The Adventure of the Man of D.

II: The Woman to Match All of Them

The British Museum of Natural History was set in South Kensington. Despite being one of the most civilised -not to mention expensive- parts of the City of London, the stately building lay sprawled open for any gentleman to appreciate its treasures of the ancient world. Relics of the British Empire in its heyday during the middle of the Queen's reign lay about on open display, and any thief after these treasures of cultural significance would indeed be a very foolish thief; the 'treasures' in question rather equalled the weight of a statue of Michaelangelo, I would warrant.

Holmes was looking rather green at the moment, and frankly, I rather shared his sentiments as our charge waltzed clumsily without regard for the roomful of irreplaceable cultural treasures that would cost even Holmes an astronomical sum despite the recovering state of his pocketbook to even repay.

"In theory it seemed a good idea, Watson, in practice less so," Holmes observed, amidst the titters of scandalised ladies watching Luffy swing from the chandelier-

I looked up. "Oh gods."

Holmes followed me. "How did he get up there?"

Luffy landed on his feet on the marble flooring at the same time the museum guard rushed in, and a fistfight began between the rubber boy and the burly museum guard. Small wonder as to who was winning, if my assessment of his fighting prowess was true.

"Watch out!" I yelled at him, hiding behind pillars to escape the volley of flying bodies. The boy really was stronger than either of us thought.

"You'd think that the woman would turn up about now," Holmes remarked as the boy flew to land beside us, still grinning.

"Oi, Robin!" Luffy began to yell and generally make a spectacle of himself right beside us. "Where are you?"

"I don't know him, I don't know him," Holmes resolutely muttered.

I took this as my cue to drag the boy by the scruff of his neck towards the entrance, Holmes following along behind me with great hesitation as he kept looking behind him once we strolled down the courtyard and hailed a hansom.

"We're being followed," Holmes murmured once the hyperactive bundle of rubber was ensconced inside, a not-difficult feat considering how much Luffy seemed to dislike the London summer breeze. "I can't see by who, though."

"The great Sherlock Holmes can't track a tail?" I joked, giving Holmes a look with he returned with great annoyance.

"It's like we're being watched and heard in different directions," Holmes muttered before hollering to the driver. "221 Baker Street."

Luffy gave me a curious look before settling to bounce on the upholstery opposite us. "Say, uncle doctor, why d'you stick with Hawk Eyes?"

"Why ever would I not?" I played along.

"He's a cold fish," Luffy ignored Holmes spluttering indignant cry of 'I'm right here!' to stare, grinning at me, eyes unblinking. How the devil does he do that? "So, why?"

"It's polite not to insult people when they're right in front of you," I admonished severely.

"Yeah, Nami says that too but then gives up halfway through," Luffy seriously replied, face completely blank. "And Sanji calls Zoro a moss-head and Zoro calls him a shitty cook-"

"Language!"

"And they fight anyway, but it doesn't hurt them, so I don't say anything," my words were completely ignored as he continued blabbering. "So, why d'you stick with the cold fish?"

"I say, didn't you ever grow up with manners?" I was nearly horrified at this breach of propriety. Even the street Arabs must have had better manners than him.

"What's that?" he asked. "Tha' a tropical sandwich or something?"

The Great Detective, in the process of lighting his pipe, coughed as a plume of strong shag tobacco shrouded his head, and I got the impression that he was laughing. Myself, I was at a complete loss for words. No wonder those people he mentioned gave up. "...never mind."

"So, anyway, answer me!" he pouted, in an extremely dim-witted but endearing way.

"He... does seem distant," I finally conceded. "He does have his moments, though. Believe me."

"Oh, okay," Luffy nodded. "I'm hungry."

I felt my left eyelid twitch. "You emptied the table of breakfast today."

"I'm still hungry."

"Well, I don't have food on me."

His eyes dropped down and I realised that he was eyeing Holmes's tobacco pouch. "What's that?"

"Tobacco." Holmes stoically answered.

"Can it be eaten?"

"...some people do prefer to chew it as opposed to smoking it."

"Can I eat it?"

"...are you sure you can eat it?" Holmes blinked.

"Hmm... so, I can eat it?" He was already reaching out a hand.

"No." Holmes quickly tugged the bag out of reach. "You may not eat it, or smoke it, or even come within two feet of it. Watson, watch him. You're the doctor."

"So this is good stuff to eat?" the boy was rooting through the bag already, his nose sniffling through the dried tobacco leaves.

"When did you get that?" Holmes nearly jumped in his seat. "And don't spit it back into the bag!"

"I have completed my assessment of him, Watson," Holmes sighed tiredly once we had exited the hansom and were now making our way back to the old rooms of Baker Street. "He is a complete imbecile."

"Holmes!" I protested, for the sake of propriety if not that Luffy was within hearing distance of us.

"I am?" Luffy blinked. "Thanks!"

Holmes gave me a look, as if to say: I rest my case, before he walked in and Mrs Hudson declared the arrival of a lady awaiting Holmes's presence.

"So much for museum visits, it appears that Miss Robin Nico has found us," Holmes twirled the card upon which the name was written in one hand. "Spidery, neat writing, perhaps in her late twenties, educated, intelligent, calm and cool, look, Watson, see the loops here, an indication of-"

"Robin!" Luffy bellowed from his place, leaping up the stairs. "Robin!"

I hastily followed the boy up lest he broke something of Mrs Hudson's again. The sitting room door swung open as I approached it, and a woman's voice floated through it.

"Captain."

Miss Robin Nico wore her long dark hair to her shoulders, brown eyes twinkling with hidden intelligence in contrast against her olive-toned skin. She was beautiful in that mysterious way, almost like the lost Lenore Poe oft spoke of in his poem of the raven.

Her dress was of cotton dyed purple and black with black lace edging, and on her lap sat the matching wide-brimmed sun hat. Her feet were graced with stylish yet sensible black boots with plain edges stitched close, and she was smiling in a way that the Mona Lisa would have been envious of, I would imagine.

"Robin, how d'you find me?" Luffy was asking as he rushed over to her. "Where're the others?"

"I'm afraid I don't know about the others as of yet, Captain," her voice was melodic yet respectful, not the kind of indulgent voice one would find in adults indulging the whims of the retarded of mind. "As for finding you, it wasn't hard, since you, Mr Holmes and Doctor Watson were seen with you at the British Museum of Natural History. A fascinating collection of artefacts your country had dedicated to the advancements of the study of ancient civilisations, Doctor."

I stared. "Erm, my apologies, I have had my nerves taxed by Luffy. You are-"

"Miss Robin Nico, archaeologist of the Straw Hat Pirates," Miss Nico bowed as she introduced herself. "My apologies for the trouble our captain has put you through, Doctor. I must thank you for taking care of our Captain. I know he can... be a handful at times."

"And yet you seem quite free to make yourself at home, Miss Nico," Holmes observed as he strolled in. "I assume you enjoyed your stroll through Kensington Gardens?"

"Quite, yes," Miss Nico agreed. "The weather today is wonderful, Mr Holmes. I trust that my captain did not trouble you unduly."

"A fine summer, for walking if not actual running," Holmes noted, one eyebrow raised. "He is a... diverting subject of study."

Luffy glanced forlornly at the hanging tobacco bag, which Holmes quickly took far out of reach of him. "What'cha talkin' about, Robin?"

"The art of observation and its properties, captain," Robin answered. "How Mr Holmes realised that I followed you from the Museum and took a short cut through the Kensington Gardens to arrive at Baker Street earlier. I was running, as evidenced by the slight tear at the back hem of my skirt, and the wear on my boots, which are clearly not meant for such an exercise yet I am used to it anyway. Mr Holmes is also currently assessing my threat level, and seeing as my every movement is reminiscent of an assassin, he would conclude that I am more than a simple archaeologist."

"...so, it's a mystery thing."

"Yes, captain."

I turned to her. "He is truly the captain of the ship?"

"Of course he is," she blinked at me, completely unsurprised. "He is Straw Hat Luffy, the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates."

"Shishishishi, you'll never guess what, Robin!" Luffy cheered. "These people are weird. Nice, and weird, well, except for the cold fish. And they don't know about us or even the One Piece."

"I expected as much," she answered, shifting her legs, uncrossing them and crossing them, reversing them from how they were a moment before. "I think it best Captain, if we find the others quickly and leave."

"That's a great idea!" Luffy cheered at the same time a rapid knocking sounded at the door below-stairs.

Seeing as Holmes was hardly likely to attend to the door, given his personality, I bade my own leave to go downstairs to open the door. A large specimen of the low-class thug greeted my sight, and I could not help but wonder which of Holmes's cases followed him home this time.

"Hey'ya, beggin' yer pardon, guv'nor, but didja see a nice lady in purple and black come in?" he smirked at me. "Our boss'd like a word with the lady, and he wouldna mind if we had ta rough up the owner of this establishmen', if ya know what I mean."

"So a few unidentified men have arrived," Robin observed from her place on the landing. I was about to move back when I distinctly felt the newly oiled steel barrel of a gun lie flat along my cheek and the man fired. The report nearly deafened me, but years in the Army had taught me to recognise a gun targeting someone when needed.

"Miss Nico!" I yelled as she flattened herself against the wall.

"I am fine," she coolly reply. "Captain."

The second bullet was clearly aimed at the grinning boy as Luffy swooped forth, and I was about to yell another warning when the second report came, Holmes barrelling down armed with a riding crop at the gunshots. Both of us stared in silence as Luffy made short work of the thug which must have been twice or even thrice his weight with a fist to the stomach, then a knee to the face and a slap to both ears. His intelligence may be faulty, but his pugilistic skill was certainly not to be underestimated, this boy Luffy.

"Did that...?" Holmes indicated the doorway.

I traced the newest round hole in the green-painted wood with the tip of a finger. "Quite."

"It is a side-effect of our captain's rubber powers," Miss Nico added.

Holmes rounded on her. "You mean, the way the bullet merely bounced back instead of injuring him? That the fact that he is bulletproof because he's rubber?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"That is rather difficult to believe," he plainly informed her.

"That does not require you to believe it," she answered demurely. "Neither does the fact that you truly escaped being seen as you made your way into Baker Street."

"I have a question," I realised. "Exactly does what relevance does an archaeologist have to do with piracy?"

"That is an interesting question, that only our captain can answer," Miss Nico shrugged.

"I wonder how he did it," my fried gave Miss Nico a meaningful look. "How exactly did he get you to join his crew? If there really is one," he added.

"He didn't let me die. Now he's taking responsibility for it," she primly answered.

He stared at her, and then at Luffy, who was sitting cross-legged on an unconscious thug demanding meat from a Mrs Hudson on the edge of hysterics. "I don't understand him. How?"

"You will never do so," Miss Nico answered as she turned to walk back up the steps to the sitting room. "The Captain is beyond understanding."

"And why, pray tell, is that?" Holmes impatiently argued.

"He is a man of the D.," she told him. "And all men of the D. hold that same inexplicable fate."

To Sherlock Holmes, Irene Adler is the woman. However, I must note, too, that Robin Nico was another woman to him. Once upon a time I had asked him of it, and he would give the self-same reply:

"She is the one to match all of them."

"Yeah Sanji's all like this. Talking like this: "Luffy, get out of the meat! Stupid shitty marimo!"" Luffy impersonated fingers at his mouth as if holding a cigarette, apparently an impression of one of his crew.

Miss Nico smirked a bit more then she already was, bearing a near smile on her mysteriously shadowed features. "That is quite good, Captain."

"Oh! I can do Usopp next!" Luffy cheered as he grabbed his nose.

"I think for the moment that will do. We have work to do," she reminded him gently as he stretched the olfactory appendage.

Luffy nodded, said appendage snapping back into place on his face with a disturbing sound like cartilage breaking. "Right. We gotta find everyone... say, Robin, if I went to this... Trafal-guy?"

"Trafalgar Square," she gently corrected.

"Yeah. You think they'll notice me if I called for them there?"

I had the sudden vision of Luffy scaling Nelson's Column, bellowing to the four corners of London for seven beings in a city of five million people. Apparently, Holmes shared my opinion, for his teacup was rattling as he placed it back on our coffee table. "It would not be advisable to make another spectacle like the one at the Museum today, Mr Luffy. Lestrade has already sent me a stern telegram, on police hours at that."

"I would suggest not drawing attention." Miss Nico considered. "But as always, you seem to have already found trouble, Captain."

"Nah, it's an adventure!" he cheered. "Adventures are fun! So, where to? Pickled Dilly Circus, or the Trafal-guy one, or Spitty Fields-"

"None of those," Holmes intervened before Luffy could visit every tourist attraction in London. "First, we must establish the places your people are most likely to gravitate to."

"You're not from around here are you?" I warmly asked Luffy.

"Nope. I've been a lot of places. But nowhere is as cool and odd as here," Luffy began to dig his nose again. From Miss Nico's expression, I suppose that this was a regular occurrence.

"Like you've never seen a city before," Holmes finally noticed.

"The cities we have known are far from this magnificent or busy," Miss Nico informed us politely. "I believe it won't be hard to find our comrades in such a place. Our swordsman and cook, most of all. Their clashes are the kind that absolutely cannot be missed."

"Zoro's probably lost," Luffy grinned, as if in nostalgia. "Hmm... Zoro gets lost all the time. Sanji would probably stick to Nami if he found her, or he'll be cooking. He makes great food, so we'll have to look at every-"

"No, we will not be eating at those places just to find one person." Holmes winced at the thought, and I could sympathise upon imagining the prospective restaurant bill. "Any others?"

Luffy pouted at him. "Cold fish."

Holmes spluttered as Luffy went on. "Then, Usopp's probably hiding, and Chopper's probably with him, so we'll have to check the hiding places. Nami likes money, tangerines and money, so she'll be in a rich place if she can. Franky sticks to Sunny, so he'll be by the water. Brook loves singing, so find a place with music and he'll probably be there. How to find all of them...?"

"The waterside one sounds like a good idea," Holmes thoughtfully murmured. "Perhaps we could also find your ship as well."

"Yay! We're going to find Sunny!" Luffy cheered as even Miss Nico smiled slightly.

Holmes reached out for his hat. "In that case, without further ado, let us set out for the London Docks."

Please review!