Chapter IV
John pays the cab and gets his rucksack. Fortunately, the car is still where he left it the previous day. He had been unable to remember if he had locked it. He opens the boot and puts the rucksack inside. And now, where to? He has distant relatives in Nottingham, but he has not seen them since his granddad's funeral. They do not even know he got married. How is he going to tell them he is separating less than a month later? No. He needs a quiet place to think, and he will not get that surrounded by people asking questions. What about Liverpool? His granddad had taken him there once, when he was fourteen. He had loved the port. He had dreamt about boarding a ship and travelling around the world. How ironic. He did not move from the village in all these years. Why did not he leave the farm after Carol ran away? He could have found a better job easily. He stayed for her. Because he always held the stupid hope of her returning. John opens the car door and sits on the drivers' seat. Last night with Carol proved to him it is time to move on. Last night she gave herself to him, body and soul, but John knows it cannot last. At any moment, she will be yearning for her precious Andrew. John realises he feels pity for her. He could have made her very happy, if only Carol had let him. He adjusts the rear-view mirror and looks at his reflection. He is still young, and since he stopped dressing like the village idiot he even seems handsome. He has the right to be loved. He does not have to accept Carol's leftovers. He tightens the seat belt and checks his watch. It's half past nine. It is too early to phone Nelly. She finishes her shift very late, and at this moment she must be sleeping. He just wants to tell her not to worry, he is fine. He rests his hands on the wheel. Is he really fine? His doubts last only a few seconds. He starts the car and sets for Liverpool.
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Carol finishes clearing the kitchen and sits in front of the TV, with a cup of tea. It is a documentary about lorries which does not interest her at all, but she needs the noise. She is on her own. Lisa went to Flamingo Land for the day with a school friend. The girl's parents promised to bring her back on time for tea. Lisa did not ask any more questions, but she obviously suspects John left for good. Becky is right. Why would he stay?
"Because I need him", Carol says aloud.
Of course, her conscience says. You need his money. You need his work in the farm. You need somebody to comfort you when you cannot go on. But did you stop to consider if you are what he needs?
The wind bangs against the window, opening it all of a sudden. It comes direct from the moor. Carol stands to close it and sees the ruined farmhouse in the distance. Andrew is calling her. He waits for her there, like so many times before. Carol knows she has to go. If she does not go now, she will never be free. She puts on her anorak and runs uphill.
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John is filling up at the petrol station when a blue car parks next to him. Dr. Lawton gets out and they greet one another. Despite the rage that family provokes him, John feels pity when he sees the way he looks. He seems to have grown ten years older in the last few weeks. Another life Andrew took.
"Is Carol OK?", the doctor asks.
"Of course", John answers, poker faced. "Why shouldn't she be?"
"I thought she would attend the funeral."
"I didn't forbid her to go."
Dr. Lawton leans on the car door. He seems fragile and tired.
"Forgive me, John. I didn't mean to imply... I don't even know what I say these days. I keep wondering why Andrew did it." He is still looking in John's direction, but he is staring out vacantly. "What did I do wrong? Was it because I did not let him marry Carol?"
John bits his lower lip, angry.
"Your son was an adult, Dr. Lawton. If he had really wanted to marry Carol, there would have been no way on earth to stop him."
"Andrew was so young..."
"So was Carol!", John screams.
The doctor bursts into tears. John goes bright red.
"Forgive me, Dr. Lawton. I behaved like a beast."
The doctor says it does not matter, but John makes him sit on the car and fetches him a coffee from the machine. He leans on the bonnet while the doctor drinks.
"Forgive me for making a scene, son", Dr. Lawton apologizes. "You have reasons enough to tell us all to go to hell."
John does not dare to face him, still ashamed.
"Will you be able to drive, Dr. Lawton? If you want, I can give you a lift anywhere."
The doctor smiles gratefully.
"I will be fine, John."
He stands to dispose of the empty cup, but John takes it from his hand and says he will do it. While he walks towards the bin, he thinks about Carol again. He imagines her that day at the register office, waiting for somebody who never came. Andrew was just a coward. But he is not. John pays for the petrol and gets ready to leave. Back in his car, he goes past Dr. Lawton again, who waves at him.
"By the way, son, where are you going?"
"In the right direction", John answers.
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Carol wraps herself on her anorak, freezing. The farmhouse ruins are damp. She stares at the duvet where she and Andrew used to sit. Was it always so mouldy? And those traces of blood, all that mud on the floor... Their names are still there, but Andrew is not. There is nothing left there but death. The place she loved so much is now hateful to her.
"I want to die for you", Andrew had said on several occasions.
But it is easy to die. What is difficult is to live. Would have she been happy living with Andrew? Carol comes out of the farmhouse and sits on a rock. She rests her head on her knees.
"You were like the wind, Andrew", she thinks. "It appears from time to time, tangles my hair and then leaves. John is like this rock I'm sitting down. You don't realise it's there, but the moor would collapse with the first rains if it were not there. John is my rock."
She looks downhill. Her home is waiting for her there, her beloved Lisa is waiting for her... is John waiting for her? She leaps to her feet, her heart about to explode in her chest. That is John's car! Carol starts running towards Sparkhouse.
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John gets out of the car slowly and looks around. There seems to be nobody at home. Something on the floor attracts his attention. It is Mr. Bolton's rifle, smashed to pieces. Would it be stupid to expect a miracle?
"John!"
It is Carol's voice. She is running towards him, almost out of breath. She literally throws herself in his arms. He nearly falls down. She grabs him by the lapels and kisses him savagely. Her face is boiling after her race.
"Don't leave me, John", she cries. "Please, don't leave me."
John holds her face in his hands. He kisses her eyes, drinking her tears at the same time.
"Do you really want me to stay?"
She nods, desperate. John sighs and smiles. He does not want Carol to notice he wishes to shout for joy.
"Well, then I'll have to stay."
They cling to an embrace, without any space left between their bodies. John glimpses the ruined farmhouse on top of the hill, like a shadow threatening them.
"You will not take this one from me", he thinks to himself. "I dare you to try."
Carol feels the moor wind on her back, but she will be strong and will not turn back. John's arms give her strength to resist. Down here with him she feels alive, and the only thing she wants is to live.
THE END