Just like I predicted, we're at the point of no return.

We can't go backwards, and no corners have been turned.

I can't control it, if I sink or if I swim.

Cause I chose the waters that I'm in.

Another year was coming to a close, and oh what a year it had been. So much had happened. He'd lost friends, gained a daughter, and watched as his relationship with Brennan did a complete 180. Booth could hardly believe that it was December 31 already. He was thankful, in a way. A new year meant he and Brennan could really start fresh. It marked the beginning of a new chapter in their lives.

But truthfully, the thing he was most thankful for tonight was the dress Brennan had purchased for the Jeffersonian's Annual New Year's Eve Party. He hadn't seen it on her yet, but he knew she was going to look stunning. As though she had read his mind, she appeared at the top of the stairs. The sight of her nearly took his breath away.

Brennan descended the stairs, putting in her long, glittering chandelier earrings. Her little black dress was backless and Booth wanted nothing more than to run his hands over her soft, alabaster skin. It didn't help that her hair was in an updo, allowing even more of her skin to be exposed.

"Bones, you look…wow," Booth whistled.

"You look pretty sharp, yourself," Brennan returned with a smile.

The doorbell rang and she turned her head to the door, her earrings bouncing against her neck. Oh how he wanted to just bite into that neck…

"Oh, that's for me," he heard Brennan say.

"What, is it the sitter?"

She opened the door and instead of their female teenage sitter, stood a very tall man in a tux.

"Good evening, Phillip," she greeted him.

"Temperance…wow you look great!" he responded.

"Thank you. Please come in."

Who the hell was this guy?

"Bones, can I ah talk to you for a minute…over here?" Booth asked.

"Uh sure," Brennan started looking back over at Phillip. "Excuse me just one minute."

Phillip nodded as Brennan followed Booth into the kitchen.

"What is it?" Brennan asked.

"Who is that guy?"

"Phillip? Oh he's Dr. Griffin, a paleontologist for the Jeffersonian."

"That's great. What's he doing here?"

"He's my date," Brennan said as though it was obvious.

"Your what?" Booth gasped, feeling his throat tighten. Surely she hadn't just said what he thought she had.

"My date," Brennan repeated. "Naomi from paleontology set us up. You remember her, don't you? Zack was always talking about her and –"

Oh God.

"Why the hell do you have a date?" Booth demanded.

"It's New Year's Eve. It's customary to –"

"I thought we were going together," he interrupted her.

"Booth…we are not a couple. Just because we live together and we're Katie's parents…that doesn't mean that we're –"

"The hell it doesn't!"

"You're upset."

"Damnit, Bones, of course I'm upset. You have a fucking date!"

"Can we talk about this later? We really need to get to the party."

"I just…what about all of the flirting; the sex talk on Christmas? Does this have something to do with you being mad at yourself over something regarding me?"

"Temperance, are you ready to go?" Phillip called into the kitchen.

"Yes, I'll be right there!" Brennan called back.

"You hate being called Temperance," Booth said softly.

"What else is he supposed to call me? It's my name. Dr. Brennan is too formal, only my family calls me Tempe, the only people who call me Bren or Brennan are our team, and Bones is reserved for you…and Parker. So as much as I hate it, I really don't have a choice."

Booth just stood there staring at her, hurt swirling in his eyes.

"I – I'm sorry. I'll see at the party, won't I?"

"I don't work for the Jeffersonian."

"Booth…You're my partner. You're part of the team. You have to come."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to accept a date with Phillip from Paleontology."

"But –"

"Just go," Booth told her shaking his head. "I don't want you to keep your date waiting."

Brennan drew her lower lip into her mouth and then turned to leave. She looked back at him when she got to the door. Booth simply waved his hand at her, signaling her to leave. She sighed and then headed out the door after Phillip.

He couldn't believe she was doing this to him. Tonight was supposed to be about the start of them; not the start of her and that guy. Now more than ever he needed to know what Angela's last words to Brennan were. She just hadn't been the same since she read that note.

And so Booth headed up to her room to search for it. It's not like she would be back anytime soon to find him snooping. The first place he looked was her underwear drawer, thinking that all women hid secret things in that location. He resisted the urge to run his hands over everything, knowing doing so would only increase his fantasy of undressing her. Instead he just lifted up the neat little piles, searching for the note. Nothing.

His eyes scanned the room, looking for another good hiding place. Her bedside table had a small drawer. It could be in there. Booth moved over to it and sat down on the edge of her bed. He pulled the little drawer open and found several little treasurers inside.

"Well if it isn't Jasper and Brainy Smurf," Booth chuckled to himself, picking the little toys up. "I'd figured she had forgotten all about you guys."

He turned the toys over in his hands, thinking back to the events that had caused him to give them to her. She had killed a man. For him. And so Jasper had been a small token of his appreciation. A small joke gift, to try and cheer her up after she had been forced to take a man's life. And Brainy Smurf had been his way of telling her that high school didn't matter any more; his way of telling her that she was both intelligent and beautiful. Booth couldn't believe she still had them.

Turning back to the drawer, Booth noticed a photo that was laying face down. He picked it up and couldn't help but smile. It was a picture of the two of them from the Jeffersonian's picnic a few years back. She was in the foreground laughing, as he tried to jump on her back. He knew she loved this picture, just like he was certain that she loved him. It made the fact that she was on a date with Phillip right now sting even more.

Right. His mission. Find that damn note. Booth turned back to the drawer again, this time noticing a small folded piece of paper stuffed into the back corner. He pulled it out and carefully unfolded it. This is it, he thought, instantly recognizing Angela's handwriting. He read the note slowly, letting its context fully sink in.

Because you still love each other…Because sweetie, when you have a man like Booth who loves you as much as he does, you don't just let him get away.

"Oh Angela, what did you do?" Booth asked softly.

Everything made sense now. She was freaking out because the idea of being in love with him terrified her. And things were fine between them as long as she didn't have to admit that she did, in fact, love him. But now…she must have finally admitted it to herself or something. Why else would she be pulling away from him, when she should be falling into his arms?

Booth quickly put her things back in the drawer the way he had found them and headed downstairs. He put on his coat and grabbed his car keys. He was going to make it to that New Year's Eve party after all. And he was going to teach her a lesson.

"Oh I practically grew up in Paris," Annah was telling everyone. "That is why I have this accent."

"Really? It sounds pretty forced to me," Brennan muttered.

Cam turned to glare at her as Annah's eyes widened in a gesture that practically screamed "you caught me."

"But then again, what do I know? Paris was Angela's city, not mine," Brennan added, as Phillip returned to the group brandishing two glasses of champagne.

Brennan took one from him and downed almost half of it in one long sip.

"Everything okay, Brennan?" Cam asked, knitting her eyebrows together in concern.

"Is everything okay?" she practically laughed. "Far from it."

She finished off the rest of her champagne in another long sip and then handed the empty glass back to Phillip.

"Okay um so, Dr. Wessland," Cam quickly changed the subject by addressing their new entomologist. "How's your son doing?"

"Oh he's doing pretty well, thank you," Dr. Wessland responded. "But we're still having trouble getting him to eat his vegetables. He's awfully picky for a fourteen-month-old."

"You should try the airplane trick," Brennan suggested. "Although it doesn't work when Booth does it, so I can't imagine it working when anyone else does it. The man is perfect after all. But he did say it used to work on Parker, so I stand corrected. He really is perfect…except for when he's being an ass."

"Are you drunk?" Cam whispered into her ear.

"Getting there," Brennan smiled, taking the other glass of champagne from Phillip and downing the rest of it as well. "I need something stronger. Will you go see if they have anything stronger?" she directed her question at her poor, confused date. She heard him mumble something about Naomi before he wandered off to the open bar.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Cam asked, dragging her away from the group.

"Well everybody wants to talk to me alone tonight."

"Okay, seriously, what is going on with you? Did you and Booth have a fight?"

"Of course we had a fight! Why else would I be trying so hard to become intoxicated?"

"Did he tell you about Hannah?"

"What about Hannah?"

"Uh, never mind. Forget I said anything."

"No, Cam, come on. What about Hannah?"

"Not really my place. So what were you guys fighting about then?" Cam asked quickly, hoping Brennan would just forget about the Hannah thing.

"Phillip."

"Who's Phillip?"

"My date."

"Oh right! Why did you come with him anyway?"

Brennan just shrugged, not really wanting to get into this with Cam. Meanwhile Phillip returned and handed her a new drink.

"They had whiskey," he said flatly.

"Fantastic," she said, taking it from him.

"You're not drinking that," Cam told her, trying to take it away from her. "You don't even like whiskey."

"You don't know my alcohol preferences," Brennan protested.

"How much have you had to drink already?"

"What are you, my mother? Give me my drink back!"

"How much, Brennan?" she repeated.

"I umm…I don't really know. But I'm not drunk yet, so I need that."

"You sound drunk," Cam stated, holding the glass of whiskey away from her.

"I'm not. I'm just buzzed or whatever you call it. Just give me the whiskey and I'll stop."

"Is she always like this?" Phillip asked.

Brennan threw him a look as Cam answered, "Never. This never happens."

Sweets and Daisy wandered over to them, having just arrived at the party. "Everything okay over here?" he asked, having noticed Cam playing keep away from Brennan.

"Why do people keeping asking me that?" Brennan wanted to know, trying again to take back her drink.

"Umm Booth and Brennan got in a fight because she brought Phillip as her date tonight and now she's trying to get drunk," Cam explained.

"Who's Phillip?" Sweets asked, confused.

"That would be me. And I think I'm going to go find the rest of the paleontology department," he said, turning to walk away.

"No, you can't just leave me!" Brennan called after him. "All right, well find me at midnight!"

"Dr. Brennan, this is very unlike you," Sweets noted.

"You don't know me. Don't pretend like you know me."

"But I do know you. I've known you for six years, and for half of that I was your psychologist."

"No, no, no, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"This isn't one of our little sessions. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Daisy, take this drink and…do something with it," Cam told her.

Brennan crossed her arms over her chest in a pout as she watched Daisy take her whiskey back to the bar.

"Dr. Brennan, I'm worried about you," Sweets started. "You've been through a lot lately and –"

"I know what I've been through, thank you. Look, I'm glad that neither of you want me to harm myself by becoming overly intoxicated, but I know how to handle myself. And yes, I am a tad bit drunk right now, but I deserve to be. I've barely let myself drink since any of this happened and I just need a night to do so."

"Now you're talking like an addict," Sweets pointed out.

"Oh for God's sake," Brennan mumbled, scrubbing a hand over her face.

Daisy returned to the group, still carrying the glass of whiskey. "The bar said they wouldn't take it back."

"Here, just give it to me," Brennan told her.

Daisy looked to Cam, uncertain. With a groan, Brennan snatched the glass out of Daisy's grasp and walked away from the three of them.

"I'm done being lectured," she called over her shoulder.

Daisy turned back to Cam, that apologetic smile of hers plastered on her face.

"It's all right Daisy," Cam reassured her. "She clearly isn't going to listen to us."

"I know all of this is really hard on her and stuff, but I really do miss the old Dr. Brennan. I mean I know that tragedy can change people, but this is just too much," Daisy said.

"She'll get better," Sweets said, rubbing her back. "She just needs more time."

"It's been four months. How much time does she need?"

"Apparently a bit longer."

Cam glanced in the direction that Brennan had wandered off to. She was sitting in the corner, nursing her drink. Phillip had rejoined her for some reason. Perhaps he found her more interesting than his paleontology fellows after all. Or maybe he was just looking to take advantage of her. Cam didn't know him well enough to say. However, she figured that even a drunk Brennan had enough common sense not to let the latter happen. The woman had principles after all. Not to mention the fact that she was not-so-secretly in love with Booth. Ah yes, this was going to be a long night.

By the time Booth arrived at the party it was nearly 11:30. He was a good three and a half hours late. It wasn't entirely his fault. His SUV just refused to start in this miserably cold weather. As he entered the ballroom, he was a bit taken aback by how stunning everyone looked. They certainly didn't look like squints anymore; more like billionaires at a high class New York gala. He scanned the room for Brennan and found her slow dancing with Phillip. His hand was caressing her bare back, and it made Booth's blood boil. He had planned to take a civil approach to this whole thing, but seeing him touch her like that threw all of his old plans out the window.

Booth rushed over to them and without thinking, punched Phillip.

"Booth!" Brennan exclaimed, as she watched her date crumple to the floor. "What the hell?"

"He doesn't get to touch you like that," he told her, shaking his stinging hand in the air.

"Like what?" she asked, as a crowd began to form around them. "We were just slow dancing."

"His hand was caressing your back. You didn't feel that?"

"What? I uh…no."

"You're lying. I can tell when you're lying."

"I – uh, what are you doing here? I thought you said you weren't coming?"

"Yeah, I had a plan, but seeing that guy draped all over you…it's a game changer. So now I just kind of want to yell at you."

"I don't understand –"

"What's going on?" Cam asked, cutting her off and pushing her way through the crowd.

Booth noticed that Sweets, the squinterns, and the "replacements" had also made their way to the center of the circle that had formed. "Stay out of this one, Camille. This is between me and Bones."

"Booth –" Brennan tried again.

"No!" Booth cut her off this time. "You don't get to talk. Not yet."

Brennan crossed her arms over her chest in a pout.

"Seeley, you should know she's sort of drunk," Cam managed to get in.

"Don't worry. Drunk or not, she won't be forgetting this conversation," Booth reassured her, never taking his eyes off of Brennan. "So, Bones. What caused you to get drunk this evening? The spirit of the holiday? No, that's not it. The start of a new year has never been that big of a deal for you. Let's try something else. The death of your friends perhaps? Hmm getting closer I see, but that's not quite it, is it? No, you hurt me. And you realized it. And it's bothering you because if you are capable of hurting me this much when we're not even in a relationship, you assume it's going to be a hell of a lot worse if we were to ever start one."

Booth watched as her hands curled into fists, but he didn't stop. He wasn't finished with her yet. "But damn, you want to start one so fucking bad. You're in love with me. But something's stopping you from acting on any of it. Something is making you go out with this guy instead of me. Face it, Brennan; you're terrified just like you always are when it comes to us."

Brennan scoffed, shaking her head, forcing the tears not to come. "You're just jealous. You can't stand to see another man's hands on me because you're so in love. I bet you didn't even love Hannah. You were just doing, what I'm doing now; trying to make myself not love you as much as I do. And clearly, everything worked out really well with her didn't it? Just another woman who can't see herself spending the rest of her life with you. So tell me, Booth, what is it about you that women are so utterly repulsed by? Because I'd like to know, before I make the same stupid mistake."

"I'm not sure what I should focus on more: your insult or the fact that you finally admitted your love for me."

"I'd go with the insult since clearly my love is nothing new to you."

"This is good. Fighting is healthy," Sweets said off to the side.

"How is this healthy?" Cam asked. "I'm having flashbacks to Michelle's graduation party and we all know how that fight ended up…"

"Ha, all right fine," Booth was saying. "Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with me?"

"How I am supposed to know the answer to that now? We haven't even –"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because we're raising a child together? The moment Angela and Hodgins gave Katie to us, they bound us together for the rest of that little girl's life. So whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me."

"That doesn't mean that I have to be stuck with you romantically."

"You sure about that?" he asked, stepping closer to her. "Are you sure you can stop picturing my hands being all over you?"

Booth placed his hands on the bare skin of her back that her dress left exposed. An involuntary shiver ran through her body, and he felt it underneath his hands.

"Stop lying to yourself," Booth whispered into her ear. "Your body clearly approves of me touching you."

Brennan placed her hands on his chest and pushed him off of her.

"I really hate to do this again, but I –"

"Then don't do it. Just let this happen, Bones."

"I can't." She couldn't fight the tears from coming any longer and they began to trickle down from her eyes. "As much as I want to, I can't."

"Why? What is it about me that you're utterly repulsed by?"

"Nothing! You're…you're perfect, Booth."

"Then be with me. Why is it so hard for you to just say yes?"

"It'll ruin everything," Brennan admitted with a shrug. "If things go south…our friendship…I can't lose that again. I need us to not hate each other. And with Katie –"

"The only kind of south I see this going has you moaning in pleasure."

"I'm serious, Booth! You don't know what it's like to be in a relationship with me."

"How is it any different from what we're doing now? We're practically dating already; we just don't have sex. I mean, we already love each other. This shouldn't be that difficult."

The clock struck midnight and the band began playing "Auld Lang Syne." But instead of people cheering and yelling out "Happy New Year," all eyes were trained on Booth and Brennan.

"Fine," Booth said, backing away from her. "You want to see what this is like? I'll show you."

"What are you talking about?" Brennan asked, exasperated.

Booth grabbed the nearest woman, and proceeded to give her a midnight kiss. He heard Brennan choke back a sob, so he made the kiss even deeper. The stranger happily kissed him back. He believed it had something to do with the vodka he tasted on her tongue. Booth had expected to feel Brennan's hands ripping him off of the woman, but her hands never came. So instead, he finally broke away from the kiss and turned back to his partner. She was crying harder now, and her hands had come up to cover her mouth.

"It hurts, doesn't it? To see me with someone who isn't you?" he asked her.

"Don't tell me about that kind of pain. I know what it feels like. I was forced to watch her kiss you, and give you presents I had been planning to give you, and steal my sunglasses. I had to watch it for almost a year. You don't need to go around kissing random strangers to prove a point. I know it hurts to watch you be with someone who isn't me, but I still can't risk everything for that. Like I said before, I am not a gambler. I don't have your kind of open heart. We fight so damn much that I can only see this ending badly; ending with us hating each other."

"I could never hate you, Bones."

"Bull shit!" Brennan practically screamed, wiping at her eyes. "Where have you been for the past year and a half? I'm not letting that happen to us again."

"If you keep turning me down, it's going to happen! You wanted this that night at the bar after Hannah turned down my marriage proposal. You wanting to start something when I wasn't ready is the main reason our whole fallout happened! And now that I want to start something again, you aren't ready. I don't understand you!"

"That was before I knew what it was like for you to hate me. And you were right before. It bothers me that I hurt you because if I'm capable of hurting you this much when we're not even in a relationship, I know it's going to be a hell of a lot worse if we were to ever start one."

"So what then? You want us to just keep living together, raising Katie together, and pretending that we don't love each other? Pretending that this conversation never happened?"

"Yes," Brennan said, barely above a whisper.

"It's going to be hard."

"I know."

"Fine," Booth said, clearing his throat. "Do you want a ride home?"

"No, I'll just see you at home later."

Booth nodded and turned to leave. He wanted to laugh at the use of their word, home. It wasn't a home. Not as long as they were kidding themselves like she wanted. It would only ever truly be a home when she let him be hers. And until that happened, he wasn't sure how smooth things were going to be between them. They were going to tune each other out, he was sure of it. Things would never be normal again; not until she let them.

AN: Drunk Brennan is hard to write. I'm afraid she was a little OOC. Sorry about that. For the next chapter, the M rating will strongly apply. Pray that the powers that be don't remove my story for it… Welp, you know what to do: leave a review! (hey that rhymed.) Or I guess a comment now? WTF FF?