Chapter 13: Serial Arson and Other Tall Tales

When Dib woke, his head hurt. A lot. He groaned, moving his hands to clutch it. He froze, his hands finding cool, smooth metal and skin instead, skin so warm and alive in comparison. Eyes blinked open, to find two thin black stalks near his face, so close they were almost touching his cheek. For a moment, Dib forgot his pain, watching them curiously.

Zim liked having them touched. And maybe it was just his possible concussion messing with his thinking, but he was beginning to seriously wonder what they'd taste like...

Carefully, he took the tip of one into his mouth. Immediately, the body lying against him shivered, shuddering from the tips of his antennae to his feet. A taste unlike anything Dib had ever tasted on Earth flooded his mouth. Strange though it was, it certainly wasn't unpleasant.

Gently, Dib took more of the slightly scaly appendage into his mouth, lightly moving his tongue around to taste more of it. It was...sweet, almost, but subtle, with a weird bitter undertone. Dib was instantly hooked.

He wrapped his tongue fully around the stalk, sucking on it gently. He wasn't quite ready for the reaction.

Zim's body convulsed, claws digging into the front of Dib's ruined jumpsuit. Then he made a noise that sounded like an alien's version of a moan, a low, breathless sound that set the hairs on Dib's head and arms to prickling. He glanced down.

Zim's eyes were tightly screwed shut, his face pressed tight to Dib's chest. What Dib could see of his face was deeply flushed with blue-the Irken version of a blush, Dib assumed. Flushed himself, with his heart beating way too fast to be healthy, Dib started to ease his mouth from around the antenna.

Ruby eyes instantly snapped open, piercing him with a glare. Just when Dib was beginning to think he'd cross some sacred Irken line that he shouldn't have crossed, the smaller alien growled, "Stop doing that, Dib-monkey, and Zim will kill you."

Dib's face felt as if it could rival the sun as more heat crowded onto it, but he eased his mouth back around the delicate stalk. Zim's eyes fluttered closed, and he shivered again, three fingered hands flexing on Dib's jumpsuit, tearing it further, but Dib was beyond caring. The heat in his face was travelling to other, less obvious regions of his body, and he was acutely aware of the smaller, smoother body lying flush against his, front to front, his head cradled against Dib's chest, his legs tangled with Dib's.

Dib took as much of the antenna into his mouth as he could, and was rewarded with another moan, louder this time, accompanied by a slight tickle of warm air on his neck. Dib shivered along with Zim, barely holding in a moan of his own. The heat was definitely pooling somewhere else now. He tried not to think about that too much as one of his hands found its way underneath the Invader's shirt, slim pale fingers lightly running over Zim's soft, smooth side, where his ribs would be, if he had any. The skin there lightly jerked, and Zim made a small, annoyed noise against the milky throat he was currently nuzzling. Dib smirked around the antenna. Zim was ticklish. He filed that information away for later use.

His hand continued to explore Zim's side, stomach and chest while the other crept up, inspired by another curious idea. Zim's hands weren't idle; he yanked off his gloves, then shoved them impatiently into a tear at the back of Dib's jumpsuit, ripping it open further, exposing Dib's pale back. Dib gasped at the feel of the cold clawlike hands raking down his spine.

The second hand reached its destination-Zim's other antenna. Dib's fingers took it, stroking along the base. Zim made a choked noise, trembling. Then Dib couldn't help it anymore. He pulled off the antenna, mouth shoving into Zim's. He kissed the alien hungrily, clumsily. Zim whined at the loss of contact with his antenna, but didn't pull away to order Dib back to it. Instead, he kissed the human back just as hard, just as clumsy, forgetting the ickiness in favor of drinking in the Dib's life-filled warmth-

"Ooh look! DIBBEH'S ON TV!"

Zim was fully prepared to ignore the sudden outburst, but Dib froze, pulling his mouth away from Zim's to look. And sure enough, he was. He rolled over, dumping Zim on the couch and sitting up. "GIR, turn it up!"

The little robot happily obeyed. Zim growled, eyes narrowing dangerously, not at all cozy with being forgotten about again. So he sat up, threw one leg over Dib's lap and straddled him, and grabbed his face with both gloveless hands, slamming their mouths back together, the stupid inferior hyuuman news report be damned.

"Mmmph!" Dib broke the kiss. "Stop it, Zim! This is important!"

Ruby eyes narrowed. "So is ZIM, Dib-stupid."

Dib's expression softened, curling into a little smile. Taking the alien's face into his hands, he planted a light kiss on the silky, furrowed green forehead. "I know, Zim. But this might be about Scattermoon."

Zim hissed, but gave in for once, turning around in Dib's lap to watch too, grabbing Dib's arms and wrapping them possessively around his waist, leaning back against the human's chest. Dib let him, thumb absently rubbing circles on the alien's bony hip while his eyes focused back on the screen.

"Yesterday afternoon, an explosion rocked our fair town. Police and emergency crews rushed to the site to find the esteemed Virchurion Institute in ruins, the majority of its employees dead-"

Zim's tightly coiled body jerked in Dib's arms. "LIES!" he shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at the screen. "THERE WERE NO HYUUMAN WORK DRONES-!" Dib clapped a hand over his mouth.

"-and a handful of survivors wandering aimlessly among the ruins. Who is responsible for this tragedy?"

A picture of Dib's dazed face (almost a perfect echo of the one he had on presently) filled the screen. "Dib Membrane, teenaged son of the brilliant Professor Membrane, founder of the world-famous Membrane Labs-"

"AND founder of the Spooky Dukes-" Dib began indigantly, only to have a soft green hand clamp over his mouth in return. As they glared at each other, the news report continued.

"The younger Membrane, sources say, is already responsible for the destruction of Professor Membrane's residence earlier this week. No one knows what set him off, but as Mr. Stibbens's entire ninth grade class confirms, the boy has a history of unstable behavior."

And Dib watched in disbelief as one by one, his 'friends' and 'admirers', kids who had been begging for his attention a scant week before, now called him crazy, weird, manical, coo coo for cocoa puffs, and every variation thereof...Except for Gretchen. Good old Gretchen! As the camera centered on her, she shouted, "Dib isn't crazy! And he didn't do all those things you said he did! Something else is going on!"

The cameraman, realizing he had found Dib's only supporter, quickly panned away. But just before she disappeared completely from the frame, Gretchen yelled, "I believe in you, Dib!"

While Dib's heart swelled with affection for his only real friend, the camera centered on someone else. Dib's girlfriend, Stacie. Who had wasted no time at all searching for a replacement, if the six boys fawning around her were any indication.

"Ya, Dib's nuts." she said carelessly. "I mean, when we were dating, he was always asking to do kinky stuff in bed. Like, bite his neck like a vampire, or paint my skin green, and stuff."

"Liar!" Dib yelled-or tried to. What actually came out was a "Mmph!" as his mouth was still covered...by an alien who was looking up at him with his old one eye wide, one eye narrowed look. Dib stared back, amber eyes narrowing. No, Zim. Just, no. Dib hadn't missed him THAT much, not by a long shot.

"The police advise-hm, what's that, Shmee?" The news anchor paused, listening, brow furrowed. Then he continued. "This just in. Martha Neila, renowned scientist and founder of the Virchurion Institute, has just arrived at the scene of the tragedy. Edgar Vargas reporting."

The view switched to a dark haired man, holding a microphone, and Scattermoon, looking distraught and teary-eyed, a gloved hand on her face.

When she noticed the camera focusing on her, she rallied, taking a deep breath. Another man, who wasn't in the frame, said, "Edgar, we're live."

Edgar cleared his throat. "Edgar Vargas reporting, with Martha Neila. Professor Neila, my deepest condolences. Why do you think Membrane targeted your Institute?"

"I...I honestly don't know." Scattermoon answered faintly. She was good. If Dib didn't know all too well what she was, he would have believed her. "But they found footage, in the wreckage, from the security cameras. He snuck in. He was here. It was definitely...definitely him. All my work...gone..."

She turned away from the camera, sniffling, but in the split second before her face was completely gone from view, she looked directly at the camera, her full lips twitched up into a tiny smile.

It was meant for Dib, that look. It was a challenge. It was victory. Can't top that, can you, Agent Mothman?

He didn't realize he was squeezing the bony hip in his hand till its owner hissed, digging clawed fingers into the offending hand. Dib quickly let go before he drew blood, the gears in his mind spinning wildly.

As the reporter, Todd S. Casil, finished his report, it all clicked.

"They're making me out to be a crazy psycho."

Zim pivoted in his lap, irritation evaporating. He looked up at his human, expecting to see the hurt, empty look from before. He got the exact opposite. A slight smile was playing at the edges of the human's mouth.

"Dib...?"

Amber eyes flickered down to look into ruby, and suddenly the old Dib was back, the old, excited grin he pulled out when he thought he had Zim trapped stretching his lips. He took Zim's face in his hands again, kissing him. "They want the bad guy, Zim? Fine. We'll give them the bad guy."

A/N: Sorry this is so short, and so late. Zero inspiration lately. Hope you enjoyed anyway :).