Nathan and the rest of the Tree Hill Ravens were in the locker room. Game time was about 10 minutes away. They were listening to Whitey's pre-game speech. Or they were trying to at least. Most of them couldn't tell you what Whitey said to them if you offered them $1 million in cash. Their thoughts were on Lucas and the fact that tonight their teammate, friend and brother was going to be honored.
"All right boys, I know this is an emotional night but let's not forget that we're here to play ball too. Let's do this for Lucas," Whitey said as he finished up.
The entire team cheered and clapped their hands. Whitey was right, this wasn't just about Lucas' number being retired but they had to remember not to forget about him too. Even in death Lucas was a part of their team. As a tribute to their fallen teammate, they each had black wristbands with the number 3 along with "LES" stitched on them in white lettering. Whitey had one too.
"Before we go out there, I wanna say something," Nathan said.
Whitey nodded.
"Tonight is the last game of the regular season. Tonight my brother is being honored in a way he never would have expected. Hell he would say we were crazy for retiring his number because he wasn't good enough. That's a bunch of crap. Luke was one hell of a baller and he definitely deserves this. But if we're really gonna honor the legacy of Lucas Scott we have to win the game. Tonight, I am not your captain. I'm just another guy on the team. That doesn't mean I won't help lead us to victory cause you know I will but I don't wanna wear the "C" tonight. Not if Luke can't be here to wear the other one with me. Now let's get out there and do this thing. Everybody put your hands in. Ready, for Luke, on three. One, two, three…"
"FOR LUKE!" all twelve guys yelled.
The team walked out of the locker room toward the gym in a hyped and yet reserved manner. They all knew what was coming but they didn't wanna make it feel like they were walking out to a funeral or something. Nathan was the last one out onto the floor followed by Whitey. The crowd cheered as they made their way over to their bench. Nathan glanced over to the cheerleaders and smiled when he saw Brooke with them. So far so good. He thought to himself.
"Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Welcome to another night of Tree Hill High Ravens' basketball. I'm Mouth McFadden," Mouth said as the crowd settled down, "Tonight's season finale for the Ravens is against the Oak Lake Owls. But before we get under way with tonight's action, Coach Durham has a special presentation he'd like to make."
The entire gym fell silent as Whitey took the microphone that was handed to him and stepped out into the middle of the gym floor. He scanned the crowd until his eyes fell on Karen and he motioned for her to join him. Karen stood and walked down the bleachers and stood next to Whitey.
"As most of you know there was a tragic shooting here about a month ago. Lucas Scott's life was cut short by a fellow student. Tonight we want to honor his legacy. Now I've asked his mother, Ms. Karen Roe, to join me here. Not so I could rub this in her face but because I want to present her with this plaque in honor of the great young man her son had been," Whitey said, "Karen, your son was an amazing young man. One of the finest I've ever had the privilege of coaching."
"Thank you Whitey," Karen said her eyes brimming with tears.
"But that's not all. Boys," Whitey said signaling to Nathan and Skills. The two boys walked over holding Lucas' white home jersey, "Tonight, as a tribute to what Lucas Scott means to the Tree Hill Ravens basketball team, we want to retire his jersey number."
Brooke's jaw dropped. They were retiring Lucas' number. She looked at Peyton and Rachel, both of them were cringing. They were retiring Luke's number and they knew and didn't tell her. Damn them! They should have said something. I can't be here to watch this Brooke thought to herself as the tears that she had been fighting spilled over.
Peyton elbowed Rachel when she saw the tears on Brooke's cheeks. She immediately wished they had told her about the jersey thing. Rachel looked over when she felt Peyton elbow her. Knowing it had to be something involving Brooke, Rachel glanced back and she too saw the tears on Brooke's cheeks. Shit, she's not gonna make it to halftime now. We should have told her. Rachel thought as she moved to stand next to Brooke.
"You knew about this?" Brooke asked.
"Peyton told me right before the game. She said that Haley called her before she left to come back for the game. We wanted to tell you but it's complicated. All I know is that we didn't tell you because Haley wasn't even supposed to say anything and Nathan was afraid if you knew you'd decide against being here and miss this. He didn't want that for you. I'm sorry we didn't tell you," Rachel replied.
"Who the hell does Nathan think he is? It's not up to him whether I get to know about this or not. I should have known. That's my boyfriend's number going up to the rafters right now. Someone should have told me."
"Brooke, it was for your own good that we didn't tell you. Please, believe me when I say I wanted to tell you. I thought not telling you was stupid because springing it on you like this didn't seem fair to me. But it wasn't my call."
"You still could have told me. At least fill me in that something was going on tonight. That much would have been nice. But no, I guess that's too much to ask of my friends."
"Brooke, it's not Rachel's fault. I made her promise not to say anything. I just thought she should know about it since she's the acting captain tonight," Peyton explained.
"You know what? I don't care. You were all wrong to keep this from me. When the game is over I'm gonna tell Nathan the same thing. None of you had the right to keep this from me. My boyfriend is being honored and none of you thought I had the right to know? And why not? Because you were afraid that I might not have been here to witness this? That's crazy. Of course I would have been here. I could have come as a spectator instead you know. I don't have to be in a cheerleading uniform to be here. You know what? I don't feel like doing this now. Maybe if I had been warned things would be a little bit different. Nice job captain," Brooke exploded.
Before anyone could say anything Brooke had turned around and ran toward the locker room. She was so pissed at Peyton, Rachel, Nathan and Haley that she didn't feel like being peppy and cheering the Ravens on any longer.
"Why the hell is she mad at me? I wanted to tell her," Rachel said as she watched Brooke retreat toward the locker room.
"She'll get over it," Peyton said.
"No I don't think she will. She's right. It wasn't our choice to hide that from her. Nathan had no business making anyone promise not to tell her. In fact, he should have been the one to tell her about it in the first place. After all, he told Karen and Haley."
"He told Karen because she's his mother and Whitey asked him to do it. The only reason he told me is because I forced it out of him," Haley said.
"So the mother and the best friend have a right to know but the girlfriend has to be left in the dark? How is that fair?" Rachel snapped.
"Ok, guys. Look, let's talk about this later. Right now we're supposed to be acting peppy and cheering for the basketball team. The drama and everything else will be there when we're done. Along with Brooke's anger or whatever emotion she's reached when the game's done," Peyton interjected.
Brooke ran into the locker room and grabbed her street clothes. She wasn't in the mood to cheer anymore but that didn't mean she didn't feel like being at the game. She had promised to be there and she was gonna honor that promise. Just not from the spot that everyone who expected to see her would be looking. If they wanted to see Brooke Davis they were gonna have to look in the stands tonight. Because tonight, she was nothing more than a spectator and fan of the Tree Hill Ravens. She changed quickly back into her jeans and t-shirt and of course, Luke's sweatshirt before she left the locker room and went back into the gym. As she stepped into the gym, it occurred to Brooke that she had no one to sit with. That is of course until she spotted Karen and noticed there was an empty seat next to her. It was obviously not for Keith because he was on the other side of Karen. Putting a smile on her face Brooke climbed the bleachers until she reached Karen and Keith.
"Hey Karen," Brooke said casually.
"Brooke, what are you doing over here? Shouldn't you be with your squad?" Karen asked as she hugged the girl.
"Well I was. But you see, nobody bothered to tell me about the pre-game ceremony and Luke's number being retired tonight. Something about Nathan didn't think I would come if I knew. Whatever, I'm not in the mood to be over there anymore but I didn't feel like going home either. I'm here so I might as well stay," Brooke replied.
"They really thought it would be better to just let you be surprised? I'm gonna have to talk to my nephew when the game's over," Keith said.
"You can have him when I'm done with him. I promise to leave room for you."
"Thanks. I appreciate that. Nathan won't but that's not your fault."
"I wish they would have told you. They have no right deciding what's best for you. Only you could decide that. But I am glad you're here and you got to see them honor Luke," Karen said.
"Me too. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I dunno what Nathan was so worried for. Yes, I got emotional but that would have happened if they had told me so it's not like they saved me from any grief. I'm not heartless, I have feelings too."
"Of course you're not heartless. Let's just enjoy the game. For Lucas. He would want that. You know, he'd be proud of you for being here tonight Brooke."
"Ya, I know. It's getting better, slowly. As long as I remember to go one day at a time."
"That's all any of us can do."
Brooke leaned over and rested her head on Karen's shoulder. It felt good to be around her and Keith without freaking out and running the other way. And she was glad for that too because as hard as losing Lucas was on her Brooke was absolutely sure it was hardest on them.
"Nice to see you giving my shop advertising," Keith said with a smirk.
"Hey, I'm not wearing this for you. It's my security, it makes me feel like Lucas is with me wherever I am," Brooke said as she stuck her tongue out.
"Call it what you want."
"Thank you, I will."
"Ok you too. That's enough," Karen laughed at the two.
Brooke and Keith looked at each other and stuck their tongues out. Just because they weren't verbally going back and forth didn't mean they couldn't stick their tongues out at each other. Karen just rolled her eyes. It was obvious that neither of them were listening to her but if there were no tears Karen wasn't gonna complain. It was nice to see a smile on Brooke's face. In fact, it was the first smile Karen could recall seeing on her face since she had found out about Lucas' death.
The three of them sat in the bleachers wrapped up in the game. None of them said a word to each other the entire first half. Karen held the plaque tightly within her grasp the entire time as well. Brooke was focusing on the jersey that hung from the ceiling of the Tree Hill gym. Keith watched his nephew play a great game. Before they knew it the first half was over. Brooke had been so focused on Lucas' jersey that she hadn't realized that she was crying again. Damn it, I was doing so well. Now it's over. I guess I can't go anywhere without crying she thought as she furiously wiped the tears away, hoping they would stop falling sooner that way. Karen glanced at Brooke and enveloped her in a hug as she watched the young girl wipe the tears from her face. It didn't surprise Karen that there were tears in Brooke's eyes. She had a similar reaction the first night she had come back to watch the team.
The second half went by in a tearful blur for Brooke. As suspected, the Ravens beat the Owls, 67-63. Nathan had scored 24 points, the most individually for each side. Brooke didn't bother saying anything to Karen or Keith as she ran down the bleachers and out to her car. She didn't want to give Nathan a chance to leave before she chewed him out. It pissed her off what he had done and she wanted to be sure he knew it. She stood outside the gym waiting, her arms crossed in front of her body. Nathan walked out a few minutes later with Haley. Brooke sauntered over to them and stepped directly in Nathan's path.
"Brooke, what the heck?" he asked.
"I need to talk to you," was all she said before she yanked him away from Haley and off to the side.
"What is your problem?" Nathan asked when they were by themselves.
"Who the hell do you think you are making people promise not to tell me about Luke's number being retired tonight? That wasn't something you had any right deciding. What if I didn't show up? What were you gonna do? Yell at me because I didn't see it happen? Well I wouldn't have known what I missed because no one bothered to tell me because you thought you had the right to decide what was best for me. I don't appreciate that one bit. What the hell did you think you were protecting me from by not telling me? Did you think I wouldn't cry if I knew ahead of time? Get real Nate. Next time you wanna do something for me, tell me when they're honoring my boyfriend! I don't give two shits what you want for me. I would have been here, I wouldn't miss this for anything in the world," Brooke screamed.
"I'm sorry I thought I was doing you a favor but I guess not because you didn't cheer anyway and I don't remember seeing you in the stands."
"I was there. I sat with Karen and Keith, who wants to kill you by the way. Next time you think you have the right to make a decision for me you better think twice because I won't be nearly as nice. Count on it."
Brooke didn't bother waiting for Nathan to respond before spinning on her heels and sprinting to her car. If she ran fast enough she could make it to her car before the tears fell again. She was so sick of everyone deciding what was best for her. How do they know what was best for her? They don't but obviously that didn't seem to matter or stop them. Brooke drove to the cemetery as tears clouded her vision. She stopped the car a few feet away and she walked the rest of the way toward Lucas' grave. Carefully Brooke sat on the ground in front of it before dropping her head in her hands and crying.
"They retired your number tonight, baby. I'm sure you don't think you deserve it but let me tell you, I think you do. You're amazing Lucas. I'm sure you know why I'm crying but let me just get it out anyway. They retired your number tonight, the first night I was gonna cheer since you've been gone. Nobody bothered to tell me though, because your brother thought it was better if I didn't know. Well that backfired because whatever he thought he was protecting me from by not telling me happened anyway. I still cried. I mean I think he was really afraid that I wouldn't show up. What the hell kind of girlfriend does he think I am? I would have been there no matter because I would want to see them honor you that way. I love you and the fear of breaking down won't keep me away from you. Or that basketball court anymore because as long as I have a piece of you in my heart, which I always will, I'll be fine. Or fine enough. I love you, I miss you and I look forward to seeing you again someday. Good night, baby," Brooke said. She kissed her hand and placed it on the grave before she got up and walked back to her car.
Slowly Brooke rose to her feet and made her way back to her car. She jumped in and drove home. Even though it was only 9:30, Brooke was exhausted. Grieving and fighting and crying took a lot out of her. So did the thought of and intent to return to cheerleading. All she wanted to do now was put on her pajamas and crash for the night. Apparently that wasn't happening though, cause as she pulled into her driveway she found Nathan sitting on her front porch.
"Great, I'm so not in the mood for this," Brooke muttered to herself as she shut off her car and walked up to the front door.
"Hey, I was hoping I could talk to you," Nathan said as he rose to his feet to get out of her way.
"Why so you can tell me again that you thought you were doing me a favor tonight? Just leave me alone Nathan. I don't wanna hear it."
"That's not what I came over to say. I came over to apologize. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Brooke, listen to me for a minute. Please. One minute and then I'll go."
"Fine, come in."
Brooke opened the door and let Nathan follow her in. They stopped in the living room. Brooke flopped onto the couch and Nathan crashed next to her.
"Ok, you wanted to talk. So talk," Brooke said.
"I just wanted to say you're right and I'm sorry. I should have told you about tonight. Please, don't be mad at me. And don't be mad at the girls either. They only did that because I made Haley promise not to say anything but she apparently told Peyton who told Rachel for what reason I couldn't begin to guess," Nathan explained.
"You're sorry? You keep this from me to protect me and you're sorry? You've gotta be kidding me Nathan. Did you think I was just gonna forgive you like that?"
"Brooke, come on. Don't you understand why I did it?"
"No I don't. You told his mother, his best friend but conveniently neglected to me. His girlfriend! Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"I told you why. I'm sorry. Brooke, please, don't be mad at me."
"You already tried that line Nathan. I'm not mad at you. I just don't understand why you didn't say anything. You should have known that I wouldn't miss it for the world. But I didn't know about it so I could have missed it. Remember you wanted me there but if you wanted me there so bad to see it why didn't you tell me about it? That doesn't make sense Nate. You must not have wanted me there bad enough because if you did you would have said something. Am I right?"
"No, Brooke. I really wanted you there but I didn't know how good the chance of you staying or even showing up if you knew would be. I didn't realize that telling you was the best way to go. If I did, I would have told you. I swear."
"That doesn't change the fact that you lied to me and got my friends to lie to me too."
"What do you want me to say? I screwed up, I'm an asshole. You pick, cause apparently I don't how to do anything right. I'm sorry I tried to make sure you saw them retire Lucas' number. I won't be so nice next time."
"There isn't gonna be a next time! They can never retire another number in honor of Lucas Scott. He'll never wear another basketball jersey again. He's never gonna do anything again. Because he's dead! Lucas is dead and nothing is ever gonna be the same again."
"You think I don't know that Brooke? You think it doesn't hurt me every damn day to know I'll never see my brother again? You think you're the only one who's entitled to be upset or cry over Luke being dead? Well you're not! I get that you're upset and you miss him but so do I and so do a hell of a lot of other people. Damn it Brooke, this isn't all about you!"
"Get out."
"What?"
"Get out. You don't get to come into my house and yell at me."
"What's the matter Brooke? The truth hurts doesn't it?"
Brooke reached over and slapped Nathan across the face. He sat there and glared at her. Nobody had ever hit him before in his life. Brooke recoiled the instant she realized what she had done.
"Oh my god, Nathan. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that," Brooke apologized.
"No I deserved it. I'm sorry I screamed at you. I've just been so stressed. I don't have the luxury of crying whenever I feel like it. Everyone expects me to be so strong and pretend like I'm not bothered by Luke's death but I'm not okay and I'm not strong. And I just lost it. Please, Brooke. Forgive me?"
"I dunno Nathan. Do you really think you deserve it?"
"No. I know I don't deserve it."
"You're right, you don't deserve it but I'm in no position to hold a grudge."
"I'm truly sorry. For everything, I didn't mean to cause all this crap."
"I know you didn't."
"Thank you." Nathan hugged Brooke and he cringed when he felt her tense up underneath him.
"Good night, Nathan," she whispered into his chest.
"Good night, Brooke," he said.
Nathan stood up and left the house. Brooke sat on the couch and cried. As soon as the tears fell she slammed her fist into the couch. It was beginning to feel like the only thing Brooke ever did anymore was cry. Even when she didn't know she was upset, tears fell and when she fought with someone, tears fell. Lately it was as if crying had taken the place of breathing in Brooke's existence. She never went a day without it happening.
"I can't do this anymore. I'm done trying. It's no use. There's nothing here for me anymore as it is," Brooke cried to herself.
She continued to cry as she lay on the couch. Her back was to the door so she didn't realize that Peyton had come in and on top of that, Brooke didn't realize that Peyton had heard every word she cried.
"Brooke," Peyton said shakily.
"Go away. I don't wanna talk," Brooke cried.
"No. I can't go away. I heard what you said. Don't say stuff like that."
"Oh so you only care because you heard what I said? I bet you wouldn't care if you didn't hear me."
"Brooke!"
"What Peyton?" By now Brooke had turned around and was sitting up.
"You know better then to say that. You know I care. How could I not care about you? You're my best friend. Damn it Brooke."
"What? You don't wanna hear that I'm sick of living without my boyfriend? Without the only one who could ever really love me? Well that's just too bad cause it's true! I'm tired of it. Nobody loves me the way he did. Not even you."
"Of course I don't love you the way he did. I'm not a guy. That wouldn't be right. I love you because you're my best friend and I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you. But I cannot sit around and listen to you say you have nothing left to live for. You know that's not true. You have so much to live for."
"Oh ya? Like what?"
"You have your friends and your fashion and your talent."
"Ya, but that's not what I want. I don't want any of that if I can't share it with Luke. It means nothing without him. My life means nothing without him."
Peyton rolled her eyes. She was really annoyed with Brooke at the moment.
"Fine if your life is nothing without Lucas then maybe I shouldn't be in it anymore. Because apparently I don't mean anything to you anyway."
With those last words Peyton left the house and slammed the door. And once again, Brooke laid on the couch and cried. She laid there and cried until there were no more tears. When she finally stopped crying it was only to fall asleep.
"Haley, it's me. We have to do something. She's losing it," Peyton cried into the phone.
"Peyton, what's going on? What happened?" Haley replied.
Peyton proceeded to tell Haley about the fight she had just gotten into with Brooke and about everything she heard Brooke say about not having anything to live for and everything else she said. Haley cried as she listened to Peyton tell her that their friend was falling apart. There had to be something they could do to help her. But neither of them could think of anything. Nothing would be as good as bringing Lucas back and that wasn't possible.
"Listen, I'm on my way home. I think I'm gonna take a shower and crash when I get there but if you come up with anything, please, call me. We need to help her," Peyton said to Haley.
"I know and I will. Get some sleep Peyt," Haley replied.
"You too. Night Hales."
"Night."
Peyton hung up and slammed her foot on the accelator. The faster she made it home the faster she could take a shower and go to bed. All she wanted was to go to sleep and pretend like she didn't fight with Brooke.
"Luke, she's a mess without you. I need to know how to help her. Just give me a clue. Please," Peyton begged as she drifted off to sleep.