Disclaimer: I don't own Kyou kara Maou
Beta Reader: ShinyShimaron
Warning: More animal hunting violence.
And you should bee prepared for some bad puns.
Chapter 3: A Bear-y Un-bee-lievable Situation
Some time after having heroically, bravely, and single-handedly rescued the quaint town of Xursa from its impending doom, the Blue Wind saw fit to commence a larger task. And enormous indeed was the ample Mountain range of Trigona. The ragged precipices loomed ominously on the horizon as the infinitely heroic Blue Wind and his trusty side-kick approached on horseback.
Within a short passage of time, the hero fearlessly ascended the foothills of the vast mountain range.
The Mountains were a wild place, full of many exotic flora and fauna, including the rare cliff-dwelling honey bees of Trigona.
And it was reputed that hidden among the all the selvic wilderness, lived a sour-tempered hermit…
"Remind again me why we have to go over this mountain, Captain," Yozak grumbled as his horse slipped on a lose piece of rock but managed to regain its footing.
"Because it's here," Conrad answered.
"Oh that makes so much sense," Yozak said as they passed near a steep cliff edge.
Conrad had two reasons for riding up the mountain. One, it would be a good opportunity to try and teach Yozak the art of the superhero pun, and two, he just might have a few hermit distant relatives left up there.
But now he was faced with a difficult decision. Should he continue up the mountain with Yozak, or would it be better the take advantage of the steep cliff that was practically begging to have a certain someone pushed off?
Of course, if he pushed Yozak off the cliff, then Conrad would have to unload the horses all by himself. Maybe some other time, then. Conrad was sure another opportunity to push Yozak off of something would come up.
"I might have some human relatives left up here," Conrad said.
"I thought all your relatives were killed off by Ranjeel," Yozak said.
"Only the legitimate ones with a claim to the throne," Conrad said. "There would be too many to kill off otherwise."
Yozak grunted in comprehension.
"There are lots of bees up here too," Conrad said. Yozak still didn't have a very good sense of humor, so he should probably start with something easy. Bees were a good place to start for beginning puns. It was un-bee-lievably easy to make bee puns.
~o~
The sun climbed higher into the azure sky as our valiant hero doggedly scaled the rugged precipices.
But their greatest challenge still lay ahead of them. For the hermit was reputed to posses a heart as cold as stone…
"Are we there yet?" Yozak asked.
"You'll know as soon as you see a lot of bees," Conrad replied. His father had brought him up this mountain once in order to visit distant relatives.
In the twinkling of an eye, the Blue Wind's path was blocked by a wild eyed being. Her robes flew about wildly as she confronted the intruders. Her eyes blazed with the fury of a human bent on defending her loved ones from demonic intruders.
"Halt! Who goes there?" a small elderly woman demanded as she held a quarter-staff threateningly in the air.
"Mathilde?" Conrad asked.
The old woman scowled, "How do you know my grandmother's name?"
"I met her last time I visited. I'm Conrad Weller."
"Weller?" Iridina asked as she lowered her quarter-staff. She narrowed her eyes.
"We're half-human." Yozak said helpfully.
"Well, come get something to eat at least," Iridina said as she walked towards her hovel. "Then we can talk." It was an unwritten rule of rural hospitality that travelers were always given food.
And the hermit was so profoundly inspired by the regal presence of the Blue Wind that she did lay out before them an impressive feast.
Conrad and Yozak sipped gritty coffee as Iridina served them something known as hachinoko in Yuuri's country.
"We wouldn't have eaten bugs if we'd stayed in town," Yozak said with a pout.
Iridina sat across from them and glared at Yozak. Then she took a sip of her coffee. "What are you up to?" she asked.
"We're just blowing through," Conrad said politely.
"You mean you have nothing better to do?" Iridina asked as she blew her nose.
There was a long awkward pause as they slowly ate their food.
"So, you're related to the captain," Yozak said, attempting to make small talk.
"Very distantly," she said.
"Do you have any family nearby?" Yozak continued.
"I have a son, but he moved to the city. Said I work too hard."
They could almost hear an implied Men, they never want to work at the end of her words, and Yozak wondered if Anissina had ever been through this area. He stared at his toes.
"Well, if you don't have anything to do, and want to make yourselves useful, you could get rid of a bear for me," Iridinia said, "Damn pest keeps making a nuisance of himself. I'd have gotten rid of him, but he runs away too fast every time I see him.
~o~
Before leaving her hovel, Iridina showed off some of her other bee products. "That's honey," Iridina said while pointing to a barrel. "I sell the stuff that ends up fermenting as mead. She pointed to a mound of wax in the corner. "I have beeswax too." she said. "You can use to make candles and other crap. I usually sell it along with the honey to a supplier in the city."
Yozak gasped. He couldn't believe that Iridina was so apathetic towards such a treasure. Why think of all the gorgeous lipstick she could make with all that wax!
Iridina led them outside. "I'll show you where I last saw the bear," she said gruffly.
They passed near an overhang that had an open comb covered with bees hanging from it. "Those are the giant cliff-dwelling honey bees of Trigona," she said.
Yozak and Conrad looked up. The cliff-dwelling bees were famed for their ferocity. They walked quietly past. Then they neared some small boxes.
Iridina pointed to the boxes with tiny worker bees flying in and out. "Those are stingless bees," she said.
"Stingless bees?" Yozak asked as he walked closer. Those sounded like his kind of bees. One of the small, fuzzy, dark colored bees landed on his forearm. Yozak looked at the big eyes and furry face, "Aw, they're kind of cute."
"I guess cuteness is in the eye of the bee-holder," said Conrad.
Another bee landed on Yozak's arm. "Ouch!" Yozak said as he felt a sharp pain. "I thought you said they were stingless," he complained.
Irdina glowered at him, "They are. But they bite if you threaten their hive."
Yozak moved away, and rubbed his arm.
Conrad laughed and decided it had been worth it to refrain from throwing Yozak off the cliff. "You should wear gloves if the bees are too much to hand-le," he said, expertly demonstrating another clever bee-related pun to Yozak.
Yozak didn't seem to appreciate his effort. Conrad frowned. Teaching Yozak how to make a funny pun might be harder than he thought. But perhaps the Blue Wind was destined to have a humorless sidekick who could serve as a foil for the hero's incredible sense of humor.
Iridina was not amused by their antics. She pointed down the mountainside. "The bear is somewhere down there." Then she turned away to take care of her bees.
~o~
It wasn't long before Conrad and Yozak found evidence of the bear. There were pieces of wax and honey on the ground with bear-tracks leading away into a cave.
"We don't want to have to fight the bear in the dark in unfamiliar surroundings," Yozak said.
"What are we supposed to do, just wait?" Conrad asked. Yozak's lack of regard for proper heroic conduct was starting to become troubling.
Yozak picked up some left-over honey-comb, "I know, let's lure him out."
Conrad hid in one of the trees ninja-style, and Yozak put the honey just outside the cave entrance. Then they waited. They heard a sleepy growling yawn from within the cave. A few minutes later the bear waddled out of the cave and began eating the honey. Yozak grabbed the bear's neck and used his enormous biceps to hold it in place. Conrad drew his sword and leaped from the trees, dramatically.
And then the Blue Wind's gleaming silver blade did slice through the air once more and in one heroic blow he did slay the fearsome, ferocious bear.
It was late when Yozak dragged the bear carcass back to Iridina's hovel. "Well, I guess you finally did something useful," she said. Then the next morning she gave them some mead and wax to take to the nearest town, since they obviously didn't have much to do.