Chapter 2: Off to Work

It was a very bright day in Ponyville. Too bright. Very few ponies were outside, it was that bright. Only the occasional businesspony could be seen walking to work. The extra light did have its perks, though: night owls, insomniacs, even just lazy teenagers were rudely awakened by the harsh beams of bright light, allowing them more time in the day. The freakishly bright day.

The brightness is only a minor detail, though. This chapter is not about the sunlight, but a pony who is woken up by this sunlight. And his cat.

The sun was creeping into his room and hitting his eyes. He merely shrugged this off and cowered under his blanket. But the downside to bright lights that can wake up anything is that they can wake up anything. Including very hungry cats. A very large gray cat had crept up onto a shelf right above this pony's head. He then proceeded to jump right off of said shelf, extending his claws, and landing on top of his owner, the pony.

"YIPE!" cried the pony, making him more visible than he was under the blanket. You could see that he was gray, with a black mane combed up in a mullet, and an orange streak running through it. He looked at the cat, who was trying to look as innocent as possible, rubbing up against his owner lovingly, and then pointing at his open mouth, meowing pleadingly.

"Stupid cat..." the pony said bitterly. "Oh well. Better feed you."

He got out of bed and headed for the kitchen, the cat following happily. Once he got there, he opened a cupboard, which was filled to the brim with at least 1,000 cat food cans (it was quite a large cupboard). He removed a can and fed his cat, who thanked him with a hearty "Cock-e-doodle-doo!"

I swear, that cat belongs with Pinkie Pie, the pony thought to himself. He then opened up another cupboard, removed a box of Pyro-o's (a brand of cereal) and a bowl, opened the fridge, removed some milk, and proceeded to make his breakfast. Suddenly, somepony knocked on the door, interrupting him from his first bite of cereal. He got up and went to the door.

"Who is it?" he called to whoever was on the other side.

"It's Crystal!" screamed a feminine voice on the other side, seemingly in a hurry. He opened the door and let her in.

"Crystal, what're ya doin' here?" he asked, irritated.

"Because I just thought that I'd come and wish you luck with your new job, because you deserve to be wished luck, and I'm going to wish you luck. That, and I felt really talkative! Good luck!" Crystal answered. At a closer look, one could see that her pupils were dilated.

"Crystal, what're you on?" The stallion asked her.

"Hand Grenade, don't you trust me!?" she asked, trying to sound innocent. "Friends gotta trust each other!"

The stallion, Hand Grenade, looked quizzically at her for a minute, and then said, "Meth?"

"Nyu-uh!"

"Coke?"

"Nope!"

He thought for a minute, and finally said, "Caffeine?"

"Oh, hay, no! Much more illegal!" she informed matter-o-factually. Hand Grenade got into another thinking position, seriously racking his brain.

Finally, he said, "I've got nothing!"

"It's khat!" Crystal said, pulling out a leaf and putting it in her mouth.

"Of course. Leave it to you to use a drug completely unknown to most of the country," he said.

"Pretty much!" she said cheerfully.

"You know, with my new job, that's a bad thing for you to tell me, that you're using drugs," Hand Grenade informed her.

"Not with these!" she said, and held out some papers. The one on the top said:

These documents proclaim that the pony Crystal Meth
is hereby exempt from any law that has been, is being,
or will be made regarding the use, possession, and
manufacture of any narcotics whatsoever.

Princess Celestia

"So, you're officially void of all liability to your drug problem," Hand Grenade said, seemingly impressed.

"Yep. All for helping save Equestria! I think they give me too much credit. Don't you?" Crystal said modestly. Crystal was one of those kinds of ponies who, yes, use drugs, but they're (mostly) friendly about it. They aren't like some people who rob stores to supply their addictions. Granted, her parents were absolutely loaded, but she never really resulted to asking them for money (because they send it to her, gift wrap and everything). She also frequently grows and makes her own drugs so that she can save money and other ponies time.

"So, back to your job, when do you have to go, because it's not nice to be late, especially on the first day, and I would know, because I was late to a lot of jobs, and..." Crystal started.

Hand Grenade ignored her for a minute, letting her rant on, and checked a clock on the wall above the fridge, gasping. "Dear Celestia, I'm going to be late! See ya later, Crystal!" he said, running out the door, and leaving Crystal to finish her drug induced rant in solitude.