Thank you once again everyone for the support you have shown! I also appreciate the comments back to me about both my FanFic and the question about a Beta. I am pondering about whether or not i should ask for one or not. A special thanks to

Lena1997, Lolalee3, Ashleyr2468, ClauILoveDimitriBelikov, Pammy143, Hanieya143, Jackie Eagle, ShadowHuntergirl1011, R And D 4Ever, I AM ROSE HATHAWAY, Terri Hathaway Belikov, ImmortalGrl, Amber Ruth, Rosemarie-Heavens-Hathaway, missa27, vampzgirl, dneslon34, XxAlonexX, littlebadgirl2904, Piff818, Cheerleader1100, and Rose of noonvale.

This chapter is dedicated to

Lena1997, Lolalee3, missa27, and Piff818. Thank you so much for the commentary on the previous chapters!

And last but not least, if I misspelled your user name, please message me or comment about it, I will go back and fix it, Rather than copy and paste your names, I write them down as you comment and fav my story/me. Then i type them out as I am about to post the next chapter. I also apologize for any mistakes, I have looked over the chapter several times but I am dyslexic and so I may have missed some.

Chapter Two: The Art of Letting Go

"I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Why am I doing this to myself? Losing myself to a tiny error, nearly left the real me on the shelf. No, no, no, no, no! Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars! Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing. It's okay not to be okay! Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart. But tears don't mean your losing, everybody's bruising. Just be true to who you are." - Who you are by Jessie J

From that night on, life seemed meaningless to me. I passed through my everyday life as though I was a ghost; I was there, I guarded Lissa during the Moroi day, then went home to my empty apartment by Moroi night.

Somehow I longed for the days long past, the seemingly never ending days at the Academy. Back in those days, I could go visit Lissa when I was feeling down, even if I would never admit I was feeling down. I never thought I would actually long for the bond that had tied me to her as her Shadow-Kissed guardian for so long. To go into her head would have been a true blessing to me right about then, it would have been an escape that I desperately needed.

When I had graduated I had somehow thought that life would be just like before graduation: my friends would always be near, we could still be easy going with each other. Graduation for us was more like the human world than I liked. Adrian hadn't spoken to me since he had discovered Dimitri and I had gone behind his back while we were still going out. Eddie had been stationed to Jill, who was currently at the academy. Christian was always with Lissa who was either doing royal business or dealing with the effects of spirit. It's not easy being ignored, it's harder to be ignored when all you really want is for someone to notice you. Someone who would notice the lie, and recognize it.

I guess I learned to be a guardian a little better than I had thought - Invisible for the most part; cold and emotionless as stone. Dimitri would have known, would have noticed something just under the surface was wrong. But the one who could have fixed it, was the one who caused it.

As the days passed, I slowly faded into the background. Maybe it was irrational, but I was starting to blame everyone around me for my inability to handle society. I became bitter that no one seemed to care that I wasn't around. The worst part was, no one even seemed to miss me when I wasn't around. That made me realize the heart wrenching truth: I needed them a whole lot more than any of them needed me.

It was when that realization came that I sort of went off the deep end. I can't tell you what day it was, but one morning when the sun was barley rising, I snuck out of the wards. It was on that day that I experienced real human life for the first time, because unlike when I ran away with Lissa, I didn't have to be on constant guard. Strigoi couldn't come out into the sun, and I was certain that no one was going to come looking for me.

That day I wasn't Rosemarie Hathaway, Royal Guardian and Damphir, I was simply Rose an everyday 20 year old girl who wanted to have fun. I ate at the local dinner for breakfast, flirted with random guys until it grew dark, went to a local carnival. For the first time I experienced cotton candy and what it felt like to do something for myself with out the emotional baggage of my everyday life.

That was the night I saw the girls that made me realize I was depressed. I watched over them while they walked home, making sure none of them were hurt, that they would live to have an equally fun day tomorrow.

Watching these girls, I realized that I could never have a life that I wanted. I couldn't ever be normal. The thought that I could run away ran through my mind a few times, but I dismissed it each time. Damphir's simply can't function in the human world on their own. We don't have the right paperwork to get jobs to support ourselves. It's not like we could tell people that we went to a vampire boarding school. Even if no one came looking for me, I wouldn't be able to compel people to survive either. Sooner or later I would be forced to return to the Moroi world.

I wanted so bad to belong here, but I knew I never really would. It would be an empty existence if I had to hide everything about myself- from what I am to my past- and that was far from what I wanted.

I was almost back to the Moroi Court when I ran into the group of guardians. As they became aware of my presence, they steadily sank into their fighting poses, as though I was going to suddenly begin fighting them. Then I felt the gut churning nausea that only seemed to assault me when Strigoi were around. I reached for the holster attached to my hip, hidden by my long Guardian coat for my stake - only to find it empty. My memory searched itself quickly assessing where it was, and I remembered that I had left it in my apartment before sneaking out of the wards.

Stupid! Stupid Rose! Trust me to make a novice mistake.

To my relief, only two Strigoi appeared, not much of a problem for a group of guardians - even if I was unarmed. The fight was over swiftly, three guardians flanked each of the Strigoi while one rounded the front for the fatal blow. A few scratches on our side. But nothing serious.

I was ashamed that I had stood back from the fight, but I never that I would have been a hindrance rather than an asset.

Once the bodies were disposed of, the shortest guardian, and man around his mid forties with graying hair turned towards me. His face, like my mothers and Alberta's, was weathered from the years spent warring against the elements in order to protect Moroi.

"Hathaway, you are to remain Silent and come with us."

I gave him an appraising look. "Why? You act as though I am under arrest. I haven't done anything wrong."

"On the contrary, Ms. Hathaway, you left the wards with no authorized clearance."

I gave him a glare, but there was no real emotion behind it.

"What are you talking about? I was off duty, I have the rest of the night off tonight too. There is no law against me leaving the wards on my off time." At least, I didn't think there was.

"Last minute change of schedule. You're being charged with abandonment of your Moroi Hathaway."