Talk Show with Bartimaeus

Chapter 6: More Incidents!?

Disclaimers: I don't own the Bartimaeus Trilogy or the fanfics/books that I get a lot of quotes from.

Voice from the heavens:...

Hey, are you awake?

Voice from the heavens:...

I guess not. (sneaks to phone)(calls random person)

...Yeah, that's right...Call everyone you know...The authors house...Yeah! Voice from the heavens is sleeping...I know! It's a miracle isn't it! See you here!

(peeps come)

PARTY! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

"And we're back!" announced Bartimaeus.

The audience was getting bored and no longer applauded...It had to be "digitally enhanced". HA! That "digitally enhanced" applause sounded more like a dying seal hacking up a hairball...

"Hey! I thought I said no pets aloud!" yelled Bartimaeus in the direction of the sound booth. "Especially not seals..." he cocked his ear in towards the sound. "Dying ones! Who have hairball problems!"

"Sorry, sir!" a weak voice came out of the speakers. "We really need to work on that...So...uh...no...wait!...DON'T KILL ME! AAAAAAH!" Someone else could be heard in the background.

Right then the camera went from the speakers to the stage where there was no sign of Barty and the guests were staring at the sound booth.

The camera zoomed in on the sound booth's window.

"Something" was going on in there...SUSPICIOUSSS!

Bartimaeus had the teen in charge cornered. He was armed with a... (DUN DUN DUN!) fork! The teen was defenseless...but who cares!

They disappeared behind the wall. About three seconds later, Bartimaeus was controlling the soundboard. Applause that DIDN'T sound like a dying seal hacking up a hairball filled the studio.

"Alright," Bartimaeus's voice emanated from the speakers. "For now, I will be the host from up here! WOOT! Now I don't have to be around them..." he added mostly to himself.

"Hey!" exclaimed Pinn. "I just thought of another "incident". If we're still on that subject."

"'Course we are!" answered Barty. "Continue."

"Sure..." Pinn suddenly became all dramatic and such. "I remember it like it was yesterday..."

FLASHBACK!!!

Nathaniel was standing in Pinn's house in a pentacle, eating a lollipop. He was in the process of summoning Bartimaeus.

"What is it this time?!" He seemed to have guessed who had summoned him and didn't bother to make himself look scary.

"Um...Well...SHOLTO!!! WHAT DID YOU WANT AGAIN?!" Nat shouted.

"Oh my god...He doesn't even know why he summoned me..."

Suddenly, Natty Boy started to choke on his lollipop. He fell (but sadly was still inside the pentacle) and was twitching upon the ground.

Now, of course, Bartimaeus couldn't help since he was in the pentacle. Not that he wanted to anyways...

Pinn came bounding in.

"WTF choo doin' on da floor!?"

When he didn't get an answer, Sholto left Nat to...um...well not DIE...just...choke!

In the middle of Nat doing what seemed like a strange dance on the floor, he coughed the lollipop onto the floor.

He stood up slowly...and immediately fainted out of the pentacle.

Bartimaeus walked over to him. "Hmm...I think he fainted." He said to himself. "Kewl!"

Suddenly Nathaniel jumped back up.

"No! I only dramatically fake fainted out of the pentacle!" he said. "Now get back in there!"

Bartimaeus wearily walked back into his pentacle.

END FLASHBACK!!!

"Niiiice one!" commented Barty sarcastically.

"Hey...That was a good lollipop..." said Nat

Buzzer!

"We'll be back after this short-" he glared at the random person who complained last time, "break. And once again, this has been brought to you by...PTOLEMY!!!"

A trapdoor-type thing opened on the ceiling and Ptolemy shaped confetti fell from the hidden chamber. Then the door fell off and nearly hit Devereaux on the head.

Swearing poured from the PM's mouth. "HEY! YOU bleep bleeeep bleep!!! Bleepin bleepers and the bleeeep-"

"That's enough!" cried Bartimaeus. "If it actually hit you. I could understand the swearing. But it didn't! DON'T SUE ME!!! It wasn't my fault I swear!" He held up his right hand. But hidden behind his back were crossed fingers...

The buzzer sounded again.

"Sorry!" Barty apologized, "Right. We'll be back! EVENTUALLY!!!"

Wow. That took me soooo long to type! Which is why the fic hasn't been updated for a while!

Voice from the heavens: (wakes up) WHAT HAPPENED!!??

Uh-oh! Guys you all gotta leave, like, now!

Crickets: chirp

Um...guys?

REVIEEEW!!