Hey everyone! Thanks for reviewing my story, and I appreciate it! But...um... the truth of the mattter is that I haven't read a single one yet.
I'm not sure what is going on, but I can't read my stories, I don't see them on the website, if I log out and even search for them, I don't see them. It's really unnerving. And I have no idea what is going on.
It's also happening with my other story, Chasing Cars.
I can see I Promise You and my other ones, but it's like everyone else can see the two I mentioned except me. I have a feeling that someone is messing with me, I'm not sure.
But do me a favor, please.
Search "Chasing Cars Harry", or you could just narrow down the results on the righthand side, but send me a PM and tell me if it comes up.
Cerberus told me she read this, but I looked at the Okane ga Nai section...thing...and I don't see it.
Is this normal? I don't know. If anyone knows what might have happened with my account to make this happen, please tell me in a PM. Please help, also. I'm kind of blind, here.
Kanou stiffly rose from the couch after what seemed hours. His bottom felt numb, his mind felt fried.
If I let him go, he'll never return. He doesn't need me. At all. But I need him. I love him. I told him that, but he doesn't...
His fist connected with the table. Ayase was his. He didn't have any freedom, he didn't need it. Kanou looked around him. Food was here. Shelter was here. Protection was here.
But freedom...that was something Ayase had longed for, and wanted so much. And Kanou just couldn't provide it. If Ayase left him now, he would'nt ever come back. Why would he need to? That's it.
He didn't. Kanou looked down the hallway, at the door that stood at the end of it.
Ayase's room. He sighed.
Ayase POV
He doesn't love me. If he did, he'd at least forgive my debt. He knows I wouldn't leave him like this. Especially carrying his child. He knows that.
Ayase's eyes stung. That's what he deserved for crying non-stop for so long, he supposed, as he wiped them once again. No doubt that they were puffy and red and ugly. Kanou-san didn't like him looking ugly. He didn't pay for him to look ugly. Ayase felt himself beginning to cry again. Paid for...like an animal. Something to do. How could you love someone like that? You couldn't, that's what.
Ayase pushed himself deeper into his pillow. Kanou, Kanou, Kanou. He used to take care of him, was so kind to him. Now...now he just used him, used his body, over and over and over again. And now he was pregnant. Pregnant with Kanou-san's child. He didn't completely regret it, he thought, but it was disturbing. That virus, that damned virus that he'd caught. Then, of course, he couldn't deny Kanou-san what he wanted all the time. And now he was a freak. Ayase let himself sob harder. The door cracked open. He froze and turned slowly.
Kanou POV
Ayase stared at him with lidded eyes. They're so blue, he thought. Kanou cleared his throat. "Ayase, we-we do need to talk." Ayase didn't move, didn't give any indication that he'd even heard him besides the blink of his eyes. Kanou moved forward slowly to sit on the edge of the bed farthest from Ayase.
"Ayase...I'm so sorry that this happened to you, that this is happening to you. I wish-I wish I could have prevented it." Ayase stayed on his side of the bed, his eyes still wet and overflowing. "Please...I've thought about this. Hard. And I've decided that, well," Kanou cleared his throat as Ayase turned more toward him with a more curious look on his face. Kanou gulped in his mind as he spoke the next words.
"I forgive your debt. If you want a contract, then I'll give it to you, but I'm a man of my word. And I forgive your debt, Ayase. But, but please! Just stay with me until the baby is born! I want to see my child, Ayase." Ayase was sitting up now, holding his pillow over his crisscrossed legs.
"Kanou-san..." He said softly. Kanou smiled weakly at Ayase, the weight of the seriousness of what he'd just done hit him full blow. Ayase was free. He might come home and he wouldn't be there. He couldn't do anything about it anymore. He looked down at his hands. What was this feeling? He'd never let anyone make him feel this way before...no one. This was...fear.
He felt warmth against his back and turned slightly. Ayase wrapped his small arms around the huge man and pressed his face into his neck, although tentatively and slowly. Carefully, he let his arms reach up to hold Ayase's hands in his.
"I love you, Ayase. I thought it was obvious, but I'm not good with these things..." Ayase smiled at him.
"Kanou-san, don't you trust me?" Ayase had pulled himself into Kanou's lap now and blinked at him with his huge eyes.
Kanou pressed their foreheads together and breathed out. Ayase was so warm, so small, so cute. He let his hand drop down his back to just above his bottom, slowly drifting down. Ayase shuddered, sending a warm breath into Kanou's face. "I do trust you, but you-you might leave me, you might-"
He was interrupted by a pair of soft lips on his own.
"Oh Kanou-san, I wouldn't do that to you."
Kanou felt his gut clench at those words, those beautiful words from that beautiful mouth, and Ayase was his...(1)
He lost all self-control as he gently pushed the young boy to the bed. Ayase sighed softly, wrapping his thin arms around his body.
"Oh Kanou-san...I'll stay with you..."
Kanou felt his his heart beating faster, not just from the arousal of Ayase's whimpers, but by the words he'd said.
"Oh, Kanou-san, I'll stay with you..."
Oh Ayase, I love you...
(1) I feel like I said beautiful too much. I just love that word, so descriptive. Let me know if I use it too much or whatever. Now that I think about it, I also said "Oh" alot...not so descriptive...
So...really sorry I'm late, Tell me if it's too short, please read the original, Cerberus Revised, it's the same title, without the Okane ga Nai, blah blah blah. By the way, I love Cerberus for letting me use this, all the actual good credit goes to her. And if you didn't, please read the top author's note also, thanks!
Review Please!