Chapter Five: Futures So Bright, We Burned Out
If you were still around,
You'd tell me that you're sorry, but you don't know what you're sorry about
I'd keep to myself, keep you guessing, make you question
If it's ever going to work itself out
If you were still around, I swear, we would be nowhere...
Yeah, it still haunts me...
-x-
"What are you doing here!"
There he was, standing in her doorway, acting as if it was the most normal thing in the world. His messed up hair and wrinkled shirt, his boyish grin in all his effervescent glory, slouching against the doorframe. And in that moment, she was torn between being happy because he never came to town anymore, and sending him packing for the same reason.
As if her daughter needed to be exposed to any more 'daddy issues' than she already had been at this young of an age.
The thought of Mari sleeping soundly in the next room made her decision harder and easier all at the same time. It would be better for Mari if he didn't come by anymore…wouldn't it? Because some sort of stability, even the kind that requires no father at all, would be better than the turbulence of one that was constantly in and out of her life.
"Get out." She finally found her voice.
And in all his annoyingly charming glory, he gave her a sheepish smile. The kind a boy would give his mother after being caught with cookies before dinner.
She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. "You heard me." She said, emotionless and cold.
It was enough to drop the smile off his face, his own expression neutralizing in seconds. The action alone was enough to age him a few years at best.
"Can't we talk?" It was the first time she'd heard his voice in months.
For a fleeting moment, she let the fact that it felt nice to hear it, register in the back of her mind.
"You know, I've heard athletes get dumber as they get older. But damn, grasping the English language seems to be too great of a task for you, now." She didn't want to be mean, but he was the last person she wanted to see tonight.
Ever, really. Because him coming to town never meant anything good.
"Mimi…please." His eyes were pleading.
The look alone would've been enough to break her, but not anymore.
"No way. Now, my daughter is sleeping in the next room and I would really appreciate it if you left without another word." She said quietly.
His face fell. "Our daughter." He mumbled.
Mimi laughed, it was callous and humorless. "Right." She scoffed. "You tell yourself that on your way back to your hotel." And with that, she shut the door with him behind it.
And she'd be lying if she said it didn't take every ounce of strength she had to do it. Because for her, he was the fairy tale she never got to have. And it was about time she closed the door on it.
-x-
Tokyo University had always been her dream. It was the most beautiful place on the planet, in her opinion, and there wasn't a single school in the world that she was meant to be at more than the place she was at now. The moment she had stepped foot on campus, she knew she would love it here. She had worked hard to get here and she deserved to be happy about it.
A year into it, as a sophomore, Mimi was just as happy about being at T.U as she had been when she had first been accepted, if not more. She and her best friend since grade school were still together and even roommates. She had a gorgeous boyfriend who was absolutely head over heels for her. Her gpa was almost perfect. Her parents couldn't be prouder of her. She was a social butterfly, with her hand in almost ever extra curricular activity she was good at. And on top of it all, she knew she looked good doing it all.
For Mimi Tachikawa, life was good.
"You were beautiful out there!" She threw her arms around a chocolate haired boy who was sweating through his jersey.
He laughed, lifting her tiny frame off the ground. "Just coz I had you watching me, baby." He laid a salty kiss on her lips.
She giggled, pulling away and wrinkling her nose. "Yuck. You should shower." But she really didn't mind.
He shook his head. "Only if you come with me." He grinned in her ear, spilling kisses along her jaw.
"I have to meet Sora, you know that." She rolled her eyes. "It's mani-pedi day, I already delayed because I couldn't miss you game."
"Well, I appreciate it."
"You have to study anyway."
He shrugged a shoulder. "Playing soccer gets me out of that shit." He laughed.
"Do you reality think soccer is gonna be enough in the future?"
"Eff the future, Mimi. It's a long time away." He crossed his arms behind his head. "All we really have is right now." And he had always been as carefree as he was in that moment.
"You don't think about it, ever?"
He shook his head. "Not really." He admitted. "I got you, I've got that." He motioned towards the retreating soccer field behind them. "All I really need."
She sighed. "I wish you would think about it, then." She rubbed the back of her neck.
"I'll pass. But what are you doing tonight? Any plans?"
"I'm assuming I have plans with you?" She said, with a small smile.
"Awesome. Who knew there would come a day where I would have to schedule time with my girlfriend." He kissed her cheek, putting an arm around her waist.
Mimi gave a small laugh. "Yeah, well. Get yourself a less popular girlfriend." She winked. "I'm clearly in high demand."
"Nah, I like the one of I've got. Busy schedule and all." He slipped a few fingers under the hem of her shirt. "As long as I'm at the top of her priority list."
She laid her head on his chest. "Can't promise you number one, but how is a solid three sound?" She scrunched her nose up at him.
He laughed. "I'll take whatever you give me, babe." He kissed her forehead.
-x-
. 1 week later…
The bathroom floor was dirtier than usual, or maybe she just wasn't used to being so close to it. But as she sat there, her clothes strewn around the tiled floor, her hand shaking with the weight of the object in it.
With tears streaming down her face, her heart hammering out of her chest and her life falling apart in front of her eyes, she wished for it all to be a dream. This wasn't in the plan, this wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't the girl these kind of things happened to.
When did her luck run out?
The bathroom door opened, reminding her of two things, she wasn't alone and that she didn't lock it. "Fuck…" Was all he said, because it didn't take a genius to realize what was going on.
She looked up at him from her vantage point on the ground, her red rimmed eyes, swollen face, wet lips, giving her away. "I'm sorry." Was all she could get out before the sobs took over.
He dropped to his knees beside her, his back against the wall, he pulled her to him. "Shh…" He murmured into her soft brown hair. "We'll figure it out. Please don't cry." He didn't know what he was saying, the shock of it all still hadn't worn off.
She continued to sob into his chest, her body convulsing with the sheer severity of them. "It's over. Everything is over. My life is over." It was all she kept repeating.
And he couldn't help but think the same thing.
"Baby, we'll figure it out. Shhh, Mimi." It was futile, there was nothing he could say to make her feel better.
The situation was something they weren't even the least bit prepared for. And he cursed himself for being so stupid, because who really even has unprotected sex anymore anyway?
They were smarter than that, they knew so much better.
The one time they were in too much of a hurry to use a condom happened to be on the same day she forgot to take her birth control.
What the hell were the odds of that… and why did they have to fall victim to it.
They both had such bright futures, they were gonna go somewhere, be something. And then, when they were established and had real jobs and experience, eh wouldn't mind having a family with her. It was preferable, in fact. But god, not now, never now.
"It's all over…"
-x-
A knock at the door snapped her out of her musings. "You've got a visitor," One of the stage girls poked her head in.
Mimi sighed, "Send him in." She said, filing her nails.
She was the only dancer that got her own room, it wasn't much, barely bigger than a cubicle but it came in really handy on those rare nights she didn't have a sitter. She looked in the corner where Mari's things were set up, she hated bringing her daughter here and only did out of desperation. But the good thing was that one of the girls was always on break when she was performing and could sit with her daughter when she needed them to.
Plus her room was pretty removed from the sleaziness that usually went on at indulgences, which was another small favor she couldn't be more thankful for.
Another knock, it was more authoritative though.
She cleared her throat, straightened her posture and said, "Come in."
It was the last person she expected, once again.
In that moment, he looked barely eighteen, a sheepish grin on his face, blonde hair mussed and unkempt, one hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously, the other tucked in the pocket of his khakis.
"You're a couple days late." She said, turning back to the vanity mirror in front of her.
He took a step inside, letting the door shut behind him. "I meant to tell you…I didn't want to keep you guessing. I wanted to come but—
"Something, came up?" Her reflection quirked an eyebrow at him in amusement. "Trust me, it's not a big deal." And she really didn't seem at all phased by his absence a few nights ago.
He was a little disappointed, hoping that it mattered just a little.
Matt nodded. "I'm glad then, you weren't waiting up." He said with a small nod.
She shook her head. "Not at all." She said honestly, pushing away from the vanity.
She was in nothing but a silk robe, the hem barely touching her knee caps. It was far from modest yet she wasn't the least bit self conscious, then again, he figured in the business she was in, she couldn't very well afford to be self conscious.
He admired her body unashamedly, it was beautiful, something to be worshiped, perfect from what he could see. And then, it hit him all over again, this was her body after a child. Half of him felt a sense of jealousy towards the man who got to be with her before.
She gave him an inquisitive glance, his pensiveness written on his face. But without giving it a second thought, she brushed past him, collecting a few of the garments strewn around the room. The place was a terrible mess.
"Can I ask you what brings you here?" she kept her tone neutral and her back to him.
There was something inherently attractive about the man in the room with her. His air of mystery, the way he looked the first day she saw him, the way he looked at her sometimes. It was all a little too much for her to take in all at once.
He cleared his throat, taking a few seconds to choose his words. "You." It was the only word that held any importance.
She turned towards him, surprise etched on her face at his bluntness. "What?"
"I wanted to see you."
If there was one thing Yamato Ishida was accustomed to, it was getting his own way. His ambition and drive were the two determining factors that helped him get to where he was in such a short amount of time. The amount of success and capital he had incurred at such a young age was something to be marveled at. He owed some of it to his father but most of it was of his own merit and his determination.
Mimi wasn't a thing or a prize he needed to win. But she was a goal he wanted to reach. From the moment he locked eyes with the raven haired beauty, he knew there was something that he couldn't put in words.
He was torn between telling her he knew more about her than she let on and keeping it a secret. Because if he did confess to her what he found out over dinner, he would surely have to go into the specifics of how and why. It would be enough to scare her away for good.
Mimi pulled a hand through the end curls of her pony tail, "I'm up in a few minutes." She said, a harsh contradiction to his vulnerable statement.
Matt didn't bother hiding his reaction to her harshness. He wasn't expecting her to reciprocate but he didn't think she would be cold either. "Anyway…I was wondering if I could take you out?" He figured he might as well get straight to it.
She gave him an unimpressed look. "Do you ever give up?" she asked.
He took a few bold steps closer to her. "Not when it's something I really want." He said truthfully.
"You should though, give up I mean." She said quietly. "There are things about me you'd never be able to accept."
She was always like that, all cryptic and hidden meanings. Except, this time he knew exactly what she was being mysterious about. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to hide it from him, the fact that she had a kid didn't really bother him, anymore at least
It was a little bit of a sore point for the last two days though, while he tried to process everything eh had just learned after that dinner with Zoe.
Of course after the spectacular show he made of spitting out his drink on the tablecloth, she didn't want to speak to him for the next two days. She didn't think much of it, just assumed it as another attempt to embarrass her.
Which really wasn't his intent at all.
A few days had passed since then though and he decided everything that happened to her before she met him was just chance and poor circumstance. He was gonna change her life. She'd never have to worry about a thing.
Either of them.
Little did Matt know, that was really the last thing Mimi wanted from him. Because none of that would mean anything if she didn't do it herself. It was the reason she kicked out Mari's father when he tried to see her. It was the reason she never went to her parents for money. The reason she was stripping.
She needed to take care of her daughter on her own, because no one owed Mari anything except her.
"I don't think you heard me, I need to—
"One night, please?"
Mimi sighed. "Wait for me? Here…or out there" She pointed towards the door. "We can talk after my shift."
"Do you have to go, though? I mean, tonight, you couldn't just—
She cut him off with a displeased look. "This is who I am, if it makes you uncomfortable, you're welcome to the door." Her message couldn't be clearer. "You better know what your getting yourself into, wall street. Nothing is going to change." And with an indifferent shrug in his direction, she dropped her robe to the floor and walked out.
He avoided letting his eyes linger on her half naked form. It was damn near impossible though. She was perfection, in every single way.
-x-
She was leaning against his car, eyes trained on the ground, heart racing and her hands shaking. She wanted to throw up and pass out all at the same time. Her head was spinning. Her vision unfocused, an annoying buzzing in her ears that kept getting louder and louder.
It wasn't until she felt his hand beneath her chin, that he body began to stabilize. "Come here." He said softly.
He gathered her in his arms, holding her close, dropping tender kisses into her soft brown hair. "We'll be okay." He kept saying, but it wasn't enough.
Not for her, not now at least.
"I'm nine weeks pregnant. How is that okay?"
He winced at her words, "We have options." He said meekly.
She shook her head vehemently. "Like what?" She demanded.
"You could… we could… take care of it?" He swallowed thickly, feeling like a murderer for even suggesting it.
She ripped herself away from him. "You can't be serious." She hissed.
"It was a suggestion, babe. Loads of women do it, you know." He defended.
She stuck him with a cutting glare. "Not me. It's not an option." She'd never be able to bring herself to punish a helpless little child for their carelessness.
Her helpless little child.
"It has a heartbeat. Doesn't that matter?" Her eyes swimming with unshed tears.
His expression softened. "It matters, Mimi. Of course it matters." He lightly grabbed her shoulders. "I just…" he didn't finish his sentence.
Their baby's heart beating in his ears again, he couldn't deny how beautiful it sounded. And when he stared at the girl in front of him, he saw through all the bull shit and drama for just one moment, and remembered how much he loved her. There wasn't single thing in the world he wouldn't do for her.
He touched her face, a thumb grazing across her cheek. "I want you to know, that it's up to you." He said slowly. "It's your body, your decision. And I'm going to support whatever you decide." He promised, pressing a kiss into her forehead.
"If I wanna keep this baby?" She asked timidly, bottom lip quivering.
"Then we'll keep it." He said simply, hands on her hips. "It won't be easy, our parents are gonna hate us. But we'll be a family and I'll do whatever I have to from this moment on to make sure this kid has a stable environment to come out to."
It was the last thing she expected to hear from him and the only thing she wished he'd say, her eyes snapped up to his. "You're…you're serious?" Her voice was cracking.
He gave her a half smile. "I love you, Mimi." He said. "And I'm gonna love our baby." He took a hand off her hip, laying it over her stomach in the most cliché way possible.
Mimi smiled, putting a hand over his. "I love you too."
And in the moment, she could've sworn they were invincible (1), because there nothing in the world mattered as much as the two of them deciding to face the biggest challenge of their lives, together.
-x-
She was surprised to find him waiting for her. She wasn't much for expectations. She hardly believed in anyone keeping their word.
She barely believed in anything at all.
So on some level, she had a tiny bit of appreciation for his tired form slumped in her vanity chair.
He diverted his eyes from her as soon as they met and she realized it was more out of respect than anything else. She grabbed her robe off the floor, firmly tying it around her waist. "So?" She asked, "What can I do for you?"
"Have a conversation?"
"How about I change, we get out of my dressing room, and then have that conversation?"
He nodded, lifting himself out of her chair. "I'll be outside." He jabbed a thumb at the door before walking past her.
She waiting until the door closed behind him to let out the breath she'd been keeping in. Half of her really hoped he wouldn't be waiting for her when she was back. She needed to get back to her daughter, needed to see her. But she remembered what Sora's words "Take a little time for yourself, M. You're no good to Mari if your worn out and stressed all the time."
And what about Mari's father… Mimi had a sneaking suspicion he was still in town, not that she had heard from him since she kicked him out. He would be back, he wasn't going to leave without seeing his daughter.
And usually, he would come at a time when he knew Mari was awake, knowing Mimi couldn't very well throw him out after seeing her daughters eyes light up like Christmas lights at the sight of her dad.
After throwing on a pair of jeans and a black sweater, Mimi quickly packed up her things and headed out of her room. Outside, just as he had said, Matt was waiting for her.
"Let's go, wall street." She nodded towards the back door, beckoning him to follow her out.
"So what's your deal anyway?" She asked.
He raised his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"
"Like what do you do, where do you work. You know at least that much about me." She gestured around their current venue for emphasis.
He sighed. "I uhh, I'm in the financial district." He said. "I majored in consulting and foreign relations, that's mostly what I do." He recovered.
She nodded. "Is that what you wanted to do?" She asked.
He shrugged a shoulder. "You'll laugh, but for a lot of my life I wanted to be a musician." He said, a little embarrassed. "But the old man was pretty quick to remind me that there's no money in the music industry." He kicked a rock across the parking lot, keeping his eyes on the ground.
In that moment, she felt a rush of sympathy and a little of something she couldn't describe. But he looked so adorable, talking about his teenage dreams of being a rockstar, she wanted to hug him. "You probably could've done it, you know." She mentioned. "I don't know you, but I feel like in most cases, ambition is like ninety percent of the work. Anyone can do just about anything if they want to." She said, a small smile on her lips.
"Well, what about you?" He asked. "I know you work here and stuff, but it can't be by choice." He stated boldly. "And I don't want you take it offensively, I'm just saying. There's no way this was what you wanted from your life." And he wasn't going to censor his thoughts when it came to her choice in occupation.
He believed she deserved more, better, and he knew it from the moment he laid eyes on her.
She felt her face burn a little. She wasn't sure what it was about his icy gaze that made her feel so… transparent. "It…it wasn't. I just, I don't really have much of a choice. Money is tight, I never finished college—
"How come?"
She sighed. "I, okay. Well, it's pretty cliché. But I've got a kid to support." She admitted, she was never ashamed of her daughter. Mari was her entire world, she sacrificed everything for that little girl, there was no way she'd want to hide her from anyone.
"I got pregnant young, nineteen, a sophomore in college. My boyfriend of the time, he tried to stick it out but he couldn't, it was too much for him. My parents…they're high society, old money and old fashioned. For them, the worse thing in the world would be to have their friends knowing that they have a pregnant daughter." She stopped for a second, this was stuff she hadn't recounted in ages.
Most of the people she associated with, knew all this about her because they'd been through it with her. Everyone else she didn't care enough to explain to.
She wondered why she was bothering with him, but there was something in his blue eyes that made her continue anyway.
"They weren't very understanding or supportive. His parents either. But we made a decision, you know? Anyway, for him things got complicated." She let on. "But that never really made a difference, me and Sora, we take care of things okay. And this…" She nodded back towards Indulgences. "You probably don't get it. You think it's not worth it. You look at me and I don't know what you see but you think it's something I can't or won't get out of. No, it's a job, just like yours and without it, my baby would be without a home."
He never considered it that way. It wasn't as if she was romanticizing stripping, she just told him the truth. Raw and real, it was a job, the only thing she could do to put food on the table. Because she really didn't have any other choice.
"The way I see it, two type of men come in here. The sleazy, disgusting, pervs that leave their wives and family to get their rocks off, here. Trying to buy more than lap dances, with money or blow. She shrugged. "And then there's the other kind, the business-men, the lawyers, the real Pretty Woman Richard Gere types, that wanna take a girl outta the strip club, put her in some Michael Kors heels and turn her into one of society's classiest ladies…" She looked at him.
"I can tell you that I'm interested in neither. I'm not a crack whore looking for her next fix, nor am I a lost girl desperately searching for something more." She rolled her eyes at the last part. "I don't need to be saved, or rescued, or any of that fairytale bull shit. Like I said earlier, this is my job and until I can find something better, this is what I'll be doing." She stared straight into those icy blue eyes, conveying every bit of her message as she could.
She was a mother, that was her job description. Everything else was just needless information.
To her surprise, he just gave a small chuckle. "You talk a lot for sucha small girl." He stared up at the sky. "I'm not here for any of that, Mimi." He knew he was lying a little, when he said that. "One date, that's all. You're beautiful, I want to get to know you." That was the most he needed to say. If she really wanted nothing to do with him, he would stop trying.
She looked at him, slowly walking around to stand in front of him. "One date?" She arched an eyebrow. "Really?"
He nodded.
"No strings?"
He shook his head. "No strings."
She was quiet, considering the offer. "Fine, tomorrow. I can probably get Kari to baby-sit for a couple of hours." If not, there was also her father, who wasn't going anywhere considering he was still in town, two days later.
He was up to something, and Mimi just wasn't sure what.
His face lit up, he didn't bother hiding his enthusiasm. "You're serious?" He couldn't believe how easy it had been for her to agree.
Mimi gave him a hesitant nod. "Eight?" She asked.
He agreed without any persuading. "Sure, that's fine, should I pick you up from your—
"Here, is fine." She nodded back at the club. "I've got a kid, Matt. She's real smart, I can't bring guys around her, not even for a second."
He understood as much, after his parents divorce, he hated seeing his mothers string of boyfriends.
"Whatever you want." He smiled.
-x-
Nineteen hours of labor later and she was holding the most beautiful thing in the world in her arms. There was no way she could imagine being anywhere else at the moment. No one she would rather be with, than the little person that was all hers. Tears flowed freely down her face, her arms were shaking and she can't take her eyes off this little wiggling thing in her arms.
She wanted this one moment to last forever, because out of all the crap and chaos that these past nine months had been, this one moment made it all worth it. The silence that surrounded her was perfect, she'd never been happier to be alone. Because this was something she could fully enjoy on her own.
But she was wrong, because when he walked into the room, clad in nothing but a loose pair of sports shorts and a TU Soccer t-shirt, she can't be more fulfilled. More complete. More content.
He looked tired, but mesmerized nonetheless, his chocolate brown eyes fixed on the tiny girl in her arms. And for the first time in what felt like forever, Mimi realized she wasn't the focus of his attention. Since she could remember, he had eyes only for her. If she was in the room, there was nothing else that registered on his radar.
All that had changed, he had a new epicenter. And she was more than happy about it. She wouldn't have it any other way.
"Woah…" he breathed out, like a kid in a toy store. "She's so beautiful." He stood over them, placing a hand over Mimi's.
She smiled, "I know. We did good." She raised her arms to him.
Carefully, as if he was handling the most delicate thing in the world, he took her from Mimi's arms. "Hey, gorgeous." He talked to the sleeping girl. "You know you're perfect, don't you?" Her heart swelled at his soft tenor.
"You're gonna be a real looker, just like your mom." He glanced up at Mimi. "And that's already scaring me." He grinned. "But I'm your daddy, so I'm gonna make sure nothing ever happens to you."
It was everything she'd been wanting to hear from him, everything right. For the first time, she felt as though maybe he was ready for this. Maybe he was all in. He could grow up and take responsibility for this, they might just be okay.
The nurse came in, taking the bundle of pink out of his arms. "We'll be back with her birth certificate." She informed them, taking the little girl without a name out of the room.
It was then that he began fishing in his pocket, a real uncomfortable look crossing his face. She knew him well, better than herself most days, and she was worried about what could have him looking so awkward.
A velvet box that couldn't' be mistaken for anything but what it was. "We should get married."
All of a sudden, it was as if nothing made sense. The overwhelming calm and security that had surrounded her, shattered.
He began opening the box and a small sob escaped her lips.
She reached over, it was one of the hardest things she ever did. She closed the box, without so much as looking at the ring. "We can't."
He'd never looked more broken.
-x-
10 months later…
They were fighting all the time. It had become a constant screaming match between the two. If they weren't yelling at each other, then the baby was crying or her parents would show up unannounced and ream the two of them out. It was always something, never a moment of peace.
In fact, the last time they had a quiet moment was in the hospital room almost a year ago, when their daughter took her first breath.
It felt like years ago, she couldn't even remember what it felt like to be content let alone happy. She didn't know what she was thinking, raising a daughter with a guy who didn't want to be there.
He tried, God knows he had tried his best. But this was the last thing he wanted, and it was becoming clearer and clearer everyday. This wasn't enough for him, they weren't enough for him. And he'd never admit it, but he didn't have to, she could see it in his eyes. Every time he spoke to her, it was obvious.
"I saw it…" She said one night, as they laid on opposite ends of the bed.
He glanced at her, hands folded over his stomach. "What?" He questioned.
"The letter." She stared at the ceiling. "From TU, saying you'd been selected to play abroad." She didn't sound bitter or upset, only calm.
His eyes widened. "I…" He turned to his side, shifting closer to her. "How'd you?"
She didn't move, "Don't keep your diary in your sock drawer, either." She gave a small grin.
He laid a hand over hers. "I'm not gonna go." He told her honestly.
She shrugged a shoulder. "That's entirely up to you. I just wish you wouldn't have kept it from me." She sighed.
"First of all, it isn't entirely up to me. Nothing has been entirely up to me since you got pregnant." He couldn't keep the bitterness from leaking into his words. "And I just didn't think it even mattered… I didn't even consider leaving you and Mari as an option." That was the first time he ever lied straight to her face, he thought about it, he always thought about it. He just couldn't do it.
"You don't need to be here. You don't wanna be." She wasn't looking to fight with him, they did that so much and she was so fucking tired of it. She just wanted to talk, about everything they didn't talk about. Because between yelling and crying and pleading, they never actually said anything. It was all heat of the moment arguments fueled by the regrets neither of them admitted out loud.
And she couldn't stand it anymore.
"Let me finish." She saw him getting ready to argue. "I know you love me and your daughter." She knew he would've left her the day he walked in on her in the bathroom, if he didn't. "But anyone can see you aren't happy. It's more than obvious to me. And, baby, if you're doing it for me, just know that I don't want it."
"What… what are you saying, here?" He asked.
She finally looked at him. "That as much as I love you, and as much I want this—us, to work. I won't keep you here." She put her hand over his. "Leave, visit when you can. Give our daughter as much attention as you can, coz God knows she doesn't need daddy issues along with all the other ones she might have. And just be… happy."
"I can't go and leave you alone." It wasn't fair.
She shook her head. "I don't want us to be unhappy. Mari, she's enough for me to be happy." She loved that little girl more than anything, it had been that way since she laid eyes on the beautiful little baby. "I love being her mom, and anything I do will never be comparable to that."
"I just don't want you sticking this out coz you think it's the right thing to do." She said seriously. "I hate that we fight all the time, it kills me. And she's young right now, but what about when she's old enough to understand, you think it won't bother Mari that her parents cant be in a room together without screaming at each other?" She asked, eyes tearing up at the thought of that question coming from her daughter.
All she wanted was to give Mari a good life. It seemed so incredibly impossible sometimes.
"Baby, I can't leave you." He admitted. "It isn't about obligation or what I want. I love you so much, I can't—
"Your not in love with me." She interrupted. "We both know it. Please don't deny it."
He was caught off guard. "I…"
"We grew into separate people the night we found out I was pregnant. For better or worse, we just aren't the same teenagers we were when we first started dating." She mimicked his position, turning to her side. "Maybe, I'm just not what you want anymore."
He leaned over, pressing a kiss into her mouth. She kissed him back, because in that vulnerable moment, for the first time in a long time, he did exactly what she needed.
He pulled away, "That felt the way it did the first time I kissed you." He whispered. "Nothing's changed for me, we have a baby and we weren't prepared for it, doesn't mean I love you any less or any different coz of it." He said softly, rubbing a thumb across her cheek.
"We just fight, so much." She didn't want to cry, she really didn't.
He didn't have an answer for that, they did fight a lot. They fought all the time, over everything.
He didn't bring home the right kind of milk, she never stopped nagging, he was out too late, she complained too much. Nothing that meant anything, nothing real. It was just pent up frustration they couldn't take out on anyone else.
"Go." She said finally. "It's three months. Visit if you can." She didn't need to say it, he knew Mari's first birthday was less than two months away, she hoped he'd at least come back for that. "We promised each other once that we'd never stand in the way of each other's dreams." She just couldn't deal with how unhappy he was and how bitter he'd become.
She'd never let her daughter feel like a regret, and she knew he didn't mean to either. But he wasn't getting any better and eventually, he would resent Mimi and Mari for making him settle for less than what he wanted from his life. She didn't doubt his love or dedication but she also knew that soccer was something he never thought he'd have to compromise.
He wasn't dealing with it well, and maybe she just didn't understand. She only ever loved him, nothing else had ever meant as much to her. Soccer was something he loved long before she came into his life
She couldn't very well compete with that.
She just didn't want Mari to feel as though he dad didn't want her, and maybe him leaving and visiting when he couldn't stand being away from them anymore was best. At least then he'd come and see her because he wanted to, not because she was something that was placed in his life with out his control.
And she'd never wish it out loud, but the biggest part of her really hoped that three months away would remind him that maybe nothing else was as important as her and Mari. And he'd be okay with a life that revolved around them…
She realized sooner rather than later that those hopes were in vain. She didn't blame him then, she didn't blame him now. But God she wished he would've at least kept up his end of the bargain. He was in and out a lot at first, coming on weekends and extended day visits. Then he got offered a permanent position. That's when she moved in with Sora.
The visits became less and less frequent, they barely ever saw him. He would go months without a phone call, half a year without checking in. She'd miss him, Mari would cry for him, but it was out of her control. When he was home, they wouldn't speak. It would be for a weekend, once in a while and she would leave the apartment.
Because while she was trying everything she could to make a life for herself and their daughter, all she ever heard of him was his various scandals with third class women.
She eventually learned to get over it, accepted that she really didn't care about what he did. He wasn't the same boy she fell in love with, she didn't expect she'd be the same girl either.
And when she opened the door the next morning, expecting it to be the mailman, or Kari, or even Sora, she didn't think she'd be opening the door to him.
"Hey, Mimi."
His voice practically echoed through the house, and the onslaught of little footsteps that came running down the hall really weren't a surprise.
"I told you not to—
It was too late, her legs were being pushed aside by a tiny little thing that was using all her strength. And it only took one word to melt Mimi's heart, confidence and resolve all at the same time.
"Daddy!"
She couldn't kick him out now the way she had done a few nights ago, and he knew that better than anyone else. Because when it came to a lot of things, he could be really dense. But if there was one thing he knew, it was how much his daughter loved him.
And how fucking much Mimi loved his daughter.
She was in his arms before Mimi was able to utter a single word, and she hated it but the sight of them together always made her heart flutter. "Can I come in?"
What choice did she have?
She wasn't expecting him, not today at least. But she should've been. He was really strategic when it came to getting his own way.
She looked at Mari, the way her big brown eyes were pleading with her. Which is why it took literally everything she had to say…
"Of course you can, Tai."
-x-
A/n: Be honest, you saw it coming. I made it obvious. I figured I wouldn't drag out the mystery longer than I already had. This chapter was really long, longer than I intended and I even cut some things out, I swear. I hope it makes up for the fact that I haven't been updating as much as I should've but I hope it'll change.
Anyway, for all you hate Michi-only Mimato fans, I'm sorry. But at least you didn't know for sure it was Tai till the end! I'm partial to Michi, I really am, after Mimato, I love 'em. This is a Mimato though, so don't worry. If you guys have read my other stuff, you know I have a knack for the Tai-Mimi side story.
There was SOME mimato action, though.
Song lyrics: Redesign Me—VersaEmerge
Hope you like it, please inform me with a review! And thank you all for reading, you guys are way to good to me.
Reference (1): A line from the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Love yous!
-Chris