi's office. She looked confused but a small smile curved her lips, it made Spencer smile. "Any guy would be very lucky to have her." Spencer shot a glare to Dan who seemed to be rubbing in the fact that he was the very lucky guy and not Spencer.

"Yes, I'm sure." Spencer said simply through a tensed jaw. Smash, smash, smash on the keyboard. Dan moved away then and Spencer watched as unobviously as he could as the huge man enveloped Lauren in a hug.

Spencer thought Dan looked too bulky for Lauren's slim frame. They looked out of place together. She needed someone who wasn't going to break her with every embrace. Someone like him. Spencer went back to his work, anything to distract himself from thoughts he should not have been having.

"You're finally here." Lauren said as she let go of Dan who'd practically lifted her from the ground.

"Yeah, sorry I'm so late." Dan apologised. "You would not believe the morning I've had."

"Well you're here now. Let's get on with this stupid evaluation so as I can actually start doing some real work." Dan smiled at her words and they moved towards the empty office they had used previously.

"So how do you think you're settling in here?" Dan asked in a more professional tone then Lauren had ever heard from him.

"Well, it's actually only been a few days." She admitted. "But I think I'm doing pretty well. The team have been really accepting." Lauren frowned a little. "Why isn't Hotch doing my assessment?" She knew that as head of the team, he was the one who usually did all these types of things.

Dan looked up. "Because of his connection. It would obviously make him pretty biased." He laughed and looked back down at the clipboard he held.

"Connection?" Lauren asked with a confused smile.

"Yeah." Dan said. "Him being your sponsor."

"Sponsor?" Lauren questioned again. This conversation was becoming more confusing with every word.

"Aaron Hotchner. Your sponsor." Dan said as if the words would prompt some kind of lost memory from Lauren. They didn't.

"You're gonna have to go into a little more detail." Lauren sat forward in her chair.

"You don't know?" Dan gritted his teeth and looked down.

"Dan, tell me."

"I don't know if I'm allowed." He admitted. "It's not exactly my job-"

"Tell me." Lauren was completely tense, her eyes wide with worry and confusion.

"After your…attack," He paused as Lauren winced at the memory. "You didn't seem to be doing well. Your Captain was worried, as was everyone. The required therapist sessions you did didn't help the situation."

"But Hotch told me everything was fine." Lauren looked down at her hands. Had he lied to her? Why?

"Well, it was far from fine. You weren't sleeping and your nightmares were affecting your daily life. You shoved yourself into work and didn't stop." Dan sighed and put down his clipboard. He pushed his chair close to Lauren's. "Your Captain tried to help but the powers that be were going to dismiss you."

Lauren flicked her head up. "They what?"

"But, Agent Hotchner managed to get you a position within his team." Dan said. "That took a lot of work, let me tell you." Dan laughed but stopped as he saw Lauren's fallen expression. "Anyway, because you are only on a probationary position, your work visa would expire."

"You mean I have to go back to England?" Lauren could hardly process the information. She put her face in her hands and felt Dan's hand on her knee.

"No. Agent Hotchner put in the necessary applications to be your sponsor. So you can stay in America. It just means if you can't afford to pay taxes or anything, you're his responsibility. And that's all the government really cares about anyway, right?" Dan was trying his best to lighten the mood but it didn't work.

Lauren sat in silence for at least five minutes. Why would Hotch do this? Without telling her? She was so, just so…she didn't know how she felt. Should she be angry or grateful? Upset or understanding? She just wished that he'd told her, how could he not tell her?

"You ok, Lauren?" Dan asked after a while his hand still on her knee.

"I don't know." She said and then looked up to him with wide eyes. "You're not going to put this in my evaluation are you?"

Dan sat back and laughed. "What? That you're an incredibly overemotional woman with issues?" Lauren frowned at him and he smiled. "An overemotional woman with issues who seems to be settling in just fine to her new job and has a good support network to help with adjustments."

"Thanks, Dan." Lauren said, truly grateful.

"Hey, what are friends for?" He shrugged. "Guess it's lucky you got me." He grinned and Lauren couldn't help but give a small smile back. He really was a great friend.

Lauren didn't even knock before entering Hotch's office. She slammed the door closed. He flicked his head up to her, his brows raising a little.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She shouted. "Becoming my sponsor?" Hotch said nothing. He calmly put down his pen, leant back in his chair and brushed down the creases in his shirt. "You shouldn't take that risk, Hotch. Not with what you have gone through." Hotch's mouth twitched a little at her words.

"You needed my help." He said. Lauren could have strangled him for remaining so calm whilst her entire body was bursting with mixed emotions.

"I would have managed on my own." She said through gritted teeth trying her best to be as level headed as him.

"No, you wouldn't."

Lauren's mouth fell open. "Are you saying I can't cope on my own?" She was a little more than insulted.

"Of course not." Hotch said with a sigh. "You are a very independent young woman." Young woman? Lauren raised an eyebrow at his unfortunate choice of words. "But everyone needs help. And this was a very serious situation."

"A situation I could have dealt with." Lauren retorted. "How could you do this? And without telling me!" Lauren's voice was gradually raising in volume again. "I just don't get it, Hotch." She sighed heavily. "You have Jack and you're a single, working father. A very hard working father." Lauren was getting upset again, she swallowed back the crack in her voice. "You don't need this extra burden."

"It's not a burden." He said calmly again. Lauren clenched her fists and groaned loudly.

"Of course it is!" She yelled, flinging her arms in the air in frustration. "You don't need this extra responsibility and I don't want to be the source of anymore stress for you!" Lauren shook her head. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because you would have said no." Hotch's voice had suddenly become a little louder and sterner and Lauren felt a little better that he was becoming as riled as she was. He should be angry, he should be upset. She was causing extra work in his life, work he didn't need. She wanted him to be angry at her so as it would help with her guilt.

"And why did you do it?" She continued telling. "Why? Why? You have so much going on already, I can't allow this." Lauren looked at the ground whilst blabbering the first thoughts in her head. "I would have worked something out. I will work something out. I will tell them to stop the forms and I will find a way to do this. You don't have to. I don't want to be something you regret. I just don't get-"

"Because you might be mine!" Hotch stood sharply and his voice overpowered Lauren's easily.

They both fell very, very silent.

Hotch sighed and Lauren couldn't tell if he was more annoyed at his words or at the fact she'd got him to shout.

"Yours?" Lauren repeated. "You mean," It took a while to put the words into her mouth. "You might be my father?"

Hotch sat back down in his seat and tucked himself under his desk. Lauren watched and waited, her mouth was incredibly dry and her head was thumping.

"Were you the one night stand my mother had?" Lauren couldn't imagine Hotch making such a foolish decision. But then she guessed everyone was entitled to make a mistake. But this was one hell of a mistake. A mistake that didn't seem very Hotch-like.

"I was one of them." Lauren was taken back by the harshness of his words.

"Oh." It was all she could say. Her knees suddenly gave in and luckily there was a chair behind her. Hotch stared at the top of his desk for the longest while and Lauren stared at the ground.

"We shouldn't discuss this here." Hotch said suddenly and stood up. He strode past Lauren without stopping. Lauren fumbled to stand, her legs still weak. She leant against his door frame.

"Hotch, wait." She called after him. But he didn't. He kept going all the way to the stairs that led outside. Lauren contemplated going after him but couldn't. She had tons of questions and a million things she wanted to say, but she knew she wouldn't be able to say them.

Spencer had gone home early that day. It was an unusual occurrence but he needed to get out. Back at his apartment he felt a lot more relaxed. He was currently in the process of making a stir fry. As he cooked he wondered. Wondered what Lauren was up to at that moment. It shouldn't have mattered to him, but even after what had happened he knew he couldn't stop caring for her. It was impossible.

As Spencer sat down to eat his doorbell suddenly rang. He frowned a little. Who could have gotten into the apartment building in order to ring the bell? He was suddenly a little on edge and flicked his gaze to the revolver he kept on his side desk.

The little hole that Spencer could have looked through to see who was at his door had become useless months ago, so he had no choice but to tentatively open the door. After he had his heart stopped for the briefest of moments before thudding loudly once again.

"Lauren?" He asked, as if he thought his mind might be playing tricks on him.

"Hi, Spencer." Lauren replied sheepishly. Her face was pale and she was gripping the handle of her purse tightly. "I'm sorry to just show up." She swallowed hard. "I just, I didn't know where else to go."

Spencer pulled open his door without saying a word and watched in amazement as she walked into his apartment. He wasn't really sure what to do. He was still enjoying the novelty of having her show up at his doorstep.

"Did I stop you eating?" She said sounding awkward. "I should go."

"No, it's fine." Spencer smiled, he walked past her to hide the steaming plate of noodles and vegetables. He didn't want any excuse for her to leave. At that moment he couldn't care less about Dan or pretending to be happy for her. Whilst she was here, he had her attention, and he was desperate for it.

"I don't even really know why I'm here." She laughed lightly and it sounded like bird song in Spencer's ears. "I just needed some company."

"And you came to me?" Spencer blurted.

"Is that ok?" Lauren looked unsure suddenly. Spencer regretted asking.

"Of course." He said and she looked completely relieved. She undid the buttons of her coat and pulled it off, Spencer swallowed hard and turned around feeling suddenly quite warm. "Did you want anything to drink?" He asked, unsure of what to say.

"Maybe some water, please." She sounded unusually cautious with what she was saying. Normally she blabbered and said what she thought without worry. But Spencer noticed the tension in her voice and the careful way she spoke.

After getting her a glass of water Lauren sat herself down on Spencer's sofa and he sat on the opposite side. He watched her carefully as she sipped her drink, her hands were shaking and Spencer frowned. He didn't say anything but really wanted to put his hands around hers just to feel like he was helping.

"Do you have any movies?" She asked suddenly looking up from her glass. Spencer took a moment before he realised what she said.

"Yes." He said finally. She smiled brightly and he couldn't help but smile back. He couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment.