Three weeks had gone by since the first day Brooke went back to school. She had been going everyday and the looks of sympathy weren't as often or annoying as when she first went back. Peyton, Haley and Nathan had been so great to her. Along with Mouth and Rachel. Even some of the guys from the River Court that Lucas played ball with would stop by just to say hi or see how she was. Today was the last game of the regular season for the Ravens and for the first time since Lucas was shot Brooke was looking forward to putting on her cheerleading uniform and stepping into the gym. Yes, things were finally looking up for Brooke and she was grateful.
"Hey Brooke, you ready for the game tonight?" Peyton asked as they walked through the halls with their arms linked.
"You know what? I really think I am. Yes it's going to be weird to be in that gym and not see Lucas out there but I can do it. I'm taking him with me when I step out there," Brooke replied.
Peyton glanced at her questioningly.
"In here Peyt. He's always gonna be in here. And I'm wearing the necklace like usual."
"Of course. I should have known."
"Yes you should have. Now come on, we have to get to class."
"Wow, you're in a good mood today."
"Don't squash it."
"Sorry."
When the day was over Brooke ran out to her car and jumped in. They weren't having cheerleading practice because of the game that night. Brooke was grateful because she was beginning to feel her mood swing in a direction that was anything but upbeat. Taking a shower and laying around would do the trick; at least Brooke hoped it would. If not, being at the game was gonna be a lot harder than she originally thought.
Brooke pulled into her driveway and got out of the car. She ran up the stairs and into the bathroom desperate to take a shower. It was the one place she still cried daily over Lucas. Even though she still cried daily Brooke was pleased with herself that she had managed to keep her emotions in check when she was at school now. It made being around people easier. Some people anyway. There were still some people Brooke had a hard time being around. But now wasn't the time to focus on any of that. All Brooke wanted to do right now was take a shower and boost her spirits before they fell back to pitiful depths.
Twenty minutes later Brooke stepped out of the shower and grabbed a tank top and shorts. She got dressed real quick before going downstairs. Suddenly the idea of sleeping the afternoon away wasn't what Brooke felt like doing. No, not at all. In fact Brooke felt like going for a run, even though she had just taken a shower. Satisfied with the new desire Brooke grabbed her I-Pod and left. There were still a couple hours left before she had to be back at the school. As Brooke ran she smiled at the people she passed by them. Maybe she would find a way to get by even with the love she had for Lucas burning bright everyday despite the loss.
"One day at a time," Brooke kept saying as her feet pounded the pavement.
She ran as hard as she could until she reached the River Court where she stopped to watch a group of guys play ball. It surprised her that she could watch without getting emotional but she knew that was a good sign. The little things weren't bothering her as much as they had been. As she listened closer Brooke thought she recognized Mouth's voice and she sprinted toward him when she spotted him sitting in the bleachers. It was no surprise that he was down at the River Court announcing for the boys.
"Hey Mouth," she said as she sat next to him.
"Hey Brooke. How are ya?" he asked warmly.
"I'm doing good."
"Really?"
"Ya really. And I mean it this time. How's the game going?"
"Skills and the gang are kicking ass. Luke would be proud."
"Good. Are you ready for tonight's game? I wouldn't want you to have to miss the game because you scream yourself hoarse now."
"Don't worry about a thing. I don't scream like that down here. I save that for the Ravens and their fans. Are you ready for the game?"
"I think so. It's gonna be weird because it's the first game I'm going to, never mind cheering in, since Luke's been gone. But you know something? I'm taking him out there with me. Because he's always gonna be in my heart and that's all I need to get through the game tonight."
"I'm so glad. It's been heartbreaking to watch you the past few weeks."
"Gee thanks Mouth."
"I'm sorry but you looked like death warmed over and I'm not being funny."
"You know, I always could count on you to tell me the truth."
"Of course. Even when the truth hurts, it's gotta be told."
Brooke rested her head on Mouth's shoulder. She forgot how good it felt to be around him. Lately he had been one of few people she couldn't face. And it wasn't because of anything he had done or said. That was just the way her moods went. There was a week where she didn't acknowledge Nathan as well but that was over now and Brooke and Nathan were both grateful for that. It was hard on each of them because she desperately wanted to let him in and he wanted her to let him in.
"What are you doing after the game tonight?" Mouth asked suddenly.
"I'm not sure. I think I was just gonna go home, take a shower and call it a night," Brooke replied suspiciously.
"Oh so no chance I could convince you to have coffee or something with me instead?"
"Not tonight Mouth. I'm sorry. I don't think I'm gonna be up for company after the game. I mean I'm in a good mood now and I could be in a good mood later but with everything I really just think I'd be better off going home after the game tonight."
"No problem. It was worth a shot. You'll say yes someday because Brooke Davis can't turn down a friend all the time."
"No I can't. Well I'm gonna head off. I should head back to my house and get ready for the game."
"Brooke it's only 4:30. There's plenty of time to get ready. Stay a little while. Please."
"Mouth let her go. Brooke get out of here. Finish your run," Skills yelled from the court.
"Thanks so much for your permission Skills. Didn't know I needed it," Brooke laughed.
"Anytime doll. See you at the game later."
Brooke nodded. She kissed Mouth's cheek before she hopped off the bleachers and ran back toward her house. As she got closer to her house she decided to keep running. Mouth was right; she still had time before she had to actually start getting ready for the game. It wasn't like she had to look good for anyone in particular. He wouldn't see her efforts if she did anyway so Brooke wasn't gonna bother going crazy with the make-up. In fact it was a possibility she may once again not bother with make up at all.
"Nathan don't you think someone should warn Brooke about tonight," Haley said as they sat on their couch watching a movie.
"I don't know who else knows besides me and I didn't have the heart to tell her. She was in such a good mood today and I was afraid if I told her that Luke's number is being retired she'd freak out and then her mood would shift and she'd change her mind about being at the game tonight. I think it's better this way. She'll want to be there to see number 3 lifted up to the rafters. And since no one else knows about it she will be," Nathan replied.
'I hope you're right."
"Relax Hales. Everything will be fine. I'm not saying Brooke is gonna stand there and be excited to watch his number go up. I believe she can handle it. And if she gets choked up, you and Peyton will be right there for her. She's not gonna be standing there alone."
Haley shifted so her head was in Nathan's lap and closed her eyes. She was getting kind of tired and they had plenty of time before either one of them had to be back to the school. Nathan played with her hair as they sat there.
"Haley," he said quietly.
"Ya Nathan?" she whispered.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
With that they were both asleep.
Peyton was sitting at her desk staring blankly at the computer screen in front of her. She had been spending a lot of time watching the Internet broadcasting of the time capsule. Especially Jimmy and Lucas' entries. The more she listened to what Jimmy said the more Peyton knew that he had been plotting to kill more than two people. He had wanted everyone dead but that didn't happen. Instead he had only killed Lucas and himself. Lucas' entry made her cry because he spoke about taking Dan down for good and then how he hoped in 50 years to be married to a wonderful woman like Brooke.
"Oh Luke, tonight is the first game Brooke's going to since you've been gone. I don't know if she's ready for this. Please just watch over her," Peyton said aloud.
She clicked off the Internet and grabbed her sketchbook. She suddenly felt like drawing and when she was done her eyes grew wide. It was a picture of Brooke and Lucas and a little baby. She called it "the family that should have been". Carefully, she took the picture out of the book and looked for a place to hide it. She knew that if Brooke found it, there would be an ugly blow up and Peyton didn't wanna see that happen.
"Hello," Peyton said as she grabbed the phone.
"Hey it's me," Haley said.
"What's up?"
"Brooke doesn't know."
"What are you talking about? What doesn't Brooke know?"
"Oh wait, I forgot, you don't either."
"Hales, what's going on? I'm confused."
"Luke's number is being retired tonight."
"Oh. That's what Brooke doesn't know?"
"Ya. I thought I should let you know what's going on. Nathan doesn't think anyone should tell her though. I'm not sure I agree with that though."
"I dunno Hales. It doesn't sound like a bad idea not telling her but telling her sounds good too. What are we gonna do? If we don't and she finds out we knew before hand she might get pissed but if we don't tell her it might work in our favor."
"I know. It's not easy trying to decide. Honestly I think that if anyone is gonna tell her it should be Nathan but he really doesn't wanna say anything. He thinks letting her be surprised is better."
"Let me talk to him for a minute."
"Ok, hang on."
"What's up Peyt?" Nathan asked when he got on the phone.
"Why would you think surprising Brooke would be a good idea?"
"Because if we tell her that they're retiring his number tonight she might decide not to come to the game because she won't wanna be anymore emotional than we know she's already gonna be and then she'd be upset that she missed watching his number be lifted into the rafters. I'm not saying it's a great idea or anything, I just think it's better this way. She'll get to see him being honored in a way that not many people have ever been honored in Tree Hill basketball and I know he would want her there for this."
"Okay but if she breaks down you get take care of it tonight."
"Hey, she's your friend too. Come on, you know it's a good idea not telling her. You know you want her to be there and that the only way to make sure she doesn't miss it is to not tell her that it's happening tonight."
"How do so few people know about this?"
"Whitey only told the team and made us all promise not to talk about it. He knew that if Brooke caught wind of it she'd get upset and he doesn't want that either. I of course had the privilege of telling Haley and Karen that they're doing this tonight. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy telling two of the three most important women in Luke's life that he's being honored this way."
"Okay. Oh shoot! I gotta go, I promised Brooke I'd be at the gym early and I still have to change. I'll see you at the game Nathan. Good luck tonight."
"Thanks Peyt. See you later."
"Tell Haley bye for me."
"I will. Later."
"Bye."
Peyton shut off her phone and ran around her room looking for her gear. She was gonna change at the school so all she had to do was get something to eat and then drive over to the school. Her and Brooke were getting together to talk a little bit before the game but Brooke wanted to do it at the school so she couldn't chicken out and skip out on returning to the squad. Peyton wasn't surprised when she pulled up to the school and saw Brooke leaning on the hood of her car. She got out of her car and walked over to Brooke.
"Hey B. Davis. How are ya?" Peyton greeted happily as she hugged her friend.
"Honestly, I'm nervous. I dunno know if I can do this. I mean I thought just being here during the day without Lucas was hard but the real test will be tonight when I step out onto the sidelines and watch the team warm up and I don't see number 3. I'm not even sure it's really hit me yet in terms of basketball. I'm kinda scared of my reaction. And the fact that there will be people in the stands to witness my return is nerve wracking in itself. I need you to promise me if I get out there and don't feel like I can do it, you'll make me stay. At least through halftime. That's my goal right now. Making it through halftime," Brooke replied.
Peyton sighed. If that was Brooke's goal for the night she was pretty sure that was as far as Brooke was gonna get once they raised Luke's jersey to the rafters. Especially since she had a pretty good feeling that they were gonna do it before the game started. She wanted so badly to tell Brooke but Nathan's words kept ringing in her head and she kept it to herself.
"Ok, we'll get you through halftime and then we'll talk about you getting back out there for the second half when we reach that point," Peyton replied.
"Thank you."
"Come on, let's go inside. The other girls will be here soon."
Peyton had asked Rachel to be there early too but she hadn't told Brooke. She didn't want Brooke to get upset and think that Peyton felt like she needed another person there to make sure Brooke didn't leave before the game started.
"Don't you mean Rachel's waiting inside already?"
"How did you know?"
"Peyton, just because Lucas is dead and things are harder on me doesn't mean I'm stupid. I know you asked her to be here now too. I may not know why but it doesn't matter. All I know is that you asked and she's here. I watched her go by pretending like she didn't see me. It was actually fun to watch her."
"You're not mad at me?"
"No, why would I be? I told you before; Rachel and I are friends. It doesn't matter to me that she tried to Lucas from me because in the end she ended up pushing him back to me."
Peyton stood there, jaw dropped, staring at Brooke. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. First Rachel wanted to steal Lucas away from Brooke and when that didn't work she pushed him to go back to her? This was crazy, Peyton's head was spinning. She couldn't think about it anymore.
"You okay Peyt?" Brooke asked her.
"Ya, I'm good. Let's go," Peyton replied.
They linked arms and walked into the school carrying their gym bags on their opposite shoulders. As soon as they were in the locker room Rachel was standing there waiting for them.
"You asked me to be here early Peyton, what's up? Is everything okay?" Rachel asked.
"Ya, everything's fine. I just thought you should be here too since you've been the acting captain during Brooke's absence," Peyton replied.
"Oh. All right then. Brooke, listen, I know this has to be really hard on you but remember, you don't have to do this if you're not ready. Whatever you decide, Peyton and I, along with the rest of the squad will back you up all the way. We're a team and you are our captain so as your team it's our job to stand by you. Right Peyton?"
Peyton nodded.
"I'm ready. At least I think I'm ready. And even if I'm not, I wanna try. It's time to get back to living my life. I know it's never gonna be the same again but I can't stop everything because Lucas is gone. He wouldn't want that for me and I've known that all along but thinking about it and doing it are two different things. It's time for me to do what I know is right. One day at a time is all I can focus on," Brooke said.
"I agree that you gotta do one day at a time but that doesn't mean you have to do this if you're not ready. That's all I'm saying."
"I know Rachel. I told Peyton my goal as of right now is to make it through halftime. If I get that far and I'm still in a good mood I'll finish out the game but if I get that far and feel like I don't wanna be here anymore then I'll stop. So for now, I need you to help me remember that my goal is to get through halftime. And we'll talk second half when it comes."
"You got it."
"Thanks. Oh and one more thing, Rach."
"What's up Brooke?"
"I'm not sure I'm ready to take my role as captain on tonight."
"Don't you worry about a thing. I'll take care of it."
"Thank you."
Rachel didn't say anything. Instead she pulled Brooke into a hug. She was glad that Brooke had shown up tonight, it was for the best. Even more than that, Rachel was glad that Brooke wasn't gonna try and take on everything her first game back with the squad. It was smart of Brooke to decide to ease her way back in. During practice she was splitting time with Rachel as captain but usually she gave way to Rachel completely about half way through. Nobody understood why Brooke had made Rachel co-captain over Peyton but that didn't matter. Brooke did things that way because she didn't think Peyton wanted the responsibility and because she didn't want to hear anyone bitch about it. This way, there were no thoughts of favoritism in her choice. Rachel had been hesitant at first but Brooke asked her to just do it because she couldn't handle it and she knew that Rachel would do a good job.
"Brooke, I need to talk to Rachel real quick," Peyton said.
"Okay?" Brooke answered questioningly.
"We'll be right back."
Peyton grabbed Rachel's arm and dragged her out of the locker room. If Rachel was the acting captain tonight Peyton thought she should tell her about the jersey.
"What's going on? Why couldn't you talk to me in front of Brooke?" Rachel asked when they finally stopped.
"Because she can't hear this. They're retiring Luke's number tonight. Before the game," Peyton replied.
"What? Oh my god. She's gonna freak out. Peyton we have to tell her. It's not a good idea to let her be surprised. Why would you keep that from her?"
"Haley just told me today. She only knows because of Nate. Why he told her though I'm not sure but I guess he also had to tell Karen. Anyway, Haley and I both wanted to tell Brooke but Nathan said not to."
"What for? That doesn't make any sense."
"He said if she knew what they were doing she would decide not to come to the game and not see his number raised to the rafters. He also said if she missed it she'd be upset and that it's better if no one says anything to her."
"That's insane! We have to tell her. Seriously. We can't let her be ambushed like this. Getting her to this point has been tough enough. If we don't tell her all our efforts to help get Brooke back on the right track will go out the window tonight. Is that what you want?"
"No, of course not. Look, I'm not telling her but it's not because I want her to get ambushed. I promised Nathan I wouldn't say anything to her. If you decide to tell her that's on you but it's better this way."
"I still don't see how. I mean I get that she would kick herself if she missed this but if we tell her, she might actually appreciate it."
"How's she gonna know we knew about it if we don't say anything?"
"Peyton think about what you just said and who you just said it about. You know you can't lie to Brooke and you know if we don't tell her she'll just find out later that we knew and kept it from her. I'm not really sure I wanna deal with the wrath of Brooke if we just let it be a surprise."
"I'm not sure I wanna deal with the wrath of Nathan if I tell her. If we go out there and tell her, we run the risk of her leaving. If she leaves Nathan will know someone told Brooke what's going on and he'll be pissed. He wants her to see this tonight. And the only way he thinks she'll be able to if she doesn't know it's coming."
"Fine but don't say anything to anyone else. Especially Bevin and make sure Haley keeps her mouth shut too. If Brooke's gonna be surprised so is the rest of the squad. But if Brooke freaks out and runs I'm putting you in charge of that. I'm acting captain tonight so I can't leave at any point."
"I know this sucks Rachel. I wish we could just tell her and hope for the best but if we tell her I only see it working against her."
"Forget it. We'll keep it to ourselves and hope for the best. Her goal is to get through halftime so let's focus on that."
"Good idea. Okay we should get back in there."
"Shit we left her in there alone. The rest of the squad is probably in there bombarding her. Haley won't be able to ward them off alone. Let's go."
Peyton and Rachel took off toward the locker room. Each one of them hoping that the other girls hadn't gotten there yet and if they had that none of them were pestering Brooke. That was the last thing she needed right now. Only a handful of people knew just how hard this night was gonna be for Brooke.
"Where the hell have you been?" Brooke asked when Peyton and Rachel burst into the locker room.
"Sorry I needed to talk to her about something important," Peyton said looking at the floor.
"Ya, sorry. We didn't mean to leave you by yourself for so long. Is anyone else here yet?" Rachel apologized.
"They're all here. I made them all leave the locker room though. They were being too loud and peppy for me. I couldn't take it. I thought Haley was gonna rip Bevin's head off her shoulders when she walked in."
"Oh crap. Peyton you stay in here with Brooke, I'll talk to the rest of the girls. We'll all be back in ten minutes," Rachel said as she turned to leave.
"Oh, they're about to get their butts chewed out. Too bad we can't go witness that," Brooke laughed.
"How are you doing? You ready for this?" Peyton asked.
"I think so. But there's only one true way to find out. And that's for me to step out onto that gym floor and do my thing. I'm just worried I'm gonna get out there and freeze or I'm gonna spot Karen and Keith and break down."
"Hey, don't worry about that. If you get out there and any of that happens, it's all right. Rachel and I will handle things. You focus on you and we'll worry about everything else. You're not the captain tonight, Rachel is and as your best friend I'm appointing myself as your watchful eye. Rachel and I decided we're gonna switch up the formation a little bit too."
"What? How?"
"Don't worry. It's not that big of a difference. Haley, Bevin and Rachel are switching spots with each other. Then Rachel's switching again. So it'll be Haley in Bevin's spot, Bevin in Rachel's spot and Rachel in your spot."
"What about me then? Where am I going?"
"Haley's spot."
"All the way in the back?"
"Ya, just for a little while. Rachel thought it would be better for you so you're not in the middle of everyone your first night back."
"Okay."
"Listen up girls. As you all know tonight is Brooke's first night back with us since Lucas was shot. She's not the captain tonight. I'm the captain for one more night. And as your captain I'm asking you to remember that Brooke knows Lucas is gone, she doesn't need any of us to remind her. What we can do for her tonight is make it a good night. Her goal is to make it through halftime and as a squiad we're gonna pull together and make it happen for her. So there's not gonna be any retarded drama tonight. If any of you have problems with anyone else leave them out here because you're not taking them in that locker room tonight. Got it?" Rachel said to the other nine girls.
"How come she made you captain?" Bevin asked.
"Oh my god, Bevin, will you give it up already!" Haley snapped, "All you've done is bitch about Rachel being made captain. I'm not saying I'd be a better captain then Rachel but there is no way in hell you could do half the job either one of them have done for us."
"Bevin, Haley. Chill out. Brooke made me captain because she did. I didn't ask for it. That was just the decision she made. End of story," Rachel explained to Bevin, who proceeded to pout, "Now let's go back in the locker room and for the love of God be quiet and leave Brooke alone."
They all walked back into the locker room. Ten minutes had past, just like Rachel had said. Peyton and Brooke were sitting on one of the benches along the row of lockers. Brooke's head was on Peyton's shoulder and Rachel could see the tears glistening in her eyes. Maybe Brooke wasn't gonna make it to halftime after all. Right now Rachel didn't even think Brooke was gonna make it out for the beginning of the game. Haley sat down next to Brooke on the other side and hugged her.
"You can do this Brooke," she whispered.
Brooke nodded slightly. Haley was right, she could do this. She just didn't know if she was gonna do it. Only time would tell. And Brooke was running out of time.