His hands ran along the grainy walls, the paint long-embued into the plaster. He counted his footsteps as he had learned to. He felt the wood against his feet, the lightest modification as he reached out for the handrail, lowering his foot cautiously onto the top step. He slowly descended the stairs, feeling the guardrail end. He stepped down and strode into the kitchen, where his mother turned suddenly. She gave him a worried smile for no reason at all. She knew it didn't matter.
He reached for the kitchen chair, sweeping his hair from his shoulder and sitting down, scooting up to the table, rubbing his eyes tiredly. She placed breakfast down in front of him, kissing him on the temple.
-o-
He could hear the laughter in the hallway. They were whispering. It was a roaring in his ears. They laughed at his eye color, because they couldn't mock the fact that his eyes were still completely normal, besides discoloration. They laughed at how cautiously he walked. They laughed at the books he read. They laughed when he asked the time. They laughed when he asked his best friend to do someting for him, to tell him what was on the board because the AP teachers didn't tell them their homework. They were expected to read it off the board.
But his best friend patiently ignored the remarks, the laughter at the request of his best friend, instead taking his hand gently and leading him to class whenever he was disoriented.
He would always warn that one day, he would snap.
And Itachi would only smile with a light chuckle and press his palm to the soft of Shisui's sleeve, eyelashes fluttering lightly as he knew Shisui dismissed this as a new habit that Itachi had developed since going blind.
-o-
Sitting on the grassy hill that they had grown up on together, they watched the day go by slowly. The clouds drifted absently in the blue sky. The friends sat beside eachother, comfortable in space, Shisui close enough that Itachi knew he was there, besides the fact that Shisui would talk and talk just to see Itachi listen. The grass was green, the sky was cerulean, the sun was shining bright, and Itachi, Shisui thought, couldn't see any of it.
He changed the subject to something absent, making an off-handed remark of something Itachi knew well.
And without reason, Itachi threw his head back and laughed, so rare and effervescent that it made Shisui laugh too.
-o-
He laughed, shoving Itachi into the locker, making the teen draw his books closer to his chest.
A girl mocked Itachi beside the boy.
Itachi closed his eyes and took it as he was shoved face-first into the lockers, feeling the metal handle bust his eyebrow open. Hot blood dripped down his face as the last bell of the day rang, hearing them laugh, walking down the hall, out of Itachi's life for a weekend. Itachi breathed out a trembling sigh, closing his eyes once more, pulling the cuff of his jean jacket up into his palm, pressing it against the bleeding wound, sighing. He knew if anyone asked who did it, he wouldn't be able to tell them. It was embarassing. Mortifying. He was terrified when Shisui came up behind him.
And not because he didn't know it was him.
Itachi nodded, pulling his hair in front of his eye as he wiped the blood away, turning to face Shisui warily. Shisui grabbed his wrist, pushing his hair from his face.
Itachi shook his head no, making Shisui growl deep in his throat, insisting on the culprit with raw, vulgar anger.
Itachi yelled angrily, turning and walking away, clutching his books uncertainly, detecting the turn in the hall and following it. Shisui chased after him.
Itachi heard his footsteps quicken and began to run, too. His heart began to race as he sped up, running straight into a large, clothed chest, falling backwards only to hear the mocking begin, suddenly cut off.
Itachi sat up as he heard a fist connect with somebody's face, a skull cracking against linoleum, and angry shouts that were almost incoherent. He squeezed his eyes shut as Shisui beat the person brutally. He thought it wouldn't end. Itachi curled up on the floor, laying his forehead against his folded arms.
Suddenly, or...what could've been hours, he felt a hand in the nook of his elbow.
Itachi nodded lightly, letting Shisui help him stand.
-o-
Laying in bed, Itachi sighed quietly, the pain thudding in his eyebrow where the barbel used to be. A white gauze was now pressed over it, taped in place. He stared into his constant darkness, blinking lightly. On his back, the pain was less intense, even though he wasn't accustomed to laying that way. He succumbed to the sadness for a moment, wishing that Shisui hadn't hurt that person so badly. They didn't know better. They didn't know what it was like! Why blame them?
Itachi's eyebrows furrowed lightly, despite the pain. He did wish it would stop, but they were so ignorant to how horrible it was. He felt like they blamed him because he couldn't see. His heart wrenched. He wanted them to stop, but he didn't want them to hurt! What to do with somebody like Shisui? So...abrasive, and harsh. But he was so friendly, too. So easy to get along with. So sweet. And obviously compassionate and caring. He was so patient with Itachi, diligently attending to his every need, helping him cope...
...Itachi's heart panged lightly as he closed his eyes, thoughts drifting to Shisui, to what he looked like. How long had it been? How long had Itachi been blind? A year or so...He wondered how his apperance had changed. He wondered how Shisui could look different than he remembered.
What did he remember...? That mop of curly, messy brown hair. Freckles...tan skin...and that smile. Damn. Who could forget that smile? It was brilliant. He suddenly felt cold. He would never get to see that smiling face again. But how could he forget it?
So submerged in his thoughts, he didn't notice the door open. Instead, Itachi allowed himself to fall asleep to the thought of Shisui cradling him like he always had, in a way. Never physically...but Itachi felt swaddled in comfort anyways.
-o-
Shisui carefully removed the gauze, dabbing Neosporin on the wound gently as to not wake Itachi. He whispered something carefully against Itachi's forehead before changing the gauze and fixing it in place, kissing Itachi's forehead before closing the door quietly, returning to his own room.
-o-
Shisui was taking forever. How long did it take to turn in a library book anyways? Itachi leaned against the wall, ears listening closely for the door to squeek open like it always did, because that door had never been tended to. What a desolate lifestyle, to not be able to care for yourself. Itachi shuddered lightly at the thought.
He heard footsteps, but no door squeak when suddenly a fist connected with his cheek, cracking roughly against the bone. In the same breath, he was against the wall by his collar, laughing as he was assaulted, slammed against the wall, hair being pulled. He heard them yelling, but couldn't understand what they were saying. His head was jerking back and forth too roughly for that. He relaxed. He tried to block it out. He squeezed his eyes shut, though it would make no difference. They heard a voice and ran. Itachi slumped against the wall, slipping down it slowly as he felt himself lose consciousness. He heard somebody walking away.
Then the door squeeked open, but he couldn't respond when his name was called.
-o-
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Itachi opened his eyes. But he didn't see anything. He couldn't see anything, he remembered. It was a year, and he still couldn't fathom the fact that he couldn't see. He didn't know where he was, and that incessant beeping was annoying. He went to scratch at his wrist, only to find a needle in the vein.
An I.V. The hospital. What had happened? He couldn't remember. Itachi tried to recollect his memories, but found them scattered. Why was he blind again? Where had he heard that beeping before? Wherever it was, it was louder, sharper now. Why had he been here before? Where was Shisui...?
Where was Shisui?! Itachi bolted upright, feeling a sharp pain in his head. He instinctively glanced about, panicking slightly, calling for his friend. He heard someone enter and try and quiet him. He heard her say that Shisui was there, and feel his hands? See?
And Itachi screamed obscenities at her, knowing that he wasn't there. He called her every horrible thing he could think of, cursing her very existance, and demanded Shisui now. He screamed that he wasn't incapable of living on his own. He knew when Shisui was there and when he wasn't. But he heard Shisui come in and he stopped, clutching the sheets tightly in his trembling hands as he continued to mutter how he was still capable of living. He wasn't useless. He wasn't incapable. He wasn't!
He heard sniffling but didn't know where it was coming from. He mumbled how they didn't understand how hard it was, didn't understand at all. His cheeks were damp and he felt boxed in as he pulled his knees to his chest. He wiped at his eye, only to find a bandage over them. He stopped, his heart thudding in his chest. Had he lost his eyes completely? That would really give everybody a reason to harass him. He reached out for Shisui's hand, taking it hesitantly, trembling in his best friend's palm.
Shisui whispered something in his ear, then kissed the corner of his mouth gently. Itachi's heart skipped a beat in his chest. He felt Shisui smile against his cheek and press his forehead to Itachi's temple, something wet running down Itachi's cheek as he heard Shisui whisper something incoherently quiet.
But Itachi could hear it anyways. That's what happens when you lose one of your five senses. The other four increase. And Itachi could certainly feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he heard what he had been waiting to hear from that perfect smile before he lost his vision.
-o-
Itachi woke up, blinking hazily. There was a faint white in front of his eyes, he stirred, reaching to rub his eyes instinctively, feeling bandages wrapped around them securely. He sat up suddenly, calling for Shisui, like last time. That incessant beeping was in the background, too. Just like last time. Only this time, he heard his mother quieting him as a nurse whispered, "He doesn't know, does he?"
-o-
Itachi brushed his hair back from his face, staring in the mirror at his light brown eyes. There were light freckles dusted across the bridge of his nose, even though his skin was still light. His hair was lighter than he remembered, too. He sighed with resolution as he buttoned up his white dress shirt. He glanced at the clock. At his bed. At the picture of him and Shisui on the wall. He squeezed his eyes shut, pain building behind his eyes as he collapsed to his knees, sobbing. Mikoto came in, touching his shoulder lightly. Itachi opened his eyes, looking up at Mikoto suddenly, eyes glazed with tears and despair.
He felt a hand in the nook of his elbow and nearly collapsed again.
-o-
He returned to school a week after the funeral, alone.
The people who harassed him before had no idea he could see, and didn't know what was coming when he glanced at them from the corner of his eye. And they had no idea what was coming when he swung his history book, connecting with the face of the biggest one. They had no idea when he mercilessly beat them with his book, drawing blood and staining the pages. They had no idea that Shisui was dead, and it was their fault. Inadvertantly, it was their fault. And that's what he screamed as he continued to attack them.
He busted the bridge of one of their noses, jabbed his thumb as hard as he could into another's eye, blinding him.
When Mikoto came to pick him up, she was upset. She didn't know why he did it.
Nobody did.
Nobody would ever really know, because the only one who witnessed it was now dead, and the victim was blind at the time. Still was. Nothing was beautiful anymore.
Not without him.
-o-
When Itachi dreamed of Shisui, he dreamed of marrying him one day. He dreamed of being able to see again. He dreamed of seeing that beautiful, smiling face once more.
The first night he could see, he had picked up a picture of Shisui, the most recent one he could find, and stared at it, hard, willing it to come to life. He urged it to, through the tears that splattered and dripped from his useless eyes, talk to him, tell him it was alright, tell him he was beautiful, even if he couldn't see. Because he couldn't.
Itachi really couldn't see anything without Shisui there with him. And he cursed the fact that the last thing Shisui told him was that he loved him. It only broke Itachi's heart more.
-o-
"Eyes are the windows to the soul, 'tachi," Shisui would often say.
And Itachi would retort with something clever. And they would laugh.
But now, Itachi had a curtain up. He boarded the windows to his soul and cut himself off. He wished he was blind so he wouldn't have to face the world without Shisui. It was too, too much. It was overwhelming without Shisui to guide him through sight, as he had through sightlessness. He would rather read Braille, rather have Shisui read to him than have to read for himself. He would rather have to take tests that Shisui had to read the questions to him than happen to miss the smiles that would've been etched into Shisui's face every time Itachi glanced over. Itachi would give everything to have Shisui back. He'd rather be blind than face the world without Shisui.
But he could understand. Shisui gave him the gift of sight. Shisui gave his life so Itachi could see the wretched world without him...
Itachi lay in bed, the darkness drifting over him mockingly. He held the picture of Shisui against his chest, staring at the wall. Tears flooded his eyes as he thought of exactly what Shisui had given him. He had given him a beautiful thing...the ability to see again. Shisui was dead, yes, but not really gone. Itachi had pictures, of course. But his voice was gone. Shisui had prepared him for life without sight, but not for life with it. Especially without him.
He shook his head, turning on his iPod. He saw a file in the RECORDING folder, opening it. He plugged his headphones and let it play, closing his eyes.
"Itamichi..."
His eyes flew open with a gasp.
"You must be upset with me...haha..."
-o-