Why Scream, It's Over
Finally managed to get round to actually writing another chapter of this. Hope everyone likes and reviews are very much welcome.
Lyrics: If you're 555, I'm 666. What's it like to be a heretic?
ChapterFive
The next morning, I woke up to something I hadn't expected. Ronnie was sitting on the edge of my bed with Jeremy in his arms. Hell, my mom must have let him in. As much as I loved the idea of being with him, I was nervous as hell for the time when I would have to tell him that I would be leaving Nevada and everything that I had ever grown up with.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as soft as possible. "I thought we'd just meet at school."
"Um, It's Saturday, Mon" Ronnie reminded. "Jesus, are you alright" He moved from his seat at the edge of my bed and clambered in with me, all the while clutching Jeremy close to him. "Your mom wants you to babysit for her."
"Ah, man, again!" I asked, angry at the fact that she kept expecting me to do it. "I swear that woman never gives me a moment to rest."
"Come on, we'll do good looking after Jer" He sighed as he placed him in the cot that had now been placed in my room.
"Yeah, but we've just started to date and now we're stuck with looking after a baby" I sighed. "It's hardly very romantic."
"Well, we can always just put good use to the baby monitor" Ronnie suggested. "After all, that is what your mom bought it for."
"No, it won't work for Jer" I grumbled. "He's at that stage where if you leave him in a room on his own, he screams the house down."
"I can still kiss you, though" Ronnie laughed, pushing his lips onto my own. Although I had felt as though I was leading him on and cheating him, his kisses numbed me from telling him any of that. All I could do was take it and wish that I had enough energy to kiss him back. He kept on going as I wrapped my arms around him, my lips barely moving. He soon pulled away, smiling ever so gently into my eyes.
"Do you want to do something today as soon as my mom gets back and actually realises that Jeremy is her kid?" I asked, more than a little miffed at the stunt that she seemed to be pulling most days, but also wanting to grab any time that I had with Ronnie and cherish it. My days with him were limited and it seemed as though he was the only one who didn't realise that.
"Hey, man, be gentle with her" He warned. "She's been through a lot over the past few months and having a baby makes it harder for her. I'm sure she'll get her act together soon enough."
"You don't understand, Ronnie" I sighed. "We all go through some tough shit, but that doesn't give her a right to do what she's doing. She needs to take responsibility for her own children instead of making others do it and you don't know her like I do. She might say she's had a tough few months, but it's just the average that everyone goes through during their life. If we can handle it, she can."
"All the same, she's your mom and you should keep her close to you" He mumbled. "You never know when things like that can be snatched away from you" Of course. I had been so stupid as to not think about how insensitive everything I was saying was. Ronnie had had a harder life than all of us put together. He had been abandoned by his mother when he was only very young and his dad had to raise him even though he wasn't entirely sure on how to raise his own child. It was only a few months ago when Ronnie's mom tried to get back into contact with him and for a while, it seemed as though everything was going to turn out okay until she went away again after only a week without even a thought of saying goodbye to him. Ever since that had happened, he had been distant from everyone around him. He refused to talk about feelings. It was unbelievable that he actually managed to tell me how he felt yesterday.
I had been shoved in the same boat as he had been, but my fall seemed to be softened. My dad died when I was only seven. It was by far the hardest thing I had ever been through, but it really is true that kids managed to bounce back from anything. It was my mom who had turned out to be the real problem. She turned to alcohol and soon lost her job as a teacher. She had to work nights at the diner, so I was left with my granddad to look after me. It went pretty wrong when he was diagnosed with cancer when I was ten. He lasted four years and that was when I was thrust into the world. I did the shopping and the cooking whilst my mom desperately looked for a relationship. She thought that if she found someone, the responsibility and the stress would be halved. Oh, she was so wrong. It simply doubled. She got married to Alan and then divorced a year later and then the trail kept going. I was softened because the men that she brought home actually seemed to care. They brought me gifts, lifted the burden by cooking and helping me with any homework I was stuck with and then I had Ronnie's dad who was always inviting me to his to spend time with Ronnie. It was there that I got proper meals.
"Ronnie, I'm sorry" I sighed. "I didn't even think. You're right. She may anger me sometimes, but she's a saint compared to some of the people who have been in your life" I couldn't tell if my words would make him happy or if they would only piss him off. After all, I was insulting his family. He's one of those guys who hates his family, but will stick up for them and defend them until the very end of the world.
He soon smiled at me to show that no harm was done and wrapped his arm tightly around me, leaving a few kisses on my forehead before smoothing my hair down. The niggling feeling that this wouldn't last forever soon melted away as I allowed Ronnie's gentle touch drag me under until I felt as though my head was going to explode with thoughts of him.
"Hey, it's fine" He whispered, taking only a brief moment to check that the baby was alright. "I've managed without her practically all of my life. I know that she's a bitch and that I don't need her. As far as I'm concerned, she's not my mom and she never will be no matter how much she tries to put right what she did. She's taken it too far and she's unforgivable now." A silence fell over us as I processed everything he just said. Did he really feel that strongly about his mom? Every day I wish that I could bring my dad back. It's been years since he died, but I still want him to hold my hand and tuck me into bed at night. I'd missed out on that and it haunts me every day. Hell, I still wish that my mom's old husbands were still here. They treated me as though I was really their daughter. It bothers me that I don't have a male figure in my life. "I know that talking about this thing is hard for you. I almost forgot about your dad."
"Yeah, it's just been getting a little difficult to deal with at the minute." I sighed. "It's that time of year that he died and my mom's been falling into her old ways. That's probably why she's been making me look after Jeremy. She doesn't think that she can handle it. I shouldn't be so hard on her."
"Hey, it's okay for you to get angry about things, though" He assured. "You've been put in the exact same position as her, but the difference is that you're dealing with it ten times better than she is and that's what really matters. If you can do it, she should be able to do it as well" His words stuck with me. Why was this so hard for her if it wasn't for me? "I've got some things I need to tell you, Mon" His tone of voice implied that this wasn't going to be good for me to hear. It took everything in my strength to not simply turn around and get out of the room.
"Sure, what is it?" I questioned, although I already had a pretty good idea as to what was so important.
"Well, it's a little hard to explain" He began. "It's an amazing thing, but it can also be seen as a bad thing because of what it might do" Ah, this was classic Ronnie behaviour. When he wanted to spare someone's feelings, he would try to be tactful and clever about it. He didn't want to just blurt it out. He wanted to soften the blow.
"Ronnie, what the hell are you even going on about?" I laughed, trying my best to make the situation seem more light-hearted. I didn't like it when everyone was so uptight about something. "God, you're making me want another cigarette and I've been doing so well. If you have something to say, just spit it out before I start coming up with problems that are probably way worse than what you actually want to do."
"Oh trust me, this is probably the worst that you could come up with" He warned. My heart started to race and my anger began to rise. Was he really saying this to me? We'd been going out for a day and he had already presented us with a problem for our relationship. Why did things like this always happen to me?
"Okay, Ronnie, you're actually starting to scare me now" I whispered. "Just tell me"
"Fine, Escape the Fate is making it." He shouted. "We're about to go on tour around America and then it's going to get pretty busy after that. That means that I'm not going to be in Nevada and you are. We won't be able to see each other." It was only a matter of time before something like this happened. We were both destined to go different ways. The problem was that I had always thought that the garage band wouldn't make it this quickly. I had always thought that it would be Ronnie who was on the receiving end and now that the tables had been turned, I felt like utter shit. There was nothing I could really do to stop him. If he wanted to go, it was his choice and he had made it abundantly clear that the band was his main focus in life. The band was what mattered the most to him and I was just the icing on top of the cake. That's how I had always felt about him, but now I'm really realising how much that really hurts and how badly that's treating someone. The fact of the matter is, my Ronnie that I had known all of my life was rapidly slipping out of reach and there was nothing that I could do to bring him back to me.
Ah, I feel horrible. I always make my chapters depressing. Well, aside from that, I hope everyone enjoys this and please review! Oh, and there'll probably only be a few more chapters left of this story.