A/N: Hello! Well, not much to say here. HidanxIno is my OTP. I don't know why... they are. And this is an AU oneshot... inspired by some fic I read about a funeral, and old western shows like 'The Lone Ranger' and 'Bonanza'. Does anyone else remember those? I doubt it... I have to be one of the youngest people to be interested in those old shows...

Ino peeked over her chair as the sound of the door slamming interrupted the reverend, Iruka Umino, from his rather long sermon. Her blonde head was not the only one to turn, several other of the bored, young adults turned around. Shikamaru Nara was immediately thwacked by his mother and quickly turned around, looking very unhappy. Sakura Haruno, Rock Lee, Sasuke Uchiha, Choji Akimichi, Kiba Inuzuka, and Naruto Uzumaki watched until they were satisfied. Neji and Hinata Hyuga, Tenten, and Shino Aburame watched only as long as manners could permit.

Ino herself could hardly tear her eyes away from the newcomers. They stalked in the sanctuary, took a seat in the very back pew, and then their actions started showing their personalities. The one with the hat pulled low over his eyes and his bandana high on his neck ignored all the stares while his friend returned each stare with one far darker and more threatening. Their appearances, too, were very different. The first covered almost all his skin with darkly colored clothes, the second wore no hat and had his shirt open to reveal a muscular chest and a silver rosary around his neck. His hair was a darker grey and his eyes an unusual color: purple. The other, very clothed man seemed to have dark hair and blood-shot eyes of a blue or green shade, and tanned skin.

Both fit in with everyone else at the funeral, dressed completely in black, and with either straight-faced or somber and stormy expressions. Something about them just didn't blend, though. Ino wasn't sure, but there was a very prominent air around them. She shivered, and turned back around.

She was only able to hear a few sentences of Reverend Iruka's sermon before her attention was once again caught by the two seated only a pew behind her. She turned once again, her bright blue eyes never leaving the two, her sharp ears picking up every whispered word.

"One. Just one, Kakuzu. We've been at this for days. I haven't had time for proper worship!"

"No. Absolutely not. We're only here for the bounty, Hidan. Do you know who the sherriff is?"

"No, why the f-"

"Shh! We're in a church!"

"... Oh, sure, you can respect these freaking stupid pagans but not my worship of Jashin-sama!"

"We shouldn't stick out anymore than we already do. This sherriff happens to offer some of the more appealing rewards and I will not get on such a person's bad side."

"Oh, f-"

"SHH!"

"... you..."

"Hidan, have I ever told you how much I want to kill you?"

"Piss off. Why do we have to wait here while they cry over this stupid old geezer, anyway? Idiot. Bet he never even did a single useful thing in his life. Old fart. A-"

"Shh! Hidan."

"... what kind of crap is this? I can't kill, I can't swear, I f-"

"SHH!"

"... ing hate you, Kakuzu." Ino couldn't tell, but she thought she spied a smirk in Kakuzu's scarred and shadowy face.

Iruka, looking rather strained and put-out by the two troublemakers in the back, ended his sermon with a song. Everyone rose to their feet, and Ino was forced to avert her eyes from the two behind her. As they sang the old hymn, Ino swore that every now and then she would hear a cuss word slipped into the lyrics by an unmistakably querelous voice.

Ino followed her parents outside, one of the first out of the stuffy church over-populated by heavily perfumed elderly women and bouquets of flowers; most of which were supplied by the Yamananka Florist Shoppe. She stood to the side, under the warm sun, waiting for her friends to join her as the breeze lifted her dark purple dress up, revealing her lace-up boots. While she waited she kept an eye on the front doors, but she didn't see the two mysterious strangers come out.

Sakura was the first to walk over. Her hair was a very light strawberry-blonde, almost pink in color, and her eyes a green shade that complimented her porcelain complexion. She was pretty, but far too hot-tempered for a woman. Ino had given her a few pointers in fashion and Sakura's dark, charcoal grey dress was brightened by a red ribbon tied in Sakura's silky hair.

The moment Hinata could break away from her family she walked over to join the two girls. Her dark hair was pinned up and she alone was wearing black of Ino's friends. The gown was a masterpiece, made of fine materials with lovely lace and even some silk in the bodice. The style was a little outdated but it didn't detract from the beauty of it.

"I love your dress, Hinata!" Ino squealed as soon as she walked over.

"Thank you. It was my mother's." The silver-eyed girl said.

"Ino, doesn't Sasuke just look dashing today? I've never seen him dressed up before... he doesn't come to church, does he?" Sakura said.

"No, I don't think he does. He is very handsome today, though. Why is it he only came for the funeral? To think we've been denied this wonderful sight for so long when normally we'd see it every week! Oh, my thoughts overwhelm me!" Ino faked a swoon and Hinata bore the two girls' teasing with the same good natured smile as always, while someone like Shikamaru would've rolled his eyes.

"Howdy! Did anyone else see those two crazy-looking guys in the back row?" Direct, to the point, that would be Tenten. Ino hugged the brown-clad, brown-eyed, brown-haired girl.

"Tenten! Haven't seen you in a month! What, did you get sick?" The happy girl laughed, tilting her nose up. Ino admired the flower print on Tenten's dress and was about to tell her when Tenten repeated her question.

"No! And don't change the subject. Does anyone know who those two mysterious people were?" Ino wondered if anyone else had overheard the same conversation she had.

"No, I saw them walk in, but figured they were just friends of the deceased coming in late..." Hinata said.

"I don't know who they are. The one -the one with the hat pulled low over his face- looks like he's scarred all over..." Sakura mused.

"Ugh! Everywhere?" Tenten shivered disgustedly.

"Well, I could only see his face and his hands." Sakura clarified.

"It seemed like he was scarred to me, too." Ino said. "He looked scary."

"I-I thought the same thing." Hinata admitted.

"Girls! Stop chit-chatting and come help!" Called one of the women, aproned and carrying a platter of food for the potluck meal that always followed a funeral.

"Coming!" Said Tenten. The four headed off in their seperate directions, each to their different station. Tenten cut pies and cakes and carved the chicken someone brought, Sakura arranged things on platters for the servers, Hinata poured drinks, and Ino was one of the many carrying platters to the three long tables where the congregation was seated.

At the last table, Ino spied two heads; one silver, one wearing a dark hat. The two were in another conversation and as Ino drew nearer, serving pieces of Mrs Yakiniku's famous BBQ to those seated at the table, she was able to hear some of it.

"I say we take the old geezer and run. Why the h-"

"Hidan..."

"Should I have to wait here like this, Kakuzu!"

"Stop acting like a child or Sasori, Hidan. If you're that bored, find something to entertain yourself."

"Retarded hosts, making us go outside! What kind of food is this, anyway? I'm telling you, Kakuzu, I'm behind in my sacrifices! Jashin-sama's wrath will fall on you, you d-"

"Hidan."

"... miser!" Ino smirked at the frustration of Hidan, growing purple with rage as he was unable to finish his cussing. The hatted man also smirked, and nodded as Ino approached with the platter of meat.

"I would like a piece of that, Miss." Ino smiled and used the tongs to place the food on his plate, which already had a piece of fried chicken and some salad. The chicken had to have been served to him but salads, jellies, and stewed and pickled produce were already on the tables, being passed around and self-served.

"Here you go, sir."

"Thank you. Hidan!"

The silver haired, violet-eyed man spun around. "What?" He spat.

"Would you like some?" Ino smiled, trying to keep the smirk out of it. Hidan glared at her and the food she carried.

"Try some, Hidan, it's very good." Kakuzu said.

"Huh? Ugh, fine." He reached up to the platter, paused as he saw Ino grab a piece of BBQ with her tongs, and drew back his arm and slouched over the table. Ino placed the meat on his plate, which had a small pile of coleslaw on it and a wad of what looked suspiciously like chewed-up-and-spit-out coleslaw on the rim.

"Hidan." Kakuzu elbowed him. Hidan quickly straightened up.

"WHAT!" Scarred fingers gestured to Ino. "Oh, thanks, bitch."

"No problem!" Ino cheerily replied, ignoring the name Hidan called her and the glowers Kakuzu was giving him.

When Ino was done serving the BBQ, she grabbed a plate and filled it with the foods she wanted and grabbed a seat on the benches where a few of the "young people" were sitting next to Shikamaru Nara and Hinata.

"Howdy, Shikamaru." She said to her neighbor and close friend.

"Ino." He grunted, mouth half full with food. Ino looked around at the group: Kiba and Naruto were engaged in a spirited argument, a blushing Hinata watched them. Choji was heartily eating a plate piled high, as usual. Sasuke was seated at the very end, ignoring the rest of the group. Sakura sat next to him, trying to pull him in a conversation.

She started eating as quickly as possible, shoving fried chicken, coleslaw, and four bean salad down her throat, as Hinata and Sakura were doing. When they were done, they were free to talk. Sakura managed to get Sasuke talking, mostly about his famous aim and job while Kiba and Naruto brought their argument over to Hinata who stammered and blushed her opinion.

"SAKURA! INO! HINATA!" Tenten boomed. Ino jumped up, spilling her punch on her dress, which was just light enough to stain.

"Oh, shoot." She muttered. She dabbed it with her napkin, and handed her half-full cup to Shikamaru. "Hold this please." He nodded, and she walked over to Tenten, a few steps behind the other girls.

"Ino, can you get the apple pie?" Tenten asked. Ino fell in step beside her.

"I just spilled punch over my dress. Can you cover for me?" Tenten glanced at the stain.

"Well, that looks like it'll be a might hard to clean. Sure, sure. I'll find one of the younger girls, maybe Moegi, and ask them to help."

"Thank you!" Ino took off to the other side of the church, where no one could see her, after grabbing a towel. She started rubbing her purple skirt, black with the stain of the punch. Warm winds played with her fair, blonde hair pulled back in a braid.

The stain was stubborn, and wouldn't come out. Ino frowned in concentration, so deeply absorbed in removing the mark so she could run back and help Tenten and the others with the desserts.

"Spill?" Ino spun around towards the taunting and familiar voice.

"No dessert?" She asked.

"Don't like sweet things." Ino smiled, Hidan had just given her a perfect opening.

"Not even me?" She teased. To her surprise he looked her over and smiled.

"You might be just the type of person I was looking for." It sounded like flirting to Ino.

"And what would that be?"

"Oh, you know," Hidan said, smirking at her. "Someone who enjoys getting alone, outside, where it's easier to clean up... practical. And cool-headed. I don't mind fighters, but I hate screamers." Ino looked at him, studying him more closely than before. It wouldn't do to not be able to give a good description of who she was scandalously flirting with.

His silver hair was not from age, that much was certain. There were no lines on his handsome, noble face; he could only be about three or four years older than Ino, who was sixteen. Beside his grey, half open shirt his other clothes were dark: charcoal grey pants and black, dust covered boots. Not a bad look...

"I suppose I'm perfect, then." Ino said.

"Close. Oh, so very close." Hidan murmered.

"Ah, well, you won't know until you try." Ino was fully enjoying leading Hidan on. He grinned in surprise at her.

"What's your name?"

"Ino."

"Ino... your a bold one, Ino."

"Oh, really? Me?"

"Yes... so tell me, Ino, why are you all the way up here? View?"

Ino studied him again, still smiling. "Not my original intentions, but it's looking pretty handsome."

"Bold..." Hidan's voice bordered on a whisper, so low and quiet she had to lean closer to hear him. He took the opportunity and ran his fingers along the side of her face, her cheekbone, her neck.

"You have no idea." Surpising even herself, Ino closed the distance with a kiss. He responded eagerly, kissing her as she held him tightly.

"No..." Hidan pulled away. "Oh, what to do with her... what to do..." Ino couldn't help but smile at him.

"Make up your mind, because I won't wait forever." Hidan lowered his gaze from the sky to her cornflower blue eyes.

"I bet you won't. And this is the closest I will ever get to you..." Hidan siezed her shoulders and kissed her once again, this time biting down on her lip enough to draw blood.

"Ow..."

"That," Hidan licked his lip. "Is the closest I will ever get to tasting your sweet blood." Ino was starting to get the feeling something was wrong here...

"What's going o-MMF!" She started to ask, but Hidan had picked up the towel she brought and pressed it to her lip.

"This is the most blood I will ever draw from you." Ino was definitely scared. She backed up as Hidan took off the silver rosary and approached her.

"Please, stop." There was a tremble in her voice.

Hidan ignored her. "And this, my dear, beautiful Ino... this is the closest Jashin-sama will ever get to you." Hidan kissed the rosary and then grabbed Ino's hand and shoved it into her palm. He grinned and then whirled around to leave. Ino watched him walk back around the church to the crowds and food. She stood where she was for a few minutes while she let her mind absorb what just happened.

She left and was about to turn the corner when she heard Hidan's voice and quickly ducked behind a tree.

"Stop asking me. We'll take the corpse now." Ino shuddered at Kakuzu's impatient words. What did they want with Hayate's body?

"Finally!" Hidan almost yelled.

"Shh! I take it you found a way to amuse yourself?"

"Ino?" She gasped and turned around to see Tenten. Ino had no choice but to step out of the tree's shadow, unless she wanted to explain everything to Tenten.

"Yeah." Hidan said.

"What are you doing?" Tenten asked.

"I hope you didn't sacrifice anyone." Kakuzu sounded like he knew and dreaded the answer.

"Um..." Ino said.

"No. Not this time." Hidan dismissed Kakuzu with a wave of his hand.

"What's that?" Tenten asked. Ino followed her gaze to the rosary she was clutching tightly.

"Then where'd you get that blood?" Kakuzu looked pointedly at the towel Hidan was still holding. Hidan's purple eyes slid over to Ino. He smirked and winked, and his spirit caught on to Ino.

"An angel." They said simultaneously, still looking at each other.

Hidan and Ino turned around, each to their own business, ignoring the quizzical Kakuzu and Tenten. Neither looked back but a smile came to both of them as they slipped and tied the rosary and towel around their necks.

A/N: I hope I'm not the only one who found the "Well, f-" "SHH!" "D-" "HIDAN! "Aw, sh-" "SHH! Hidan, shut up!" "... d-" "SHH!" "you! You old ba-" "Hidan." dialogue amusing. 'Twas fun to write... although I really didn't focus very much on typical cowboy talk at all, sticking with more modern conversatsions.

Review?