Musings of a Mother
Chapter 2
Deryn sighed as she knocked on the table of wood, in frustration. The year was 1925, 6 months after her pregnancy and Deryn had a dilemma. Alek's plan for the commercial airship with Clanker parts had been approved by the Society and by the Government. Deryn had begged to be officially assigned on the project, and surprisingly enough, her request was granted, on the condition that she quietly resigned from being the Captain-Lieutenant of the Belphegor.
That had been easy enough and working with Alek on a daily basis was like being back on the Leviathan again. However, what was now the trouble was that an important meeting between the Germans and the Society meant that Alek and Deryn needed to go overseas and they couldn't take a small child with them. Alek had tentatively suggested that Deryn might consider the possibility of staying at home. Deryn had snapped and told him that just because she was a girl, didn't mean she always had to be left behind and promptly suggested that he stay behind instead. He's managed to worm his way out of that one, protesting that he was the only one that could be spared and knew German, Austrian and Hungarian.
So now Deryn didn't know who could look after Lilia, because Deryn was not staying at home. Not in the seven blazing hells. She considered Dr Barlow for less than a moment before tossing it away. Dr Barlow could be so single-minded on her task, her daughter would starve and die before Dr Barlow would remember that she was supposed to be taking care of her. And anyway, even if Dr Barlow remembered her daughter, it would be to do something manipulative with her, like bullying the Royal Society into doing something, or dangling her daughter off of a roof to test a new fabrication.
The image made Deryn shudder and rethink where she could put her daughter. Not with Volger, that was for sure. However good at teaching he was, there was a large difference between teaching and parenting. Also, she still wasn't quite trusting of him. He always had an ulterior motive, even if Alek insisted that any ulterior motives were for his protection.
Jaspert had been a large possibility, especially since his wife Miranda had a son, Thomas who was three years older than Lilia. But she had quickly ruled him out as well, seeing as she had unfortunately discovered that all three were on a holiday to Cape Town, in Africa. Why they were going there with a young child, Deryn didn't know, but Miranda was a more trusting woman than Deryn was.
Deryn put her head in her hands. Her circle of people she trusted was tiny. Who could she trust to look after a child, someone who'd done it before and done it well .
The answer came to Deryn moments later and she smacked herself sharply, for not thinking about it before.
(X)
Mrs Camille Sharp sighed as Bertha, their new maid struggled with a hamper full of laundry. "Oh, come here!' she said suddenly, fed up of watching her. She rolled up her sleeves and lifted the piles of wet clothes up and out of the back door. She dumped on the ground and started lifting them up one by one and pinning them to the clothes line. The new maid scurried to help and soon between the experienced hands of the Matriarch and shaking, quickly nervous hands of the maid, the laundry was soon finished, in record time.
The maid waited for a few moments. "Well?" asked Camille. "Go! Don't you have work to do?"
The maid nodded before picking up her skirts and scampering into the kitchen, where the far more experienced housemaid Lavinia was cooking. She missed Martha, but everyone died eventually. Just like her husband. Everyone died.
Jillian Sharp pursed her lips as Camille made her way in. "Camille, have some dignity," she said, not stirring from where she sat with her embroidery work and tea. "Pull down those sleeves."
"Well, I'd like to see you do laundry with your sleeves all frilly and the like!" said Mary-Anne Sharp, the younger of the two sisters. Camille wasn't fond of either of the two; both were insufferable when it came to arguments. And they were never of any use. All they did all day was sit and embroider. She didn't know how her husband stood the two sister-in-laws, but he had, and let them stay at the Sharp estate. She knew that Artemis's brothers, Odysseus and Jonathon were both extraordinarily brave, so brave that Odysseus was dead saving a crewmate from an explosion, out in the Boer wars and that Jonathon was currently fighting in India.
Camille curled her lip, rolled down her sleeves and searched through the thin wardrobe for her spare jacket. She would have to do some more gardening today, with the old gardener ill. She rubbed her face. She did wish that the two old bats would get up and do some work for once, but if she expressed her emotions, she would be unladylike. There were times when she too wished she could up and leave the old house. Every corner was filled with memories of Artemis and Jaspert and Deryn.
She wondered sometimes, how Artemis was, up in heaven, with God almighty and Jesus Christ. It sounded childish, but she wondered whether on some days he looked down at his old bitter wife and laughed at her and told her to cheer up. As Camille walked out of the room, she smiled weakly. If Artemis were here, he would have subtly insulted the old hags before gathering her up in his arms and danced around her in a jig. But jigs wouldn't pull weeds out of the garden.
She wondered sometimes how her children were too. Jaspert visited every Christmas, with his wife and lovely child, but she hadn't seen Deryn since she'd gone away those long years ago. She'd heard news from Jaspert who seemed to see her quite often now that Deryn was more likely to be in London, but of course, he couldn't tell her much. Usually they were all too busy, occupied with too many things to have a real chat about her daughter's welfare.
The doorbell rung t that moment and Camille called for Bertha to go and open the door. However, there wasn't the usual scurried response. Camille frowned. The doorbell went off again. She listened carefully and there was a simmering sound and the sound of cursing. Kitchen disasters required concentrating to be left with something edible, but really? Did she have to do everything around here?
Camille opened the door, pulling open all the latches. She was prepared for the minister or some other familiar local face. Instead, she was greeted by a tall blonde woman.
'Ma?" exclaimed the figure in advertant shock and Camille realized, in an almost hazy state, that the blonde woman was her daughter Deryn. She didn't look a thing like Deryn had when Deryn had left her. The young woman in front of her had short cropped hair that barely reached the nape of her neck. Her daughter had owned trussed locks to mid-back. This young woman wore a military uniform, with tie, badge of honour and lapel pins and shiny buttons. Her Deryn wore scuffed dresses and Jaspert's old clothes. This young woman wasn't her daughter. Couldn't be her daughter.
"Deryn?" she asked, hoping for it to not be true.
The girl gave a relieved smile. "Ma." And Camille felt her lips purse, almost unaccording to her will. She felt like Jillian, but this wasn't her daughter! Christ Artemis, if you were listening? This woman wasn't the daughter she had raised. This woman was a wilful, prodigal child coming home. Camille had nothing to do with her upbringing. And somehow this made her smile. Because her daughter wasn't stagnating in some desolate part of Scotland. She was out in London, looking glamorous.
"Listen, Ma," the girl said, "I need your help." The girl didn't get any further, because in that moment, a young man with messy red hair came out of the horsesque carriage. He wore a clanker-like military jacket that matched his green eyes and wore breeches.
He looked desperate as he came up to Deryn. "Deryn," he said. "She's crying again! I don't know what to do." His voice was soft and yet harsh and ragged.
Deryn looked despair filled but at Camille's sharp gaze she quickly introduced him. "Mother, this is my husband, the former Serene Highness of Austria, Alek Hohenburg. Alek, this is my mother, Camille Sharp." The man looked confused at the title but accepted it anyway. Camille didn't feel anything but a sense of euphoria. Beat that, Fate! Her daughter had married after all! And to an ex-prince! Camille wondered about the ex, but kept quiet. Her daughter would reveal all soon enough.
It was then she realised how tired the couple looked. Deryn had red rimmed eyes and the man, Alek had large dark bags under his eyes. "Please Deryn, she won't be quiet." murmured Alek.
It was then that Camille noticed a faint sound of wailing. Deryn bit her lip. "Alek, bring her, would you?" Deryn then turned back to Camille as Alek raced down to the pavement where the carriage was parked.
Camille suspected something, but she daren't hope... "Mam, I really need your help. I can't look after her...and well..."
The boy raced back up the stairs, this time with a little baby cradled in his hands. She had tufts of the boy's red hair yet when Alek handed the little baby to Deryn, Camille saw the bright blue eyes of Deryn, Jaspert and Artemis. The child also had a healthy set of lungs on her. She hadn't stopped crying at all and her face were bright red with this exertion.
Alek looked at Camille despairingly. "She''s fed, clothed, changed...I don't' know why she persists!" Camille merely held out her hands in response and Deryn reluctantly handed over the child to Camille. Camille instantly gripped the baby's arms down and used the finger of her other hand and placed it to the child's lips. The child was quiet. Camille stroked the child's head quietly, humming a song under her breath that she often sung to Jaspert whenever he was restless. The child dropped off the sleep near effortlessly.
Camille looked up to look at a dumbfounded Alek and a Deryn in silent tears of frustration. Alek put his arm around Deryn after he moved out of his shock. "She's been crying the whole way to Scotland, Mrs Sharp. I think you must have magic hands."
"Or we're rubbish parents." said Deryn, her voice shaking with the tears effect. Talking set off her daughter again into a new set of tears.
Camille glared sternly at her daughter. 'Don't you say that Deryn, you're inexperienced parents. Now, how about you come inside, eh?"
(X)
Deryn felt ashamed for the outburst of tears, but Alek said she was overdue it all. She had hid her emotions and feelings about the whole sodden mess through the pregnancy to ensure the treaty and alliance would pass through successfully. She hid it through the baby's first few months to make sure that Alek's collaboration ship idea would pass through without too much ado. She deserved to break down, but Deryn still felt ashamed.
Her mother had led the two of them into her house, after Alek had informed the carriage man that they were staying for the night. Mother had led them into the old living room which was achingly familiar. The same old fabricated furniture was here, albeit, a little shabbier now. The wallpaper was just a beautifully rich in patterns, if a little faded. The only thing that had really changed was her mother.
Even though, at the moment, Ma Sharp was glowed as she held Lilia; Deryn had seen the bone-tired weariness that had fallen over her Ma, when Camille Sharp had first answered the doorbell.
"So, the treaty with the Germans requires Lilia to be left here, but frankly, there is no one else we could trust with a child, apart from you, Mrs Sharp." Deryn could hear Alek finishing their tale of love, drama and adventure, but Deryn's eyes couldn't leave her ma's.
""No one?" asked Ma, looking Deryn in the eyes.
Deryn didn't want to speak though. The lump in her throat was too large, but from a strict glare, originating from her Mother, it vanished. "No Mam, no one who could be trusted to look after a child in any case. We have many a good friend, but they are a little careless and/or not suited for children care."
Her ma looked smug and Deryn almost expected a lecture on how she should have stayed with Ma Sharp here in Scotland, all those years ago. But it never came. "Alright Deryn. I'll look after Lilia, for a price."
Alek looked relieved. "How much money, Mrs Sharp? I'll see that my office in London sends it to you..."
Ma waved Alek away and he stopped mid-phrase looking confused. "Not money, me lad. I want you to visit me. At Christmases! You have no idea how lonely it is here in Scotland, with only the maids ands the two hags for company!"
Deryn suppressed a laugh, all of the main Sharp family hated Aunt Jillian and Aunt Mary-Anne. They were all so grumpy and so useless, it was laughable. But her mother was stuck with them. Deryn felt guilty, she hadn't really thought about her mother at all these past 10 years. It had all been about adventure and Jaspert, and flying and Alek and war and Lilit and Alek. Never a time for the past.
"Of course Ma," said Deryn, feeling herself choke up again. Her poor ma, so lonely here, stuck in this old house, filled with memories of her Da. "Ma?" she asked.
Her Ma looked at Deryn with a smile. "Yes, Deryn dear?"
"Why don't you move house?" asked Deryn.
Her ma looked confused. "Deryn?"
"Move house. Leave Scotland. Come to London! Or to Wales! Even Ireland, if you really want. Why stay here, this old house? This old place? Where Da's ghost lurks in corners? Why stay here?"
Alek looked a little awkward, so she leant on his shoulder as she watched her Ma's face twist into something old and pained. "Well Deryn," said her ma, after a while of silence. "I think it's because I have nowhere else to go. I don't know the first thing about buying another house, nor do I know how to manage to money well enough to pay mortgage. You young 'uns have it all so easy, the whole world spread out in front of you, yours to savour, yours to take. You have all the talents and the youth and the optimism to make it all work, despite the false starts. When you get older Deryn, you don't have that talent anymore. It all falls to pieces, no one wants to trade with you. No one wants to remarry you. And maybe I want to torture myself Deryn. This house is filed with your Da. With Artemis. I suppose I think that if I stay here, maybe one day he'll come back to me. Either way, its just easier Deryn. It's easier, but sadder to stagnate."
Deryn merely looked at her mother; Mother had never been this honest with her about anything. Her mother had always been like a clam, unwilling to let her emotions show. Now she was letting it all free. Deryn wondered whether her presence had instigated it. "And Deryn," her mother added, "I may have resented it when you left, but it's best that you did leave this house. Or you would have been stuck in this endless cycle of self-hatred and sluggishness. You Sharps were never meant for that. Go live your life, Deryn. I'll stay her and your daughter will too. And when you're ready, she'll be waiting for you to take her home. She won't love her Grandma Sharp; she probably won't even appreciate her, but she'll stay here and she'll obey."
Deryn felt tears ripple off her nose and she knew that Alek was crying too. Her mother was so frail and so very very old as she said those few words. "Ma..."
Her mother straightened and whatever urge had come over Camille Sharp that had divulged Deryn with all of her Mother's inner workings disappeared, replaced with a fake, cheery bright smile. "Now Deryn. To discuss sleeping arrangements! How long will you be staying?"
Deryn let Alek answer as she subtly wiped off the tears from her face. Her Mother wanted her to move on, so she would. She wouldn't forget her mother again though. Not on her life. Now she looked at it, Deryn Sharp admired her Mother so much more for clinging on and staying straight-backed when her after died. Deryn hadn't spoken for a month and had hidden in her room. Her mother had stayed tall, presented and hosted parties, all while her heart broke. Deryn felt that her mother deserved a medal for remaining, but it was a medal that wasn't forthcoming.
That night, as she and Alek cuddled in bed, to have a blissfully quiet night's sleep, Alek told her that he wondered whether his parents would have been as strong as Deryn's mother had been, if they had been faced with the situation Deryn's mother had been. Deryn was hard-pressed to say whether it was true or not, having never met either of the people in question, but Alek admitted that he doubted it. Both of his parents lived lives of luxury. They wouldn't really have coped with the fortitude that Camille Sharp had. And amidst her despair and her sleepless stupor, Deryn felt a distinct sense of pride.
AN: Umm...depressing? Yes. Not exactly what I had intended. Wow. Camille Sharp is a lot more deep and layer-filled than I had planned. Will the next chapter be funny? After this angst-fest? You betcha! Thanks for the reviews! I really appreciated them!