Dear Mani,

I have a challenge for you. I want you to respond to this letter in as genuinely friendly of a way as possible. In case you are wondering, I am human. I came across your email while talking to an intoxicated province on the street when they visited my city. So, blame them for my spamming.

I confess, I don't know much about your history. Tell me about yourself, and I promise I won't start trying to piss you off until later.

Also, for every reply you give me, you can make one guess on which traitor gave a stranger your email.

In case this email is fake, then a crock of bull to the person who gave it to me in the first place. Oh, my goodness, I'm talking to someone who may not be a real person... I must be pretty damn bored... Oh, wow.

Bye! Reply quick, so you can get your guesses!

"What the hell…?"

"Better do what the lady tells ya', 'cause we're not 'fessin' up to anything," Alberta informed his brother.

"Shut up, Al," the redhead replied, swatting away a mosquito as he did.

Dear Whoever You Are,

First of all I'd like to assure you that I'm real. And you said they were drunk, right? My first guess would have to be Nova Scotia, then. He's always drunk, so it's gotta be him, right?

I'm not really sure what to tell you about myself. Do you want the Wikipedia version, or the personal experience? I guess I could give you a mix of both. Be ready to take notes, 'cause this is a pretty long story.

Right after the last ice age, about 10,000 years ago, the First Nations people started living on my land. It was mostly Ojibwe, Cree, Dene, Sioux, Mandan, and Assiniboine people who founded settlements over here. In fact, my name means 'strait of the spirit' in Cree. Everything was pretty boring for a while after that, until the early-to-late-mid 1600s when European settlers came and claimed my land as their own. The Hudson's Bay Company was formed soon after, and me and my siblings Saskatchewan, Alberta, Nunavut, Ontario, and Quebec became known as Rupert's Land. It was mostly me and Sask, though, seeing as everyone else was only partially included. Then France found me and I was part of New France for a while, but it didn't last very long because of the Seven Years War. Eventually England smushed all of us in Rupert's Land in with Northwest, and gave us to Canada. This was a smart move on his part, because the Métis peoples were getting fed up with being ignored and discriminated against. This resulted in Louis Reil, commonly referred to as my dad, the leader of the Métis, going up to Parliament and basically yelling at them for being asses. After that I was made my own province, and Reil was declared the equivalent of America's Most Wanted for starting a rebellion. He went into hiding down in America, and the rest is history. The Métis were still discriminated against and most weren't given the land they'd been promised, so they moved to Saskatchewan and Alberta's houses. At that time I was about out one eighteenth of the size I am now. So, pretty tiny. My borders expanded in 1881, but Ontario took most of that land from me. Northwest gave up lots of her land, and I became the size I am today because of her generosity.

Everything after that is pretty much just modernization and more of that Anglo vs. Franco crap, so I'll spare you the boredom.

I guess if there's anything else you should know about me, it's the random trivia stuff. I'm the Slurpee capital of the world, my weather is a perfect example of 'real' Canadian weather (I put quotes around the word 'real' because Ontario and BC's weather consists of sunshine, rain, and the occasional light flurries. It's kind of depressing for us snow-loving provinces), I will willingly admit to loving ballet, and I actually am friendly. Most of the time.

... that was friendly enough, right?

~Manitoba

A/N: BWAAAAH! MANI, WHY YOU SO HARD TO WRITE IN LETTER FORM? I CAN'T THINK LIKE YOU, YA CRAZY GINGER!

... Okay, so maybe I wrote this while staring at a Wikipedia article and listening to IAMP in the background. Maybe. But BC is my specialty, having been born and raised in her as well as currently living at her place, so maybe someone send in a letter to BC? Also, Call Me, Maybe?

Hopefully next time I write as an IAMP character I won't fail. Epically.