Thanks to Misery Loves Sarah, who despite her lack of time beta-read for me again.
I own absolutely nothing!

Helen slowly laid the rest of the papers inside the file before closing it with an absent look on her face. She then took it in one hand, rose from her office chair and went to the shelves containing the files and reports of missions and incidents that happened at the Old City Sanctuary in the past ten years. There were a lot, for such a short span. Soon, she'd have to start a new one.

She let her right index finger dance across the shelves, over files of diseases and accidents long solved and forgotten, until she found the spot she was looking for. She tossed the file into it and laid both hands onto the old wooden shelf, her gaze focused at a point far away and only visible to her.

Helen Magnus had lost the battle once again, the battle against death.

More than two weeks had past now since the first abnormal had died because of the virus. The seventh and last had followed two days ago. Despite her attempt to stop it, to find a cure soon enough, she had failed miserably. That knowledge tore at her and made her sick to her stomach.

Helen let her gaze wander over the shelves and closed her eyes, her face hard and unreadable. God knows how many deaths of abnormals were listed inside these files, how many had died under her charge. She couldn't stop the sudden wave of sadness and resignation from swallowing her up. She'd already buried her doubts far too long inside her.

"You should really stop blaming yourself," a voice said from behind her. Helen shook her head in desperation, her eyes still tightly closed.

"If I had tried harder the Sanctuary wouldn't be missing seven residents now," she replied quietly.

"You did everything you could, Helen." John took a step towards the shelf, he couldn't endure seeing Helen in pain, doubting herself. She wasn't responsible for any of this.

"You worked day and night, practically slept in the main lab! You tried your best to develop a treatment..."

"But it wasn't enough!" Helen choked out, interrupting his trail of words.

Crossing the distance between them, John just continued. "None of this is your fault, Helen." He now stood right behind, her back turned to him. "Sometimes even the best isn't enough and blaming yourself will not change what happened."

"I know...," came the weak reply from Helen. She was worn out, tired and emotional at a breaking point. Even though she'd dealt with a lot of pressure and disappointment in her life, the past weeks had taken their toll.

"I can't stop myself from thinking about what could have been." Tears were slowly filling her eyes, a flood of deep sadness in her heart, bubbling to the surface. "I can't help but wonder what I could have changed..." Her voice finally broke. It didn't matter to her that the tears were streaming down her face and the man behind her, the man Helen had a lot of good reasons to mistrust, could see it.

John was stunned by Helen's reaction. And he realized she wasn't only referring to the death of the seven abnormals. Intending to help her as much as he could he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. "The past can't be changed, Helen. It shouldn't be changed, it's meant to be as it is."

"But if I'd have known, if I wouldn't have been so naive and blind..." She shook her head again and raised her gaze to meet his, her eyes watery and full of sadness. "So many people wouldn't have died."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Helen." John said, touching her cheek with his thumb and brushing away the tears.

"So many of my friends, of my colleagues. It's all my fault. And James and Ashley..." Helen's voice broke again and John took her in his arms, moving his right hand soothingly over her back while Helen began to sob into the front of his shirt.

"I could have saved you..." Her voice was so quiet he almost didn't hear her. But he had and the fact that she felt responsible for what had happened to him wasn't right. There was no way she could have prevented it.

"It just happened, Helen. You couldn't know and you couldn't have helped me. It was my own choice to take the blood and I have to deal with the consequences." He argued, his hand stroking her hair softly.

"But-" Helen tried to object, but John put one hand under her chin and lifted her head so she would met his gaze.

"No, Helen. It was my own fault and nobody else's. Things like this happen, it's the course of life. People die and are born, some get ill and others never do. We can't prevent it and we definitely can't influence it." He was convinced that Helen couldn't have helped him when he became the Ripper. He'd have refused her or worse, murdered her.

"Perhaps the past century was torture for me, but it's worth everything just to be with you now," he whispered and kissed her temple lightly.

Helen closed her eyes at the feeling of his soft lips and laid her head back at his shoulder. She felt dizzy and so very tired. John's words had taken some of the weight off her shoulders and sleep was threatening to overwhelm her. Not strong enough to fight, she slowly gave in to her exhaustion.

John could feel Helen drift away. Her breathing had slowed down and become even, her face had taken on a relaxed expression. Doing his best not to disturb her he picked her up and carried her to the sofa of her office.

Laying her down and grabbing a blanket to keep her warm he couldn't stop worried thoughts from bothering him. Normally, Helen wasn't this sensitive and vulnerable. He tried to convince himself that it had been the past weeks which had sapped her strength, but she experienced situations like this often and surely didn't react this way every time.
Yesterday, 4:02pm

Perhaps he should talk to her about it. They had to talk anyway, since there hadn't been much time lately. He should give her a chance to rest though, so he'd let her sleep.

Watching her peaceful face he wondered when she had last eaten. She might be two centuries old and an abnormal who seemed to be able to live with less food than others but she was still a human being and had to eat once in a while. He remembered seeing Biggie preparing something for breakfast and bringing it to her, but Helen being Helen, she probably hadn't touched it at all.

A look at the clock told him it was now almost seven in the evening and he decided he should make Helen some tea. Maybe he'd get her to eat something, too. At least he could try.

As Helen woke the light of the day had vanished completely and instead the subdued glow of the city was filling the room with it's soft light. Blinking a few times, Helen sat up and looked around in confusion. It took her some seconds before she recalled what had happened.

She looked around the room a second time but instead of John she found a tray on the table beside the couch. On it was a teacup which still seemed to be warm as well as a sandwich. Smiling Helen sipped at the tea before she got to the sandwich. Though she wasn't really hungry it would be good to have something to fill her very empty stomach.

After finishing her small meal she rose from the sofa and went down to the kitchen. Helen set the tray on the counter and began cleaning the cup. There was no need in using the dishwasher when she could just as well do it herself. As she turned around again to take the plate a male hand beat her to it. Smiling warmly John cleaned it for her while Helen put away the dry tableware.

"I'm so very proud of you, you know?" John said in a teasing voice.

Helen looked at him with confusion, the question written on her face. "Why is that?" As far as she knew, breaking out into tears and then sleeping for two hours wasn't a reason to be proud of someone.

"You managed to eat a whole sandwich without somebody practically begging you to do it." John grinned at her in amusement and in return earned himself a playful jab in the stomach.

"I'm really disappointed that you make fun of my eating habits." Helen responded, hands on her hips. Her tone was serious but the smile on her face betrayed her. "Maybe I should punish you through inviting Nikola to my or your next birthday, and telling him he can stay as long as he wants to. What would you make of that?"

The horrified look on John's face made her laugh. It was obvious that, even after all those years, John and Nikola kept disliking each other in the worst way possible. Still smiling, Helen leaned into John and kissed him softly. She wasn't quite sure how, but he'd managed to turn this day into a better one just by making her laugh.

John let his hands sneak around her thighs before he pulled back to fill his lungs with needed air. It felt good to have her in his arms again. They had been so engrossed in their work that they hadn't had time for themselves, something they would have to remedy.

John took the opportunity to do something he new realized was long overdue. "And to ensure you eat properly I would like to take you out. What do you think? Does the lady have time to spend an evening with her subordinate man?"

Helen's face lit up in excitement. "I'd love to."

"That's settled then." He thought for a moment before proceeding. "What do you make of, perhaps, tomorrow?"

Helen mentally went through the next day before deciding she indeed had time. After all they'd just survived three eventful weeks. "Sounds perfect," she informed John.

He smiled at her happily. "Tomorrow it is."

Just in this moment, Biggie entered the kitchen and disturbed their private little world. He was panting slightly and obviously had no good news. John and Helen, who had been startled by his sudden appearance, had both taken a step apart from each other and were now waiting for him to speak.

"It's Declan," Biggie said in his deep voice. "He's just called from London. Said it was an emergency and he needs you as fast as possible."

"What, now?" The concern in Helen's voice was unmistakable. She first looked at John regretfully before turning her attention back to Biggie.

"He said it was urgent," he explained patiently. "You didn't answer your phone so I was forced to go in search of you."

Helen reached with one hand into the right pocket of her pants but found nothing. She realized she'd left her phone in her office along with her gun.

"Alright." She turned to John and signaled him he should follow Biggie. "You two go down to the lab and contact Declan while I make a quick stop in my office.. I'll join you in the lab."

With this, Helen was gone and John followed Biggie out of the kitchen and down the floor to the elevator.

'Great!' John thought resigned. 'Just great. Now the chance that we'll be going out tomorrow or in the next week has sunk to almost zero.'