Talk Show with Bartimaeus
Chapter 9: The New Audience
Disclaimer: I don't own anything!!! So...SHUT UP!
The crowd went wild! They were screaming for Bartimaeus to come out of the sound booth. But he wouldn't of course...For these were rabid fans!
Confused? Well, let me explain...
FLASHBACK!!
"I am NOT flower-like!" defended Nathaniel.
"Yeah you are!" yelled Bartimaeus who had started this argument out of pure boredom.
"EXCUSE ME! WE NEED TO INTERRUPT THIS SHOW IN A BRIEF INTERMISSION!" screamed Stephanie's voice sounding like a God.
"What now..." wondered Barty out loud.
The cameras turned off.
"You do know that we don't have anymore commercials, right?" said the host.
"I KNOW...THAT'S WHY I HAVE HYPNOTIZED EVERYONE WATCHING THIS TO THINK THEIR FAVORITE SHOW IS ON RIGHT NOW!"
"Oh! So even though the screens are blank, in their mind's eye they see a TV show!"
"EXACTLY!"
"...So...Why is there an intermission?"
"BECAUSE, IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, MORE THAN HALF THE AUDIENCE HAS DIED OF OLD AGE...SO WE'RE GETTING A NEW CROWD!"
"Oh...Well...Ok...The audience hardly participates anyways!"
"RIGHT! SO WE'RE GETTING A MORE...LIVELY AUDIENCE!"
"Wait! What do you mean by 'lively'?"
But the voice had gone, along with the past audience.
"I have a bad feeling about this..." stated Bartimaeus.
Suddenly, a hell of a lot of screams can be heard right outside the doors, a few of which have nearly caved in.
"Um...Why is there an almost invisible cage around the stage?" asked Kitty reaching her hand out to touch the wires.
Stephanie appeared. "I wouldn't do that," she warned Kitty. "It's HIGHLY electrical!" And as if to prove her point, a pencil was suddenly chucked at it. It blew up. A lot.
Kitty had frozen in place. She slowly lowered her hand and coughed into it.
"I'm pretty sure that's to protect them from the people about to enter, am I right?" replied Barty soberly.
"Yes you are..." Stephanie replied before dematerializing.
And then, the doors slowly opened letting in a wave mostly made of screaming fans. There were a lot more girls than guys, but they were all dangerous.
Bartimaeus firmly closed and locked the sound booth door before setting a Shield around the whole booth, just for safe measures. He was smart. Any of the magicians on stage could have made a Shield, but they didn't...Barty's went all the way around the booth, over top of it, and under, in case any of his gopher fan girls found out about this...You never can be sure about those gophers...
Anyway!
As the fans filed down the aisles and around the stage and sound booth, Stephanie appeared in front of the stage and magically made her voice very, VERY loud. Louder than usual...Which is saying something!
"HEY! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP OR YOU'RE ALL LEAVING!"
The disobedient fans obviously did not obey.
She tried again. The lights went out.
"HELLO!? DO YOU EVER WANT TO SEE BARTIMAEUS OR WHOEVER YOU STRANGELY OBSESS OVER? DO YOU? OF COURSE YOU DO! SO WHEN I TURN ON THE LIGHTS, YOU HAD BETTER SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND STAY PUT!"
The studio had gone deathly silent when the lights were turned on. Amazingly, the threatened audience members each found a seat with minimum arguments.
"Whoa..." said the djinni. Away from the mike.
"THANKYOU! NOW BE GOOD! I HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE YOU LEAVE!"
Silence.
"...UM...YOU CAN START THE SHOW NOW BARTY...UNLESS YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM TIME TO GET CRAZY AGAIN." And with that, she appeared inside the sound booth as to not be trampled.
Bartimaeus nodded and leaned toward the microphone. This was more nerve racking than when the djinn conspiracy occurred! He cleared his throat and gained his normal amount of confidence in just seconds. He smiled evilly. This was going to be fun...
The cameras turned on, the spotlights...lit up! And Bartimaeus greeted the poor watchers who had previously been hypnotized.
"Good evening everyone, and welcome back!"
Cheers...So many that if the guests hadn't been protected by magical ear plugs provided by the authors, they would have gone deaf in just seconds.
Bartimaeus, still smiling maniacally, said, "Since we have run out of commercials, we're going to have to think of something to do, nonstop, for the next...oh, say...2 hours!"
"I thought you said it would be two more hours two hours ago!" complained Nathaniel.
His comment was answered with a crazy scream.
Bartimaeus glared at the source of the scream for a while. "Well I changed my mind!" he snapped.
END FLASHBACK!!
The crowd went wild! They were screaming for Bartimaeus to come out of the sound booth. But he wouldn't of course...For these were rabid fans!
The host turned to Stephanie. "Can't you shut them up?"
"Nah...Not right now!" She said.
"But why?"
"'Cause...I'm too lazy!"
The djinni rolled his eyes as he watched his sound booth get submerged in an ocean of fan girls.
Stephanie was standing in the corner looking bored when Barty said, "You know that doughnut you gave me earlier?"
"Yeah...Didn't you eat it yet?
"Well, I thought of something better to do with it."
"Really? Let's hear it."
Whisper, whisper. Evil grins all around.
On stage...
"And then I said, 'No, you're obsessed with cheese cake!' Hahahahaha!"
Nathaniel was near the fence on the edge of the stage with the fan girls that weren't around Barty telling them stories about things that never happened.
"Aren't I so funny?"
The fan girls all laughed and sighed dreamily.
"Yeah...So then he said, 'No way! You are so not powerful enough!' and I said, 'Yes way! I am so powerful enough!' Hahahahahahaha!"
Sound booth...
The sound booth was empty.
Ahem.
Back stage...
"You make the distraction; I'll throw the doughnut," instructed Stephanie in a whisper. She and Bartimaeus were back stage dressed entirely in black, including war markings on their faces. They were attempting to carry out their evil plan, and so far, it had been successful.
"Hey! It's my doughnut, my idea! I say I throw it! You do the distraction! You're more distracting!...Well...More like annoying..." retorted Bartimaeus
"Grrr...Fine!"
"What are you going to do?"
"Muahahahahaha..."
"Oh no..."
On stage...
"And then I took the staff in my hand, and then...(insert cheesy sound effect BOOM here)"
"Oooh! Aaah! You're so brave Nathaniel!" cooed the fan girls.
"No autographs please!" Nathaniel struck a pose.
They fainted.
Behind this, Jane rolled her eyes.
"Jealous now are we?" said a voice.
"What? Who?" Jane flipped out and fell off her chair.
The voice was Kitty's.
DUN DUN DUUUUNN!
Back stage...
Bartimaeus had the doughnut in his hand. He took a bite of it for luck as Stephanie whizzed passed him onto the stage. She was wearing some kind of black cloak with red clouds on it (coughakatskicough!).
When Stephanie got out there, no one seemed to notice her...until she whistled...loudly...
Everyone's head snapped to look in her direction.
Pause. She screamed, "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" And disappeared.
In her place were three people: Two girls and a boy, all about the same age as the author.
"I'm Elizabeth!" said one girl.
"I'm Kaitlin!" said the other.
"And I'm Tim!" said the boy.
"And we're...part of...THE SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTERS!"(1)
A desk materialized in front of Kaitlin who was now holding a microphone made of wads of newspaper. "We make toys for you! Bust a move!"
Tim suddenly started singing. "(insert theme song for G.I. Lizzie-O) Bust a move!"
Elizabeth pulled a Barbie doll from behind her back. But this was no normal Barbie doll...for it was dressed in army gear complete with a machine gun. It had a pull tab on its back and a button on top of its head. It was called...G.I. Lizzie-O!
She pulled the tab..."The spaz tab!" as she called it. It was worthy of its name. The doll's limbs went wild and it screamed, "OMG! IT'S JOEL!"
She then pressed the "combustion" button.
BOOM!
The doll spontaneously combusted right in her hand. She then pressed the button again.
WHOOSH!
The doll spontaneously reconstructed right in her hand.
Then Stephanie appeared and said, "TA DAA!"
And they were gone leaving the audience in a state of shock along with the guests.
Bartimaeus took this moment to his advantage. He snuck out from behind the stage wall with his doughnut and walked calmly up to Nathaniel. Everyone was watching him. Yes...This was going to work out just fine...
SPLAT!
The lemon crème filled doughnut hit Nat's face with the utmost precision.
His fan girls immediately tried to go to his aid, but were obliterated by the HIGHLY electrical fence. The others in the audience laughed...and laughed...and laughed...and...laughed. Bartimaeus was standing in front of the recently doughnuted magician with a maniacal grin still on his face. Then he turned calmly and walked back to his sound booth.
(1) OK...The story of the Spontaneous Combustors. One day at our lunch table at school we thought of how spazzish Lizzie is...And we were like, "What if we made that a Barbie!" But that was too boring...Let's mix spazzish Barbie with G.I. Joe! G.I. Lizzie-O! It's genius! We decided she should be all armyish and carry a machine gun. Plus, she needed to spontaneously combust! We made a theme song and a slogan and everything. We even told our principal about it! And thus, the Spontaneous Combustors were born!
Ahem...
I hoped you liked that chapter! I had been planning on Bartimaeus doughnuting Nathaniel from the start! But I only now got around to it! Thanks for reading!
PS...REVIEEEW!!
PSS...Ya know the cloak I was wearing with the red clouds on it? Well those cloaks are from Naruto (which I don't own). I don't even watch it and I know a lot about it! Well there's this group of evil ninjas and they're called the Akatsuki! I happened to be wearing one of their cloaks!!
PSSS...REVIEEEW!!