So, I intended for this to have at least ten chapters, but since I'm averaging less than one update per year (lol), I'm thinking this story won't be going too much further. I might do another chapter or two. Eventually. I actually started writing this chapter like a billion years ago, but I'm just now finishing it.

Anyways! Potter time! Disregard the actual timeline/years of these two stories; they are now in present-day. This is somewhere in the middle of the Maximum Ride series and, despite the title of this story as well as the title of this chapter, somewhere toward the beginning of the Harry Potter series, when Hermione was annoying and had huge hair! :D Please enjoy.

Maximum Ride + Harry Potter =

Harry Potter and the Half-Bird Kids

The CSM keeps finding the weirdest places for us to hide out…

They've stuck us in the underground tunnel system of Peru, in a convent in Switzerland, and just last month we were touring Canada with a traveling circus. And we thought we were freaks.

This time, I told the CSM that Fang and I were going to scout out their new location while the rest of the flock waited at the CSM headquarters. They've arranged for us to live with one of their associates, but they didn't tell us much about him except for that he's a teacher and that he lives on the campus of a school. We don't know much about the school either, except that it's in a really remote location and is "somewhat of an eclectic private school," according to Dr. Martinez.

Whatever that means…

The two of us were flying over this creepy-looking forest when we spotted the little cabin we were supposed to be looking for just past the trees. Just then, a man emerged from the front door of the cabin and waved both arms up at us. I nodded to Fang, and we angled ourselves downwards.

"He's huge," Fang commented as we descended.

"And hairy," I added. "I think I'll call him Hairy."

We landed in front of the man (a.k.a. Hairy), and he beamed at us.

"Well, if that ain't the dernedest thing," the bearded giant said, looking at our wings in wonder. "I been 'specting you two. Miss Martinez told me all 'bout yer situation. It's an awful thing they done to you when you were youngin's, but I must say, the wings sure are mighty impressive. Oh, the name's Rubeus Hagrid, by the way, but you can call me Hagrid. Ah, well, we best be steppin' inside fer now. No need fer the two of you to get seen by anyone who don't need to see ya. Come along, now. Don't be shy," he said, motioning for us to quickly enter his home while he looked around to see if anyone had caught sight of us.

He closed the door behind himself as Fang and I did a quick check on the interior of the little place, memorizing the exits and anything that looked suspicious, which was actually kind of difficult because pretty much everything in there looked suspicious.

"What do you teach, anyway, uh… Mr. Haggard?" I asked, surveying what looked like a giant bird egg on the couch.

"It's Hagrid," he corrected. "And there's no need fer the Mister, now. It makes me feel mighty old. Let me just get this little ole thing outta yer way," he said quickly, snatching up the egg. "Let's all pretend we didn't see this, ya hear?" he called as he shuffled out of the room.

"That's not suspicious at all," Fang muttered to me.

I shrugged, and we both plopped onto the now-vacant couch, tired from the long flight.

We heard a door open, and then Hairy suddenly yelled, "FANG!"

"What?" Fang yelped, startled by the booming voice that had called his name.

He stood up but was just as soon knocked back down by a large black dog tackling him.

Hairy rushed into the room, casting a horrified look at his dog as he vigorously wagged his tail and licked Fang's face.

"Fang! What're you doing, ya silly mutt?"

"I am not a mutt; I'm a hybrid,"Fang said indignantly as he tried to push the dog away, unsuccessfully.

"What?" Hagrid said in confusion as he pulled the whimpering dog away from Fang. "Oh! That's right; your name is Fang too. I remember now. Max and Fang. Well, Fang, meet my dog, Fang."

"They've already met," I pointed out, stifling a laugh and ignoring Fang's dirty look.

"Ah, that's right," Hairy said, looking down in shame. He sat on an armchair across from us, holding tightly onto Fang's collar. "I'm right sorry 'bout that. Fang's usually real shy with visitors. I dunno what's gotten into 'im tonight."

"Aw, Fang and Fang," I said, not quite stifling my laugh this time. "How cute!"

"Is this supposed to be ironic?" Fang asked dully, putting on his best not-amused face.

"And look! They're both wearing all black!" I continued. "And that dopey look on their faces… they're practically twins!"

Hairy cracked a smile. "Now I get it. It seems that Fang has taken a real likin' to ya, Fang."

Fang gave a small woof of approval and then bounded out of Hairy's grip. Fang jumped up onto the couch beside Fang and started licking Fang's face again.

"Hey! I'm down with you liking me, but if you want me to like you back, you're gonna have to stop with all the slobbering," Fang told Fang sternly.

Fang did a little doggy pout but then curled up obediently next to Fang on the couch, content just to be near his human twin.

"Good boy," Fang said, rewarding Fang by scratching behind his ears.

"I could ship that," I said thoughtfully to myself as I observed the two of them.

"What was that?" Hairy asked.

"Nothing," I replied casually.

"Ah, well, anyways," Hairy said, "You an' yer little flock'll be stayin' in the back room there. It's not much, but it'll have to do fer now. The main thing you have to remember is that you'll not be attendin' Hogwarts and therefore don't need to be minglin' with the students. Don't worry, you won't be missin' much. A troublesome bunch they are, Hogwarts students. Every last one of 'em, don't let 'em fool ya."

"Hog… warts?" I said slowly, not sure if I had heard him correctly.

"Yes, Hogwarts. I'm sure you saw the castle over yonder on yer flight in. Well, that's Hogwarts, School of Witch- oh wait, I'm not supposed to tell ya that part. All ya need to know is that it's called Hogwarts and that you don't need to know anything else about it. Your job is just to hide out here and to not be found. Miss Martinez tells me that you've got some mighty forces on yer tails. Ain't no better place to hide than here, I reckon. I hardly ever have any visitors here, but if anyone does show up, I want ya to hide-"

"Hagrid!" two voices yelled as a couple of what I assumed to be Hogwarts students burst through the front door.

Hairy slapped his enormous palm to his enormous forehead. "Don't you two know it ain't right to burst into someone's house without at least knocking first? Really, you pair have the absolute worst timing…"

"We're sorry, Hagrid, but we really need to talk to you," the boy with the glasses offered.

The girl added, "Ron seems to be paralyzed, and we need you to help him right away!"

"I can't help him right now. I'm doin' somethin' that's actually important at the moment," Hairy informed them.

"What are you doing that's so important?" the girl asked.

"Her hair sure is big, and fuzzy" I whispered to Fang, who nodded in agreement.

I decided that she would be called Fuzzy Head.

Hairy answered Fuzzy Head, "I have visitors, an' yer bein' quite rude to 'em." Hairy gestured to us, and the two students turned, having noticed Fang and me for the first time.

"Hello there," the boy said, nodding to each of us. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter."

Fang and Fang and Hairy and Harry, I thought. Well dang.

"And this is my friend, Hermione Granger," Harry informed us.

"My pleasure," Fuzzy Head said cordially.

My scowl at her snobby cordiality and weird name was interrupted when there was a sudden noise from the back room that sounded like a small, angry animal.

Before anyone could ask, Hairy leapt from his seat, nearly knocking Harry over and causing what could only be described as a small earthquake as he made his way to the back room.

"Sorry there, Harry!" Hairy called over his shoulder. "You all didn't hear a thing!"

"Because saying that makes us unhear that noise," Fang muttered, rolling his eyes.

Fang licked Fang's hand in agreement.

I looked at Fuzzy Head, who was bending to pick something up off the ground. Apparently, when Hairy ran out, he knocked Harry's glasses off.

Looking at Harry without his glasses, the greatest idea ever came to me.

"Oh my gosh, Harry Pauper, you should totally play Fang in a movie that was supposed to come out in 2010 but got pushed back to 2013."

Fang barked and slobbered with approval.

"Excuse me?" Fang said indignantly.

"I'm afraid that I'm not familiar with that movie," Harry said politely.

"It's based off of a totally awesome book series," I told him.

"Well, Hermione here has basically read every good book out there that there is to read," he said, gesturing to Fuzzy Head.

She nodded vigorously and said, "Every book that's worth reading has passed through my hands. What series is this movie based on?"

"Maximum Ride," I said proudly.

"No, haven't heard of it," Fuzzy Head said.

Ouch. Does no one care about the well-being of my ego these days?

"I'm afraid I'm not much of an actor," Humble Harry said shyly. "Plus I have a bloody terrible memory. I'd never be able to memorize a bunch of lines or anything. Without Hermione here, I'd be failing all of my classes."

"It's true," Fuzzy Head said with a nod.

"That's totally fine!" I assured him. "Fang doesn't say much, and even when he does, it's just short little unimportant nothings."

"Hey!" Fang protested.

"See? Just like that! You could totally do it, Larry."

"You really think so?" he said, eyes sparkling a bit at my encouragement.

"Sure! All you'd need is some fighting experience-"

"I have that!" he exclaimed happily, moving aside a tuft of hair on his forehead.

"Oh, cool tattoo, Harley. Is that a gang sign?" I asked.

Maybe it's the symbol for some fight club or something. They must be pretty hardcore to get tattoos on their foreheads. Though he does look a bit scrawny for that…

"No, it's a scar," Fuzzy Head said, exasperated. "He's the Boy Who Lived."

So… his gang brands its members for initiation, I guess? And Boy Who Lived must be his gang name… Hard-freaking-core. I like it. If we end up staying here, I might join this Lightning Head gang.

Harpy shrugged. "I've been fighting for my life ever since I was a baby."

"Excellent! Then the only other thing you would have to learn would be how to fly."

Gary's smile widened. "I already know how to fly," he told me.

No way, I thought.

"Let's see your wings, then," I said, crossing my arms.

"Wings?" Fuzzy Head scoffed.

"Well, I don't know about you, Fuzzy Head and Lightning Head, but I fly using my wings," I told them matter-of-factly. "What other way is there?"

"Are you mad?" Hominy asked.

"No, I'm not angry. I just want to see Barry's wings."

"Harry doesn't have wings for goodness' sake. He's not a hippogriff," Fuzzy Head said, waving her hands around as she spoke.

"Who's mad now, Hominy?" I asked mockingly. "Calm down. No one called your friend a hippo."

"My friend's name is Harry, and my name is Hermione," she corrected.

"That's definitely what I said. Isn't that right, Fang?" I asked.

Fang barked.

"Oh, shut up, Fang," Fuzzy Head said crossly to the dog.

"You shut up," Fang shot back.

"Okay, guys. I think there's only one way to settle this," Jerry suddenly said.

"Harry, no," Fuzz Ball advised, shaking her mop of hair disapprovingly at him.

Ignoring her, he stood up, smiled, and said, "Let's fly."

"Heck yes! Let's go!" I said enthusiastically, following Harry out of the cabin, with Fang and Fang in tow.

Still sitting on the couch in protest, Fuzzy Head muttered, "Oh, this is absolute rubbish."

"You're a radish," Fang said bitterly in her face.

I just caught sight of her jaw dropping before going out the door, and I gave Fang a high five as I laughed loudly at her expense.

"Coming, Harmony?" I called over my shoulder.

"It's Hermione!" she shrieked, but seconds later, she was scuttling after us.

Lightning Head and I were flying circles around each other, going at top speed and cackling like madmen.

I did a flip over his head and laughed, "I can't believe you're flying on a broom. That's priceless."

We were flying around the "Quidditch" stadium while the Fangs and Fuzzy Head watched from the ground, on opposite sides of the field.

Harvey claims that he is a "wizard" and that he can fly on a broom because of "magic."

He also claims that Fuzzy Head is a witch. That I can believe.

"And I can't believe that you have wings," he replied, impressed by my admittedly impressive feathery protrusions.

"Roberta! NO!"

"Who's Rob-" I started to ask, but something ran into me, sending me flying into Mr. Boy Who Lived.

Both of us recovered in time to see a tiny dragon bolting up and away from us.

"You're not kidding about the magic, are you?" I asked him with big eyes.

Just then, Hairy came running into the stadium, huffing and puffing.

"Roberta! Come back to your Mummy right now!" he yelled to the little dragon.

Fuzzy Head looked at Hairy accusingly. "Hagrid! You know you're not supposed to be keeping dragons!"

"But look at her go! She's a fast learner, that one. Don't worry your little fuzzy head, Hermione; I'll train Roberta right up good. She'll be no trouble. And… and I just missed Norbert so much!" he cried, falling to his knees and becoming a blubbering mess.

Hermione and Fang immediately ran over to comfort the weeping giant.

"How unmanly," I commented.

"Tell me about it," Perry said.

A sudden, brilliant idea struck me. I motioned to Fang so that he would join us, and he approached at top speed, tongue lolling.

When he met us in the air, I said, "That's gross, Fang. Put your tongue in."

"Sorry, I was just excited about flying," he said. "I love the feeling of air rushing past my face."

"Next thing you know, I'm gonna have to put a leash on you and buy a flea collar," I said with a roll of my eyes. "Anyways… first one to catch Roberta gets to sick her on the other two!"

And with that, I shot into the sky.

"You're on!" Harry Plopper yelled, bolting right after me.

"No fair!" Fang called, the last one to take off.

Hermione continued to pat Hagrid's back, glad that he had at least finally stopped crying.

Hagrid wiped at his face with clumsy hands, watching the sky proudly as Roberta, in Max's arms, shot little bursts of fire at Fang and Harry.

"Y'know, Hermione, those two weren't supposed to find out about magic, but I think they'll be just fine," he said.

"Hagrid?" Hermione asked tentatively, taking her comforting hand away from him.

"What is it, Hermione?" he asked, not looking away from Roberta.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something. Why did we come to visit you in the first place?"

"I don't rightly remember," Hagrid said, scratching his beard.

Hermione shrugged. "Oh well. It must not have been that important."

Lol. Ron. No one cares. XD
Anyone else have trouble keeping up with all the nicknames? I sure did. Also, did anyone catch the Simpsons reference?
Please review! I hope you liked it. :)

-Skye