Why Scream, It's Over
Okay, so this is the second last chapter. I know, another short lived story. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this instalment and please review!
Lyrics: When there's enough love in that heart to burst like a fucking supernova
Chapter Six
"Please, say something" Ronnie pleaded, taking my hands in his. "Mon, I'm sorry" My anger took over at that point. How could he even say he was sorry with a straight face? There was no way he could be sorry. No way at all. He had known ever since he was a young teenager that he was going to be in a band and he knew that that meant getting out of Nevada. My anger soon diminished, remembering that I had the exact same intention as he did.
I had the dream of getting out of this godforsaken state. In the end, we had both led each other on and really we didn't care as much as we probably should. At the end of the day, the only thing that I really cared about was starting my own business and getting out of here. As bitchy as it sounds, it's true.
"I need a cigarette" I finally sighed, instinctively reaching into my pocket, forgetting that I had given up. My lifeline was gone. His hands gripped my wrists, squeezing harder than I would have liked.
"Don't you fucking dare" He hissed, probably growing tired of my melodramatic stunts and claims. "You're never going to smoke again, okay?"
"Fine, I won't smoke" I grumbled, not happy that I wouldn't have that sweet cancer stick between my lips. "You're lucky that I have such strong willpower" A malevolent of silence passed as Ronnie buried his head into his hands.
"I'm so sorry, Mon" He whispered, his voice cracking. My heart went out to him. Maybe he did care more than he should. Well, there's always one in a relationship who cares more than the other.
"Don't be sorry" I assured, my voice dripping with guilt for not loving him properly. "This is your dream. You need to go out and live it. There isn't a place for us in each other's lives" My words hurt even more. I didn't want to live a life without Ronnie, but if I had to, I would. Without question.
"Man, I never knew that doing this would be so hard" He muttered, pulling me down to lie next to him. His arms encircled my waist. "What about in the future?" He questioned. I bit my lip to stop myself from saying the bitter answer. I wanted to leave Nevada, my past…and everything in it. After minutes of silence had passed, I could feel Ronnie grow restless and agitated with my inability to answer his simple question. "I don't want to push, but what about us?"
"I don't know" I exclaimed. "Everything's still the same with me. I still need this break to sort out my life" I just had to try my best to ignore the hurt in his eyes. These things needed to be said.
"Can I ask you a questioned?" He asked. "When you look at me, what do you see? Am I just some guy or am I it? Am I the love of your life."
"How am I supposed to know that?" I asked, too scared to tell him that he could never be the love of my life.
"I do" He muttered. "Because that's what you are to me" More moments of silence passed and his eyes fell on a notepad that lay on my desk. "Jesus, you're still writing these stupid business ideas?" What was wrong with him today?
"If you didn't want me to-" I began, but only to be cut off.
"What was I supposed to say, Monica?" He asked. "If you love me, don't do it. Give up all your hopes and dreams" His smile soon turned bitter. "What? Does that not sound like the Ronnie you grew up with?"
"Look, I don't want to tell you what to do" I explained, praying this argument would be over soon. "If that's what you want to hear."
"Yeah, that's what I want to hear" He said sarcastically. "When I ask my girlfriend if she thinks we'll have a future together, that's exactly what I want to hear" It didn't seem as though there was anything that I could say that would make him feel any better right now. It took everything in me to stick this one out. I wanted to end on good terms.
"If you really don't blame me for having dreams, why can't we say goodbye on good terms. What more is there to say?" I rambled, my voice raising more with every word I spat at Ronnie. "I know why you're doing what you are."
"Then why are you pushing me away" He shouted, throwing my business planning to the floor.
"Because I wish it didn't have to be this way" I screamed. "Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I had never met you because nothing would be holding me back. What? Is that not the answer you were looking for because that's what you asked me."
"Maybe I should just leave" Ronnie threatened. "You've made it pretty clear that you don't want me" And my mom chose that moment of all times to walk in.
"What's going on here" She asked, her mouth set in a firm line. Well, she didn't want anyone hurting her little girl. Taking Jeremy in my arms, I glared hard at her and handed him to her.
"Mom, this is my business. Just leave it alone" I ordered. "And stop saddling me with Jeremy. He's not my kid" I didn't mean to be harsh to her, but she had to understand that I wasn't going to be here all the time for her to lean on.
"Look, I don't know what's going on here, but I think it would be best for you to just leave, Ronnie" She sighed, her arms crossing firmly over her chest, but I knew then that Ronnie had no intention of leaving and, to be honest, I didn't want him to.
"Would you please just go away, so we can talk about this properly" I shouted. Her eyes went wide at my sudden outburst. I'd said a lot of horrible things to her during my time on this planet, but I had never once raised my voice to her. She gave a brief nod and scurried away with Jeremy wrapped tightly in her arms and I couldn't help but feel a little bad for what I had done.
"What are we even doing?" Ronnie finally sighed once my bedroom door had been closed. To be honest, I'd been asking myself that question ever since the argument had started. Seeing him when he wasn't angry made me want to wrap my arms around him and tell him how much I love him and how much I was going to miss him, but I knew that this wasn't entirely over.
"I don't know" I whispered, welcoming his touch as he returned to the bed, pulling me ever closer to him, his breath making my hair flutter only slightly. It was such a bittersweet moment.
"What are we going to do?" He asked. My heart raced for a moment as I thought about what words to use to ensure that this didn't go straight back to square one. There was no way we would end on good terms if we went through that again.
"I don't really think there's much to do" I answered, fighting the urge to tell him that I'd give up everything to be with him. I knew it wasn't love, though. It was more of a friendship thing. If I left Ronnie, I would lose my other half. He was the one that loved me and it broke my heart to be unable to return those feelings. He really would believe all my lies if I just pretended that I loved him.
"So, this is it then?" He questioned. Hearing him say it made it all feel just that little bit realer. A few weeks ago, I would never have believed that I would be saying goodbye to Ronnie for good. "Are we just not going to see each other again?"
"I don't know, Ronnie" I answered, making sure that I didn't feed him anymore lies. I couldn't get his hopes up now. "It'll be great if we do, but I don't think we should promise each other anything. It just wouldn't be right or fair."
"Yeah, I suppose you're right" He agreed, still pulling me closer to him. It hit me then that I was going to be saying goodbye to everyone. Practically my only friends were the ones in that band. Who was going to pick me up after exams? Who was going to have small talk with me at lunch? Who was going to act up in class with me? And who was going to kiss me at night and hold me?
"When do you go?" I asked, hoping I would have long enough to say goodbye to everyone properly, although there wouldn't be enough time in the world to explain to them how much I loved them.
"There's a flight tomorrow, so we can start tour preparations and then record a few demos." He answered. "It's going to be hectic tomorrow. I should be at home packing, but I couldn't leave you without telling you how much I loved you."
"I'll come to the airport with you" I added, thinking it was only fitting. "You'll just have to be careful in case I deem it appropriate to jump on the plane with you." The joke was bad, but it had an element of truth hidden in it.
"That wouldn't be so bad" Ronnie laughed, his calloused fingers tracing the swirls on the palms of my hands. "Come with me." His offer sounded appealing. I wanted to go so badly. I couldn't face the thought of leaving those guys, but I knew it wouldn't be right. If I went with them, I would be putting myself in a world where I wasn't happy and I didn't want to live my life like that.
"I can't" I whispered before adding hastily to keep him happy, "I want to. I really do, but I have my own things that I need to get on with." The silence invaded them again, leading me to think that he had probably grown made again, but the way his hands still treated me with tender care made me think otherwise.
"I know you can't" He agreed. "It was still worth a try."
"So, you're leaving tomorrow?" I questioned, needing anything to fill the silence that left me feeling awkward. I didn't want my last few hours with Ronnie to be awkward. I wanted them to be like old times. It was my final dedication to him. "Are you going straight away?"
"The flights at ten in the morning, so I'll be leaving pretty early" He answered, sounding as though he hated that fact as much as I did. Sitting up, I pressed a kiss to his lips and chuckled at the way his hands immediately rested on my hips, bringing himself up to kiss with more force, but I wouldn't let him.
"Then we need to make this night count" And his lips found mine again.
Damn, I swear this is like the first story I've written where everything's all depressing. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter and just want to remind everyone reading this that the next chapter will indeed be the final one. Please leave a review and I'll try to be quicker with the next update. This one did take quite a while for which I apologise.