Joren didn't make another approach since that night and Kel was thankful. The thoughts she got of him were very confusing and Kel didn't welcome them in her mind. At the same time, it bothered her. What was the kiss to him? Something fun to do once but never again? Kel was thoroughly irritated with herself. She shouldn't care. This was Joren and she never wanted anything like that. She was never meant for anything like that.
I just want to get my shield so I can help the people, she told herself.
After the holidays, the squires' wings emptied slowly, the knights dragging their squires away and into the world for them to experience its horrors first hand. Six weeks into training, the squires' wing was officially empty and those halls became a ghost town where one may come and go as they please. Pretty soon, the memory faded until it seemed like it was only a dream. However, things got annoying when it actually became a dream. A dream that came back every other night or so. One night, Kel decided to finally do something about it.
Kel knocked softly on the door before her. She thought about running back to her rooms. Maybe she shouldn't do this and she should just deal with the dreams. But she planted her feet firmly to the spot. She needed to get rid of this distraction.
"Kel?" Neal asked groggily as he peered at the smaller girl through half-open eyes.
"I need some help," she said quietly.
"You do realize that it's the middle of the night, don't you?" he asked, rubbing his face.
"And so?" she replied innocently.
"Very well," Neal sighed. "Come in and take a seat."
She obeyed and Neal lit the room with the dim green glow of his gift.
"What's got you coming to my room in the middle of the night?" he asked sleepily.
"I've been having..." she trailed off searching for the right term. Calling it a nightmare would be an insult to Joren. Besides, it wasn't even disturbing. The thing was that it was distracting. "odd dreams lately," she finished.
"Me too," he said. "It was about the stump wearing a dress with a duck on his shoulder."
Kel raised an eyebrow. Was he joking? Kel gave a little chuckle.
"I just want them to go away," she explained. "Surely, you have a potion or spell to get rid of them."
Neal laughed. "Love, dreams aren't just some disease that you can throw magic on and it'll disappear," he told her. "Besides, what's so weird that you can't handle it?"
Kel hesitated before she answered. Could she trust him with the secret that had been bothering her for weeks? A few awkward moments later, she finally decided that as her best friend, he had a right to know.
"It's about Joren..." she started.
"Don't tell me," Neal said. "He turned into a girl."
When Kel blinked at him, Neal couldn't help but laugh a little. "That's what you meant by changed! That's what you meant when you could feel it. Surely fellow women can feel the presence of another."
"No!" Kel said, amused and annoyed by what he said. "What do you think women are? Psychics? Do men have that?"
"Well, no.."
"He didn't turn into a girl, Neal! He kissed me." The words were out of her mouth before she could reel them back in. At the look on Neal's face, she suddenly regret that she told him.
"No wonder he's 'changed'," he said. "He just has a crush on you."
"I don't care if it's called a crush or a smash. I want the dreams to go away," Kel snapped.
"I could give you a potion to make you sleep deeper so dreams don't come," Neal suggested. "But you can't rely on the potion to keep the dreams away..." He stood up to look in the cupboard in the dressing room. "The fact that you're having the dreams is probably a sign that you miss him," he teased.
Kel scoffed. "I do not," she denied. I don't! she told herself. But a part of herself was saying Riight... whatever you say, Kel. "I really don't," she repeated. She was under the impression that if she said it enough, it'd be truthful.
"Of course you don't," Neal said, emerged from the dressing room with a vile of bright blue liquid. "Don't mind me. I don't think I'm thinking straight right now. It's too early." Neal yawned as she handed Kel the bottle. "Just take a swig and the dreams should stop. And if you work yourself hard enough later, you'll be too tired to dream at night."
Kel accepted the bottle reluctantly and took a gulp. It was extremely bitter at first and Kel shuddered at the taste. Soon, it started to taste like corn.
"That's enough," Neal said, snatching the bottle away. "I use this stuff too sometimes." He went to return the bottle as Kel pondered the taste. What was in it?
"Thanks, Neal," Kel said when he came back.
"Anytime," Neal said, yawning. "Now go away. I need my beauty sleep."
Kel laughed but obeyed all the same. "Good night."
The potion must've worked because the dreams didn't come back. Following Neal's advice, she worked extra hard that day and planned on keeping that routine so that she could no longer dream at night. At lunch, Neal said that he had a dream.
"It was about the Stump in a dress with a duck on his shoulder!" he exclaimed as he ate his meat. "He was jousting against an ogre and the ogre fell from his saddle. Then the duck laid a polk-a-dot egg and threw it at the ogre. Do you know what was in the egg? Confetti! Rainbow confetti!"
Kel laughed along with the boys at her table. Neal's dream was absolutely ridiculous. "The next one was about Kel," he started. "Kel came to my rooms because she had trouble sleeping. Said that she had an odd dream. Do you know what the dream was about? It was about-"
Kel stuffed Neal's mouth with corn and shook her head sharply. "Eat your vegetables. You're talking nonsense," she said. In his ear, she whispered, "that wasn't a dream so shut it."
Neal spit out the contents of his mouth. "That wasn't a dream!" he said in a hushed tone. "That's insane! He kissed you? For real?"
"Why didn't you react like this earlier when no one was here?" Kel asked.
"I was only half awake earlier!" Neal defended himself.
Looking at her companion's questioning looks, she cut their conversation short. "Let's talk later."
They finished eating as if nothing happened but Kel could tell by the lack of conversation that the rest of the group was wondering what they were talking about.
Classes came and went and by the time they finished, Kel had accumulated five pages to read and debate about in Literature, an essay for history, ten problems in math, and three pages of reading for Tkaa.
Kel sighed as she plopped her work onto the table in Neal's room. "I've got to finish this," she said, determination in her voice. On top of finishing her own work, she made herself help her fellow pages in math and history. Just minutes before the last bell rang, Kel had finished her homework in Literature, history, and math. Since Tkaa didn't call on Kel frequently, she decided that skimming over the text would be enough and that if she had time left before Tkaa's class started, she would read it thoroughly. Neal, who had finished thirty minutes ago, was helping Merric with the Literature homework when Kel tapped him on the shoulder. *Ahem*
Neal pat Merric on the shoulder encouragingly. "You can do it on your own. If you need help, I'll be in my dressing room." (He sounds like such a drama queen there... But it's really called a dressing room so I won't change it.)
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Neal asked in a hushed tone once they were alone in the other room.
"I'm telling you now," Kel said plainly. "Isn't that good enough?"
"I can't believe Joren did that!" he said in disbelief. "This has got to be a scheme of some sort to get you kicked out... I know! He's going to get you to trust him and then when you least expect it, he'll stab you in the back. Even if it's not literal, it's very cunning."
"Don't worry Neal, he won't be doing it again," she said. At least I hope not, she thought.
"Oh, I know. I'll make sure of it," Neal said through gritted teeth. Suddenly, his expression changed. "Wait a minute..." he started. "Why are you dreaming about it?"
Kel blinked at him. What would it matter? "How am I supposed to know? Ask Gainel the dreamking!"
"But it is said that when you dream of someone, it means either one misses the other... Either that or the dreamer is thinking excessively of the one being dreamed of." Neal had his eyebrows knit in an effort to think. "Don't tell me that you..."
He couldn't say it. It was impossible. It was unnatural for him. Joren? Really?
"I don't!" she said a bit louder than she should've. "I told you before and I tell you now: I do not miss Joren whatsoever. I wish that he left the presence of my thoughts and never came back again. It's terribly confusing, you know? To not know what to think of a person."
"Wait 'til Cleon hears about this." Neal clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "He'll have a mare and its foal."
"What makes you say that?" Kel said with a hint of confusion slipping through.
"You really are blind, aren't you, love?" Neal said. Was that amusement in his voice? It better not be. "Haven't you noticed Cleon's constant flirtations? The way he looks at you? The way he treats you?"
Kel frowned the tiniest frown which was a lot for Kel. Most of the time, she hardly showed emotion at all. She didn't like where this was going. She covered her face, hoping that if she did that, his words wouldn't reach her mind.
"Cleon is in love with you," he said slowly as if explaining it to a four-year old.
No, she thought miserably. This is not happening. Men aren't supposed to fall in love with me! I'm not supposed to be hurting anyone. Go away! I'm hideous. Go look at Queen Thayet. People are insane! Her thoughts were silly. But she truly did not want any drama. It seemed like the more she tried to push it away, the more it comes back. She crossed her arms over her chest.
"Speechless?" Neal drawled. Kel cursed Neal inwardly. He wasn't helping at all. "If you ever want to tell the rest of them, I'll be by your side. But I'm pretty sure that they're listening right now."
Kel punched him in the shoulder. "You couldn't have said a magic word and put a magic spell so no one could hear us?"
"I could've but if I did, then you'd have to tell them straightforwardly and that would be awkward. So I'm actually your lifesaver." Neal beamed at Kel, hoping that it would work. Kel was not amused.
As she walked into the room, she saw her friends scrambling for their books and quills, acting as if they were busy. "All right," she said loudly. "I know you guys were eavesdropping."
They stopped pretending and instead Merric spoke up. "So do you really like Joren?" he asked. Her friends were such gossips.
"No," she said, not only trying to convince her friends. "Absolutely not."
Soft sighs were released all around. It seemed like they were holding their breath as they waited for her answer.
"So you finally know about Cleon," Owen stated. "He's been despairing over your lack of acknowledgement for months, you know. He hasn't been jolly at all."
Kel looked at the chubby page. "This has been going on for months?" she asked.
"Years," Seaver corrected. Kel let herself fall onto the bed.
"I feel so stupid..." she said.
"Oh, you're not stupid, Kel," Neal drawled. "You're merely ignorant."
Kel schooled her face into a Yamani mask. She felt like screaming. Maybe she could actually give into the urge just this once. No, she couldn't. It would be very rude. Besides, she was too tired.
"Thank you for your lovely compliment," she said dryly as she rolled over. A thought appeared in Kel's mind. Inness would be coming to court in two days. Which meant Cleon would be with him. Although Kel was excited that she would see one of her best friends, he wasn't not looking forward to the talk she would need to have with the red-headed squire. "Isn't Cleon coming in two days?" she asked, sitting up.
"Yup," Owen said cheerily.
"What should I tell him?" she asked, panicked.
"Well do you feel the same way?" Faleron asked. "If you feel the same way, just tell him. If not, don't say anything. If I were you, I'd let him daydream but don't lead him on."
Kel nodded. That's what she would do: let him daydream but not lead him on. That works.
"Where'd you get that advice from, Faleron?" Esmond asked.
"I have a world outside of this," Faleron said haughtily. Before Kel could wonder what he meant, she was asleep. The last thing she heard was Neal muttering that she had worked too hard and the last thing she felt were hands carrying her to her rooms.
In the empty hallways echoed the click of boots. The red-headed squire was on his way to his quarters. Little did he know that a certain girl page was rushing to the floor in bare feet. Before he could register what had hit him, Kel smacked into Cleon with a big hug.
"I've missed you so much!" she murmured into his shoulder. Cleon stumbled backwards and balanced himself.
"I've missed you too, Dew of my soul. Each day with you was like a year without rain and my heart ached knowing that we were miles apart. Only in my dreams were my hurts lessened when I dreamt of your beauty," he said with much passion. It was overly dramatic but he meant every word of it. He just hoped that Kel knew. She did and she was reminded of what she had planned to do: let him daydream but don't lead him on.
But that would be hard. When Kel released him, she could've sworn that he had gotten handsomer since they'd last seen. "You look..." Kel groped for words. "Fit."
Cleon grinned from ear to ear. "You look gorgeous."
For once, Kel noticed that shine in his eyes when he looked at her and she blushed. Cleon continued to stare and this time he was surprised to find a slight redness in her face. He'd called her beautiful many times before but she hadn't reacted like that.
"How are the others?" Cleon asked, breaking the silence.
"They're fine," she said, smiling. "How are you? Has my brother been treating you well?"
"He's the best knight master I could ever have," he said. "I would expect nothing less from a relative of yours."
If he keeps this up, I'm sure that I'll become a tomato by the end of our conversation, Kel thought.
"Let's go find the others," she suggested, tugging on his arm in the other direction. Cleon allowed himself to be led through the corridors and into Neal's quarters.
"Cleon!" Merric exclaimed. "Fellow red-head! How've you been?" He hugged him with one arm as a greeting.
"I've been fine," he replied. "We fought an ogre in Irontown just two days ago. We got a duck for our troubles and it lays polk-a-dot eggs! Polk-a-dot!"
The group laughed. "That sounds strangely familiar," Neal drawled. "I had a dream about an ogre and a duck that laid eggs like that."
"That's not even the half of it! They threw a party with confetti and everything. What's more is that Inness made me wear a dress!"
Kel had to laugh at that. The thought of Cleon in a dress was unbearable.
The group continued exchanging stories of what happened in the past six weeks. One of which included Faleron's significant other. As Cleon told how he had fought off a group of bandits, Kel stared into his warm grey eyes. How was she supposed to not lead him on when he had gotten so handsome? When Cleon turned her attention to the girl page, she quickly averted her eyes and looked into the fire, a blush spreading across her face. Soon, the bell rang for supper and the group dispersed into the great hall to dine and continue their story telling.
A/N like it? Hate it? Review please. Please take note that any criticism is welcome. (I know that I'm not a very good writer) I know, I know. There is almost no Joren here. But it wouldn't be likely that he'd stay after Midwinter when he was obviously busy before the holidays so I sent him away with Sir Paxton. Also, I don't know if I'd like to keep this a Kel/Joren fic because if I do that, then there'll be conflict between Cleon and Joren and I simply can't speak ill of Cleon. He was my favorite character and I was really disappointed when his fief had to go poor and he had to marry whatever-her-name-was. So it might be Kel/Cleon or I'll take a detour until Joren comes back to the palace for Kel's big exams. I'm still deciding. If it does turn out to be a Kel/Cleon fic, I'll make another Kel/Joren where his character doesn't change but his attitude toward Kel as a girl changes.
P.S Happy Chinese New Year! Kung Hei Fat Choi! I wore red today. Hehee. And to all the readers in the Philippines, Mabuhay! Usap-usap tayo. Hindi pa ako nakakakita ng isa pang pinoy na nagbabasa ng Tamora Pierce dito e. :/