You thought I would never update this, didn't you? Well, I did say it wasn't a priority... but I'm updating it right now, so there!

Chapter 2: Maximum Ride + Fairly OddParents =

Fairly OddMutants

"I can't believe Crocker is making me read this stupid book!" Timmy complained. He turned the book over in his hands. The library's fluorescent lights shone down on the book's shiny cover that said "Maximum Ride."

"I mean, come on!" Timmy continued, "Do you see these words? They're huge!"

Cosmo snatched the book and peered at the pages. "These words are big! Is this in Canadian?"

Wanda's large, pink eyes narrowed. "No, Cosmo. You're holding the book upside down."

Cosmo still looked confused, so Wanda moved her wand, poofing the book upright in Cosmo's hands.

His tongue stuck out of his mouth in concentration. "Nope," he said, shaking his head, "I still don't get it."

Wanda slapped her forehead in frustration.

Cosmo shrugged and chucked the book over his shoulder.

"Cosmo!" Wanda scolded, "You can't just throw books in the library like that!"

A glazed-over look appeared in Cosmo's eyes. "All I hear is Nag. Nag nag nag. Naggity nag. Nag. Nag nag. Naaaaaag."

Wanda changed her wand into a baseball bat-sized smoked sausage and whapped Cosmo in the back of the head with it. He dropped to the ground, unconscious.

"So, Timmy-" Wanda said conversationally.

He didn't answer.

"Timmy?"

Timmy had fallen asleep with his head on the library table, and he was snoring violently. Wanda shook his shoulder. He began talking in his sleep in between loud snores.

"Hate- libraries- books- stupid- big words- wish- RAINING DUCKS!"

"Not again," Wanda sighed. There was a poof, and ducks began raining down throughout the library, quacking angrily when they hit the ground.

"Quaaack!" exclaimed a rather large duck as it collided with Timmy's head.

"THEY MADE ME WEAR THE FRILLY DRESS!" Timmy screeched, waking up abruptly.

"Quack!" went another duck as it smacked Timmy in the noggin.

"Ow! Oh my gosh, it's raining ducks!"

"Nice observation, Einstein," Wanda said from underneath an umbrella.

"Make it stop!" Timmy cried girlishly.

Wanda cleared her throat and crossed her arms, looking at Timmy expectantly.

"Please?"

Wanda smiled at getting her way and then turned the duck-rain off.

Timmy rubbed his aching head and glared at Wanda as she poofed her umbrella away.

"Timmy, it's about time you learn to use some common courtesy…"

"Naggy nag nag! Nag nag!" Cosmo sang as he woke up and returned to Wanda's side.

Wanda made the sausage reappear, taking a swing at Cosmo. Cosmo saw stars as Wanda poofed his mouth into a zipper and zipped it closed.

She proceeded to poof the Maximum Ride book back in front of Timmy, saying, "Timmy, you really need to read this book and do your report, or Mr. Crocker will give you another F! Don't put it off until the last minute like you always do! Plus you know your parents won't let you go to the Chip Skylark concert if you fail another assignment."

Hearts appeared in Cosmo's eyes at the mention of Chip Skylark's name. He poofed up a banjo and began to play 'My Shiny Teeth and Me', but Wanda made the banjo explode in his face.

"Alright, alright, Mrs. Nag. Were you listening to what Crocker said the report was on?" Timmy said, flipping the book over.

"Well, he didn't say to do a report on what the summary on the back cover says, that's for sure!" Wanda said, flipping the book back over so that Timmy couldn't read the summary on the back.

Timmy glared at her. "That's just cruel."

Wanda frowned and crossed her arms. "Timmy, would it kill you to just do your work- I don't know- right and on time for once in your life?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly, "I've never tried it before."

Wanda rolled her eyes. "Well, today is the day. Now, the report is a character analysis on the protagonist, Max."

"A character analawhat on the protagawho?"

Wanda tried to put in simpler terms for Timmy. "You have to write about the main character, Max."

"That's all? This should be a piece of cake!"

Cosmo's eyes grew wide with hunger at the mention of cake. He moved his wand, and a plate of colorful, dripping ice cream cake appeared in his hand, along with a bib around his neck. He tried to shove the cake in his mouth, but it was still zipped shut, and the cake got smashed all over his face and fell off as he made a sad whimper.

"Really?" Wanda asked in surprise, wondering where Timmy's sudden enthusiasm had come from.

"Of course! I wish-"

"Oh no you don't!" Wanda exclaimed, knowing what he was going to wish for.

Before Wanda could protest further, Timmy said, "I wish Max would come out of this book and help me with this stupid paper!"

Cosmo waved his wand to grant the wish as Wanda said, "Because that worked out so well the first time."

Cosmo and Wanda quickly disguised themselves as school supplies, Wanda as a pencil and Cosmo as an eraser. Max leaped out of the book, breathing hard and looking like she was just in a fight.

"Hey!" Timmy yelled indignantly, having thought Max was a boy, "You don't look like a guy!"

Max turned around and looked down at him, fists clenched.

"And you don't sound like a guy," she said. "Or dress like one, for that matter. Nice hat." She gestured to Timmy's trademark pink hat.

"My parents wanted a girl!" Timmy shouted defensively, as if that made him look better.

"Well, they got half of what they wanted," Max said.

"Oh, burn," Wanda said quietly.

Cosmo made a muffled sound, and Wanda poofed his zipper-mouth away.

"She's diesel," Cosmo whispered to Wanda in fear of the powerful-looking girl before him.

Wanda narrowed her eyes and poofed the zipper back.

Max leaned over the table and picked Timmy up by the shirt with one hand. "I am not a guy. Now who are you, and why am I here? You have two seconds to answer before I rip your two gigantic beaver teeth out of your mouth."

Timmy closed his eyes and squealed, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I just thought you were a boy because your name is Max! Please don't hurt me-"

Max dropped him back in his seat, ending his pathetic rant.

"I think we started off on the wrong foot," Timmy said nervously. "My name is Timmy Turner. You're in the town of Dimmesdale. I brought you here because I just need to ask you a few questions so I can write a report on you."

"How did you bring me here?"

"Uhh…" Timmy said, formulating an intelligent, believable lie. "Internet?"

"Oh," Max said, reasonably taking a seat across from Timmy at the table. "Well, make it quick, twerp, so I can get back to kicking Eraser butt."

"Nyih!" was the noise eraser-Cosmo made fearfully because of the zipper, ducking behind pencil-Wanda without Max's noticing.

"Okay, first question," Timmy said, pulling out a stack of question cards. "Do you like long, romantic walks on the beach?"

"What kind of stupid report is this? And no, I hate the beach. My best friend almost bled to death on a stupid beach, which accidentally led to romance, which I also hate, along with stupid emotions and talking to stupid pink-hatted twerps like you who mistake me for a guy just because my name is Max."

Timmy wrote on his note paper: Is very touchy when it comes to gender mistakes. Fails in the romance department. Is attracted to her best friend when he bleeds a lot. Has extreme anger issues. Wants to injure me for reasons unknown.

"Question two!" Timmy exclaimed, putting his hand on top of the paper so Max wouldn't see it and kill him. "My love for you burns with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. Will you marry me?"

"What?! No, you little freak!" Max shouted, trying hard not to barf.

"Oh wait, these are my 30-year-plan cards for Trixie! Haha, oops. Sorry, Max." He pulled out another stack of cards and stuffed the other ones back in the bag. "Okay, now, question one. What is your name?"

"I think you already know that. It's the title of the book. Remember? The name you thought was a guy's name?" she said angrily.

"Oh yes," Timmy said, scribbling Maximum Ride at the top of his paper. "Question two. What is your gender?"

Max folded her arms and said through gritted teeth, "Do you have a death wish?"

"No…" he said, oblivious as ever, "I can't. Da Rules say I'm not allowed to have a death wish."

"Da Rules? What rules?"

Before Timmy could make up a lie to tell her, someone burst through the library door and slammed it behind them. He stood there for a second, trying to catch his breath and wiping the sweat off of his brow.

"It's Chip Skylark!" Wanda swooned.

Max's head whipped around to look at the pencil and then Timmy. "Who said that?"

"Umm… I did?" Timmy lied. "My voice sounds womanly and naggy when I get excited."

"Oh. Okay then," Max said, giving Timmy a disapproving look for being such a feminine little boy. Her attention shifted back to Chip, and Timmy glared at Wanda, who mouthed "Sorry" and then zipped her own lips shut.

"Hey, Timmy!" Chip exclaimed, finally recognizing him from across the library. He made his way over and said, "How's it going, little man? You still taking care of those pearly whites?"

"You betcha, Chip! And I can't wait to see your next concert! Hey, were you just running away from someone?"

"Yeah, there was a mob of adoring fan girls… and your dad… chasing me, but it's cool because I know I'm safe in here."

"How do you know that, Chip?"

"My fan girls… and your dad… don't read. They hate books, unless they have pictures of me and my shiny teeth on them. Coming in here would be like exposing vampires to sunlight. They'd probably melt or burst into flames or grow second heads or something."

"Doesn't it bother you that your fan base is made up completely of idiots?" Max asked.

Chip thought about it for a second and then said with a smile, "No, not really." He then bent down and whispered to Timmy, "Timmy, my man, who is this lovely and diesel lady you're sitting with? She's so out of your league."

"I heard that," Max said, "and while I question your morals and am not that crazy about being called a lovely lady, I do appreciate the fact that you recognize that I'm a girl." She gave Timmy a good long glare as she said the last few words.

"It was an honest mistake!" Timmy said defensively.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say, twerp," she said, rolling her eyes. "So, Chip, have you done any acting, or are you just a singer?"

"I've done a little acting, why?"

"I think you might be good at playing Fang in that Maximum Ride movie that's supposed to come out in the next few years."

"Maximum Ride? I don't think I've ever heard of that."

Max sighed and reached across the table, taking the book. She held it up for Chip to see and said, "It's a book that's going to be made into a movie. I take it you're like your fans and don't read books either."

"Yeah… I really don't," Chip said as he fanned himself with his hand. "I've felt like I was going to combust the whole time I've been in here. I'm sorry, guys, I gotta split."

"You're all hopeless," Max said dully. "Go out the back entrance, pretty boy."

"Good thinking. Nice to meet you, lovely lady!" Chip yelled over his shoulder as he ran to the back entrance. As soon as he opened the door, part of the mob of fan girls… and Timmy's dad… violently attacked Chip, tackling him to the ground and demanding to see his shiny teeth.

"I knew surrounding the building and waiting until he was about to combust would work!" Timmy heard his dad yell triumphantly as the door went shut.

"Send me back, twerp," Max said, not lifting a finger to go help Chip. "I need to go annihilate the Erasers with my fists."

Eraser-Cosmo whimpered and squirmed again, wanting to escape before Max killed him.

"You need to annihilate them with your fists? You sound like Jorgen. Are you sure you're not a guy?"

Max's patience fell through, and she said, "Hello, I'm Max, your fairy godmother, and since I don't play by Da Rules, I'm going to grant your death wish now."

She jumped across the table while Timmy screamed like a banshee and proceeded to annihilate Timmy with her fists. She then tied him in a knot and punted him like a football across the library, hitting the shelf of romance books and causing it to fall, causing a domino effect across the library.

Max wiped her hands on her jeans and smiled. "A job well done," she told herself. She then noticed Timmy's pink hat on the ground and picked it up. "I think I'll give this to Angel."

She began to walk back toward the table, and Cosmo became very frightened. He suddenly unzipped his mouth and squealed, "I know I'm an eraser, but please don't hurt me! I don't wanna be annihilated with your fists!"

Max's entire body went back into fighting mode at hearing his confession of being an eraser. "Eraser?! I'm going to annihilate you with my fists!" And with that she picked eraser-Cosmo up and began to annihilate him with her fists as he wailed in pain.

"No! Don't hurt me! I'm too young to die! Well, not really, but I don't wanna die! I'm too dumb to die! People need me around so they can look smarter! MOMMA, HELP ME!"

Max punted him across the library, unsympathetic to his cries.

As Wanda quietly raised her wand to poof Max back into her book while she wasn't looking, Max shook her head and said, "I just don't understand how everyone in this town can be so… dim."

Ahaha, get it? Dim? Because they live in... oh, never mind.
I hope you liked it. Which did you like better, this one or the first Camp Rock chapter? Tell me, because it won't hurt my feelings either way! Thanks!

-Skye