Chapter Four: The Trip to Smecker.
It had to have been 2 o'clock at least.
"Are we goin?" I asked suddenly as the boys and I walked along.
"Goin where?" Connor asked.
"Ta see Smecker, dumbass."
"I dunno, don't ya think you should relax fer a while?" He said, his eyes taking a fretful tone.
"I can relax when I'm dead." I said shrugging as I heard Connor sigh. I knew he was worried, I knew both of them were, but I ignored it, figuring it would pass with time. We walked in silence on the path to the police station.
"Would you stop bitin 'em!" Murphy exclaimed for the fourth time now. I looked at him, my fingernail still in my mouth.
"Ya know it's a habit." I protested. I felt like we were 6 again. I'd adopted some of Murphy's restlessness over the years.
"Here…smoke…" he said, giving me a cigarette and a lighter. So I smoked.
We came to the steps of the police station. I could almost see us before it'd all happened; Murphy and Connor in nothing but bloodied robes, me in my pajamas, and all three of us in untied boots, hobbling up the stairs to go confess self-defense. It seemed like it'd been years since it'd happened. We walked inside, not drawing much attention, except from Detectives Duffy and Dolly, who knew what we were up to. They immediately ushered us into the small interrogation room we'd been in last time.
"Is Smecker here?" I asked hopefully.
"He's out for now, getting coffee, should be back soon, I'll send him in." Dolly said, shooting a glance at me. Then they left.
"What are we doing here? What if Smecker decides ta arrest us?" Murphy said, sounding nervous.
"We'll find out now." Connor said as Smecker waltzed into the room.
"Long time no see, what brings you guys here?" he said, eyeing the bump. Slowly, we explained the night's events.
"So you want to know if I put the note on your door." He hadn't lost his touch. We nodded.
"Wish it was, but sorry, no, I've been in Philly for the past 2 weeks. I just got back this morning." He said as my frustration mounted.
"What tha fuck!" I sighed, standing up suddenly.
"Aideen calm tha fuck down!" Connor said, picking up the chair that I'd knocked over.
"Calm down? How do ya expect me ta calm down? There are people out fer us, they know where we live, they've got our fuckin pictures!" I yelled at him.
"Calm tha fuck down! Listen ta me! It'll be alright! Take a deep fucking breath. We're here. Ya know Murph and I wouldn't let ya get hurt. Now chill out." We sat down again.
"Listen, while you're here, I need to ask you a favor, there's this hot-shot drug dealer known as Maulfino. We've been trying to get him for years now, but he always disappears on us. We've got his address, and I need you three to take him out." We looked at each other, deciding instantly.
"Sure, we'll do it." Murphy replied for us.
"Good, but take care, he's not going to give up without a fight." Smecker said, handing me his address. We said our good-byes and headed for Rocco's old apartment.
His death was the only reason we kept on doing this. His last words were still echoing around in my head. That scene still haunted me. I could remember it so clearly. Papa Joe opened the door again, a determined look set on his face. Connor, Murph and I knew what he'd come to do. Murph struggled to free himself as Connor gave a blood-curdling cry. I sat there, speechless, wanting to yell along with Connor, but I found no words to fill the shock. That shot…it replayed over and over in my head. Murphy fought with the bounds, eventually dropping himself next to Rocco. I could hear him gasping for his last breaths as the blood gurgled in his chest.
"Don't stop….you guys get outta here….Don't.. ever… stop…." He managed, and then he was gone. A rage filled all of us. Connor started screaming his head off, Murphy just laid there in disbelief, eyes wide in shock, and I was moving around now, vowing over and over again that I was going to kill them. I wanted to make them suffer. I wanted them to pay. I secretly swore never to stop until every single sinner was dead, or at least until we were. I sat in Roc's empty apartment, deep in thought, wondering how far we would take this. And in my heart, I knew, we wouldn't stop, until one of us was dead.
"I'm going fer a walk," Murphy said suddenly.
It didn't bother us anymore, Murphy always liked to take walks, even when he was little, he'd always go and take a walk, he liked the time to himself, to clear his head and let himself go. I stood, pacing, trying to calm the mixed emotions I had inside…. Wasn't this God's will? Was murdering okay if it was for him? Did killing these sinners make us, in turn, sinners as well? I felt Connor's arms wrap around me, holding me. I rested my head on his shoulder, synchronizing my breathing with his. I turned to face him, putting my hands on his shoulders as I stared into his eyes. I reached up and ruffled his hair, smiling slightly.
"Ya know, ya can stay here while we do this…. I think it'd be best if ya did." Connor said softly. Anger filled me so quickly. How could Connor say something like that? I wasn't 7 anymore. I didn't need a baby-sitter. I knew they would do this to me, I knew they would baby me now.
"What? Connor, I'm not a fucking kid anymore; I'm 27 for fuck's sake! Thanks fer tha concern, but I'm fine, now stop trying ta act like my father!" I yelled at him.
I could feel a fight coming on, and it was going to be a big one.
"I'm fucking sorry if I worry about ya fer Christ's sake! I not trying ta be yer father…I'm trying to make sure that yer not tha next fucking one in a body bag! But fine, fuck it! If ya think ya can survive without Murph and I, then go, there's tha fucking door!" He screamed, standing an inch from my face, his hand still pointing at the door.
"Fuck you Connor…" was all I could say as I grabbed my jacket from the back of the chair and walked out. He didn't try to stop me, and I didn't want him to."I'm not a little kid anymore." Was all I kept mumbling as I made my way outside. I sat on the curb, smoking a few cigarettes, half expecting Connor to come running out of the building, his jacket not all the way on, an unlit cigarette in his hand, calling my name and looking around for me. He didn't come, and I didn't care. I sat there for at least 20 minutes before I saw Murphy come strolling back up to the door. He gave me a quick look of confusion, then letting me be as he realized I'd gotten into a fight with Connor. I finished my cigarette and went inside, not really knowing what to say; just figuring Connor would be cooled off by now. The door was slightly open and I could hear the boys talking, I paused outside the door, just listening and making sure I should go back inside.
"Murph — she's not invincible, ya know it. And she can't do this on her own. She'll be tha next murder we see on the news, I don't want that." I heard Connor say in a hushed tone.
"Aideen's stubborn, yes, but she's not stupid. Tha girl can fend fer herself, if need be. I'm just saying; let her be fer a while. She doesn't need us ta protect her all tha time. Lord knows we can try, but we can't protect her forever." Murphy said slowly, there was a break. I took a deep breath as I pushed open the door. The boys stopped their conversation as I walked in. Connor came up and kissed my forehead. The boys and I never liked to apologize, nor did we like to accept apologies, but I knew I was forgiven.
"Look, Aidey, I think Connor's right, ya don't have ta stay if ya don't want ta, but given today's hospital scare, I think ya'd be better off just staying here while we do this." Murphy said quietly, taking a few steps towards me. I looked at him, and then at Connor, not sure what to say, since they ganged up on me, yet again. I had no choice.
"Fine, fuck it; you guys aren't going ta give it a fucking rest. So fine, I'll be tha housewife." I said sitting down with a sigh of defeat. The boys smiled, each of them kissing the top of my head.
"Atta girl. Now, ya know not ta talk ta strangers right?" Murphy teased me. I turned around, giving him a soft punch to the stomach. And before I knew it, the boys and I were rolling around on the floor, wrestling and giggling like we'd done when we were little. Playing was our solution as kids, we would dive into this imaginary world when we were younger, because in that world, there was no evil, there was no need for Saints and Sinners, and everything was perfect. But we'd grown up and realized that we couldn't hide forever and eventually, we would have to face the monsters under our bed.