Title: remember all the words i said
pairing: Zatanna Zatara/Raquel Ervin
prompt: My feels.
a/n: For Marah, my soul mate, my let's be friends lesbian, the person that listens to my headcanons and gets Zee feels with me at two in the morning. Thank you so much.

Remember All the Words I Said

There was a part of Zatanna that couldn't believe that it was actually true. That Artemis was actually dead, and never coming back, her body destined to rot six feet under and her spirit to go who knew where. If there was heaven though, Artemis would end up there, she knew.

A funeral was set up for next Tuesday, and everyone was planning on attending. Even though there were many on the new team that didn't know Artemis well, or at all, they were all in mourning. The death of a teammate—"retired" or not—sent ripples and aftershocks that effected everyone.

Dick had gone to tell Wally, and Zee did not envy him there, and had not come back. They were probably spending the night together. Wally would probably want someone to be with, and she didn't blame him. She would want someone too, if...

No. She wouldn't even let herself form a picture in her head. The very idea hurt too much, so she cut off her mind and crawled in bed, jeans and bra and all.

Raquel was already on her side of the bed, wearing the baggy shirt that she normally slept in. She was awake, though exhaustion had to be bombarding her too. They didn't say anything for a while—didn't have to, really. Zatanna just drank the image of her girlfriend in as she tangled their fingers together.

"So I saw you and Batgirl today," Zee found herself saying, and she didn't know where she got the energy from. Or the idea that Babs was being something more than friendly. She wasn't usually jealous, but her feelings where all smashed and crushed and smeared all over the place.

In the light that came out of the crack of the curtains in the window she could see Raquel's raised eyebrow. "Do you really think this is the time to air out your insecurities? Insecurities that you shouldn't even have, by the way. You should probably be focusing on your sadness."

"I am sad," Zee said, because she was. She hadn't cried much since she had finally realized that she could never save her father from Fate, but as soon as she heard the news she had curled into herself and let the tears come down her face. Artemis had been one of her best friends, the first girl that she had ever let herself admit that she had feelings for, the first girl that had broken her heart.

They had grown apart, let themselves get pulled in different directions, but you never forgot your first and Zatanna had never forgotten how much Artemis had meant to her, once. The original team were still all friends, but they had all gotten older and if less effort was made to stay friends the farther apart they moved.

And Kaldur... he had been one of her best friends. Knowing that he was the person that had killed Artemis, even after all they had been through made her put the thought away as fast as possible. She had always been good at compartmentalizing her feelings (that was why she had stayed repressed for so long) so she put that tidbit into the box that was labeled Kaldur, Do Not Touch.

"I just can't believe that Kal let himself get so twisted and broken. And it's... I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you."

Raquel rolled her eyes before breaking out of her grip and bringing her hand to Zee's face. Zatanna grabbed her hand to keep it there and let her heart swell three times its normal size. She loved this woman, more than she would ever admit out loud.

"You're not going to lose me, really."

"I'll bet that's what Artemis told Wally."

"If anything, I should be worried about you. Your magic's tight but what if you get gagged or kicked in the throat? Then you're screwed."

Zatanna had thought of that, of course. She was far more vulnerable than Raquel in a fight, but it had never been a problem before so she tried not to think about it. But Rocket must have, and that made Zee squeeze her hand.

"I guess you'll have to protect me, then."

"Always." Raquel leaned in and Zatanna kissed her back, slowly, drinking in the feel of her lips against hers. Tomorrow they would mourn for their lost friend some more, but right then there was just the two of them, and they were the only ones that mattered.