Musings of a Mother

by Arysthae

Being the mother of a precocious child can be difficult. Deryn experiences all the woes and delights of having a child and a job at the same time in a society which doesn't understand. Luckily, Alek, Jaspert, Ma Sharp, Volger and Dr. Barlow are along for the ride, as well. Rated T, just in case. Chapters/Drabbles.

3. Chapter 3

Musing of a Mother

Chapter 3 - First Times for Everything

AN: Thanks for all of the brilliant feedback everybody! I'll try to cut out modernisms, I promise!

EDIT: This chapter came under a bit of criticism because it isn't very realistic. So here are some edits to the lower half of the chapter. Lots of thanks must go to Julia456 for all her brilliant help with the edits! I am awful at portraying younger children, so all the credit for Lilia must go to her.

Deryn grinned as Alek pulled her around the room in an ecstatic dance. At 10 months, Lilia was clapping along in the corner and babbling as she did so. She kissed him and he kissed back ferociously as they drew to a halt in the middle of the room.

"It's started, it's started, it's started!" chanted Alek happily and she laughed as they both collapsed onto the sofa.

"The fabrication is being incubated at the moment in Wales." said Deryn, as she straightened her cardigan over her shoulder. "Dr. Barlow said that she'd travel over there especially to make sure it goes well. They have two or three eggs, just in case one dies."

Alek grinned back at her as he drew his hand through his ruffled hair. "The Germans' first shipment of engine parts is coming in a fortnight! We have a bunch of French, German and Indian engineers making their way over too."

"Indian?" asked Deryn, feeling impressed. This was an Empire operation, then. "Can you speak Indian?"

"It's Hindi, the language," said Alek as he slouched into the sofa, "And no, I can't. However, they speak English, which ought to make things easier."

Deryn smiled. Alek's dream seemed to be coming true, finally. "Also, they've dispatched a new set of flechette bats for our ship. I get the pleasure of training them to work properly! Not alone, of course, but the government want me to oversee the military training of the bats, as they put it 'to make sure the bats will do something useful'."

At this, Alek frowned. "Flechette bats? We aren't an army vehicle. It's supposed to be a commercial ship. Why would we want weapons?"

Deryn sighed. "What if someone attacks us, Alek? It's a safety precaution. We won't have all of the trained animals that a standard military ship has, but we have to have some kind of weaponry onboard."

He bit his lip, but conceded unhappily. Lilia gurgled again and clapped her hands. Deryn swore as she remembered something.

Alek looked disapproving. "What is it Deryn?"

Deryn felt frustrated. 'Tomorrow, the sitter can't come! Some emergency at home! One of us'll have to take Lilia to work."

Alek sighed. "I would, but tomorrow, the French men arrive at port and I need to take them with me up to their accommodations then to the lower town to buy their equipment."

Deryn winced, the lower half of London wasn't great in its reputation and she was not sending her year old girl down there with a bunch of French engineers. "No, I'll take her, its fine. All I'm doing tomorrow is report making, nothing too difficult. Nothing that will divert my attention too much." said Deryn as she stood up to pick up the babbling child. She wondered what the child talked about sometimes, but as long as she was happy, Deryn wasn't going to stop her.

(X)

Deryn scowled as she stared at the third copy of the same report about inventory stocks. She was sure that her handwriting was deteriorating but she couldn't quite tell. Was it sloping, was it not?

"Something bothering you, Miss Sharp?" came a Clanker accented voice. Deryn turned to glare at Volger who was in the doorway.

"Absolutely nothing, my dear wildcount, I'm just fine!" said Deryn, forcing a smile upon her face. Alek may be fond of the sly man, but Deryn wasn't. In fact, Deryn did feel slightly annoyed at how much she owed him, the infuriating man.

Volger merely smirked in response. "May I ask why the child is attempting to climb the bookcase?" Deryn gasped and turned towards the bookcase. Lilia was pulling books of the shelf willy-nilly and dodging them by a fraction. Deryn burst out of her seat and grabbed the girl out of the danger, getting a heavy book on the head for her troubles. Deryn stopped to breathe for a moment, barking spiders, that had been a close shave!

"I think you need some help. Allow me," said the Count, holding out his arms. Deryn ignored him a little. "She's a very pretty child," he prompted and with a sigh, Deryn relinquished the baby to him.

He held her pensively. "I have looked after three generations of Hohenburgs. Isn't that strange to you, Miss Sharp?" Without stopping to let Deryn answer, he asked another question. "What is the child's name?"

Deryn blinked. "Lilia." She answered rather bemusedly. She was about to say something more when Volger waved impatiently at her and looked at the child in the eyes. Deryn felt skeptical but leant back in her chair.

"Child," he started and Deryn frowned. She had just told him her baby's name for a reason. "My name is Volger. Count Volger. What, is yours?" he said, sharply, his accent barely noticeable. When she gurgled, he tapped her cheek with two of his fingers. "Focus! What is your name?"

And to Deryn's surprise, around a yawn, Lilia answered, "Li'ya!" Deryn felt her heart stop. Didn't children only start talking past a year? She was sure they only started talking past a year. Her child could talk this early?

"Good," said Volger, smirking. He then pointed at Deryn. "Who is that, Lilia?"

"De'n!" said Lilia happily. Deryn felt her eyebrows raise. That was impressive, though she would have to start asking Lilia to call her Mummy or Mam.

As Alek walked past the doorway, Volger asked Lilia, a little louder thanbefore,"'What is his name?"

And she replied, "Ayek!" to her husband's shock. He seemed to freeze, walk backwards and stick his head around the door.

'What?' he mouthed at Deryn and Deryn shrugged, feeling that she would be unable to form words. All she did was point at Volger and her child (who seem to be very advanced for a premature baby of eight months) and shake her head.

Alek merely looked surprised and continued walking. Deryn sighed; had they become so united over the fact that everyone seemed to be able to deal with their baby better than they could?

Volger smirked at Deryn. "How about that? Your daughter is cleverer than I thought. How old is she?"

"Eight months," said Deryn proudly and he looked rather surprised at this. "I presumed that she was older. Very impressive, Miss Sharp. I don't know where she inherits the brains. It certainly isn't from Alek and it's doubtful that they come from you."

Deryn gritted her teeth; bad enough that he seemed to be better at teaching her amazing, brilliant child than she was; now he was outrightly insulting her! Suddenly an idea popped up into Deryn's head. It would ensure that she wouldn't get an iota of the day's work done, but that was what the sleepless nights were for. "How about you improve her talents Volger? You'll try your luck and I'll try my luck! See what kind of things we can teach her, eh?"

A voice in the back of her head told her that she was being ridiculous and that she was certain to lose, but Deryn mused that, even if she lost, the only thing that would be injured would be her pride. Not to mention, during the course of this, her daughter would learn some important skills really quite early. Deryn had no doubt that she would use it as bragging rights later to Jaspert in particular. She could almost imagine his disgruntled frown when he discovered that Lilia was doing things before his three year old son, Thomas.

Volger laughed. "If you're sure, Miss Sharp. Ready when you are then."

(X)

By the end of the day, Volger seemed to have made significant progress with her. She seemed to be able to recognise and name most of the items in the room (with a little bit of prompting) and she seemed to be able to scribble things on a page. It wasn't very recognisable as anything in particular, but Deryn was proud of the scribbled covered page. Deryn, to her credit, had managed to get Lilia to repeat her numbers from 1-10, which Lilia promptly forgot, to Deryn's dismay and Volger's amusement.

Volger had very obviously won this competition, but Deryn had stopped caring about her pride and long time before and had been cheering every time Lilia seemed close to doing something new.

Volger seemed to smile as he lifted Lilia up into his arms. "The real test, Miss Sharp," he said, as she poked his beard, "Is if she remembers how to do any of this tomorrow." Deryn suppressed a smile. That was probably unlikely, but it was nice to hope.

"How is it possible..." asked Deryn, as she picked up her pen again, to commence the writing of her report.

"...that she can learn this much?" asked Volger and Deryn nodded. "A child's mind is like a sponge. Their capabilities are endless before they are fully matured. They say, if you learn something as a child, you will never forget it. In comparison, if you learn something as an adult, you will always forget it."

Deryn frowned, this seemed a little pessimistic for adults, but she didn't doubt that children were quicker at learning. She had experienced it herself; learning English as a child had been easy. Learning Clanker talk as a teen had been fairly easy. Learning Latin as an adult? Near impossible. Alek kept trying to drill the pronouns and verbs into her head, but they barely stuck. He insisted that the language was a necessity for science; even if half the boffins didn't seem to know it, but Deryn had trouble with all of the 'icus' and 'ious' and the pronouns for I and He and She.

"Fine," shrugged Deryn and resumed her writing. She could hear the delighted gurgles of Lilia as she babbled numbers and words at Volger as he tried to teach her how to form some simple sentences.

She smiled as she heard cries of "Mam is veery loris!" and other such strange sentences, that didn't really make sense, but who was Deryn to judge. She still felt slightly incompetent as a new parent, but she would like to see Volger manage to sate Lilia at night when she wanted feeding.

As the day drew to a close, a thought occurred to Deryn "What are you doing here anyway, Volger? What happened to politics? I thought you would be doing something important at parliament?"

He looked at her, a tiny concealed sadness in his face. "I resigned." He said simply.

Deryn scowled, that wasn't good enough. "But you loved politics! Alek said you lived your life for politics and information—"

"And what good has it done for me, Deryn?" With a dull disbelief, Deryn realised it was the first time she had been addressed by her first name. "What have I gained from it? I know so much, yet no one will listen. I can tell you the politics and families and money and inventory of every Austrian family there is, but no one cares. I am old. I have served three generations of Hohenburgs. I have taught and I have manipulated and now I have next to nothing. It was time I slowed down."

Deryn merely watched him. It wasn't a strange motive, everyone needed to slow down and relax sometime in their lives, but it was hard to believe from Volger. "What will you do now?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know," he said, "Go where the wind takes me, I suppose. I have enough money to buy a nice estate in the country. In fact, I already have one picked and the transaction is being processed through. I might hunt or fence or do things as aristocracy in Austria does them."

Deryn frowned. "Aye, but it all seems a little dull to me. Sitting there doing nothing, day in, day out. And there would be no one to talk to."

Volger threw her a look. "What do you mean?"

Deryn put down her pen again and leant forward on her table. "You don't have any family here. You don't have a wife. Really, I can't think of someone you can call a friend apart from Alek and maybe Dr. Barlow. It just seems a little desolate to me, that's all. I know I couldn't stand it if I were in your position."

Volger smirked at her. "So what do you suggest I do, Miss Sharp?" he asked, delicately and Deryn knew that he had, probably, guessed her purpose.

"Help me look after Lilia. Teach her like you taught Alek. This commercial airship business leaves me busy and while I'll always have time for her as a person, neither Alek or I will have time to teach her what she needs to know. Neither do we have the knowledge that you do. Be her tutor. Teach her what she wants to know or what you think she needs to know. Fencing, Maths, History, Music, Languages, Politics if you really want to! You'll never be lonely with a child around at the day time and it will slow you down." Deryn spun her point round and round, adding bits and pieces through it.

Really, she couldn't stand Volger, but she would be a fool if she ignored just how much knowledge he had under his disposal. And Alek trusted him, so maybe it was time she did. And he was quite pitiful under it all. Without his work, she found it difficult to give him personality that wasn't sarcastic, and that was a shame indeed. By the increasing smirk on his face, she knew that he understood that she was manipulating him. But he knew the merits...maybe he would accept her offer?

"This is a scheme to not have to a pay a tutor, isn't it?" asked Volger and Deryn laughed. That hadn't occurred to her at all, but now Volger mentioned it, it was a pretty brilliant perk.

Deryn smiled. "You said that you've taught or helped three generations of Hohenburgs. Why not make it a fourth?"

Volger shook his head. "I'm a fool for even considering this, but yes. Why not?"

(X)

Deryn sighed as she looked over the inventory list again, really, they needed more bees and birds to provide the hydrogen the ship would need. But the clerks were being hesitant about handing them over to early 'in case the ship doesn't reach the penultimate stages on planning'. She groaned and threw the papers at the table.

"No need to bother yourself too much about them, Deryn," said Alek as he peered over her shoulder. "It's my ship, not yours. You don't have to tire yourself out for me."

"It's our ship, dummkopf!" said Deryn, "Don't you dare take all the credit! I've done just as much as you, and I've every right to be worried about it as you do! Don't be such a self-sacrificing git!" she finished, turning on him, brandishing her finger.

He backed away, hands held in the air, looking alarmed. "Alright Deryn! No need to explode! I just don't want you wearing yourself to the ground! Work isn't everything!"

"It is for Volger," muttered Deryn, rolling her eyes.

Alek sat himself down next to her. "On the subject of Volger, what's this I hear about him tutoring Lilia? I thought you didn't like him?"

Deryn rolled her eyes. "Aye, of course I don't like him! God knows how many times he's tried to blackmail me! But I'd be a right proper fool if I didn't acknowledge that he's the best. He's clever and he's a damn sight better at teaching my daughter than I am!"

Alek looked annoyed. "I know! I know! Everyone's better at looking after Lilia than we are!" He slumped unto the table's surface.

Deryn looked despaired. 'The thing I want to know Alek, is why. Are we that hopeless at looking after a child?"

Alek shrugged. "I can't be certain, but I have a theory."

Deryn turned to look at him. "Aye then, have at it. Why is everyone better than us at looking after Lilia?"

"It's because everyone we know and trusts that are in London are all older than us or more experienced. Dr. Barlow's already had children, Jaspert has already been through it with Thomas, Your ma has definitely got experience and Volger has tons of experience looking after the Hohenburg family. Namely, me."

Deryn looked up to protest that it wasn't true but paused. He was right after all. Everyone they trusted were older than them. The only two that were Alek and Deryn's age were Lilit and Newkirk and they were worlds away doing, who knew what! "We're hopeless Alek. How do we not have proper friends our age?"

Alek cracked a smile. "It's not exactly like either of us had conventional upbringings!" he said, "I was training to be a prince; there weren't many people I could be friends with and you were an airman in the making! Jaspert's always going on about you always used to study."

Deryn smirked; Jaspert had always been a little sour that his baby sister was better at airmanship than he was. "I suppose we're just a little barmy."

Alek put his arm around her shoulders. "In any case, it's not like we don't need the help. I think we should just accept it all. She our daughter, and I want her to be looked after. "

Deryn nodded. "I don't know Alek. I do want that satisfaction of being able to look after her, though. I can't see myself just sitting there and letting Volger do all the work. Maybe we should just wait. They were all inexperienced, once upon a time. We'll gain the knack soon. And we're getting there! It's better than it was the first few months!"

Alek looked unsure for a moment. "It's not the best environment for a child to grow up in, is it? Our house? A place where she gets more attention from her tutors and her grandmother than she does from us?"

Deryn frowned. "She won't be short on love, though. She must know that you and I love her with all of our hearts! The airship is important as well! And we have her in the evenings. Granted, it's not much, but as she grows up, she'll be easier to look after and she'll understand more that we have so much to do. And as long as she knows that we love her, it should be okay. You turned out all right, didn't you?"

Alek smiled. 'That I did, Deryn. That I did." He kissed her and the papers were abandoned for the rest of that night.

(X)

The first time that Lilia decided that she would walk was a funny experience. It was a month after Volger had decided to teach her and Volger had stiffly informed her that while Lilia was quickly picking up things like talking and counting, she seemed to be stubborn about walking. Volger said that while she had occasionally staggered to her feet and toppled over, never once had she even attempted to move from her position. Volger said that he had tried to tempt her into moving and even threaten her into moving (Deryn had been considerably angry about that one) but nothing had worked. Deryn being Deryn decided to take that as a challenge. So far, all she and Alek were doing for the airship, was waiting; waiting on people and parts, so Deryn decided she'd take the day off.

Lilia was in her crib that morning, just after Deryn had fed her. At 11 months, she was slightly chubby and a babbler. She just didn't stop talking, either some weird cooing sounds, the odd word or two, or as it mainly consisted of; numbers.

"Nine, Free, Fifty-Eigh', Seventy One, Then, Thwelve, Fish!" she gabbled as Deryn picked her up and cuddled her. Lilia laughed and poked Deryn's face. Deryn screwed up her nose and scruffled-up Lilia's small tufts of red hair, before placing her on the floor. She sat there and looked expectant. Deryn couldn't think what her daughter mitgh want to be persuaded to try and move, so she tried item number one.

Deryn held the large teddy bear that Jaspert had bought for Lilia, around a metre away and said. "Come and get it." She was sure a lot of parents resorted to crude cooing and baby talk, as was demonstrated by many who stopped to comment on how pretty Lilia was, but Deryn didn't really see the point, especially considering her daughter seemed to understand what was being told to her. Her daughter merely stared back at her in surprise.

"Concentrate Lilia! Come and get it!" Her daughter ignored her in favour of sucking her thumb and poking her toes. Obviously the teddy bear was not nearly interesting enough. Scratch that. Item 2 it was then.

Deryn retrieved the colourful book that Volger informed her, was one of her daughter's favourites. Maybe this would persuade her daughter to shift from her place. "Lilia! Here's your book! Don't you want to walk and get it!"

Her daughter this time pulled a face and blew a raspberry. Deryn's eyebrows rose, where had she learned that? "That's not nice, Lilia. Say sorry, at once." said Deryn brusquely.

Her daughter looked confused, bowed her head and said "So'y," with her eyes getting large and looking at Deryn imploringly. Now Deryn knew that wasn't an accident or something natural. Volger was the only explanation.

"Properly, Lilia." She said.

"Sorry." She spat, in a perfect imitation of Deryn's accent before resuming to suck her thumb.

Deryn sighed. Her daughter's attitude had problems. Deryn was sure she'd only been this petulant at seven or eight, not at 11 months. Brilliant, her daughter was becoming a teenager early. A little too early for Deryn's liking.

"What do you like then, Lilia? Huh?" Deryn asked, plopping herself down next to her daughter.

Her daughter leant on her and snuggled into her side. Deryn ruffled her daughter's hair again, before grabbing her sketchbook from the table next to her. She had been sketching the Clanker parts that had come into the house, previously. A whole shipment had just been dumped at their townhouse, much to the despair of Alek who was still trying to get someone to transfer them down, to where the engine was actually being built. With her pencil, she grabbed a spare gear that she had stolen from the shipment. After all, who would miss one gear, when there were several thousands like it amongst the many things that had been delivered?

Deryn focused her energy down the pencil and started shading the gear, seeing how the light played on it and how it created that smooth shiny edge. The twitching at her side stopped and Deryn looked her daughter who seemed entranced by the gear. The girl snatched at it but Deryn smirked and pulled it out the girl's grasp.

She then walked around a metre away and said "If you want it, come and get it."

Her daughter stared at Deryn cantankerously before crawling over. But Deryn merely moved backwards again. Her daughter threw her a look of clear dislike before she wobbled to her feet and started waddling over, tripping over her feet every now and then. Deryn didn't move to help her, instead stood exactly where she was until her daughter's pudgy hand grabbed at the gear and Deryn did nothing to impede her progress. Lilia, to Deryn's surprise didn't immediately start sucking the gear like assumed. Instead, Lilia just looked at it before hugging it, to Deryn's bemusement.

"Well done, Lilia!" Deryn said with a wide grin, picking her daughter up and holding her close. "Aye, I do believe Volger was wrong. Looks like all you needed was a little incentive!"

Her daughter giggled. "C'anker Voger! Pwetty wheel! Fish!" Deryn laughed and pulled her daughter up again. Maybe Lilia could be persuaded to repeat her little success.

Alek and Volger had been surprised when Deryn had smugly told them that she had managed to get their daughter walking. Neither of them questioned it but Alek laughed and Volger looked interested in the story. Instead, Deryn tapped a finger to her nose. She was going to keep some of her Lilia handling secrets to herself.

AN: Thanks for all of the favourites and alerts! I'm so glad that I got such enthusiastic feedback! Please do continue to review, I love constructive criticism! Okay, because I got some anonymous reviews, here are all the replies below:

SassySplash: Thank you for your review! I didn't really intend for Camille to come out like Deryn, but that's your interpretation of it! I know that I couldn't quite bring myself to make her unsympathetic like she was portrayed by Deryn in the books. And could you tell where-abouts the commas are missing?

BarkingLizards: I was actually unaware supervised abortion came out that early. I was under the impression it was fully developed to be as safe as it is today, in the 1950s, around the time of Thalidomide (even though Thalidomide was a disaster). I knew it had been around since the Chinese dynasties in the 11th and 12th centuries and later after that, but I was pretty sure it was never really safe until the 50s. I might just leave it like it is and say that Dr. Barlow is slightly behind the times considering abortions, seeing as she's already had her children and doesn't plan on having any more. Also , Margaret was in America, and while I'm sure that in the world of Leviathan, the world seems a much smaller place, it would still be difficult for the daily goings on to be passed around.

Thanks for reviewing however, I'm glad you enjoyed it!