"How the hell do you know about her?" Dean gulped. No point in denying it now.
"Oh come on." Sam retorted. "You and Dad could check up on me at college, but I couldn't keep tabs on the two of you?" He leaned back in his seat and looked a little smug, if not for the way his eyes conveyed how upset he truly was. "Besides, it was in your records after they reported you dead. Said you were married once."
Dean hadn't even thought of that possibility. Of course, Dad had known. Had been one of the witnesses to sign the paper afterward. And after she'd died, Dad had only nodded in response at Dean's request: Don't tell Sam.
"So how did you end up married to a woman named Bu-"
Dean's hands were gripping his brother's shirt, pulling him halfway out of the chair before he knew what he was doing. He scowled. "Don't, Sam. Don't say one bad thing about her, or I swear to God..."
"I wasn't going to." Sam said quietly, pulling Dean's wrists until his brother let go of him. "I only meant to let you know that I'd done my research." He smiled weakly.
Dean sat back down on the bed and stared at the worn carpeting as though it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. "She was like us. A hunter. But, uh...different word for what she called herself. Slayer." He kept talking, afraid that if he stopped now, he wouldn't be able to say anything else. Might give in to the tears that he could only cry in his nightmares. "Everything I've been...I already knew, you know? That there were others. Just didn't want to say because then you'd want to know how I knew." He looked up finally. "Didn't know about Ellen or anybody like that. Nobody Dad knew."
Sam nodded, not saying anything.
"Dad lied to you about the vampires." Dean held up a hand to warn Sam not to interrupt, even though he doubted his brother would. "He did it for me, I guess. I couldn't...couldn't make myself do what she did." He bit down on his bottom lip, hard enough that it started to sting. "So we did it different."
"And she was before Cassie?" Sam asked, finally breaking his silence.
Now Dean nodded and didn't speak.
"You loved her?"
Dean looked up at Sam, his gaze cold and piercing. "No." He said sarcastically. "We just fucked a lot. What do you think, Sam?"
"Yeah." Sam replied quietly. "You loved her. But then, Cassie..."
"Wasn't her." Dean laughed mirthlessly. "Wasn't anything like her."
"Was it the demon?"
Dean's eyes narrowed. "Jesus christ, Sam. No, she got hit by a goddamn shopping cart." He snorted. "Quit asking me stupid questions."
Sam was silent for a few minutes, regarding Dean with a look of resentment. "Why didn't you tell me about her?"
"Nothing to tell." Dean lied.
Sam glared. "That's bullshit, Dean!" He yelled. "You loved her enough to marry her, and you lost her because of the demon. How can you talk like that about her?"
"Because she's gone!" Dean yelled back. "She's gone, and Dad's gone, and Mom, and Jessica. You got all that? They're not coming back, kiddo. What the fuck is the point in dwelling on people that aren't around?" He stood up. "And you're a fucking hypocrite anyway. I don't remember getting any phone calls or letters about Jessica, so you can shove your holier-than-thou shit right up your ass."
Sam looked away.