DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Harry Potter.
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She felt the bed dip as Harry sat on the edge near her "you're not weak Hermione, you're stronger then the rest of us" Hermione shook her head and Harry leaned over to whisper in her ear "believe me you are".
Hermione turned to look up at him as he leaned over her "i'm not" she whispered.
Harry sighed knowing she wouldn't listen to him "budge over" he said making her look at him confused "you're only going to have nightmares so I think it best that I stay and make sure you're okay".
Hermione laughed as she moved over "smooth Harry, very smooth".
Harry laughed as well and stuck his tongue out at her "worked didn't it?" he asked making Hermione blush slightly.
"Yes, it worked" she whispered as Harry's arms went around her.
She fell asleep to the soft sound of Harry's breathing and his chest again her back.
Hermione woke up to a warm body pressed against her back, she blinked confused and carefully turned over. Her eyes softened as she looked at Harry's sleeping face, it was no longer etched with worry. Hermione smiled softly and cuddled up closer, she paused slightly as Harry stirred and his arm tightened around her waist. When he didn't wake she went back to staring at his sleeping face.
Her gaze flickered up to his forehead again, gently she moved his messy black hair away and traced the faint lightening scar.
"Good morning" a soft voice made Hermione jump.
Her eyes flickered down to meet Harry's emerald ones and she felt herself blush at his amused look.
"Sorry" she said quietly bringing her arm back to her chest.
"No, it's okay" Harry replied with a smile "how are you feeling this morning?"
Hermione shrugged "fine I guess".
Harry nodded but furrowed his brows in concern "did you dream?"
Hermione let her gaze drop away from his face and moved her head so her forehead was leaning against Harry's chest, this way he wouldn't have to see her face as she lied "a little, it wasn't that bad though" her voice came out slightly strained but she refused to clear her throat.
They lay in silence until they heard footsteps coming closer, Harry sighed and pulled away from Hermione but she refused to move. She lay with her eyes closed and pretended to have fallen back to sleep as Harry moved from the bed and opened the door.
"Everyone's wondering where you are Harry" Ron said from the other side of the door. His brown eyes flickered from Hermione's 'sleeping' form then back to Harry "I … erm … how is she?" he asked quietly.
Harry who still found it hard to look at his best friend sighed and looked back at Hermione "she's fine Ron" he replied before turning back to him "why are you here?"
Ron shuffled nervously before he looked away down the hall "Well, everyone's looking for you Harry, like I said".
"Why?" Harry asked concerned that something else had happened.
"Mum's kicking up a fuss that you and … and Hermione weren't down eating breakfast with everyone so they sent me to get you".
Harry nodded "right, forgot about that" he stepped back into the room and reached to close the door "we'll be down soon" was all he said before closing the door.
"That was slightly harsh" Hermione said amused from the bed.
Harry jumped and looked at her "I know it's just-"
"Hard" Hermione murmured in agreement with a small smile, she finally opened her eyes and Harry nearly flinched at the amount of sadness behind her gaze. "I'm not going down to breakfast" she said quietly.
"You have to eat" Harry said concerned as he ran a hand through his hair.
Hermione gulped slightly suddenly feeling sick at the thought of eating "no thanks, I'm really not hungry at the moment".
Harry sighed and ran a hand down his face tiredly "I know I can't force you to eat but-"
"Harry please" Hermione whispered quietly as a tear slid down the side of her face and seeped into the pillow "I really can't" she said as bile rose in her throat.
Harry gazed at the crying form of Hermione before he rushed to her side, he brushed away the tear track and kissed her forehead "I'm really sorry Hermione, just remember that none of this was your fault" he whispered soothingly.
Hermione curled up tighter on her side and let out a disbelieving laugh "any death that's caused by him now, is my fault Harry" she croaked out "it's my fault he's back, my fault Ron was taken and tortured, my fault Lucius and Blaise were taken, My … it is my fault my parents are dead" she finished much quieter that Harry had to lean in closer just to hear her "I … I killed them". Her body shook with more tears that she really didn't want to let out.
Harry pulled Hermione up until she was curled into his arms "it really isn't your fault Hermione" he sighed when she didn't reply and kissed the top of her head "'Mione please" he whispered as he felt her shake with tears.
She shook her head and refused to look at him "go to breakfast" she quietly said whilst pushing away from him. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to wallow, she wanted to cry until there was nothing left and most of all she wanted to be in as much pain as she could get herself into for all the pain she caused everyone else.
Harry was hesitant to leave as he gazed down at his best friend, he loved with all of his heart but he knew that it wouldn't do her any good at the moment. She was stubborn and if she thought something was her fault she would continue blaming herself until there was cold hard evidence to say otherwise.
Running a hand through his hair he let out a small sigh and a mournful whisper "Hermione". When she didn't reply or even look at him he moved to the door, he paused before opening it "I'm only leaving because I know you Hermione" he said clearly knowing she could hear him "you're too stubborn to believe anything anyone says but you are wrong about this one Hermione! It was my blood that brought him back in fourth year and you told me that it wasn't my fault, does that mean you lied to me? No! You didn't, so believe me when I tell you that it isn't your fault he's back. It was inevitable as long as there are Death Eaters out there" he took a deep breath and paused turning to look at her still curled up form "I love you Hermione I really do and I refuse to watch and stand back as you kill yourself with regrets that you couldn't have stopped happening even if you had come up with a way".
Hermione sucked in a breath upon hearing Harry confess his love but quickly trampled it down, he could just mean as a friend. She bit her lip as more tears soaked her face
"Come down to the kitchens if you want to see people who love you and will do everything to help you" Harry said before opening the door and hurrying out of the room.
Hermione turned to call out to him but it was too late he was gone, she let out a cry of frustration and punched her pillow until she had let of a but of steam. She leant her head and her fists and let out a shuddering breath.
"I'm sorry" she cried "I'm so, so sorry!" she continued to cry until she had no tears left, her chest had begun to hurt. She sat back against the cool wall and used a hand to message her chest just over her heart. Was it possible to hurt physically with heartbreak?
Closing her eyes and sighed in frustration at her own behaviour Hermione forced herself to get out of bed. She needed to show Harry that she wasn't this girl, she wasn't this person who would push everyone away, she mainly wanted to show him that he was right and that she needed him more than anyone else.
Moving towards a bathroom that was joined to the bedroom she turned on the cold water, not bothering to add any warm. She wanted to the shock of the cold to give her some sense. Stripping herself of the t-shirt and boxers she let them drop to the floor before standing under the shower of cold water.
She let out a gasp as the shock of the coldness made her heart stutter but soon relaxed, when her mind felt cleared she turned on the hot water tap and added some heat so that she could have a proper shower. She wasn't sure whose room this was but it had shampoo and conditioner on the side of the bath. Reaching over for a bottle Hermione took in a deep whiff of the shampoo, it smelt like milk and honey.
Hermione nearly dropped the bottle in shock, it smelt like Harry. She felt herself blushing at the thought of wearing his boxers and nearly let out a girlish giggle at the thought. She frowned at herself and straightened up, clearing her throat and shaking her head of such thoughts before finishing her shower.
She wrapped a towel around herself and moved back into the bedroom wondering what she could wear. It shocked her to realise her school trunk was in the room next to Harry's. She stood for ten minutes staring at the trunks and wondering if they had always been there. Shrugging it off she pulled out her underwear, a baggy red jumper and her favourite pair of jeans and pulled them on. She realised after a quick look in the mirror that she was so pale she could have been mistaken for a corpse, the bags under her eyes making her look even more corpse like.
She quickly used her wand to dry her hair before turning away from her reflection disgustedly. Her long hair hung down her back, the curls not looking as life like as they had at the beginning of the year. She hesitated before leaving the room wondering if she should put shoes on or not but then thought that if an emergency happened she would at least have protection on her feet.
Once she found her appearance adequate she left the room, quietly making her way towards the kitchens where she could hear everyone talking. She hesitated outside the door as a sense of déja vu overcame her. She forced herself onwards when she realised that Harry would be hurt if she did not show.
The room became silent as she walked in and she shuffled nervously as she paused by the door, her eyes skimmed over every face until she found Harry's. He was smiling gently at her and she found herself smiling shyly back. She sent him a nod and he grinned at her knowing that what he had said had gotten to her. Her smile widened as she found her uncle actually having a conversation with Sirius. Of course it wasn't just them two, Lucius and Remus were in it as well but at least they weren't spitting insults at each other.
"Hermione, dear please sit down" Mrs Weasley said kindly making Hermione smile slightly at her.
"Thank you Molly" she said quietly as she moved to sit between Harry and Sirius, she knew that Harry had saved this seat for her purposefully.
Conversation started up again and Hermione found herself blushing under Harry's gaze.
"I'm glad you decided on coming down" he said quietly so they weren't overheard.
Hermione smiled shyly at him "I wouldn't have if it weren't for your speech".
Harry blushed and ruffled his hair, Hermione giggled at him and rolled her eyes "like your hair needs to be messed up anymore".
Harry childishly stuck his tongue out at her making her snort at him and shake her head "so childish" she muttered but didn't stop her smile from spreading wider.
Harry grinned and bit into his toast, scrunching up his nose as he tasted a burnt bit "some one definitely burnt the toast" he said dropping his piece back on his plate.
Hermione blinked in surprise "Molly didn't cook?" she frowned slightly wondering if it was possible for Molly Weasley to burn a piece of toast.
Harry glanced at Molly before looking back at Hermione "oh she did, but she was distracted when I entered the room and kept asking question upon question about you" he paused and leaned in closer to whisper "I got the third degree about spending a night in the same bed with you".
Hermione gasped and her hand flew to cover her mouth as her eyes widened and her cheeks reddened "oh Merlin" she murmured.
Harry nodded in agreement "she wasn't the worst" he muttered darkly with a glanced towards the four men who were still having their private conversation "I'm sure they're all plotting my demise" he narrowed eyes at them but quickly averted his gaze when they all looked towards us.
Hermione bit her lip to stop the laugh from escaping "I'm sorry" she gasped between her hidden laughs.
Harry rolled his eyes "oh just let it all out" he leaned back in his chairs and stuck out his lower lip, widening his eyes to look like a wounded puppy "laugh at my expanse" he whined jokingly making Hermione laughed loudly. Harry felt his expression soften as he watched her try to stifle her laughter, he noticed others looking at Hermione in relief that she was laughing.
Molly smiled knowingly at the two young ones opposite her before looking smugly at the four men still huddled together. She wasn't one for betting but she was going to talk to her sons, Fred and George about getting in on the one between Harry and Hermione. It seemed that the whole school had joined in on betting when they would get together and Molly was sure it would happen very soon.
Breakfast went passed rather quickly, conversation was more easy as everyone began laughing and joking, all forcing themselves to forget the real world for a couple of hours.
Blaise and Ron were the first to leave, Blaise using the floo network to visit Hogwarts and Ron going back to his room where he had spent most of his time since he was saved. Molly went into the kitchen connected to eating area and started cleaning up, magically taking all of the pots with her. Although she liked using magic most of the time she found washing pots by hand to be calming. Hermione sat silently between Harry and Sirius as they had a conversation with Lucius, Remus and Severus. [what's with the names ending in us?]
Hermione who was half listening and half thinking suddenly sat up and narrowed her eyes "I want to train" she said loudly interrupting the five men who all looked at her in surprise.
"Excuse me?" Remus asked confused.
Hermione turned to look at him with a determined gaze "he's going to continue searching me and you all heard the prophecy … he won't stop. So I want to train, I want to make sure I can fight for my life. I'd rather die with a fighting chance then with none at all" she turned to look at Severus "please Uncle Sev" she pleaded quietly.
Severus peered back at her as he thought, it wasn't long before he was slowly nodding "I believe it would be for the best" he turned to look at Lucius "you can contact some order members from the ministry correct?"
Lucius nodded confused "yes why?"
"We're going to need the best for this to work" Severus replied simply.
Sirius nodded in agreement and smiled at Hermione "we're lucky you're a quick learner" he joked.
"Harry should be trained as well" Hermione suddenly said.
Harry looked at Hermione unsurely "it's a good idea but shouldn't we just make sure you're able to defend yourself first?"
Hermione quickly shook her head "I can't explain how I know" she started "but I know you will need this as much as me. My …" she took a deep breath and forced herself on "Father hates you already for surviving what no one else could have, not once but twice. He would want revenge just for that but …" she looked up at him shyly "but once he finds out just how much you matter to me, he'll purposefully come after you first to get you out of the way".
There was silence as they all took it in, Harry blushed slightly and smiled at Hermione "I'll train, as long as it will help keep you safe … I'll do anything".
Hermione smiled "I know you will".
Severus shifted his glare from Harry to look gently at Hermione "it will be tiring".
Hermione shrugged "I'm not going to be sleeping much anyone".
"It means missing most of your holidays to do this".
Hermione snorted "the only thing that will get me to survive this Christmas is to work constantly".
Severus hesitated but nodded "okay we start this afternoon" he turned to Remus "call Tonks, she can train Hermione to begin with".
Remus nodded and Severus turned to Sirius "contact Moody, he can train Harry" Sirius nodded and looked at his son proudly.
"Moody was my mentor as well" Sirius grinned before moving away.
Hermione nervously fiddled with the bottom of her jumper until Harry reached out and grabbed her hand.
He squeezed it gently "don't worry" he whispered into her ear making her shudder as his breath cooled her skin.
She smiled at him slightly "I'm not" at his arched brow she bit her lip "this is for the best, I have to do this" they sat in silence for a moment before Hermione said sadly "I don't have a chance if I can't defend myself without my wand".
YAY! AN UPDATE! Lmfao