I hate waking up and knowing he's not here beside me. Either he's left for work already or he fell asleep in front of the TV. Again.
Sighing, I slipped out of bed and tiptoed across the cold wooden floors into our bathroom to brush my teeth before waking the kids up. They were used to him being gone. I still wasn't. It had been three years since the big promotion that got us this nice house and the new van and our youngest, Emma.
Then work got in the way, obviously. Edward went from 40-50 hour weeks to 60-plus hour weeks. We had three kids that were under the age of seven, and even though they were the reason that I got up in the morning, they could be a real pain in the ass if any one of them was having a bad day, which happened more often than not.
I was worn down to the bone. I needed a break. I was lucky to get four hours of sleep, with trying to keep up with laundry and cleaning this massive house at least once a week.
The fact that Edward barely pecked me on the lips anymore just added to my tiredness. I just wanted a little bit of the love we used to have. Ten years we'd been married, fourteen years together. Ten years exactly in five days. Did I hear any news of plans for this anniversary? No, of course not. I'd probably end up getting a babysitter just so I could have a bath and a glass – or a bottle – of wine while Edward worked another late night. Surprise, surprise.
This is what my life was now. God knows my mother warned me when we decided to get married at the tender ages of 19 and 20. I felt so much older than 29. Much, much older. I probably looked much, much older, too. Although my sweetheart, David, always told me I was the prettiest mom. He'd be such a charmer when he grew up, with his hazel eyes and auburn hair. He took after his dad, that one did.
The day went by like it usually did. I sent Elizabeth off to school on the bus and dropped David off at his last day of Kindergarten. My babies were growing up so much faster than I expected them to. It seemed like only yesterday Edward and I found out we were pregnant for the first time. What I wouldn't give to have those easy-going days back sometimes...
Emma and I went grocery shopping and to the park to burn off her seemingly never-ending energy. That girl could run circles around her siblings and her mother, much to my dismay. I could barely keep up with her, let alone two other energetic kids and a dog, and my sometimes present husband.
Plus, I was rearing to get back to work. As soon as Emma was in Kindergarten, I was going back to the work force. I hadn't told Edward yet, because I knew he'd probably make a bigger deal out of it than he needed to, but I really wanted to be able to interact with adults that weren't my children's teachers or babysitters or the ladies at the grocery store.
Chartered accounting wasn't exactly my dream job, or anyone's really, but I didn't mind it, and it paid decently. I was good at it, and I knew I'd be able to get my old job back in a flash. Mr. Hunter had been sad to see me go. Edward thought it was because he had a thing for me, and that may have been the case seven years ago, but we certainly wouldn't have that problem anymore. I had stretch marks and saggy boobs and I walked around like a zombie half the time. I was surprised anyone could even look at me without cringing anymore.
Emma went down for a nap at one in the afternoon and I took Lucky out into the backyard with the baby monitor and a pitcher of iced tea. I let Lucky run around our huge backyard while I read my book and relaxed until Emma woke up at 2:30 and I got her changed and ready to pick up the kids from school. David was on a sugar high from his last day party and Elizabeth was reading her new book from the library. We went home and I let the kids and Lucky out into the backyard for some more energy burn-off time while I cooked supper. Thank God our kitchen faced the backyard or I'd never get anything done.
As soon as I put the big pan of what was going to be baked penne, Elizabeth carted in a bawling Emma.
"Emma felled!" David chirped.
"Fell, David," I corrected. "She fell."
"Right," he quickly agreed. "She fell right over top of Lucky while she was sleeping and bonked her head in the grass."
"Oh, sweetie," I cooed picking her up and holding the back of her head with my hand and cuddling her close. "Did you bump your noggin?"
She nodded and continued to cry. I gave her a couple of kisses and snuggles, and she started to calm down.
"Why don't you two help Mom out by setting the table, okay?" I requested, pointing to the plates and forks I had set out on the lower counter. Elizabeth immediately grabbed them and David trotted dutifully after her. Oh, my sweet babies, they had their moments, but they were good kids. I lucked out in that department.
I calmed Emma down enough to set her in the high chair we had in the kitchen and dumped some cheerios on the table in front of her. She began chewing on them quickly and I made a quick Caesar salad.
We had the table set and everyone – except for Edward, of course – eating by 5:30, just how I liked it.
"So, David, how was your last day? Did you give Ms. Stanley the present we made for her?"
"Yep!" David replied cheerfully, playing with his penne on his plate. "She said she loved it and hoped I had a great summer."
I smiled. "That's good, honey. How about you, Elizabeth? I saw you got a new book. Do you like it?"
"Mhm," she hummed with a smile. "I finished three chapters already! I'm the fastest reader in the class, that's what Mrs. Yorkie said."
"That's great, sweetheart! I'm so proud of you!"
"So am I," a deep, familiar voice agreed from behind me.
"Daddy!" David and Elizabeth crowed, jumping out of their seats to greet their father with big, messy handed and faced hugs. Edward didn't care, though. If one thing was for certain, he loved those kids more than anything in the world.
Emma squirmed in her high chair, reaching for her dad with loud, shrill giggles.
"How's my sweet girl?" Edward asked Emma as he grabbed her out of her chair and kissed her dirty face a couple of times.
"Daddy home!" she cried, clapping her hands a few times joyfully.
"Yes, Daddy's home," he agreed with a chuckle.
He hadn't even acknowledged me yet, but I couldn't find it in my swelling heart to be upset. This was the first time in over a week that he'd been home for dinner during the week. We always, always, always had family brunch and supper on Sundays, but other than that, we were lucky to see him before seven or eight at night.
"I'll get you a plate," I murmured, even though Elizabeth and David were already chatting with him about their days.
I grabbed a plate and fork out of the cabinet and returned to the dining room, smiling wistfully as I watched my family talk and laugh. Edward sat beside Emma and wiped his hand over her hair and nuzzled her cheek with his nose before asking David if he was excited to start playing t-ball next week.
Before I returned to my seat, I set Edward's plate in front of him.
"Thanks, babe," he said, glancing at me with a quick smile before returning his attention back to David.
I ate and watched my family before beginning to slowly start the cleaning process again. Did it ever end? I cleaned Emma up best I could before declaring, "I think it's bath night."
"But, moooooom," David whined. "Bath night was two nights ago!"
"Bath night is always every second night," I reminded him, picking Emma up and stripping her quickly down to her diaper. She squirmed in my arms. She loved bath night.
"Mom, can I have a shower with you?" Elizabeth asked with pleading eyes.
"Sure, honey, as long as you get clean before the weekend," I told her with a smile.
"How about you and I have boy time, Davey?" Edward asked David. "I'll run your bath in mine and mom's tub and we can play with some toys."
"Okay!" David agreed readily.
"I think you need to be home in time for baths more often," I said drily, leaving the dining room before Edward could answer with something about work.
Emma was in and out of the tub quickly and into her jammies before 7:30. She was my little night owl, though, and liked to stay up until ten. I took her into the living room with a book, and grabbed Elizabeth along the way. I'd have to wait for Edward before Elizabeth and I could shower.
Elizabeth read to Emma while we waited. She was turning out to be quite the little spark plug. She was as smart as whip, my Elizabeth was. Edward's mother wanted us to start her a year early, but we decided to wait a year, and thank goodness we did. She would've struggled in the class above hers, and it felt good seeing her excel in her own age group.
Edward was down with David by 8:00. He turned on Mickey Mouse Playhouse for David and Emma, and they were completely transfixed by the TV. I smirked and shook my head at him and he just shrugged with a shit-eating grin. Elizabeth and I showered quickly and got her into her pj's before joining the rest of the family downstairs.
David crashed early, just after 9, because of his big last day at school. Elizabeth went to her room at 9:30 to read for a while. I knew she'd be out before 10. Emma, Edward, and I watched another episode of Mickey Mouse and she eventually fell asleep in Edward's arms at quarter after ten.
Edward and I shut the TV off and locked all the doors and set all the alarms and turned off all the lights before heading to our room. My hair was still damp so I blow dried it while Edward showered quickly. I was brushing my hair in front of the mirror of my vanity when he re-entered the room wearing nothing but a towel. He still looked good, better than good, at the age of 30. He wasn't as muscular, but he was still trim. He ran often enough to keep his slim figure. He had a tattoo that kept growing with every child we had. Elizabeth, David, and Emma were all listed over his heart, as well as swan that represented me.
He pulled on his boxers and laid on the bed letting out a sigh. I was never so thankful that we decided not hook up our satellite dish to the TV in our room.
I crawled into bed with him, settling next to him, touching his chest lightly.
"How've you been? I feel like I never see you anymore," I admitted quietly. "You don't even come to bed anymore..."
"I'm sorry, Bella," he murmured, turning to look at me. "I just...I'm tired, and this is the busy season, you know?"
"I know," I replied, my voice already thick with impending tears. "I just feel like...I'm the nanny and the maid. Not the wife."
His hand stroked my arm and he smiled at me. "You know I love you more than anything, don't you?"
I shrugged, looking down to hide my tears.
"Hey," he said, tilting my chin up with his fingers. "I love you, okay? I do. Never, ever doubt that."
"It's kind of hard not to doubt your love for me when you barely even look at me anymore," I said. "I know I'm not nearly as beautiful as you thought I was when we were in high school, but I just – I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess–"
"Whoa, what?" Edward asked. "Not beautiful? Bella, you are the most beautiful woman in the world."
I snorted. "Okay, whatever."
"You are!" he said, raising his voice slightly. "Where is this coming from? You never had self-esteem issues before. You know I think your beautiful."
"I know you used to think I was beautiful," I reworded. "We haven't talked about anything other than the kids in I don't even know how long. We haven't had sex in, like, a month, Edward. We used to have sex every day before Emma came. Or at least every other day."
"Believe me, I know that," he said with a snort, running his hand through his hair. "I've been talking to Aro about my hours. Sixty hours is okay for a guy in his 20s, a guy that needs the money and whatever, but I've made more than we need. I'm still gunna be supervisor, but I'm cutting my hours back down to 40-50 hours a week. It'll still be busy from May 'til October, but I'll be home more."
Tears filled my eyes. "Thank you. I really appreciate that. The kids miss you so much..."
"What about you? Don't you miss me?" he asked, smiling slightly, a little nervously if I wasn't mistaken.
"Of course I miss you," I whispered. "I just feel like you don't miss me."
"Hon, I don't know what I need to tell you to let you know that I love you and I miss you whenever I'm not with you. My feelings haven't changed in the past 14 years," he told me, getting frustrated.
"Maybe I wouldn't doubt your feelings if you reminded me every once in a while," I suggested. "Love me. Tell me you miss me. I know it seems so high school, but I need those reminders. I'm not a mind reader, despite what this family may think."
He chuckled at that. "You do always seem to know who's doing what and where and when. Sometimes it's hard for me to realize that you can't just see that I love you from the way I look at you."
"I love you," I whispered, pecking his lips lightly. "So much."
His grin spread slowly. "I love you so much it hurts, Bella."
"Show me."
Based on "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran. I don't know how accurately this could be taken, seeing as I've never been married or had children, but I do know how hard it is for stay-at-home mom's. My mom is a stay at home mom, and I don't know how she survived the years where my sisters and I were all under the age of ten. I mean, four girls? Seriously? I can't thank my mom enough for raising me to be the person I am...
This is the last of my pre-written Odds and Ends one-shots. I think I'm going to start expanding some of the one-shots now. I'm leaving on Wednesday morning for camp, and I definitely won't be writing up there. I don't get back from camp until the 12th, and even then, I'm going to be spending as many hours at the school as possible trying to get my drawings to work and all of my notes neat enough so that I can design a bridge in ANOTHER class in the fall... Le sigh... Engineering. Who needs it? (Answer: everyone. Unfortunately.)