A/N: Soooo sorry this one took so long, guys! I really don't know why this one took me so long... I guess I hit a bit of writer's block there! But don't worry, cos this chapter is longer than the others, which I think makes up for it! :P
Oh yeah, and just warning you in advance- I did get into the university course I wanted (Bachelor of Psychological Science, here I come!) and I start in just over three weeks, so after that I don't know how often updates will come. But rest assured, I will keep writing!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.
Chapter Six: Pain Both Past And Present
When Reid woke up the next morning, the first thing he realised was that he was the only one lying in the bed. Morgan was gone. Reid began to worry, thinking that Morgan had left for the precinct and left him there, but then he registered the sound of the shower running in tiny bathroom connected to their hotel bedroom. He glanced at the clock; it was only seven minutes to six. Wondering what Morgan was doing up and in the shower this early, Reid picked up his crutches from beside the bed and hobbled into the bathroom.
"Derek?" Reid said as he pushed the door open.
Reid couldn't see Morgan, as the shower curtain was closed, but he heard the older man turned around under the water. "Spencer? Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me," said Reid. "What're you doing in the shower this early?"
"I just needed to clear my head," Morgan replied. "And think a little bit."
"Think about what?" Reid asked, unable to help but feel a little fear at Morgan's words.
Morgan, knowing Reid as well as he did, chuckled softly. "Nothing about us, pretty boy, don't worry," he assured his younger boyfriend. "My love for you is as strong as ever. I'm just thinking about this case, and Masters, and Gordinski."
"You worried?"
"I don't know. Maybe," Morgan admitted. "I just… I don't know what Masters is capable of now, you know? I don't know how he's changed. If he has at all."
"And Gordinski?"
"I can't be sure if he's truly over everything," Morgan said. "One wrong move, and he could go back to hating me as much as he used to."
Before Reid could say anything else, Morgan shut the shower off and stepped out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. "You really shouldn't be standing there for so long like that, Spencer. Especially after yesterday."
"I'm fine," Reid said hurriedly, not wanting to give Morgan an avenue to change the subject. "It doesn't hurt right now. But if I go sit down, can we please talk some more?"
"Of course," said Morgan. "Let me just put some clothes on first."
Reid hobbled back into the other room, and it wasn't long until Morgan joined him, only wearing his underwear and jeans. The both of them sat down on the bed, and Reid asked a question that he had been wanting to ask for a while, "What actually happened between you and Masters?"
"He just liked to get me in trouble. A lot," Morgan said. "He picked fights with me, hoping I'd retaliate. And before I cleaned myself up, I usually did. And like I said yesterday, he hated me just because my dad was black. Add that to the fact that I was the star on the football field, and, well… let's just say I've never been his favourite person."
"But that's not what you're worried about, is it?" Reid realised. "Not really."
Morgan opened his mouth to protest, but one look at Reid's expression told him that would be futile. That didn't mean he wanted to tell him, though. He let out a deep sigh, weighing up his options. Finally he said, "Masters is extremely homophobic, Spencer. And while I'm pretty sure he has no idea that I am in a relationship with another man, I'm really afraid that he'll say something that will make me snap."
"You think he will say something, then?" said Reid.
"If it comes up in conversation, yes," Morgan said. "A hate that strong doesn't just go away."
"I know," Reid said, leaning his head on Morgan's shoulder. The older man reached up and began absently stroking Reid's hair. "But do you really think you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from reacting to anything homophobic that he says?"
Morgan thought for a long moment before replying. "Yeah, I do. Not only because- whether he knows it or not- he'd be talking about me, but, well… because he'd be talking about you. And I can't stand anyone talking to you like that."
Reid reached for Morgan's hand, taking it tightly in his own. "Don't let him get to you on account of me, Derek. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble because of me."
"I know you wouldn't want that. It's just that I see people say things like that to you, or about you, I can't help but defend you so fiercely. I love you too much to see anyone insult you like I know Masters will."
"You don't need to defend me. I can stand up for myself, you know," Reid said, conviction in his voice.
"I know you can, pretty boy," Morgan assured him. "There are just some people you can't help but defend, no matter what. For me, that person is you."
"I really don't want you to get in trouble, no matter what he says," said Reid. "I guess I'll just have to be there to stop you from saying anything."
"Well I wouldn't want to do anything you don't want me to do," said Morgan with a smirk. Before Reid could stop him, Morgan had pulled away, so the younger man had no choice but to sit up properly again and look Morgan in the eye. "Hey. You know I love you, right?"
"You said so less than five minutes ago," Reid pointed out. When Morgan narrowed his eyes slightly and opened his mouth to say something, Reid added quickly, "Yes, I do know. You show me you love me every single day." He put a hand to Morgan's face and pulled him closer, kissing him. "I love you too."
"I know," said Morgan with a smile, tapping Reid on his nose with his finger. Reid let out a shocked laugh, and Morgan kissed Reid on the same spot he touched.
"What was that for?" Reid asked, mock outrage in his voice but a smile on his face.
"You're adorable," Morgan said simply. "You are completely and utterly adorable."
"You do realise I'm a full grown man, right? Full grown men aren't meant to be adorable." Reid could've been angry as he said that, but he had a small smile on his face that he just couldn't manage to hide.
"And yet, you are, Spencer," Morgan said, ruffling Reid's hair. "And I love you for it." He kissed Reid again, this time pressing their lips together for a full minute before pulling away.
"You're being awfully affectionate this morning," Reid commented, taking one of Morgan's hands in both of his own and playing with it almost absent-mindedly.
"What, I can't be affectionate once in a while?" said Morgan.
"That's not what I meant at all, Derek! I-" Reid began, but Morgan pressed a finger from his free hand to Reid's lips, silencing him.
"Relax, Spencer, I wasn't angry," Morgan assured him. "And, I don't know… I just felt like I needed to be more affectionate today. Maybe if we're affectionate this morning, I'll be less like to lose it with Masters if he gets on my nerves."
"Well, in that case…" Reid traced the contours of the tattoo on Morgan's left shoulder with one finger, at the same time still holding Morgan's hand in his lap. He had a small smile on his face as his finger moved gently over the black ink. "I love your tattoos," Reid said. "They're just so… I don't know, you."
"I'm glad you think so," said Morgan with a grin. Reid looked up at Morgan briefly, before looking back at the tattoo again. "Did you realise, baby, that when you're half asleep, sometimes you start running your fingers over my tattoos like you're doing now?"
"I do?" said Reid, surprised. His brow furrowed as he thought for a moment. "I guess I vaguely remember touching your arm… but no. I didn't know I do that. Do you mind it?"
"No, I don't mind at all," said Morgan. "I like it, actually. Kinda makes my skin tingle, y'know?"
Reid didn't reply; instead he continued to trace the tattoo with a finger, the gentlest of touches that continued to make Morgan's skin tingle. "Did you ever think about getting one of these?" Morgan asked after a few moments.
"I don't know. Maybe," Reid said, not looking up at Morgan.
Reid's indecision shocked Morgan. He'd expected the younger man to just say no; he didn't think Reid would have even considered getting a tattoo. He didn't think it was the type of thing Reid would do. Obviously, he was wrong. "You're actually considering getting one?" Morgan said.
"I wasn't," Reid admitted, looking up at Morgan now. "But recently… I don't know, I've been thinking about it. It would have to be something that really meant something to me, though."
"Of course it would. I just never thought you'd even consider getting a tattoo. I didn't think it was your type of thing."
"I never thought I'd want one, either," said Reid. "I still wouldn't get it somewhere everyone could see it- I'd get it on my back, maybe. But this is still only a maybe."
"Well, for the record, I think a tattoo would look great on you," said Morgan with a grin. "And I'd love it to be in a place only I would ever see."
"Like it was just for you…" Reid whispered, his expression thoughtful. As soon as the look appeared on Reid's face it was gone, and he was smiling up at Morgan again. He leaned across and pressed a kiss to both of Morgan's shoulders, on his tattoos. "I love you," he said, for the second time that morning.
"I love you too," said Morgan, kissing Reid.
"Should we get ready for work now?" Reid asked, a hand resting on Morgan's naked chest.
"Yeah, we probably should," said Morgan. "How's your knee?"
"It's okay, I think," said Reid. "It's not hurting now."
"You'll tell me if it starts hurting you too much, yeah?" said Morgan.
Reid recognised his own words being used against him, and had to nod his head. He wouldn't be able to lie to Morgan about something like that anyway. Not just because he was a bad liar, but because it would hurt Morgan to know that Reid was trying to hide his pain from him. Morgan loved him, and he would only want to help him. And it would be stupid for Reid to hide that pain. "I will tell you, definitely," Reid promised. "I can't work if my knee hurts too badly. It would be detrimental to the case for me to be there, rather than the other way around."
"Trust you to put the case ahead of yourself," Morgan laughed, kissing Reid again. "But good. You make sure you tell me, okay?"
"I will," said Reid with a smile. "Now let's get ready, before Hotch comes looking for us."
The rest of the morning passed by uneventfully for Reid, Morgan and everybody else; they worked tirelessly on their case, interviewing family and friends of their victims, as well as potential witnesses. After they'd finished interviews and had gathered more information, the team finally delivered the profile to the Chicago Police Department.
Without Hotch, Gordinski or the rest of the team noticing (save for Reid, who knew what to look for) Morgan kept an eye on Masters throughout the entire profile briefing. The man stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, watching the team talk with an arrogant little smirk on his face that no one else but Morgan noticed. He also noticed the way Masters watched Reid when he talked; almost scornfully, like he felt like Reid had no right to be there as part of the FBI. Remembering the way Masters treated the younger, smarter people at school- people like Reid- Morgan began to feel worried by that look. It could not mean anything good.
It was early afternoon when it happened. They were all talking, going over the case, when suddenly Reid's face crumpled in pain. He clutched his knee and bit his lip, trying hard not to cry out.
Morgan dropped the file he held on the table in front of him, and moved instantly to Reid, crouching down by his side. "Spencer? Are you okay?" Morgan asked, dropping Reid's first name without even thinking about it.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Reid insisted, but before he could say anything else he winced again, hissing in pain. "Okay, maybe I'm not."
"How bad does it hurt?" Morgan asked.
"A lot," Reid admitted. "I don't think it's been this bad since not that long after my knee was shot."
"I'm sending you back to the hotel," Hotch decided. "Morgan, you can drive him there." Reid opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again when he saw the fierce look on Morgan's face, telling Reid that there was no way Morgan was going to let him stay at work. And besides, Reid had to admit to himself, there was no point in him staying at the precinct. He wouldn't be able to concentrate in his current state, anyway.
"Hotch, I have another idea," Morgan spoke up, and everyone looked at him. "Let me take him to my mother's. She knows Reid, and she'd be perfectly happy to look after him. And I think it would be best for him to be somewhere where someone can ensure he's okay, just in case his knee gets worse."
Hotch nodded. "Very well. Morgan, take Reid to your mother's and be back as soon as you can."
"Can you walk?" Morgan asked Reid. Reid shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut in pain. "Okay, here. I'll help you."
"I'll help you to the car as well," Rossi said. Morgan put one of Reid's arms around his shoulders, Rossi the other, and they slowly helped the younger man out to one of the parked SUVs. Once Reid was sitting in the front passenger seat, Rossi hesitated. "Are you okay now?"
"It still hurts, but I'm as comfortable as I could possibly be," said Reid. "Thanks, Rossi."
Rossi nodded. "Don't you dare try to come back into the precinct today," he said. "You need the rest."
Reid made a face, but Morgan said, "He's right, Spencer. You can't work now. Rest up, and you'll be all right tomorrow."
Reid sighed, and nodded. "Okay," he said. "But you have to keep me updated, Derek."
Morgan chuckled. "Of course, baby," he promised, climbing into the driver's seat. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Rossi."
"Don't take too long," Rossi cautioned, a small smile on his face. "You are still on the clock, remember."
"I won't, Rossi. And don't worry; my mum won't let him come back to work today. Hell, she probably won't even let him get up from the couch."
"Ah, you're going to love that, Reid," Rossi chuckled, and Reid groaned slightly. "See you later." Rossi closed Reid's door and turned and walked back towards the precinct, and Morgan started the car and drove off.
Reid was silent during the drive. Morgan had expected Reid to try and convince him that he should remain at work, or at least protest, but he did neither of these things. Instead he just sat there, his eyes squeezed shut in pain. "Spencer?" Morgan said cautiously. "Are you okay?"
Reid shook his head. "No, not really," he managed to get out between clenched teeth. "It hasn't hurt this bad in a long time."
"Well, don't worry. We're here now." Morgan stopped the car and looked over at Reid again. "D'you think you can get to the front door?"
"I don't know," Reid admitted. "Stay next to me, just in case?"
"Of course," Morgan promised. He climbed out of the car and almost ran around to Reid's door, opening it and slowly helping the younger man out. Reid took a few hesitant steps on his crutches, nodded at Morgan, and began heading for the front door.
The front door opened before the two men reached it and Fran stood there, looking thoroughly confused. "Derek? Spencer? What are you two doing here?" Seeing the look of pain upon Reid's face, Fran's expression immediately changed to one of worry. "Spencer? Are you okay?"
"His knee's really bad right now, Mama," Morgan explained. "He can't work, so Hotch wanted to send him back to the hotel, but I suggested I bring him here so there'd be someone to look after him. I hope that's okay."
"Oh, Derek, of course it is!" Fran exclaimed. "Spencer, come in, please! Come sit down, get off that leg."
"I've got to go back to work, Mama," Morgan said. "But I'll be back as soon as I can. He leaned over and kissed Spencer. "I love you, pretty boy. I'll be back as soon as Hotch lets me leave, I promise. Don't exert yourself at all, okay?"
"I won't, Derek," Reid promised. Morgan gave Reid one last kiss before turning and walking back to the SUV, driving away.
As soon as Morgan had gone, Fran helped Reid into the house and got him settled onto the couch. "Can I get you anything, Spencer?" she asked.
"Coffee would be great," said Reid hopefully.
Fran chuckled. "I should've guessed that. Derek's told me so many times how much you love coffee. With a lot of sugar, right?"
Reid nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yes, please," he said.
"You can lie down on the couch if you take your shoes off," Fran said before leaving the room. Reid hesitated, but then did as she suggested, placing his shoes neatly beside the couch before lifting his legs up onto it. He was still sitting up, and so was able to take the coffee in his hands when Fran re-entered the room. "Thanks," he said gratefully.
"It's no problem at all," Fran assured him, sitting down in the chair beside his. After a few sips of her own coffee, Fran commented, "Your knee must be bad, for your boss to want to send you back to your hotel to rest."
Reid nodded. "Hotch knows I wouldn't go unless I absolutely had to," he said. "And he knows I make a valuable contribution to the team. He'd rather have me there if he could, but I'm in too much pain to be able to focus on my work." Reid fell silent, and took a long sip of his coffee to have something to do.
"I don't think Derek would've let you stay, either," Fran said. "He looked really worried about you."
"He is," said Reid. "He hates to see me in pain. And I hate him having to see me in that much pain, because it hurts him."
"It's because he cares about you more than anything, Spencer," said Fran. "He loves you. And anyone would hate to see the person they love the most in pain. It's natural."
"No, no, I know," said Reid quickly. "I'm just… I'm not used to having anybody care about me and love me as much as Derek does. I hadn't been in a serious relationship before him."
"To be honest, I don't think I remember him being in a serious relationship before you, either," Fran admitted. "I remember a long string of girlfriends, but none of them ever stuck around for very long. Definitely not six months."
"Why do you think that is?" Reid asked.
"It could be any number of reasons," said Fran. "When he joined the FBI, I know the job was at least part of it. But the main reason I think, was that Derek was afraid to trust. He was afraid to let anyone in, have them know his deepest secrets, and then have him break his heart. I was seriously getting afraid that he wouldn't find anyone. I didn't want him to be alone forever. But then he found you, and I know he trusts you implicitly. He loves you, and he'd do anything for you."
"Maybe it's because he knows how hard it is for me to trust," Reid said thoughtfully. "Seeing that I trust him makes it easier for him to trust me, and vice versa."
"Well, I'm glad you found each other," Fran said with a smile, reaching over and squeezing Reid's hand quickly. "And whatever you might be thinking, I think you're exactly right for my son. You're good for him."
"I know I asked you this the other night, but… well, I need to be sure," said Reid. "Are you- are you sure you don't mind-?"
"That you're a man?" Fran finished for Reid. "I am absolutely sure. I love Derek; he's my only son. All I've ever wanted is to see him happy. And when I saw him with you, at dinner… I'd never seen him happier. And as long as he's happy and in love, I don't really give a damn who he's dating. Although I've gotta say, I really do like you, Spencer, and not just because you're my son's boyfriend and I feel obligated to like you. Because that's not it at all. You're just an all-round good guy. A much better guy than you seem to think, from what Derek tells me. And you deserve love just as much as Derek does. No matter who that's with."
Reid couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at Fran's words, even with the pain in his knee. "Thanks, Mrs Mor- Fran," he said, catching himself at the last minute. "That really means a lot to me, that you think that."
"It's no problem at all, Spencer," said Fran. "Do you need anything? Ice?"
"No, I'm fine like this," Reid assured her. "The pain will dull and eventually go away if I stay off my leg for long enough and don't exert myself."
The two of them sat in amicable silence for a while, just sipping on their coffees. Eventually Reid spoke up again. "Fran, does Derek really talk about me as much as you keep saying he does?"
"All the time," Fran answered. "We've always talked at least once a week, usually on weekends when you don't have work- or after a case if you've been away. Derek would never talk about actual cases, but he would always talk about the team. When he'd get to you, he would go on for ages and ages, talking about how you'd managed to pull information or part of a profile out of nowhere, and how special you were to the team. If I didn't stop him, he would've gone on for hours, I think."
Reid could feel the colour creeping into his cheeks. Morgan really talked about him with his mother that much, even before they were together? Reid could feel tears beginning to form in his eyes, and wiped them away hurriedly with the back of his hand before Fran could notice.
As he sat with his leg stretched out on the couch, another question crossed Reid's mind. It wasn't something he wanted to ask, and he felt uncomfortable just thinking about it, but he had to know. "Um, Fran… there's something else I wanted to ask you," Reid said nervously. Fran looked over at him, confused. "Well, I just- Derek doesn't like to talk about it, you see, so I was wondering, whether he started acting out or anything after Carl Buford- what he did to Derek. I just want to know what things were like for him, so I can understand better."
Fran sighed heavily, and Reid was instantly afraid that he'd gone too far. He was about to apologise and tell her that she didn't have to say anything, when Fran began to talk. "He didn't act out or anything like that," she said. "He was too determined to get out of here and make a name for himself. He wasn't going to do anything to jeopardise that. I think that's also why he never told me. He thought… he thought he had to do what Buford wanted, to get out of here and make me proud."
Tears began to glisten in Fran's eyes, and Reid reached out with one hand, telling her with a kind smile that she didn't have to go on any more if she didn't want to. "No, it's okay, Spencer. You deserve to know this, and I don't want Derek to have to talk about it."
"You shouldn't have to talk about it either," Reid said, feeling rather guilty that he'd brought up the whole topic.
"No, I shouldn't," Fran said, sadness in her voice. "Derek should never have had to go through what he did. "But this is something that you deserve to know. And I think I need to talk about it."
"If you're sure…" Reid said hesitantly. Fran nodded her head. "How… did Derek behave, then?"
"He tried to be as normal as possible," Fran said. "Maybe that's why I never suspected anything. But there were times when I could tell that he was desperately unhappy. He was unhappy, and I didn't know how to help him. I love him so much, but I couldn't help him because he'd never told me what was really going on. There were times when I felt like the reason he didn't tell me was because he didn't trust me."
"That's not why he didn't tell you," said Reid. "It wasn't that he didn't trust you; in fact, I think there were many times that he wanted to tell you so you could make it stop. But he didn't want you to be disappointed in him. He didn't want you to think any less of him, because of what Buford was doing to him. And he didn't want to lose everything he'd gained, which is what he'd thought would happen if he reported Buford. It was nothing against you, Fran."
"Thanks Spencer," said Fran with a watery smile. "You should've seen how happy he was when he got into the FBI, and the BAU. It was his dream come true."
"I can imagine," said Reid, remembering how he'd felt when he'd managed to do the same thing. It had been his dream, the same as Morgan. "And he's never let his past hold him back. If anything, he's used it to make himself a better person- a better profiler."
"Well, I'm glad of that," said Fran. "Just as I'm glad he's found you, Spencer. I can tell that you're going to make him happy for the rest of his life, no matter what happens. And just so you know, I already consider you part of the family. And you're welcome to come visit me or talk to me any time you like."
A warm, happy smile crossed Reid's face. "That really means a lot, Fran. Thank you. I'm really glad you think so. Because I really, really love your son."
"It's no problem at all, Spencer," Fran assured him. You love Derek, and Derek loves you. And that's all I really care about."
A/N: Aw, I love Morgan's mum! :P And Masters... yeah, next chapter, let's just say he's going to show his true colours, to Morgan at least. Reviews, anyone? They make Reid smile, and you all know how adorable he is when he smiles! :P
Note from Diamond Cobra: "The lateness is partially my fault. I was playing Skyrim and din't check my email."