Disclaimer: I don't own.
Author's note: I lied, this is going to be 3 parts. I'll have it finished hopefully by Christmas. It's not my best writing, so I apologize. I think I'm a little burned out. :( But I wanted to finish the story, and I'm going to. The last part will definitely be cheery. Thanks so much for the reviews! And I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season!
Warning: Language. It's Hyde, after all. :)
Just Ask Santa
I Believe In Santa Claus
December 24, 1986, early afternoon Point Place, WI
"Daddy, there's Santa!"
Before he could stop his determined son, Keefer had pulled out of Hyde's hand, and all he could do was watch as the little boy ran down the sidewalk towards a man dressed up as Santa Claus. He shook his head. Sledding all day, and his son still had energy to spare. Keefer was definitely Jackie's son. As he slowly followed, he groaned. Keefer and the Santa were looking at him, and Keefer was pointing at him. God only knew what his child was saying.
When he reached the two, he took Keefer's hand and tried to grin at the Santa. "So, I guess my son's been hitting you up for half the toys in the world, huh?" He looked down at Keefer, who shook his head quickly.
"Huh-uh, Daddy!"
The Santa smiled gently. "Actually, this little guy told me that you have something you want to ask me for."
Hyde frowned, then looked down at Keefer when a little hand tugged on his jeans.
"Tell him, Daddy! Tell him you want Mommy to come home for Christmas."
Hyde tussled his son's soft hair and attempted to turn his grimace into a smile. Keefer knew, though he was far too young to understand just how much and in how many different ways his father wanted his mother for Christmas. He knew. A five year old could sense his dad's unhappiness, though Hyde had tried hard to hide it.
Just one more thing to be angry with Jackie about.
"You want Mommy to come home, right, Daddy?"
The little boy's voice abruptly became sad, and Hyde swallowed hard. His son's eyes gazed up at him, and despite the fact that they perfectly matched his own, Hyde could, as always, see Jackie in them. He smiled, but didn't feel it, and his voice cracked. "Of course I do, Keef." He looked back up, remembering the presence of the Santa Claus, and shrugged uncomfortably. "Uh, my wife is in California, working. She's…well, it looks like she's not gonna be able to make it home for Christmas."
The Santa smiled, and Hyde noticed that the beard, rather than looking cheap and fake, looked almost real. The color in the man's cheeks seemed natural, and his blue eyes truly seemed to twinkle.
"Have you asked me or one of my helpers to bring her home?" The man chuckled, and reached down to tweak a giggling Keefer's nose. "You should. I like making Christmas wishes come true. It's in my job description."
Hyde stared at the man. Damn it, why did everyone, everyone insist on giving his son false hope?
Giving him false hope? Because if he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit that the twist in his stomach was just that.
"You just have to believe in Santa Claus, Steven."
Hyde raised an eyebrow. How did this man, this stranger, know his name?
There's No Place Like Home For the Holidays
Six hours later, the Hyde house
Hyde tucked in the blankets around his sleeping son with a slight smile. The little guy was finally exhausted, and all it had taken was a day of sledding, a snowball fight, chasing Betsy Kelso around the Forman house for a few hours, and piggy back rides from his grandpa, uncles, and father. "Night, kiddo," he whispered as he leaned down to kiss Keefer's forehead. The closed eyes were moving, and Hyde imagined that Keefer was already dreaming of Santa Claus and reindeer.
And of finding his mommy under the Christmas tree.
"I can't wait to see Mommy tomorrow. Can you, Daddy?"
Hyde shook his head and quietly left Keefer's room, closing the door behind him. He walked downstairs, thinking about his wife. She hadn't even called since that morning, and it both surprised and bothered him. He stopped in the kitchen, near the sink, and looked down at his left hand, the gold ring wrapped around his finger. He moved it around on his finger and stared at a wall.
This time last year, they'd been together, and had spent Christmas Eve putting together toys for Keefer, then doing more adult things under the tree. The lights on the tree, red, green, blue, white, orange, had danced a pattern on Jackie's body that he'd made a mission out of tracing with his lips and tongue. Just thinking about it made him ache, and he closed his eyes. It wasn't only the sex he missed. It was her joy, her exuberance, the fact that she made Christmas tolerable, even special for him.
But she wasn't here. And apparently, she didn't care.
His eyes opened, and with a hole opening up in his gut, he pulled his wedding ring off. The nakedness of his finger sent his stomach and heart plummeting, and he felt sick. Empty. Missing half of his entire self.
He wondered if it was a feeling he was going to have to get used to.
With a sigh, he pushed the ring back on and headed for the garage. Time to set up the bicycle and other toys he and Jackie had decided Santa would bring for Keefer.
Half an hour later, in the living room, noises from the kitchen startled Hyde, and he looked up, his breath caught in his chest. He got up and walked cautiously into the kitchen, prepared to use the hammer in his hand as a weapon if need be.
But instead of a burglar in his kitchen, Hyde found his wife. She stood near the counter, her suitcase on the floor next to her, wrapped in a winter coat. Her cheeks were flushed with cold, her eyes uncertain as she stared at him, and the smile she bore seemed shy. And his heart suddenly beat in rapid flip-flops. His fingers loosened and the hammer fell to the floor. She'd been gone for a week; how in the hell had she gotten even more beautiful in those seven days?
Jackie shifted nervously. Her husband's expression was, as it often was, unreadable. "Hi Steven," she said softly. She took a step towards him, but then stopped. Something told her that he wasn't going to welcome her home with open arms.
"What are you doing here?"
Definitely no open arms in his voice. No love, either, and that shook her to her core. She took a deep breath. "I live here," she joked, but his expression remained cold. "You know what they say, no place like home for the holidays."
Hyde stood stiffly. Part of him, a huge part of him, wanted to go to her and take her in his arms, kiss her until she promised to never leave again. The other part, the protective part, kept control. Kept him where he was, crossed his arms over his chest. After all, she was probably only home for a few hours, maybe a day if he and Keefer were lucky. "Keefer's sleeping, so if you want to see him, you're gonna have to wait." He smirked nastily. "If you're planning on sticking around, that is."
Jackie nodded. "No, I…I wanna wait. I want him to find me under the tree. Like…like Santa brought me home." She took another deep breath, and forced herself to approach her standoffish husband. "Steven," she whispered as she reached him. She lay her hand on his arm. "God, I missed you and Keef so much. I just…I missed you so much."
Her touch, her voice, the love in her eyes; it almost broke him. His mouth opened, the words, the "I love you" he wanted to say, that would make her stay nearly tumbled out.
Until he remembered.
"Daddy, why does Mommy hafta go away?"
"Is Mommy gonna come home to see what Santa brought me?"
"I want a baby sister. So Mommy will hafta stay home."
"I aksed Santa to bring Mommy home and he said he would!"
"Tell him, Daddy! Tell him you want Mommy to come home for Christmas!"
Not to mention the nights he'd laid in bed alone, staring at her pillow, his arms aching for her, his lips longing for her skin, wondering just what it was about her job that kept her away from him.
He wasn't ready to forgive her. Wasn't ready to let her back in. Especially because this was temporary. She'd leave again. Probably soon.
The Zen was back, and Hyde pulled away from her. "Whatever, Jackie. I'm gonna finish setting up Keefer's stuff."
Jackie's eyes filled with tears as her husband walked away from her. He wasn't going to make it easy on her. He was angrier than she'd expected. And she couldn't really blame him. With shaking hands, she undid her long winter coat and prayed that the red lace she'd changed into before driving home from the airport would do the trick.
Blue Christmas
Hyde stood and looked at the tree. The bike, the other toys, and what seemed like a mountain of more wrapped presents, the lights and decorations; it was the perfect Christmas scene. And Jackie was home. Keefer would be absolutely thrilled. His faith in Santa Claus was safe; in fact, he'd believe in Santa even more. And yet, the emptiness still lingered in Hyde's gut.
How long was she gonna hang around? Just for the night? For two days? Till New Year's? Till whenever her job beckoned her, and it would matter when. Even in the middle of Christmas dinner.
And he'd be without her again.
"Steven?"
Hyde paused, knowing that she was probably standing in the doorway in some little piece of lingerie meant to seduce him. It was her way, one that usually – always - worked. He turned anyway, and wasn't surprised to see her in nothing but a red lace teddy. Involuntarily, he licked his lips and his eyes grazed her body. Slender legs, still shaded olive despite the winter, and perfectly toned. A flat stomach beneath the breasts that were still perfectly round and firm. Tension coiled in his own belly, spreading down to his groin. More than a week, it had been, and damn, he wanted her.
"Steven, I'm sorry, baby. I should have come home sooner. I should never have gone in the first place."
He smiled sarcastically, and forced himself to ignore the lust he felt for her. Yeah, he wanted her. His body wanted hers. Desperately. And it was gonna be a long and frustrating night. But his heart was bruised, still aching, still empty. Ironic, if she hadn't said a word, he'd probably given in and taken what she was offering right here on the living room floor. She'd done too much damage for him to just give into her. "I'm done. And exhausted. Do me a favor and turn the lights off before you come up."
He brushed past her, and Jackie raised her hand to her mouth. No need to release the scream lodged in her throat; no need to wake up her son. Her eyes closed, and though they were wet, no tears fell. It was too much. Too much hurt, that she herself had caused, and she couldn't cry.
What in the hell was she going to do? What in the hell could she do to get Steven to forgive her?
A few minutes later, she walked into their bedroom. When they'd moved in, they'd compromised and decorated it in shades of blue. Appropriate, she thought. Blue Christmas. This one was sure shaping up to be one of those. Steven lay in bed, on his back, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes open, and she took the chance that he might listen. "Steven, just let me tell you why…"
"Look, I'm exhausted, Jackie. I spent the day with playing with my son, and all I wanna do right now is sleep. Not to listen to your damn excuses."
She slapped her hand on the cherry wood top of their dresser. "Steven, god, will you just…"
"Tomorrow, Jackie," he bit off, his voice rising. "If you're still around tomorrow, then I'll listen to you, okay?"
She watched him turn over onto his side, his back to her, and with a defeated sigh, gave up. If she tried to talk to him now, he'd react badly. Maybe would even leave. She knew him well enough to be sure of that. And so, more tears in her eyes, she silently pulled out a drawer and took out one of her less than sexy nightgowns. Her heart tearing, she could barely manage to keep her shaking hands still enough to undress.
Hyde couldn't stop himself from rolling to his back, just so he could watch his wife undress. His eyes took in her back, her rear, her legs, and the reflection in the mirror she stood in front of of her shoulders and breasts and stomach.
All he wanted was to touch her body everywhere, in every nook and cranny of her. All he wanted was to love her and to show her how much he'd missed her. Because god, he had.
And all he wanted was to be happy that she was home, in his bed, so close to him he could sense her touch on his skin.
But he couldn't. Wouldn't. Not now.
He rolled back over and closed his eyes. He felt her slip into bed, and hoped that she'd stay on her side.
She didn't.
She curled up behind him, her tiny hands, hardly bigger than Keefer's but decidedly softer and knowing, slipping over and underneath him to keep his midsection in her grasp. Her breath beat hot on his shoulder.
"Steven, I love you."
He trembled when she kissed him and licked him and nibbled at him.
"I love you, Steven, please don't…just…"
He shook his head, more to himself than her. "Tomorrow, Jackie."
Too soon. Too soon to give into her. She had to feel the pain he'd felt. She had to realize just what her freaking job was doing to him, to Keefer, to them.
Her hands went limp on him, and she retreated. With a whimper that quickly became soft sobs.
"Steven, I'm home! Doesn't that count for anything? God, doesn't that even matter to you?"
Her sobs grew louder. And while he could resist her seduction, at least on occasion, he could absolutely never ignore her crying. Never. With a sigh of frustration, because he both wanted to hold her and resented the fact that he was going to, he moved to her.
His arms wrapped around her, his body molded to hers until the back of hers felt each inch of him, and Jackie turned her head. She gripped his hands with hers as tightly as she could. "Oh, god, Steven, I just…"
"Shhh. Tomorrow. Just sleep…"
"Hold me, Steven," she begged. "Please, I know you're mad, but just…"
"I will. I will."
Keefer's bedroom
Keefer gazed out his bedroom window, watching for Santa's sleigh his grandmother had told him all about. It was red, and shiny, and was pulled by a bunch of reindeer. One had a glowing red nose. He wanted to see that, because he'd never seen anything with a nose that glowed.
He sighed impatiently and rubbed his eyes. Grandma told him that he might not see Santa, because he had to move so quickly to get presents to all the kids in the world. He glanced over at his bed, then back at the dark sky. He wanted to see it right when Santa brought his mommy home, but he felt sleepy.
Maybe he would lie down for just a few minutes and then check again.
He got down off his chair and walked over to his bed.
Just a few minutes, and then he'd check for Santa again.
He lay down and smiled. Santa was gonna bring him and his daddy Mommy. Because Santa was magical. And because he'd been a good boy all year. Grandma told him that good boys always got what they wanted for Christmas.
He couldn't wait to see his mommy. He would be so happy. And maybe his daddy would be happy again, too.