No reviews for the last chapter of this? If you read and didn't like, constructive criticism's a whole lot better than nothing! If there is anyone who really wants me to carry on with this leave a review and I'll be hapy to continue, otherwise I think I'll just leave it at this. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Disclaimer: I left this out so far because I forgot. I do not own the anime series Gravitation. The only thing I do own is this story and the character of Kyousuke.

It was a further three days before Eiri saw Kyo again. In fact, he hadn't been planning to, having decided that Kyo wasn't going to forgive him for the way he had betrayed him as a child, and neither should he. Kyo had never asked Eiri for anything; it was he who had promised he would write to the boy every week he spent at the boarding school he had attended for four long, lonely years. But Eiri had broken that promise, and a simple 'sorry' was not going to repair a friendship so broken as theirs. It hurt to think about it, the guilt and regret a heavy ache in his stomach as he remembered the guarded way Kyo had acted towards him at the end of their last meeting, a way he always used to reserve for others. He hadn't seen that look in Kyo's eyes since long, long ago; at least, not directed at him. Lately Kyo treated Eiri like a stranger.

Eiri sat heavily on the couch in the apartment he and Shuichi now shared and lit a cigarette. He heard a key in the door. Shuichi. Sure enough, Shindou rushed into the room, his eyes bright as always. Eiri didn't move from the coach, but removed the cigarette from his mouth just long enough to welcome Shuichi home. Shindou noticed Eiri's apparently lousy mood from the way he was slumped on the coach, and came over to sit beside him, his little pink head resting neatly on Eiri's shoulder. "It's good to be home," he replied, letting Eiri know in his tone that he was there if his lover wanted to talk. When Eiri said nothing Shuichi simply let his small hand creep to where Eiri's lay in his lap, their fingers fit together easily. Eiri smiled softly to himself and let his own head rest against Shuichi's. The cigarette hanging lip and forgotten in his outstretched hand. He watched it burn out as they sat there.

When Shuichi began to get fidgety, Eiri unclasped their hands and leaned forward to drop the cigarette into the ashtray on the coffee table. Shuichi hopped up and announced that he would make dinner. Eiri remained still, feeling the sudden cold as Shuichi left his side.

He found himself thinking of Kyo again. Except, at least Eiri knew that Shuichi was coming back. He had never come back to Kyo. He propped his elbows on his knees and allowed his head to fall into his hands.

After almost half an hour Shuichi brought him a bowl of noodles. They ate an informal sort of dinner at the coffee table, over which Shuichi finally asked what was bothering him.

"Yuki. You're acting weird again. What's going on?"

Eiri didn't want to tell him. Felt it was too personal, that Kyo's past was not something that was his to disclose, and that what had happened between them was not worth bringing up. But the concern in Shuichi's wide violet eyes moved something inside him, so that he found himself telling the boy everything.

When he finished, Shuichi was silent. Both chewed silently for a minute.

"He must be lonely." Shuichi said suddenly.

"What?"

"He lives alone right? No roommate. No girlfriend. He must be lonely."

There was a pause. "Yeah."

Eiri placed his empty bowl down. "There's somewhere I have to be." He stood abruptly. Shuichi stared at him. "What? Where are you going?" He demanded, hurt. "I made you dinner! This is supposed to be our alone time!" Shuichi's voice rose in both pitch and volume as Eiri slipped into his shoes and jacket.

"I have a meeting with my editor, don't wait up for me." He closed the front door behind him as Shuichi's mouth gaped open.

Kyo was barefoot when he came to the door, dressed in jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. "What are you doing here?" He questioned Eiri, "little late for a coffee don't you think."

"I came to apologise." Kyo paused before stepping back to let him in. Eiri watched him cross to the other side of the room and look out of the window at Tokyo, lit up in the velvet dark; he slipped off his shoes and jacket and silently moved to join him at the window. It was cold in the flat, and he wondered whether Kyo always had it like this.

"I know..." he began. Kyo turned to look at him.

"What? What do you know?" He broke in. "You don't know anything."

Eiri wasn't sure how to reply. "You think that, just because you killed somebody, that puts us in the same boat. But you killed somebody you'd known for less than a year, it was an accident, and you barely even knew him.

I killed my family. My own family. Kenta... My father. Part of me thinks I might have helped kill my mother too. It makes me wish I'd died with them in that car accident.

You thought you were in love with him, I know that.

I'm sorry. I know that it must have been difficult. I know everything about you, because I made it my business to find out. At first, when you stopped writing, I thought something might have happened to you. I was worried... Actually, I was terrified.

You were always the person I knew I could rely on. I didn't realise how much I needed that until I thought I'd lost you. I ran away from the school, into the town. I'd stolen some money from one of other students, and I used it on a payphone to call your house.

I knew that if you were ok you'd be at school, but your mother would be there. When she picked up I said I just wanted to see how you were doing; I never told her about the letters. She said you were fine, very happy in fact.

I couldn't stand it, nothing had happened to you at all. You were just fine, and you were happy to be rid of me. I didn't know what to say, I just thanked your mother and hung up. Somebody came to find me and took me back to the school; they took me to the nurse because I wouldn't stop throwing up." Eiri's chest burned with shame.

"Then when I left, I was eighteen, I visited your house. Mika was there, she invited me in, told me everything. She offered to let me stay but I said I was meeting someone in Nagasaki. Then I went back to Kyoto. When I got to the house, I heard my mother. I considered just going in, I fantasised she might welcome me back with open arms." He laughed bitterly.

"Then I heard Akira with her, I couldn't hear what they were saying but just his voice was enough. I left, slept rough for a while until I had enough money for my own place. I was working in a factory just out of town. I always lived within walking distance of the house, I used to pass it sometimes, but I never went in. I guess I was afraid."

Eiri was silent. "So, don't tell me you know. We're two very different people Eiri; we've lived two different lives. Besides, it's been a while. Right now, you're a stranger to me."

"I want you to know that I didn't stop writing because I didn't want to, it wasn't because I was bored of you either, or because I didn't want to be your friend, it was just that –"

"Kitazawa was more important." Kyo broke in, his eyes suddenly filled with anger.

Eiri opened his mouth, but could think of nothing to say. "Everybody has someone more important. My mother had Akira, yours had her own family, Tatsuo, Mika, they both had other friends. I thought, at least I have Eiri. But then you met Kitazawa." The bitterness in his tone was fierce. Eiri reached out but Kyo's hand flew towards him, the back of it catching Eiri across the face. He staggered backwards.

He felt anger rising in his chest. Eiri knew he had done wrong. He knew that well enough. But here he was trying to apologise and all Kyo could do was throw it back in his face, the same way he always had.

"I told you I was sorry. I can't change the past Kyo, what more do you want me to do?" He demanded, his voice rising.

"I don't want your stupid apology. How do I know you even mean it?" He spat.

"Don't pretend to care about me just because it makes you feel better. You're a heartless bastard Eiri, anybody can see that."

"You don't know anything about me, remember?" Eiri shot back, yelling.

"I know Eiri Uesegi, not you. You're just a self pitying asshole. You can't stop torturing yourself about Kitazawa but from what I hear he deserved to die."

Eiri's fist struck Kyo's face before he even realised what he was doing, sending a bright, crimson ribbon of blood shooting from his mouth. He staggered but did not fall, turning instead to stare at Eiri, blood dripping from his split lip. His breathing was heavy, his eyes burning with hatred. The side of his face already beginning to bruise. A bruise the size and shape of a hand, the kind only a vicious slap would leave. Kyousuke looks at the floor as if waiting for Eiri to scold him, as if the slap mark is his own fault; maybe that's what he thinks. It's impossible to tell how many of Miyako's lies have really affected him.

Eiri saw Miyako's slap in his own. Saw himself as the exact person he had struggled so desperately to protect Kyo from all those months. He stared down at the blood on his knuckles, hating himself. "I..." he breathed. "Kyousuke..." He looked up to where Kyo stood motionless, reached out and pulled him into an embrace. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He felt tears on his face and recognised them as his own.

Kyo didn't pull away, but stood stiffly in Eiri's arms, disarmed by the change of heart. He noticed a warm wetness on his shoulder and realised Eiri was crying.

Something inside him broke, his anger dissipating as he realised that Eiri didn't need to apologise, didn't need to prove his sincerity. Kyo knew that, really, he had forgiven him a long time ago.

Eiri pulled back, but didn't let go of Kyo; they were almost exactly the same height, and he found himself looking directly into confused brown eyes. "Stop crying. I believe you." Kyo said simply. "I forgive you." Eiri said nothing, moving so that their faces were almost touching. Kyo remained stiff, his eyes wide with confusion. Eiri's pointed tongue flickered out of his mouth and caught the blood dripping from Kyo's lower lip. "What are you –"

Kyo shut up when Eiri's mouth closed over his own. He didn't pull away; he didn't move at all, shock immobilising him.

Eventually Eiri pulled back, his eyes searching Kyo's for some kind of reaction.

Kyo's hands fisted in the back of Eiri's shirt, and this time it was he who leaned in; his mouth crashing against Eiri's. It was his turn to be shocked; as far as he knew, Kyo was utterly straight. But then... it was funny what so many years of aching loneliness could do to someone. He could taste Kyo's blood on his tongue. He pulled him closer, his hands sliding under his shirt until he could feel the tip of the long scar that stretched down his chest. He stepped back.

Kyo watched him lift the shirt, take in the scar. It was still there, still slightly raised, an everlasting reminder of the accident. Eiri's eyes moved to the discolouration over the right side of his chest, stretching from his abdomen across his ribs and up to his shoulder, his skin was a faded red; the burn mark tattooed into his flesh.

Kyo took off the shirt and dropped it to floor, seemingly unaffected by the cold. Eiri reached out and traced the scar with his fingertips, his hands roaming along Kyo's ribs, feeling the joins where the bones had fused back together. He traced the edge of the burn, his fingers hesitant. Kyo closed his eyes. Eiri's hands moved to his waist, pulling Kyo's mouth back onto his own.

Eiri woke cold. He was lying on a futon, a thin sheet just covering him. At first he had no idea where he was; and then he remembered. He rolled over and saw the crumpled sheets where Kyo had been. He closed his eyes, remembering the way Shuichi had come to sit beside him just last night. The memory felt further away, blurred by memories of Kyo just a few hours ago.

He had slept with Kyo. He felt bad about it. In fact, he felt terrible for Shuichi.

But he didn't regret it.

He could hear the shower in the next room. Kyo. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling; he had no idea what time it was, but the sunlight streaming through the single window on the wall to his right told him that it was well into the morning by now. It was freezing in the bed without Kyo, but he didn't want to move just yet.

The shower shut off. A few minutes later he heard Kyo making coffee in the kitchen, he smelled cigarette smoke. He still didn't move.

The front door slammed.

Eiri sat up abruptly. He stood, wrapping the bed sheet around himself for warmth, and walked through to the main room. It was empty. So was the kitchen; the bathroom too.

Kyo was gone.

He sat heavily on one of the floor cushions. A cigarette still glowed in the ashtray where Kyo had tossed it down. There was no note; nothing. He had just walked out. Eiri realised he had no idea where Kyo worked anyway, so he wouldn't be able to find him even if he tried.

He sat there for a while before accepting that Kyo wouldn't be coming back any time soon. He showered and dressed, feeling a little sick. He thought about the way he had treated Shuichi, pushing him away for so long before finally accepting him.

It had taken him a long time to realise that he loved Shuichi, to accept that he wanted to be with him, and to trust himself not to mess things up. And now he had.

And Kyo had walked out on him. He wondered if this was how Shuichi had felt the countless times he had walked away from him; this dull ache of nausea, coupled by the coldness of rejection. It was not a pleasant sensation.

Eiri lit a cigarette. What was he going to do? He loved Shuichi, but right now all he wanted was for Kyo to come back. All he wanted was... Kyo. The memory of last night remained unfading in his mind, he had vowed to himself when he was sixteen years old that he would never let himself fall so hard for someone again, and yet he found himself filled with angst, his eyes stinging, wondering if Kyousuke had left for good and would never come back to Tokyo again. He stubbed out the cigarette, disgusted with himself for being so pathetic.

Obviously last night had been a one off. Kyo didn't want anything more; he probably didn't want to see Eiri ever again. Maybe he wasn't even gay, just confused and painfully lonely. Eiri sighed out the last of the cigarette smoke, wondering what it was that had ever drawn him to Kyo. Of course, at first it had been guilt that had brought him here. But that wouldn't explain what had compelled him to kiss him. Kyo was almost the complete opposite of Shuichi; Shuichi was cute, upbeat, caring. Kyo was anything but; people had always said he was good looking, but he hadn't been called cute since he was eleven, his face was too closed and hard to resemble anything cute or upbeat. Kyo had cut himself off from everyone he had known. No. They had cut themselves off from him.

Maybe that was what was attractive about him. His strength. Shuichi was as naive as he was loving, having spent his whole life protected from tragedy by family and friends, always surrounded by those who loved him. Kyo had never been granted such a blissful life. He had suffered continually, weighed down by guilt and pain and loneliness for so long. And yet he had come to Tokyo to make a life for himself. He had made it all on his own, and would continue to do so, no matter how torn up he was inside. He knew how to mask his own insecurities, how to defend himself from further hurt. Maybe... Maybe that was the reason he had left this morning, unable to accept the way he had so completely let himself go and terrified that a relationship with Eiri would only cause him more pain.

Eiri made up his mind.