Hell, Chapter 2

By Simahoyo

Maura talked to her Dad for three hours. Then she went home, fed Bass, and made a list. She liked lists. They gave order to things, and her mind required order. The list started with Jane. She decided she would write Jane a letter. Jane might throw it away, but a letter would tell the truth without letting emotions get in the way like the last time. Emotions needed to be kept in their place, where they wouldn't play havoc with human lives.

The next thing on her list was trying to save her job. Jordan Cavanaugh was hard to read. Maura had no idea what she would do. She decided to go, and tell the truth, and deal with the results.

She added a list of places to apply for a job, just in case.

Maura was feeling better. She added a list of people she needed to apologize to. It was long. She decided to send a card to Agent Dean's parents. They probably didn't know her part in this mess, and she didn't want to add to their sorrow by bringing it up.

Maura took a deep breath and blew it out. There. Something was done.

Now for the hard part. She decided to write it on the computer first. She expected to re-write it several times.

Dear Jane–

And she stopped and stared at the screen. Nothing came to mind. No words were strong enough.

You have every reason to hate me, and I don't expect your forgiveness, because if I can't forgive myself, how can I ask you to?I regret every nasty, horrible thing I said. I don't even have words strong enough to convey my revulsion.—below the belt? Yes. Uncalled for? Definitely. I was seriously out of control. I have no excuse. If you want nothing to do with me, I won't blame you.

I'm sorry about Gabriel. I'm truly sorry I had such a stupid idea in the first place.

You probably won't have to work with me anymore. I've been placed on leave. The Chief County Coroner is thinking about firing me.

Then she deleted the last part because it looked as if she was hoping Jane would feel sorry for her

She just ended with Gabriel.

She hand copied it onto stationary, and threw it in her mailbox. One thing was done. Maura checked it off her list. She deserved a reward, so she called her parents. It was a nice chat, and gave her the energy to go on to the next task.

Maura googled her boss. It was impressive and frightening. Jordan Cavanaugh had a good reason to be angry. She had been written up several times for breaking rules. She also had an impressive record of solving crimes through excellent forensic work. Then Maura found something that really frightened her. Jordan Cavanaugh had been fired three times. A knot was growing in the pit of Maura's stomach. If Jordan had been fired three times, would she even hesitate to fire Maura once?

It was a sleepless night.

/

The next morning was nerve racking. Maura arrived at the County courthouse early, riding the old elevator up to the coroner's office. Then she paced at the end of the hall until one minute to eleven, heels tapping along the polished wooden floors. She walked into the County Coroner's office with thirty seconds to spare. The receptionist looked up, and pressed the button on the intercom.

"Dr Isles is here."

Jordan had aged hardly at all over the years. Fine lines, and a few grey hairs had been added , She was in great shape, and her brown eyes still looked out at the world like lasers. Maura noticed a smirk seemed to live at the corner of her lips. The office was outfitted with photo's of Jordan with Bernadette Devlin McAliskey and Jerry Adams. The original Irish flag hung from one wall, and next to it, an old guitar, well used. There had been rumors of an Irish band. It seemed they might be desk was standard issue, but the chairs were interesting. Just as Maura had worn her highest heels to even their heights, Jordan Cavanaugh had a shorter than normal chair for visitors, while hers was higher by three inches. Maura could recognize a fellow chess player.

"Dr. Isles. Sit down."

Maura sat as tall as she could.

Jordan turned the brown lasers on Maura. "I thought about firing you. It did me good, getting fired, but I'm a fighter. You, apparently, are not. So I had to think about what to do with you." Jordan crossed her arms, and tapped her index finger against her left arm. "I concluded that you would learn a hell of a lot more by cleaning up after yourself. I've noticed you like parameters, so here they are. No more lies, no end runs around the truth, no coverups, no getting your people to cover for you.."

Maura's heart rate sped up. She knew where this was going, and she was not pleased. She nodded, afraid to speak.

"And you will also work with everyone, and I mean everyone, in the homicide division. This means you will speak to each one of them, share information, and treat them as the professionals they are. And by God, if you discover any more long lost criminal relatives, you will report that fact to me the day you discover it."

Maura was stunned into silence. It would have been easier to be fired.. She just sat there, quietly, blinking.

"Are you with me?"

"I-I don't know what to...this is so hard.."

"I know. Cleaning up after yourself is one of the hardest things you can ever do. I should know. I had one hell of a lot of cleanup to do after myself. Welcome to the Screwups anonymous club. I'll be monitoring your progress. Closely. Think of me as your sponsor. You can go now. I'll be watching."

"Thank you. I'll be working on it. Does this mean I can go back to work?"

"No. You have leave until your mother is better. I want you to succeed. And if you are worried about her you won't become the type of Medical Examiner or Coroner I think you can be. Prove me right. I know you will be right here in this office someday if you clean up your act now."

So that was it. Her boss wanted the same thing for Maura she wanted for her assistants, to grow into the jobs ahead of them. Well, she could do that. Maura smiled.

"Thank you so much. I know I have work to do. Hard work never hurt me. I don't know how Jane Rizzoli is going to react to me...I guess I'll have to improvise." Maura paused, then looked down. "I'm not very good at improvisation."

"You'd better start learning, then. Go get started."

Maura got out as quickly as she could without being rude.

/

She sat in her car for ten minutes arguing with herself mentally. She wanted to go into work, despite her forced leave, and beg everyone to forgive her. She wanted to go to the hospital and sit with her parents until her mind was numb. And she wanted to run away, to someplace she had never been, change her name and become someone else. In the end, she drove home, went to bed, and slept the rest of the day.

/

A voice seemed to come out of nowhere, calling her name. Maura slowly allowed her mind to go toward the voice. As she did, she opened her eyes. Maura was in her own bed, in pajamas . Angela was standing over her.

"Maura, are you alright?"

Maura bit back cranky words, and sat up in bed.

"Yes. What are you doing here?"

"I saw you come home yesterday afternoon, and your lights didn't come on all night. Are you sick?"

Angela looked worried. Maura didn't really understand. Didn't Angela have to go to work by eight in the morning?

"I'm not sick. I was sleeping."

"Until five in the afternoon?"

Maura scrambled out of bed. She stood, trying to look as wide awake as possible.

Angela gave her the same look reserved for Jane's less than effective lies. "Have you been eating?"

"I have eaten."

"How recently?"

Maura started to calculate. Angela shook her head.

"I saw on Doctor Phil that not eating, and sleeping all the time are two major signs of depression. You're a doctor. You know better than that. Let me fix your something."

Maura felt her face heating up. This really was embarrassing.

"Please let me get dressed. I promise I'll eat something."

"I'll be in your kitchen."

Maura showered and dressed in more casual clothing. She didn't linger over her hair, just twisted it into a bun at the back of her head. Her muscles hurt a little, but she shrugged it off as tension. Or a week sleeping in a hospital chair. She wandered into the kitchen. The smell of food was not appetizing.

Angela turned to Maura and smiled. "There you are. Much better. I made bunny pancakes. I thought it might cheer you up a little."

Maura felt a lump in her throat at Angela's kindness. She sat at the table. Angela placed a cup of red bush tea in front of her. Next came a plate of bunny pancakes, with blueberry syrup.

"Angela, you are so thoughtful. Thank you." Maura made a show of eating a bit of pancake.

Angela sat across from her. "Don't just push the rest around your plate. I raised 3 kids, and I'm on to every trick."

"Vous êtes aussi mauvais que ma mère."

"What?"

"Nothing important. I was just thinking about my mother."

"It must be so hard on you, with her in the hospital, and you and Jane not speaking."

Maura looked at her guiltily. 'How much has Jane told you?"

"Jane? You must be joking. Getting her to tell me anything is like pulling teeth."

"I don't want to go into details. She did something, and I really over-reacted. I'm used to fighting with my mother, and I said really terrible things to her–in English, unfortunately. I'd be lucky if she ever spoke to me again."

"And what did she do? I know my daughter, and I know you. It takes a lot to get you that angry."

"I don't want to go there. We both did wrong things. Jane was willing to forgive, and I was not."

"You know I'm going to get you to tell me. I'm like a dripping faucet. I don't go away and I don't quit."

"I know."

"So, Maura Evangeline Isles, ..."

"Mom told you my middle name?"

"Yes she did."

"And you're using the full name trick?"

"Yes, I am."

Maura blew out a breath. "So not fair."

"What did Jane do?"

"She shot my birth father."

"Good Lord." Angela crossed herself.

"A criminal, who had just killed her boyfriend."

"What are you talking about? This makes no sense."

"It's an unbelievable mess. If I saw it on one of your soap operas, I would leave the room." Maura gave a bitter laugh. "I hate reality. Maybe I should make a chart."

"Maura, stop. I knew Jane's boyfriend was killed in the line of duty. She was very upset. Vincent told me. But who is this birth father I never heard anything about? I didn't even know you were adopted.." Angela put her hand on Maura's arm, Mom style.

"I found out with a DNA match. He was a mobster and a killer. I didn't want to be related to him. Suddenly he was in my life, like it or not. I found out later that he watched me grow up, and was hovering in the background trying to protect me. I have decidedly mixed feeling about that."

Angela looked into her eyes. "I can imagine."

"We came up–no, scratch that. I came up with a plan to catch the arsonist..."

"And the man who hurt your mother. I'm not that dumb."

"I never though you were." Maura swirled the tea left in her cup, watching it. "I had a different motive than everyone else had. The homicide unite wanted to catch an arsonist, I wanted revenge, and Gabriel Dean wanted to catch the infamous Paddy Doyle."

Angela drew back involuntarily. "He, is your birth father? Even I have heard of him. So much for nature versus nurture."

Maura looked away, remembering a cousin's attempt to teach her to lie.

"The arsonist showed up, and pulled a gun on me. I knew the homicide unit was backing me. But I swear, my birth father popped up like one of those figures at a shooting range. He killed the one holding the gun on me. I was so relieved, thinking it was all over. Gabriel Dean was there. He was not supposed to be there. He lied to Jane. He shot my birth father, who killed him."

"I think I'm following this. That's how Jane's boyfriend died?"

"Yes. I can imagine what was going through her mind. He moved his arm–the one with the gun. He didn't look as if he was capable of aiming at anyone. Then Jane shot and killed him. I lost my mind. I was screaming at her to stay away from him, even though she was trying to help.. When I found out he was dead, I could only think of one thing–he knew who my birth mother was. Now I'll never find out."

"I know it was selfish, she had just lost someone she loved, but the need to know who your parents are is so deeply ingrained in adoptees, I behaved like an insane woman. And Jane was my target." Maura stopped talking, just looking for Angela's reaction.

End chapter 2