A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! Reviews make me explode. But in a good way.

By the way, a link to an illustration I made of Christie is now available on my profile.

Now, on with the story!

I hesitated in front of the door, holding my keys in one hand and glancing over my shoulder. Standing behind me, taking up a good portion of the walkway, were ten possibly insane, definitely dangerous criminals. And here I was, about to let them into my apartment. The things I'll do to avoid being killed horrifically.

I turned to face the group – the Akatsuki, they called themselves – to make sure to get one important point across before we went in. "Okay, guys – and, um, girl – just so you know, this apartment is only really made for two people. There are only two beds in here – one is mine, and the other is my roommate's. She's not here right now, but that doesn't mean I'm letting a complete stranger sleep in her bed. And other than that, there's just a cot, the couch, and my bed, and I'm not sharing."

"Why not?" demanded one particularly obnoxious member – Hidan, the obligatory rude, foul-mouthed lunatic.

For a few seconds, everyone just stared at him, waiting to see how long it would take him to figure out that he apparently needed to ask why a young woman wouldn't want to share her bed with any of a bunch of messed-up criminals.

After a moment, realization appeared on his face, but was quickly replaced by a scowl. "Okay, you guys need to get your heads out of the f*cking gutter, seriously. Anyway, can't she just sleep on the floor?" he said quickly, trying to cover for his awkward comment.

I scowled at him. I was starting to dislike this guy more and more. "It's my apartment. Without me, you guys would be homeless, jobless, and, I assume, broke."

"And what's stopping us from just killing you, feeding you to Zetsu, and taking your sh*tty apartment?" he countered.

Before I could entirely process what he had just said, the leader – who, by the way, they only ever referred to as "Leader" or "Leader-sama" - spoke up. "We are not killing her, Hidan. To the best of our knowledge, this girl is not our enemy. And, as she has been sufficiently compliant in providing us with housing so far, we have no reason to kill her."

Hidan turned away, pouting, but didn't argue. I'd noticed in my short time around these people that nobody really argued with Leader.

I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. I pushed it open, stepping inside before I let the others in – just in case they tried to lock me out or something.

We stood there, crowded together in the small living room, which, by the way, was never meant to accommodate eleven people at once – especially when one of them insisted on running around and examining everything in the room.

"So," I said, breaking the silence. "This is it. So... uh... try not to break anything or kill anyone." Assuming you're capable of that, I thought.

The first thing everyone did was, of course, to strip off their cloaks and, in most cases, drop them on the floor – except, of course, for Tobi, who wasn't wearing a cloak to begin with, Leader and Konan, who I guess were just too dignified or something, and the plant-guy, Zetsu, who... okay, I don't know, but he didn't.

I was just about to complain when I noticed a few things. For one, Hidan was not wearing a shirt, which I kind of already knew, and neither was the shark-man. This shouldn't have been much of a problem, but, for some odd reason, I wasn't entirely comfortable with having two shirtless – and, apparently, quite fit – men standing around in my apartment. But I quickly noticed something much more disturbing. Sasori, too, was shirtless. But this was worrying for a completely different reason.

For a few seconds, I stared, open-mouthed, at Sasori. "You – joints? What... panels! The hell?" I would have liked to be a bit more eloquent than that, but frankly, it's hard to be dignified when you're looking at a teenage boy who appears to actually be... some sort of doll or something.

Sasori gave me the same unimpressed, vaguely bored expression as always, hanging up his cloak on the coat rack (his neatness is the one thing I like about Sasori). "That's what everybody says," he replied. I got no explanation.

I turned away, trying not to stare at Sasori, to address Leader. Honestly, I didn't have a very high opinion of the guy by this time, but hey, he was in charge. "So, would you mind... uh... trying to keep them in line for me?"

I guess he was still mad about the pepper spray incident, but you know what, I was mad about the assault and hostage-taking incident, so that made us even. Anyway, he just glared at me stonily for an uncomfortably long time. I stared back, trying to resist the urge to look away. Around us, the others ran around, yelled, swore, and were pretty much as obnoxious as possible – except for those who were just standing there unhelpfully.

"Uh... okay... I'll just... bye." I turned away and hurried off to the door leading to my closet of a bedroom. As I left, I could almost feel Leader trying to stare a hole in my back. Creepy.

So went my first encounter with the Akatsuki. I guess it could have been worse, but I assure you, sleeping was not an easy task that night – I felt certain I was going to be killed in my sleep. Luckily, I wasn't, but the next day brought its own problems.

Breep! Breep! Bree-

I groaned, slapping the "off" button on my alarm clock. You would think that I would've remembered to deactivate the alarm completely, this far into summer, but nooo...

For a moment, I could just lie there and pretend that this was a normal summer day – I would get up when I felt like it, spend the day doing whatever I felt like, and it would all be nice and normal and relaxing.

And then I had to remind myself that my apartment was full of psychopaths – not to mention, I hadn't had dinner last night; another reason I had to get up. Great start to the day.

I dragged myself out of bed, starting to head out toward the kitchen. In my still-half-asleep state, I barely avoided tripping over the sprawled form of Tobi, who had apparently decided he should sleep in the doorway, presumably for convenience purposes.

Having successfully prevented myself from falling on my face, I took a quick look around the room. Everyone except Konan and Leader, who had taken the cot and the couch, respectively, was lying on the floor somewhere – except Zetsu, who was nowhere to be seen, and Sasori, who was sitting up against the wall, arms crossed, staring at me in boredom.

"Uh... hey. How long have you been up?" I asked, in a pathetic attempt to make conversation.

"I never went to sleep," he responded. I should've known better by now than to expect a full answer from this guy. Every monotonic, begrudging answer just introduced a new question...

I trudged into the tiny area we called a kitchen, peering into the fridge, glad I had remembered to put the groceries away – granted, I had only remembered at about midnight, but still.

After a moment, I remembered something very important: I wasn't the only person here. There were currently a total of eleven people in this apartment, and chances were, they would need to eat. After a moment, I pulled down one of the ancient cookbooks that my mom had made me bring, and that I had never even touched until now.

I had only been working for a few minutes when I heard footsteps coming toward the kitchen. In a moment, I saw something large and blue out of the corner of my eye.

I really did not want to deal with any of these people right now. "What do you want."

"Nothing. Just wondering what you're doing," replied the shark-man.

I'm cooking so as to make it possible to actually feed all your fat asses, I thought. "Making pancakes," was what I actually said.

"Really?" To my great dismay, instead of leaving to go harass someone else, he leaned over and examined the recipe in front of me, then the ingredients on the counter, then the recipe again – this time with a combination of disapproval and doubt.

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. "WHAT?" I demanded, turning to face him.

"Well, for one thing..." he leaned over again and grabbed a box off the counter. "This recipe needs baking powder. This is baking soda. There is a difference, you know."

"Wha-" Before I could voice my discontent any further, he reached out and picked up the measuring cup that I had been using for milk.

"And this isn't for liquids," he continued. "You need a measuring pitcher for that. Oh, and you should probably-"

"How do you even know all this?" I demanded.

He shrugged, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Having to cook for a bunch of really picky criminals on a regular basis kind of forces you to pick up a few things."

I turned away huffily. "Well, if you know so much about cooking, why don't you make the pancakes?" I snapped.

"Sure." Just as I started to head off, he added, "Name's Kisame, by the way."

I paused, glancing back at him. "Uh... Christie," I replied, not sure if he had already heard my name, but it was the best reply I could think of.

Walking out of the kitchen, I almost bumped into Tobi – who was, of course, way too happy for having just gotten up. "Morning, Christie-san!"

"Uh... yeah, it is," I replied, trying to edge around him.

"Oh, is Kisame-san cooking?" he asked, moving into my way again. "He's really good at it! Wait 'till you taste his food, Christie-san!"

"Yes, I'm... sure it's great," I muttered, starting to lose patience with him.

My chance for escape came from an unexpected source. "Hey, Tobi, get over here!" snapped the girly blonde who I had pepper-sprayed the night before. Unsurprisingly, he was not coming to my rescue intentionally. The moment Tobi was in front of him, he launched into some lecture about not "fraternizing with the enemy" or something. I couldn't help wondering why it was that I was "the enemy" now; I was the one being forced to keep them in my house, and I didn't even know what was going on here.

I hurried through the doorway and headed for the first thing I needed to deal with today: The phone.

I picked it up and started dialing the first number of the day. As I did so, Hidan chose that moment to come over and harass me. I guess they were taking turns.

"Hey, where's the bathroom in this sh*thole?" he demanded.

I suppressed a snort of laughter at the irony of his statement. "It's right down the hall. As if you couldn't figure that out yourself."

He glowered at me in response. "Well aren't we bold today," he snapped.

"It's easier when I'm in my own house," I responded. "Don't you have anyone else to annoy?"

He finally left at that. However, as he walked away he threw a casual, "And you can do everyone a favor by putting on some clothes," over his shoulder.

That was when I realized that I had spent the whole morning walking around in my pajamas – which weren't real pajamas so much as a spaghetti-strap top and some very short shorts. Which was perfectly fine when the only other person in the house was my (female!) roommate, but became a rather awkward habit when I was constantly surrounded by men.

I hated my life for a moment there.

Either way, now was not the time to be worrying about appearances. Let's see... it's Tuesday, so first order of business...

Almost as soon as the phone started ringing, it was picked up. "Hello, this is Metro Subs, how may I help you?"

"Hey, Max, it's Christie," I replied.

Immediately, my manager's formally affable "professional" tone became more familiar. "Oh, hey, Christie, what's going on?"

I bit my lip and glanced over my shoulder. There were some worrying noises coming from the kitchen; I better hurry this up. "Uh... I don't think I'm going to be able to come to work today..."

I could easily picture Max running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "And why would that be, Christie?"

"Well, I've got some... guests right now, and I'm not sure I'm willing to leave them alone in my apartment. They have, uh..." Just then I heard a shout, and Tobi ran by, chased closely by Deidara, while Sasori watched calmly. Suddenly, I had the perfect reason.

"They've got some children, and I'm not really sure I trust them on their own."

"Oh." My manager's tone instantly became slightly cautious – and very understanding. "That... that's a pretty good reason."

You see, Maxwell Alders was notoriously (among the employees of the sandwich shop I worked at, anyway) cautious of children. Having grown up with three younger siblings and a whole slew of younger cousins, all rather rambunctious, had planted in him an instinctual... paranoia regarding kids.

Although he mostly kept it under control, those who knew him could generally recognize the way he flinched whenever a small child walked into Metro. It wasn't that he disliked children, he was just constantly afraid that they would do something horrible and irreparable.

So as you can see, he saw "kids in my apartment" as a perfectly valid reason not to go to work.

I hung up the phone, sighing with relief. Sometimes, the way that guy acted, it was hard to believe he was only five years older than me...

After a moment of thought, I thought of one more call I needed to make.

Dee-dee-doo! Dee-dee-doo!

Amanda frowned slightly and pulled her cellphone out of her pocket, checking the caller ID on the screen. What on Earth would Christie be calling about?

"Hey, sorry, I gotta take this; it's my roommate," she said, smiling apologetically at her family and stepping aside. "Hello?"

"AMANDA GET BACK HERE NOW."

"Uuhh... why?"

"Look..." Christie paused for a moment on the other end, as if trying to think of how to phrase her next comment. "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm being held captive – sort of, anyway – and our apartment is being inhabited by a bunch of super-screwed-up criminals."

"Wh-what? Are you okay? And what do you mean 'sort of'?" Amanda demanded, staring at shock at her phone. Normally, she would assume this was a joke. But Christie wouldn't joke about stuff like this.

"It's... really complicated. But I'm okay, just... weirded out. A lot. And you need to get over here now."

Now Amanda just wasn't sure what to think. "Um... alright. I guess... look, I'll try and get over as soon as I can, okay? I should be over in a couple of days."

"Just hurry, okay?" And with that, Christie hung up. Although before she could, Amanda heard her yell something along the lines of "shut up over there, you freaking psychos!" And the extra exclamation points were definitely implied.

Amanda just stared at the phone for a moment, then shook her head and walked back to the group. At least the weirdest phone call today.

I hung up the phone with a sigh of relief. Okay, work cancelled, roommate summoned... maybe this day won't be so bad after all.

You'd think I would actually learn something once in awhile, huh?

So what do you think? Reviews are very much appreciated!