**Another chapter to make up for my horrible lack of updates.

Please review, it's really encouraging to hear what you guys think :) **

Chapter Twenty Four

'I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,

there can be no more hurt, only more love.' - Daphne Rae

Autumn seemed to take a side seat to Winter that night. Rain thrashed against Spencer's apartment windows, their frames shuddering from the force of the wind. Long bolts of lightening would occasionally light up the apartment and thunder rumbled loudly.

But Spencer couldn't have cared less about the storm raging outside. Lauren had gotten comfortable on the sofa whilst they watched the movie, one of the Star Wars movies. Her comfortable position consisted of her feet pulled up beside her and her body leaning lightly against Spencer's. He'd held his breath as he felt her lean against him, the warmth of her body making him tense visibly. But after a while he let out his breath and relaxed. For once in his life he was more interested in having someone close to him than what was on the TV screen.

As the credits began rolling on the screen Spencer felt Lauren shift. She sat forward and stretched. He tried not concentrate on the way her back curved or how her lips pouted slightly as she did so. Instead he cleared his throat, averted his gaze and felt a slight blush rise to his cheeks.

"I guess I should go back at some point." She said and pulled out the band in her hair so as it fell in waves over her shoulders. It smelt of vanilla and Spencer couldn't help but savour the scent. She looked to Spencer, her eyes sparkled in their usual way yet this time Spencer wasn't sure he had the strength to look anywhere else. "You know after today, I thought I'd done something wrong. You just really didn't want to talk to me."

Spencer choked on her hurt tone of voice. He had no idea what was the right thing to say so instead just blurted out the first thing in his head.

"It's Dan." He said and Lauren frowned in confusion. Spencer regretted saying what he did. He really had to learn to think more clearly around her. It wasn't a good habit to speak before thinking, and he seemed to do that more and more around her.

"What about him?" She prompted after Spencer failed to explain. Spencer managed to look away from her gaze. He'd never be able to think of anything when she looked at him like that.

"I know how you feel about him." Spencer finally admitted and didn't dare to look at Lauren. She stayed silent for a while.

"Spencer, he's a great friend." She said. "Is that what you mean?" She sounded utterly confused and now Spencer was also.

"I overheard what you told him the other day." Spencer finally dared a look at her. Lightening flashed through the sky outside, highlighting all of Lauren's features. Spencer caught his breath. "When you told him you loved him." It was some of the hardest words he'd ever had to say.

Spencer watched as Lauren's expression flicked through confusion, memory and then humour. She laughed.

"Spencer, Dan's gay." She said. Spencer heard the words but they didn't quite focus right in his mind. When they eventually did, his eyes widened.

"Oh." He said. And just like that every hurt and pain that Spencer had been subjected to suddenly lifted. He felt like an idiot, but a relieved idiot none the less. He took a deep breath as if this new information had freed his chest from its constricted state.

But his breath was gone again as Lauren placed her warm hand on his leg. He looked at her, those sparkling brown eyes suddenly turning into a burning gaze. Spencer still couldn't regain his breath. He continued to hold it as they both just sat and looked at each other.

There was a truly unspoken want between them. Spencer cared for Lauren more than he could put into words, but it was accompanied by a true passion that he hadn't felt for any woman before. It was the physical feeling coupled with the psychological one that was making Spencer's head spin and his palms sweat.

"Spencer." She said in barely a whisper. He'd never heard his name said in such a way before, it made his toes curl in excitement. "Kiss me." His eyes widened and he swallowed hard at her words. A clap of thunder echoed across the apartment followed by the rain battering against the windows. The rain pounded against the glass almost as hard as his heart thudded against his rib cage. He wanted to, he really, really wanted to. But he was afraid. Worried that it would all be ruined if-

He didn't have time to think. Lauren's hands gripped his waistcoat pulling him towards her. Her lips crashed onto his, She moaned lightly making every nerve in Spencer's body tingle. Her hands slowly moved up his chest to rest on his shoulders, her body turning to lean against him closely.

Spencer was unbelievably aware of the feeling of her chest against his and her hands sliding up his neck, pulling him towards her further to deepen the kiss. Her moist lips pressed against his hungrily and Spencer returned the kiss just as greedily.

Except, where Lauren was so confident in her movements and seductive in her moans, Spencer was panicked beyond belief. He had no clue what he was doing. When Lauren removed her lips from his only to replace them against the sensitive skin of his neck Spencer was frozen, half in pleasure and half in uncertainty. His hands were stuck in mid air as he had no idea where he was supposed to put them. What if he put them in the wrong place? Was it too forward to put them on her hips or not forward enough? He was enjoying this moment more than any time in his entire life! But he didn't want to ruin it by making a wrong move. He knew he was inexperienced at this, but now he truly realised how much.

Lauren was enjoying herself far too much. Her body moved on instinct, pressing tightly up against Spencer's. She didn't want to feel any distance between them. She could feel his tension but also could feel his excitement. His kiss was everything she had hoped for and more. He was gentle and careful and it was the kind of kiss that made every romantic dream real yet made you want it even more desperately.

Control was out of the window. Lauren began kissing down his neck, listening to his breathing get quicker and quicker. She pulled back ready to kiss him again and looked into his wide hazel eyes.

"I can't do this." The words slipped out of her mouth before Lauren had time to stop them. But she knew it had been the right thing to say.

"No, you can." Spencer said his hands which had previously been out of use, now quickly placed on her arms. "I'm sorry." He stumbled. "I've not done this kind of thing much." He seemed embarrassed by his confession but Lauren just smiled at him softly.

"It's not that." She said. "I just," She paused and looked down at her hands in her lap. "I have something going on and I don't think it would be the best time to do this right now." It broke Lauren's heart to say it, along with frustrating her beyond belief. But although she desperately wanted to be with Spencer, physically and emotionally, a small part of her was just doing this to make her feel better. She felt awful about what had happened with Hotch and this would have definitely made things happier. But she loved Spencer and when or if they ever did make love, she wanted it to be truly for them, and have no other reasons. It would have been unfair on Spencer to do this and also unfair on herself.

Spencer didn't reply, he only sat awkwardly staring out into his apartment. Lauren felt awful. She didn't want to seem like she didn't like him, that was not the impression she wanted to give at all.

"I'm sorry, Spencer." He still said nothing so Lauren stood up. "I should get going. I can't put it off forever." She gave a small laugh. This seemed to bring Spencer back from his thoughts. Lauren would have given anything to know what he was thinking. As she grabbed her coat and purse, Spencer walked her to the door opening it for her. She stood for a moment on the threshold and turned to lookup at him. "Thank you for tonight." She genuinely meant it. After receiving the kind of news she had, she wouldn't have been able to cope with it half as well if she hadn't had a night like that one.

Spencer said nothing but a small lopsided smile creased his lips. It was faint and slightly sad but Lauren was just thankful he'd made some kind of motion.

"Good bye." In a swift motion Lauren tip toed, put a hand on Spencer's chest and kissed his cheek. She let her lips linger for a little longer than she probably should have. But at that moment all of Lauren's worries lifted, and she just felt happy. Complete and utter joy. When she pulled away all the concerns that had momentarily gone came back down with a heavy thump on her shoulders.

"I've got to go." She managed to say before her thoughts really did get the better of her. Spencer said nothing but put up one hand in a weak wave.

Lauren had to catch the bus back to Hotch's apartment. It wasn't the nicest journey. She had to sit in her soaking clothes from the rain and the bus smelt like wet dog. As it finally pulled up to the stop near the apartment building Lauren practically ran off of it.

It was still raining hard and the wind whipped Lauren's hair around her. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself and headed inside. Her hands were shivering so much she could barely get the key in the door. It finally opened and she stepped inside with chattering teeth.

Hotch was there in a flash, rounding the corner from the living room and inspecting her with a worried gaze.

"You're soaked." He said stating the obvious.

"I know." She said peeling off her wet coat. Hotch disappeared for a moment only to return with two big fluffy cotton towels. They were toasty warm as he draped them across her shoulders.

After changing into a dry set of pyjamas Lauren made her way into the small kitchen. Hotch was waiting, as she had expected him to be.

"Where's Jack?"

"In bed." He said. Lauren glanced to the clock. It was 12:30am, she hadn't realised the time go by whilst at Spencer's.

"Sorry to keep you up again." Lauren took a seat opposite Hotch. He pushed a blue china mug in her direction and she wrapped her freezing cold fingers around it. The steam inside danced under her breath as she took a sip.

"I think we should discuss-"

"We don't have to." Lauren interrupted. On the way home from Spencer's she'd given real thought to what Hotch had done. And she felt completely ashamed of herself. "I was stupid. You did a huge favour for me and I repaid you by shouting and being ungrateful." Lauren looked up from her mug and frowned. "I am so sorry, Hotch. You don't know how thankful I am." To Lauren's surprise he smiled.

"I will always be here for you." He said, and she knew he really meant it. Lauren smiled, got up and took the seat next to Hotch. She pulled her knees to her chest and leant into him. He apparently wasn't surprised by her usual affectionate way and wrapped his arms around her body. His hands rubbed her arms trying to warm them up.

"So do you want to talk about the other thing?" Lauren asked eventually taking another sip of her tea.

"Not unless you want to." He replied. Lauren didn't, having to deal with Hotch as her possible father was something she needed to think of another day. Instead she was more than content to sit wrapped in his safe, warm hug into the early hours of the morning.

Spencer had stood at his door motionless for at least five minutes after Lauren had left. He'd been dreaming of kissing Lauren for so long that he really thought that if he did, all of the tension he'd felt around her would disappear. But now, he just wanted even more. He didn't really want to admit that he was so swayed by his physical needs but at that moment it had taken all of his mental effort not to go after her.

The need that he'd felt for Lauren emotionally and physically had now increased to such a level that Spencer could barely think of anything else. Eventually he shut the door and leant against it trying to slow his breathing to a regular pace. His heart was still thudding in his chest and his entire body was tingling beyond control. But he frowned, a little confused by what had happened.

Every time they managed to get close one of them seemed to pull away. Spencer was sure it wasn't a conscious thing they were doing, she didn't seem the type to play games and he certainly wouldn't even know where to start at being a 'game player'. But still on a subconscious level he wondered if there was some reason for this. He shook his head trying to rid the thought. All he wanted to focus on at that moment was the memory of Lauren's lips on his.

The next morning seemed to bring the return of summer. The sun shone through Spencer's window waking him in a warm embrace. The rain and wind from the previous night were distant memories, as were any thoughts of Dan. Spencer had never been so elated to hear of someone's sexual preference.

Spencer had skipped breakfast and bought some on the way in: a blueberry muffin and tall coffee. He sipped at the hot beverage as he stepped off the elevator.

"Morning." He said with a wide smile. The rest of the team looked at him some with surprised looks and others with raised eyebrows.

"You've certainly changed your attitude from yesterday." Emily said to him and shot a look to Derek. Spencer said nothing else and sat at his desk, letting his satchel slip from his shoulder to the floor.

"So what made you so happy?" Derek asked.

"Or who?" Emily added with a laugh.

"Good morning everyone." Lauren chimed, seeming to answer the question. Spencer watched nervously as Emily and Derek exchanged a look which Spencer couldn't quite recognise.

"Did something happen I don't know about?" Derek asked. "Everyone seems to have become different people." Lauren raised an eyebrow at Derek's joking smile.

"Well," JJ interrupted the conversation as she walked through the glass doors towards them. "The local police arrested Greg Forsyte this morning."

"Really?" Lauren asked almost spilling the mug of tea she held.

"Yep." JJ replied. "But don't get too comfy, we already have another case."

"Uh." Emily groaned. "I was hoping for a little break." JJ smiled at her.

"And Lauren can join us on this one." JJ smiled at her. "Your evaluation came back. You're ready for work." Lauren stood from her seat and looked like she was about to hug JJ, but she managed to refrain from doing so. It made Spencer smile, he admired the fact she wore her heart on her sleeve. It was such a rare quality in this type of career.

"Thanks." Lauren said simply.

"Hotch is already waiting." At those words the team got up and headed up the stairs.

Spencer was the first in and took his usual seat. He glanced up when Lauren walked in. She beamed at him and he couldn't help but do the same. But he frowned a little as he noticed the odd glance between her and Hotch. She had given a quick smile to him and Hotch had simply nodded his head.

Spencer looked between Lauren and Hotch. When Lauren had been with him the previous night, a fact he was still more than a little excited about, she hadn't told him what the matter had been. Spencer, just wanting to enjoy her company and the situation it had led to, hadn't pushed to find out what was wrong. But the way she'd been a little hesitant to head back to Hotch's apartment now made Spencer wonder if something had happened between them. Is that what had made Lauren stop? He tried not to think about it, it was none of his business. But the thought continued to nag him.

Lauren took a seat opposite Spencer. Seeing him sent little butterflies fluttering through her stomach, it was a nice feeling. But the butterflies fled as she looked to Hotch's professional expression.

Last night Hotch had been more comforting than she'd ever known, but this morning he'd been incredibly distant. He'd gotten Jack ready for school and barely said two words to Lauren. It was distressing and Lauren was unsure what to do. She couldn't lose what she had with Hotch. Maybe the revelation he'd made was just too much for him to handle. Lauren didn't know, and wouldn't know because the damn man wouldn't talk about anything!

"Well my lovelies." Penelope began walking towards the large monitor on the far wall. "You will all be heading out to Alamosa, Colorado." Lauren took the folder Penelope handed to her and flicked it open. She was greeted with a picture of a half naked body spread in a rather embarrassing position. Lauren's face saddened. How could someone do this to another person?

"The first victim is Katie Priceton. A 27 year old single mother."

"Where's her child?" Lauren asked before she could stop herself. Penelope gave her a sympathetic smile.

"With social services in Alamosa." She replied and then looked back to the monitor. "Along with the child of our second victim." She clicked on a remote and brought up another profile picture. It was a man this time, with a strong looking face and a scar on his chin. "Walter Hope. He was 32 and has-had" Penelope corrected herself and Lauren realised at least this wasn't easy for her either. "He had a 12 year old son. Again he is with social services. A third victim turned up last night. 29 year old Stacey Cramer."

"Child as well?" Lauren asked but wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"No." Penelope said. Lauren sighed in small relief.

"They're all in exposed sites." Rossi commented looking at one of the crime scene photos. Lauren looked over the photos.

"They would have been easily found." She added. "Stacey Cramer- I mean the third victim." Lauren glanced at Hotch who just stared at his folder. He'd advised her not to use the victim's name to help with distancing herself from the cases. "She was practically left in a car parking space."

"So he's a pretty confident unsub." Rossi said.

"We'll know more after we've talked to the local police." Hotch said. "Wheel's up in thirty." And with that everyone got up again. Lauren had a small panic. She hadn't packed a bag or even prepared for travelling.

"Um, Hotch." She said in almost a whisper. She really didn't want to have to admit she was already screwing up on her first true day of work. He stopped and turned to her. "I, uh, don't have anything packed."

"That's my fault." He said. "I forgot to go through the processes with you. We always have a go bag. Most of our cases mean we travel."

"I know. I should have been more prepared." Lauren apologised. Hotch seemed to be avoiding making eye contact with her. "Maybe you could just give me a ride back to your place and I'll shove some stuff in a bag?" He frowned at her suggestion.

"Morgan." He called loudly. Lauren glanced over her shoulder to see Derek heading back into the room.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"I need you to take Lauren to pick up her go bag." Hotch commanded. Lauren flicked her gaze back to him and looked as pained as she felt. Did he really want to avoid her that much?

"Sure." Derek agreed, a slight hint of confusion in his words. Hotch then walked out of the room, leaving Lauren to feel upset alone.

The ride to Hotch's apartment was filled with idle conversation. Derek was great company. He talked with enthusiasm and smiled the entire time. It would have been perfect if only Lauren could have kept her thoughts on the conversation. But she kept running through her worries. What was wrong with Hotch? She was so sure everything had been fine last night. And if she couldn't even figure that out with Hotch, how was she supposed to get any closer to having any kind of relationship with Spencer? She was sure she'd made the right decision to wait until she'd settled things. But it was getting harder especially after last night's intimate moment.

"Lauren?"

"Huh?" Lauren looked dumbly at Derek who gave a soft laugh. "I'm sorry, Derek." She said feeling guilty for not listening.

"It's ok, I've gotten used to it from you and Reid the past couple of days." Derek slowed his driving and looked at Lauren. "You know, we're all pretty close in the team."

"I know." Lauren replied.

"We're all here, if you need anything." Derek looked at her seriously through his dark shades. Lauren knew he was being honest and she would have loved to spill it all to him right then and there. But she knew she couldn't. Hotch's secret, well, that was something she wouldn't reveal. And this thing with Spencer and her…maybe she could talk to him about that.

"Thanks, Derek." Lauren said finally. "I really appreciate it. I'm just still adjusting. The assessment was pretty tiring." She lied, it wasn't tiring but it had been kind of stressful.

"I can imagine." He said, pulling up outside of the building. "But at least you get to actually be on the case this time."

Lauren smiled at him. He was right. She should just be thankful that she had a job, and one with such amazing colleagues.