Ch.8: SSDA (Same Shit, Different Alien)

"That's your plan, Dib-pathetic? Cower in your fil-thy hyuuman 'home' and wait?"

"I'm not cowering, Zim," the human bristled, typing away at his inferior computer 'technology', eyes hidden from Zim due to the glare on his glasses from the computer screen. "Use your 'superior' alien brain for once. Scattermoon wants something. You. Who has you? I do. That leaves two options: one, break down the door, or two, make contact and try to make a deal. She was clever enough to infiltrate SEN, an organization filled with the most paranoid people on the planet. I'd say making contact is the best option."

Zim bristled. "The Dib does not 'have' Zim! Zim has elected to stay in this filthy hyuuman base of the Dib's!"

"Mmmhmm. And I'm sure the two inch thick titanium alloy sheets over all the doors and windows had nothing to do with it."

Zim glared at the side of the insolent human worm-baby's head, but he was right nonetheless. Zim had regained the use of his PAK legs, but the windows were too narrow and at too weird angles for his height for them to be of any use. If he wanted to get out, that is. Which he didn't. Why would he? There was a Dib here to manipulate, after all...

Speaking of manipulating...Zim sat up on Dib's bed, another devious glint in his eyes as he remembered the photograph. "Dib-obvious, Zim has a question-"

Dib sighed. "Be quiet, Zim. I'm busy."

"Zim wants to know-" Zim began anyway, as if he hadn't heard, but Dib interrupted, growling, "Zim, shut up. This is more important than entertaining you right now."

Zim's eyes narrowed in another skin-melting glare at the boy. Zim would not be brushed off so easily. To prove it, he scootched over to the side of the bed...and planted himself right in the boy's lap, deliberately putting his head between Dib's face and the computer screen, blocking Dib's view of it entirely.

The Dib was surprised, to say the least. "Zim! What the hell?"

Zim's antennae flattened to his skull as he leaned in a little, deliberately invading the Dib's air space as he glared. "Zim has a question, and the Dib will listen!"

Dib's eyes widened, making the chair jerk slightly as he pulled back hurriedly. "What the HELL? Get off, Zim!" He grabbed the smaller alien around the waist in preparation to shove him off. But Zim grabbed the boy right back, snatching a double handful of the blue shirt in both gloved fists.

In odd, unfamiliar situations like this, Zim fell back into the old habit of falling back on what he learned about human behavior the last time he was here. Unfortunately, that learning stemmed from t.v. shows-or, more specifically, from soap operas.

To shut the Dib up, Zim did what the heroines of those soap operas so often did: he yanked him forward, slamming their mouths together.

It worked; the Dib was instantly silenced and stilled, frozen to his seat and in Zim's hold. Zim expected the experience to be gross-Dib was a filthy hyuuman dirt baby, after all-but what he didn't expect was for it to be so...pleasantly warm, nor to catch a faint whiff of the same delicious scent that was on the sheets, concentrated now that it came from its source...

After a long moment, Dib pushed Zim off. "What the hell, Zim?" the boy repeated a third time, though he sounded more bemused this time than startled or angry. "Why did you-?"

"Shut up, Dib-stink. Zim is curious." The alien pressed his mouth back over the boy's experimentally, eyes unconsciously sliding all the way shut at the return of the warmth...

Only this time, Dib's mouth opened a bit hesitantly underneath Zim's, and something soft, wet and warm pressed against Zim's lips, seeking entrance. A small shudder of revulsion went down Zim's spine, but his treacherous mouth opened for it anyway, eager for more of the pleasant warmth. He got it as Dib's tongue slid in, wrapping around Zim's. Zim's serpentine tongue mimicked the motion, pulling the boy's tongue as far in as it would go, greedily tasting every inch, revelling in the increased pleasant (if wet) warmth. His grip on the boy's shirt tightened, unconsciously keeping its wearer close.

So intent was he on this 'kissing', he was completely unaware of the placement of Dib's hands until one of them slid up his back, around the edge of the PAK, to catch and toy with the sensitive end of one of his antennae.

Zim leaned in heavily on the Dib as a wave of lethargy similar to the cuffs but much more pleasurable washed over him at the touch. Dib took the opportunity to take over the kiss from there, pulling Zim's tongue into his mouth and running his tongue up and down the slender length curiously.

Zim tasted strange but sweet, like a really exotic form of honey...Dib ran his fingers up higher on the slightly scaly feeling antenna, rubbing gently. The reaction was instantaneous; Zim's body went totally lax against Dib's chest (save for the fists currently tangled in his shirt) a soft, catlike purr rolling out of him...

Dib was about to test the alien's reaction to having both antennae touched, when he heard that much-awaited sound: the chime of his computer. Spell broken, Dib's eyes snapped open. He pulled his mouth off of Zim's, scooping the alien up and unceremoniously dumping him back on the bed before hastily turning back to his computer.

Zim gave a loud protesting squawk at the rough treatment and the sudden loss of the warmth and touch, sitting up fast to glare and yell, "DIB-STINK!"

The Dib had the nerve to SHUSH him, waving a hand in Zim's direction like a frantic bird. Zim's hands clenched into fists, and he was seriously considering putting a PAK leg through that gray apathetic face, Scattermoon or no Scattermoon, when said creature appeared, on the glowy computer screen.

There were no shadows covering her this time, but she did wear her human face again. Dib met the cool blue stare with a glare and a curt "Scattermoon," the hurt and anger of betrayal still hot in his chest.

She looked back calmly, almost sadly. "Dib. Allow me a moment to explain."

Dib sat back, lanky arms crossing over his chest. "Oh please do. This should be good."

Scattermoon pointedly ignored the sarcasm. "I am old, Dib, far older than anyone on this planet could ever hope to be. I came to Earth long before you were born, hoping for help and a peaceful life. I built that life for myself among your kind, and even found temporary methods to sustain that life. Now those methods are beginning to fail. I need a permanent solution. I need Subject Zim's life-sustaining PAK."

For a second, there was complete silence. Then Zim burst out laughing. "The i-inferior thing wants Z-Zim's P-P-PAK-ahahahaha!"

Scattermoon ignored the near hysterical alien, her gaze set on Dib's face. "What do you think, Dib?"

"Hm. The short version? Hell no."

The other alien's face hardened, and though her voice remained even there was an edge to it. "As someone who was once your friend, Dib, I would advise you to think carefully about this. It would be a real shame for me to destroy this world's only real hope because he chose to defend an insignificant speck of an Irken."

The words were coldly said, verbal bullets of ice, but instead of chilling Dib, it just pissed him off. "Oho, destroy me, huh?" he sneered. "Well game on, bitch."

He ended the call with a furious stab of the mouse. Zim had stopped laughing at the insult and glared at the screen, though Scattermoon was no longer on it. "Yessss, game on, inferior stoopid...THING!" He shook a gloved fist for emphasis.

Suddenly...BOOM. The entire house shook. Dib's windows rattled in their panes. Dib's stomach dropped, fury dissapating instantly. "What was that?"

Zim didn't answer, just shrank back, pulling Dib's sheets up around his shoulders, huddling down into them as the house trembled again.

Then the screechy noise went off, and on Dib's computer screen the words SECURITY BREACH flashed in bright red letters, over and over.

Dib's eyes widened. "Fuck! We've gotta go, Zim. Now!"

Both flinched as a loud sound, like screaming metal, rang out over the sound of the alarm. Dib jumped up, grabbing his trench coat as he went. Zim leaped off the bed, beating Dib to and out the door.

In the living room, Professor Membrane's floating screen was going in circles, yelling in Membrane's voice about the security breach. Zim made to dart in that direction, out the front door, but Dib grabbed his arm. "No! Lab!"

As they ran in that direction, through the kitchen, glass shattered in the living room, followed by a thump, then whatever it was was in the house. Dib shoved Zim into the lab; he caught only a glimpse of an ovalish, shiny body and four long PAK leglike legs before he slammed the lab's security door shut. He frantically latched every lock on it, but that thing had torn through one of the strongest titanium alloys on Earth like it was little more than paper; they weren't safe, not by a long shot. "Zim! Door, to the right, behind the examination table. Get it open!"

Zim darted off. Dib snatched up a beaker of acid from the chemical shelf behind him, holding it tightly, watching the door, poised to throw at the first sign of the thing as he edged back, toward where Zim had gone.

"Zim? What's taking so long?"

"Dib," Zim yelped back. "The door-portal requires a code!"

Dib swore again, dashing around the examination table, hurrying toward the door and Zim. Zim saw the acid as the boy rounded the corner and squeaked, skiddering away. When he was a safe distance back, Dib smashed the beaker on the door's keypad. Another alarm bell joined the din, and the emergency door popped free of its lock. Dib wrenched it open, yelling "Go go go!" to Zim. Dib heard the shriek of metal tearing as he ducked out after the alien, slamming the door shut behind them.

The boys ran, as fast as their legs could carry them, across Dib's lawn and into the street beyond, the shriek of alarms chasing after them.

They were about a block and a half down when Zim panted, "Is that THING following us?" Dib risked a glance over his shoulder.

"N-no, I don't think so..." The words had barely left his mouth when he saw an omnious glint of metal come around his neighbor's house. "Yes! Zim, hurry up-!"

Zim did the exact opposite. He skidded to a stop so fast Dib almost ran into him. "Zim, wha-?" Two large men in labcoats similar to Scattermoon's jumpsuit had stepped out onto the roadway, blocking their way forward. On their outstretched wrists perched silvery guns similar to Scattermoon's. Guns that were both pointed at them.

"Z-Zim..." Dib grabbed the alien's trembling hand. "Tell me you have some sort of weapon in your PAK..."

Zim didn't say anything back, just squeezed his hand in a death grip. Dib took it as a no. "Fuck."

Suddenly-whoosh. The alarms suddenly ceased. Completely forgetting the bizarre alien gun currently pointed at his chest, Dib turned around. "Holy-!"

His house was on fire. The part of the roof over his father's lab had collapsed into the fire, which was steadily eating at the rest of the house. Dib stared in shock, mesmerized, like a field mouse before a cobra. Apparently, this was an unexpected event for the two hulks in front of them too, because their gazes were no longer on their targets but on the burning building.

Zim noticed, and yanked hard on the Dib's hand. "Come ON Dib-human!"

"B-but! Th-that's my house, Zim!"

"Do you want to lose your life too, Dib-stupid?"

Dib let the smaller alien drag him away, over a neighboring fence and out of sight, of both the goons and the burning house. They kept running, through more yards and over more fences, though they saw neither hide nor hair of their pursuers again.

A/N: Omg, chapter 8! Filled with extended make out sessions and explodey mayhem! I lurrrve rabid plot bunnies! They turn boring romance stories into...well, this :D

Usual disclaimer: Zim, Dib, and Invader Zim all belong to Jhonen Vasquez, not meh.