Awake- Chapter Seven

In a few moments Elena would go downstairs to reveal her faith to her friends. She would reveal her decision about her future. There was no right decision, no right choice. One had to be made and one had been made, but this was not now. This is in a few moments. For now Elena is alone in the darkness of her room. She had asked to brother to leave in hope that being alone would bring her clarity. It had not. She was unsure what she was hoping for. An answer. A miracle. How could anyone be asked to make this type of decision? She had never wanted to be a vampire but was Jeremy right? Was this situation different? Elena was simply sitting on her bed. She could feel the dried tears on her cheek as the found it hard to breath. And then she felt it for the first time. She knew why she couldn't breathe. It wasn't the pain. It wasn't the fear. It was the thirst.

She could smell it all around her. She could smell it downstairs. It was blood and she wanted it. She needed it like air. What frighten her most of all is she knew whose blood she was smelling and the thought was mortifying. She had to smell the blood of the only human under her roof. Never before had she smelled something so strongly. But why did it have to be this one? Out of everyone single person on the planet, why did it have to be her brother's blood that she craved so much. It was like torture. All she wanted, all that she could think about was getting some blood, anyone's blood. Like lightning, Elena threw herself at the door and as soon as she touch the doorbell. It was gone. The craving for blood was gone and once again, she could breathe.

Back to her bed Elena could not believe what just happened. How did Stefan, Damon and all the others do it? She had been around them all this time, but she never knew they could feel this way. Would it always be so bad? Could she live, if it was called living, with the thought she could hurt someone, she could hurt Jeremy? She knew Jeremy had said he would respect her decision but she also knew that it must have killed him inside. She could not help to think of the day Vicky had died. She remembered holding her brother in her arms as he asked her why did everyone around him have to die? How could she leave her friends, her little brother? But then again how could she live with the craving, the pain and the fear that she could hurt someone? However she looked at it, each situation looked like misery with no escape. In a moment of desperation she swung back in the hope that the comfort of her bed would bring her answers, but it was not comfort she found. She instead hit her head against something hard. Looking back she saw it, her diary. What she saw it was open to a particular page, one she had written very long ago.

"Dear Diary

I am not a believer. People are born, they grow old and then they die. That is the world we live in. There is no magic, no mysticism, no immortality. There is nothing that defies rational thought. People are supposed to be who they say they are and not lie and hide their true self. It is not possible, I am never a believer."

She had written these words in what now seemed like a life time ago. She had written this page when she was Elena, no fear, no doubt. She had written this before knowing all the things which had shaped the last year of her life. The entry appeared to her as a light; a way into herself and into her soul which the events of the last hour could no longer afford her. Her words had come as a life vest to save her in her hour of need. Jeremy was right. It was not an unusual act. Dying was part of life and she could not simply go on living. Jeremy would be better off without a sister craving for her blood. Stefan and Damon could finally mend their relationship. She had hurt Damon so badly, how could he still want her to be around. She loved Stefan. She knew that but she had hurt him, and she would probably continue. She was the one who only a few days ago had been in a deep embrace with his brother. She had made her choice and yet something in her wondered what would have happen in Jeremy hadn't come out of the room, if he had not been there at all? She had been so sure when she made her choice but in the last few hours, she had had these flashes of him. It doesn't change her mind but she thought it would be settled. She thought once she made her choice it would be it, would be over but those wavering thoughts only reminded her that she could hurt them again. Bonnie and Caroline would be alright, Matt would get over it, but she couldn't. She would have to say good bye.

As Elena got up to announce to her friends her decision, she decided to hold on to her diary. It could only but give her strength with the immense burden that awaited her downstairs. As she grabbed her diary from her bed a small piece of paper fell from it and landed on the floor. Elena stopped to pick it up. As soon as she looked at it, she remembered every word that was on that page.

"Elena,

Today I did things I uproar for the one thing I value most, my family. If anyone could understand it, it's you. Your compassion is a gift Elena. Carry it with you, as I will carry my regret.

Always and Forever,

Elijah"

She took a look at the note and knew. She had one question she needed to ask. Elena left the room with the note in her hand. She could hear the fighting escalading from her room, but the yelling got almost unbearable as she reached down the stairs.

"What did you want me to do? She told me to get Matt. I thought she would be fine. She looked fine." Screamed back Stefan

"Is she fine? Does she look fine now!" responded Damon who was now more hurt than angry.

" Guys! Guys!" said Caroline

"What!" shouted Stefan and Damon simultaneously.

"Elena." Pointed out Caroline. Elena was standing in the door way.

"I have something to say" said a tired Elena. "Actually, I have something to ask. Stefan, remember long ago when Vicky was making her transition you told me something. You told me that when you become a vampire, all of your emotion all of your sense they become heighten. You stay the same but everything is stronger, is that true?"

"Well, it is more complicated than that but yes, Elena, being a vampire, you stay who you are just more, if that makes any sense."

"Alright then" said Elena raising her head to people she could only describe as her family.

"How do we do this?"