"Bartimaeus?..."

"Well yeah!" Ptolemy-Bartimaeus said, "Didn't you read the letter?"

Nat shook his head absently.

"Obviously" muttered Barty rolling his eyes.

There was an awkward silence until Nat asked, "So...Where's everyone else?"

"They'll be here in 20 minutes. You came early. Even early than the host as it seems." Barty answered.

Either Nat had noticed the amount of chairs on the stage and asked where the peeps that were to fill them were. OR he was just asking the first question that came to his head to break the silence.

"So, Bartimaeus. What's your favorite dairy product?"

There's your answer. But Barty decided to go along with it. Kinda. "Why do you care?" he snapped.

Nat sniffled. "I just wanted to now..." he said with a quiet sob.

The demon-i mean djinni-rolled his eyes at the same person for the second time in 2 minutes. That's a record. Again with the crying, he thought. Why can't he just accept that he's an idiot? Well now he'd have to accept it. "Hey, Natty Boy!"

Nathaniel looked up hopefully.

"You're an idiot whether you accept it or not!"

Natty Boy obviously didn't accept this. Guess what he did now. He started crying...AGAIN!

Bartimaeus disappeared backstage to escape being drowned in tears.

He was about to settle onto a nice comfy couch when 2 random girls materialized in front of him. One of them was holding a doughnut for reasons unknown. "Whoa!" the djinni exclaimed as he fell off the couch. "Who are you people?"

"We're the authors"(yeah…me and my friend are writing this together!) said one of them to a very confused Bartimaeus.

"Here" said the other handing him the doughnut that just happened to have a lemon crème filling.

"What's this for?" asked Barty suspiciously.

"You'll find out" they said. Then they started laughing maniacally and disappeared.

The djinni looked around for a moment, shrugged, and lifted the doughnut to his mouth. But he stopped half way up as he thought of something better to do with it.

Nat was still crying when the other guests came.

They included: Rupert Devereaux (he just stared at Nat and walked away), Jessica Whitwell (She made Nat cry even harder(if that was possible) with her death glare), Sholto Pinn (death glare as well), Kitty Jones ("But I thought you were dead!"), some random hobo (made Nat cry at his "lack of fashion sense"), and Jane Farrar (she made Nat stop crying(YAY) but then he started to drool(thats just great))

Jane tried to stay as far away from Nathaniel as possible. Although so did everyone else.

Except Bartimaeus. For some reason, he was tryingsuccessfully to make Natty Boy feel guilty about things that never even happened.

Now the hobonamed Bob was just innocently enjoying the free food provided for the guests backstage. No one was really sure why he was here. Not even the host.

Anyway! all of the guests got on stage.

"Is everyone here?" Barty asked not bothering to take role.

They nodded.

"Good. Now everybody sit down."

Naturally they all got into a huge fight ending with Nathaniel on the bottom of a pile of people.

The host rolled his eyes, lined everyone up, and sat them down where he wanted them.

Suddenly he heard a high voice from behind him. "B-b-but I w-wanted to sit n-next to Jaaane!" it whined.

"Damn it Nath-I MEAN JOHN!- why can't you just sit there?"

"Cuz Jane's prettyful..." he said dreamily staring into space.

"JUST SIT THERE!" Barty screamed.

Natty Boy started to sniffle and make puppy dog eyes.

The de-djinni-knew what as coming next. So he moved everyone down a seat. "There ya go ya little brat." he said.

"Tank woo!" Nat said in a baby voice as he stared at Jane.

Barty gave her a sympathetic look before tuning and walking towards his chair on the opposite side of the stage.

The audience settled in their very uncomfortable chairs with groans and moans, someone screaming, "Dude, what's your beef giving us seats like this?" and someone elseobviously an Australian screaming, "WTF mate?"

Anyway..."Everybody ready?" Bartimaeus asked.

Worried nods.

"Everybody nervous?"

More worried nods.

"OH WELL!"

The cameras started filming, the applause sign lit up, and everyone on stage smiled.

"Good evening everyone! Welcome to Talk Show with Bartimaeus! More entertaining than Good Morning America for various reasons..." His voice trailed off. "So! I'm your host Bartimaeus! I'm sure you've all heard of me and my many many many many many many brave deeds," he continued striking a pose. "And here are my less important guests: Nath-I mean- John Mandrake, Jane Farrar, Jessica Whitwell, Sholto Pinn, Rupert Devereaux, Kitty Jones, and…um…some hobo off the street!"

One by one they waved to the cameras as their name was called. Except Nat. He and his stupid self had been waving since the start.

"First, we will be talking with John," announced the host. "So John…You summoned me a few days ago but lost control of me. Tell the nice people why that is." Obviously the djinni had been trying to humiliate the boy on TV. This was unsuccessful.

"I know what you're trying to do!" Nat accused.

Barty tried his best to look confused and surprised. "What am I trying to do?"

"You're trying to get me to tell everyone my favorite song!"

"Um…Sure John…You got me!" said Bartimaeus looking defeated.

"Well I'm not going to!" said Nathaniel defensively crossing his arms.

"OK...Anyway! On to our next topic!"

A buzzer sounded.

"Oh! Time for commercials! Today's show was brought to you by...PTOLEMY!"

Posters of the young Egyptian boy fluttered down from the ceiling.

"YAY!" cried Bartimaeus. "We'll see you after the break!"

WOOT! Do ya like the story so far? I hope you do! REVIEW! PLEEEEASE? And if you choose to flame...MAY THE NUKE FILLED ACORNS BE CHUCKED AT YOU BY SQUIRRELS!