Frasier Returns: The Boss and Her Friend
Summary:
A dejected Frasier Crane returns to Seattle five years after the episode "Goodnight, Seattle" and reunites with his best friend, Roz Doyle. His return stirs both familiar and new feelings in both of them.
Author's notes:
I do not own the TV show Frasier. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes only. I get no compensation from it.
I've been a fan of Frasier for many years, and I enjoyed the episode "Goodnight, Seattle." The ending was great, but it didn't tie up all the loose ends. This story is a "what-if" that takes a different direction from what the last few episodes of the series implied. The setting is five years after the end of the series. Roz Doyle tell us the story.
*****Anything you can do, we can do together *****
When the situation with Jeff was finally over, we'd been off the air for ten minutes. In getting things back on an even keel, I'd listened to the tape of the call. Frasier had just gotten Jeff to admit he'd taken an overdose of medication, and Jeff was just starting to open up about his problems when the show ended. If I'd been a listener, I'd have been on the edge of my seat. Not that I wasn't already just sitting in the studio, mind you.
I had Noel help me set up Gil's show in the other studio - Gil would just have to deal with it. The janitor had his work cut out for him in getting Studio A back in shape after Bulldog's mishap. Hap the janitor and I talked about what had to be done, and I left him to the job.
By the time Roz-the-boss had gotten everything running smoothly again, I'd lost track of Frasier. Had he left? I searched all over the place for him. The last place I went was the snack bar. There I found him, sipping on a vending machine coffee like he was drinking castor oil. He jumped up when he saw me.
"Honey, are you all right?"
Back in the old days I could always tell when Frasier had been concerned about me because he called me honey. He meant no offense by it, it was a term of endearment. This afternoon I welcomed it like a life preserver.
"Oh, Frasier, how did you ever handle that?"
"We handled it, Roz. You and Noel tracing Jeff's call was the key."
"One of Martin's friends on the force called to thank you." I said.
"That wasn't your typical day on the old Frasier Crane Show. More like sweeps week stuff."
"Thanks, Fraz. For everything."
"Glad to be of service, Roz."
Frasier had barely touched what passed for coffee in the vending machine cup.
"Speaking of that, can I buy you a real coffee over at Nervosa?"
"I'm glad to accompany you, but you don't have to buy me coffee."
A moment of inspiration hit me.
"Frasier, I need help. And you can help me."
I dropped my line of inquiry until we settled into our seats at Nervosa. We had an unhurried walk back to Nervosa. Once seated, I hit him hard again. After a few minutes I could tell I was wearing him down.
"Roz, I've focused all my energies on my practice and research. The thought of going back on radio hasn't crossed my mind since my first few months in Chicago."
"You're a natural. You always have been."
"Roz, what you saw today was adrenaline, pure adrenaline. We can all do things beyond our normal range when emergencies demand it."
"That wasn't adrenaline today. That was a pro. A pro I saw day-in and day-out for years."
"Today was different. Plus, today wasn't like the old show. Until Jeff came along, it was you and me and the audience remembering the good old days."
"What was wrong with that?"
"Nothing except that reunions don't last. You spend some moments of reflection and move on."
"I need someone to fill in for Bulldog for one week. His morning and afternoon shifts. Please, Frasier, for a week."
"It's not the same, Roz. I'm not the same. Even our on-air relationship just now was different."
"That was magic. Just one week, Frasier. I tell you what - Noel will produce both your morning and afternoon shifts, and I'll come in and join you in the studio for your last hour."
"So we can ad-lib that last hour?"
"Yeah, and by then the traffic report inserts are four an hour so it'll be a breeze."
*****It's a Lovely Day Today *****
The week was flew by for me. Somehow I got all my work done while listening to Frasier do his morning shift. I'd said I'd sit in the for last hour of his afternoon slot and do a chit-chat session with Frasier, but I showed up for the last two hours each day.
By the end of the week, the doctors had determined that Bulldog could return to work, but only for his regular morning shift. Gil still balked at doing a double shift, which now was fine with me. I knew just who I wanted to fill in until I could get a permanent replacement.
After Thursday's show, Frasier and I caught a late dinner. I told him I was buying and suggested that fancy-smancy French restaurant he loved so well. He didn't complain. When he was living in Seattle, Frasier introduced me to a level of dining I hadn't experienced before. He had good taste, and what I learned from him came in handy when I became station manager.
We had a leisurely dinner and were finishing up on dessert. I thought then was the time to spring my idea on him.
"So you liked dinner?"
"Roz, you know I've never had a bad meal here, except for that time when the sole was a tad..."
"Yeah, I was there, remember?"
"Oh. You were, weren't you? Still, no harm came of it."
"Other than sending it back five times. They wouldn't take your reservations again for six months."
"We all deserved a cooling off period."
"Be that as it may, Frasier, how's your sabbatical been so far?"
"You should know. I've spent more time with you this week than anyone else. I see Dad and Ronee at breakfast every morning then not again until the next morning."
"Poor Frasier. No rest for the weary."
"Actually, Roz, I've quite enjoyed this week. It's been invigorating. I'll be sorry to see it end tomorrow."
There it was. I had him!
"It doesn't have to end tomorrow."
Frasier stared at me in silence for a moment.
"Roz, this week has been great, but I've hardly seen my family at all. Like I said, I've only spent time with Dad and Ronee at breakfast, and I haven't even been over to the Montana. My niece and nephew have only been a mere rumor, unsubstantiated by an actual sighting."
"I wish you had used that phrase on the show this afternoon."
"Why? To provide your listeners with an example of superior erudition?"
"No, to get big laughs." As soon as I said that I thought better of it. What was needed was a quick save. "I mean when I'd ask you what it meant and you'd get exasperated with me. Just like in the old days."
Frasier shook his head.
"No, I am a pompous old windbag. See, that's the beauty of my private practice - a certain kind of clientele sees that as a sign they're getting their money's worth."
"Frasier, I'm not going to be able to get a replacement for that McKay guy until the end of the month. I need someone. You're great."
"No, you make the show, Roz. I must say that management agrees with you. You took your keen mind and sharpened it further. I know it's a losing battle for me keeping up with you."
In Frasier-speak he had just paid me the highest compliment he could. It made me feel good, but I'd never tell.
"I guess you're right. I'll just have to go through my roledex and find some warm body to put in there. Hey, remember Verna 'the Plant Maiden'?"
"Verna? She's still around?"
"She's ninety-eight, but they let her out for three hours every day. I know cause I ran into her at Alice's school. She was telling the 4th grade about peat moss."
"Roz, the woman's been out of radio for longer than I have."
"So, petunias don't change that much. She could shovel as much fertilizer as any of our other on-air talent."
"Oh, Roz, the very idea."
"Well, there is that other alternative. Come on Frasier. It's only three hours each afternoon, and that'll leave you plenty of time to argue with Niles about which silk jacket goes best with linen slacks."
"Roz."
"Frasier."
I knew I'd won, so I reached over and patted his shoulder.
"I wouldn't do this for just anybody, Roz."
"And I wouldn't ask just anybody."
"As a matter of fact, you're the only person I'd do it for."
"You sweet-talker you. Now I was thinking that tomorrow we could begin our segment with..."
*****Two weeks in*****
Two weeks in and the show had become an addiction for the listeners. Noel had his hands full shuffling the calls. It made me think back to my glory days as a producer.
The show had become an addiction for me too. I'd make my entrance and Frasier treated me like I was the main attraction. He'd even gone through Bulldog's sound effects library and found a trumpet fanfare that would blare out right before the first time I'd speak. Frasier made me feel like I was on vacation too, as much as I was still at my place of business.
About Thursday of the second week I noticed something during our on-air time. As we talked with callers and traded jabs, we had started holding hands. We had done that the first day to reassure each other, but I'd hadn't thought about it since then. Until that Thursday. Frasier was in the middle of some exchange about Freud and class warfare with a college student when I looked down at the table. We had laced our fingers together, just like I'd seen Niles and Daphne do at Nervosa.
Frasier had been trying to end the call. The student disagreed with Frasier's view of Freud. No problem there. That helped ratings. Frasier was a pro (usually) at handling tough callers. But this guy had gone from being opinionated to being obnoxious.
"Kyle, I'm sorry but we have other callers we need to get to."
"No you don't. You'll just sit there and talk to Roz for another ten minutes before someone else finally dials up your stupid, sorry show."
"Kyle, as much as I admire your attempt at alliteration at the end of your last sentence, I'd much rather talk with Roz than you."
"Yeah, she's your boss. She signs your paycheck. You're all money-grubbers looking to take advantage of the less fortunate."
"Kyle, I'm doing this only for scale. And I'll have you know that the reason I am here is Roz. She's my best friend, a concept that it wouldn't surprise me to find out is something you've never experienced. Good-bye." Frasier punched the button while Noel and I laughed.
"Amen, Frasier." I said.
Frasier had never let go of my hand during the exchange. On the contrary, we tightened our grip and only relaxed it when the call was over.
Noel made another of his strange hand signals.
"Noel's just signalled me that we need to take a break for a few messages. That way my boss can continue to exploit the masses."
*****The invitation*****
"So, are we going to Nervosa?" Frasier asked as we were standing in my office. I was staring not at him but at the folder labelled speech on my desk.
"Oh, Frasier. Look at this. The invitation just came today."
Frasier glanced through the papers.
"So you're an emergency fill-in for this speech. It seems as if you've gotten some experience with dealing with emergencies lately."
"It's next Tuesday, Frasier. How am I gonna get through this?"
"When's the last time you got away from work?"
"My cousin Earlene got married last summer. I flew into Wisconsin for two days."
"That was an obligation, not a vacation."
"Frasier, I don't take vacations. All this is my responsibility now. If I don't keep an eye on things, some other manager at some other station will push his operation past us."
"Roz, don't you ever let up nowadays?"
"Yeah. These past two weeks have been the most fun I've had in years."
"Me too. And you know what the difference between you and me is?"
"What?"
"I'm on vacation, doing this for a lark."
"The bottom line for me is that no matter how much I enjoy the show, business is always in the background."
"Roz, you need a vacation too. Come away with me this weekend."
I pointed at the folder again.
"Impossible. I haven't even started to make out my remarks yet."
"Bring your computer. I'll help write it."
"No you can't. You'll fill it up with five syllable words I can't pronounce let alone know the meaning of."
"We'll use the thesaurus feature on your word processor."
Frasier made me feel giddy.
"See, now you're talking about stuff I never learned to use on the computer."
"You write as many papers as I have, you learn where the control keys are."
"You'll help?"
"I gave you my word, Rozalinda Doyle."
I looked back and forth between the folder and Frasier.
"You've got deal."
"Good. I know just the place to go."
"Where?"
"No, no, no. It'll be a surprise. Just pack a general assortment of casual clothes."
*****Running into Martin and Ronee*****
The next morning I was in Nervosa when Martin and Ronee walked in. I flagged them over. Martin went to the counter to get their coffees. Ronee scooted her chair closer to me and leaned toward me.
"Where are you guys going?"
"So you heard."
"Frasier wouldn't tell me anything."
"I haven't heard either."
Martin walked over with the coffees.
"Hey, we heard about the trip. Leave it to my son to go on vacation while he's on vacation."
"So where are we going?"
Martin smiled and looked down at his coffee.
"Some place you'll enjoy."
"You do know!"
"Hold on. I'm sworn to secrecy, and a Crane never goes back on his word."
Martin's cell phone rang. He handed it to Ronee to answer it.
"Yeah, Niles, he's right here. Nope, he hasn't learned to answer it yet. He says he wants a simple one like he used to have."
Martin jerked the phone away from Ronee.
"It just takes some getting used to. I'm going outside to talk to my son."
With that, Martin hobbled just outside the door. We could still see him through the window speaking in an animated manner. While he talked, Martin looked over at Niles' office building as if he were facing his son in conversation.
"Marty's no doubt filling Niles in on where you and Frasier are going."
"Frasier coming back has reminded me that I'll never completely figure the Crane boys out." I said.
"It's not that hard. Daphne and I compare notes." Ronee said.
"Well then you two deserve a medal."
"Don't worry, Roz. You'll get used to it. We'll help."
Ronee never changed her matter-of-fact tone of voice when she said that. To top that, she never changed the placid expression on her face - she could just as easily have been talking about a grocery list.
"What?" I finally sputtered out.
Now Ronee did react. She crossed her arms.
"Come on now, Roz. Daph and I were talking about it on the phone."
"You two were discussing me?"
"And Frasier. We think it's great about you two. Martin and Niles feel the same way, although you know that it'll take Niles awhile to say it out loud."
"Frasier and I are friends. Just friends."
"Promise me something. No matter what stupid thing Frasier does, and he's bound to do at least one monumentally stupid thing, you'll overlook it. He needs you, you need him, and we all need the two of you."
"Need?"
"Marty didn't realize how much he missed Frasier until they started phoning each other six months ago. Those two had lived together for eleven years. It got to where they called each other every day."
"Just exactly what kind of relationship are Frasier and me in?"
"Frasier would correct you and say 'Frasier and I.'"
"OK, you just proved you know your step-son. Answer my question."
"You're in love - that's the basic level."
"That's preposterous. Did you know that once a long time ago Frasier and I..."
"Marty told me. You both thought it was a mistake. It was."
"Now you're talking sense."
"Let me finish. That was a mistake, but you two getting together wasn't. I agree with Marty."
"And what does your husband say about his son and me?"
"Marty wanted you together for a long time. He told me that one of the remaining wishes in his life was that Niles and Daph get together and that you and Frasier get together. Until now it looked like only half of that would happen."
"Martin needs to mind his own business."
"He said the other women his sons had been involved with either made them more snotty or manipulated them or both."
"Daphne and I aren't like the Crane boys, not in the least."
"That's what's got Marty so excited. And you should see him since Frasier got back. He's got an extra spring in his step, among other things." Ronee leered at me.
"Too much, too much. Let's change the subject." I didn't want to hear about any geriatric romance, it scared me to think I'd be going down that road someday.
Martin finished his call with Niles and walked back in Nervosa. Ronee leaned over for one last comment.
"Look, go have fun this weekend, and keep an open mind to the possibilities. You're friends, I agree, but you could easily be more."
*****D-day*****
When the show was over Frasier shoved me out the door of KACL so fast I could hardly grab my computer. He took the wheel of my car and drove us out of the city.
"So where are we going."
"Some place you used to talk about."
We drove for awhile along the coast until we came to a Washington State Ferry landing.
"Almost there, Roz."
Somehow this place was trying to register in my mind, but I couldn't place it.
"Where are we?"
"You told me once about certain place on the San Juan Islands and how much you wanted to go there."
Now I remembered. I'd seen a brochure on it. A world away from the mainland, hardly any motor vehicles, the perfect romantic spot. I even remembered the day Frasier and I were talking about it. Hank, my boyfriend at the time, was going to take me there. Then we broke up the day before the trip. Seems he'd found someone else to take to the San Juan Islands and ditched me. I'd had a good cry on Frasier's shoulder that day.
"I remember. At the time we talked about it, I'd said I was looking forward to having a honeymoon on a remote Pacific island."
"Well, this isn't your honeymoon, but it is the Pacific, it is a chain of islands, and I'll let you be the judge of how remote it is."
"How did you remember?"
"I remembered our conversation from long ago - and based on that I brought Charlotte here before she returned to Chicago."
*****The Sounds of Silence *****
When we got to the island, Frasier rushed us so we could get out to the park. He just had to see the whales. After walking around for an hour, we finally caught sight of a few and heard their songs.
"There, you hear it? They're singing, Roz!"
"Well, yeah."
"Oh, drop the cynicism for a minute. Here we are in nature's beauty, witnessing the synergy of the sky, the sea, the beach,..."
"I can't help thinking about that speech, Frasier."
"You'll do fine. We'll get it done with plenty of time to spare. Now relax and listen to the whales."
Despite the nagging voice in back of my head, I gave up my concerns if for only a few minutes. The gentle breeze, the songs from the sea creatures, and Frasier Crane had all conspired to put me at ease. The speech could wait till later. Maybe writing the talk would go pretty well.