Agent Texas Goes to a Roadhouse

A/N: Why am I doing this?

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"I'm hungry," complained Agent Texas.

"Me too." Theta materialized beside North to agree with the other freelancer.

It was the end of a mission, and things were as they usually were. Carolina was pissed because Tex did better, South was pissed because she didn't have an AI, Maine was pissed because he was always pissed, and Washington was complaining about helicopters. North tried settling the others down, but Wyoming further irritated everyone by telling obnoxious jokes.

And now Agent Texas was hungry.

North was the first to get up from his seat to tell the driver to land. The driver didn't want to hear anything about not being allowed to park, so she crashed the helicopter into the nearby 7-Eleven. One by one they filtered out, ignoring the manager that came out to yell at them for ruining his store. Wash made sure to close and lock the door behind them as the last one out.

The freelancers glanced around for a good restaurant, but they weren't familiar with the area, so they didn't know where to start. North, being the productive and helpful one of the group, asked around like a normal person would in this situation. On the other hand, Agent Maine picked up some poor civilian to beat the answers out of him. North saw this and shook his head in dismay; Maine needed to work on his communication skills. He looked over to Carolina, who apparently had the same issue. Tex wasn't any better.

"Hey Delta, look up a nice restaurant for us," York told his AI. The green hologram stood on York's shoulder, wordlessly staring at him.

"Agent York, I am not what you would call a 'GPS.'" Delta seemed offended by his accommodator's request.

York didn't really care. "So can you find one or not?"

Delta disappeared for a few moments, but returned with a name and directions. They followed said directions, ending up lost several times and being delayed by traffic. A couple times they even ran into dead ends, but after half an hour they managed to get to their destination.

What Delta didn't tell them was that the restaurant was called "Texas Roadhouse."

Roadhouse.

Texas.

North had a really bad feeling about this. He pushed the double doors open and their group went up to the front desk. They were told to wait for at least fifteen minutes. In that time, Maine held the buzzer and refused to let Wash touch it, Wyoming stood awkwardly in the corner without a seat, Tex and Carolina sat next to each other reluctantly, York tried to flirt with Carolina but failed miserably, and South was given one of those children menus with the crayons.

Smiling at the thought of his twin sister doing something so childish, North leaned over her to see what she was coloring in. Scribbled over the paper was a doodle of two purple stick figures. One was a female and had a gun, and the other had a small red and blue man sitting on his shoulder. The one with the gun was shooting what North assumed to be him. Disturbed, he stepped away from his sister to check on Wash and Maine.

Maine hissed at Wash for trying to take the buzzer, and Wash sulked in response. North sighed and went to the counter to ask for another. The receptionist gave him a strange look, but complied when he heard Agent Maine's vicious hissing. To stop Wash from crying, North gave him the buzzer (which definitely wouldn't go off but he lied to let Wash think that it would).

Sigma showed up and glared at North.

"Agent Maine, Washington has a buzzer," he informed the busy freelancer. "Sic 'em."

The freelancer looked up from his buzzer, and to Washington's. With a snarl, he snatched it away from Wash.

Wash was not happy with this. In fact, he looked back and forth between his empty hands and Maine's new collection of buzzers. North felt bad for him, so he gave Wash a candy from the bowl on the table in front of them. Wash's mood instantly lifted and he seemed to forget that his buzzer had been stolen.

Before anyone could do anything else, the buzzer went off. A waiter showed up to take them to their seats, wary of the soldiers in full armor. Citizens tried not to stare at them as they passed by, but Maine's snarling was enough to make them look away.

North took a seat at the round table (unfortunately) placed in the middle of the restaurant for everyone to stare at them. On one side was Carolina, while Tex sat on the other. Wyoming was already seated and looking over the menu next to Tex, and on his right was South. North's twin sister was still stabbing at her drawing of him, so he turned his gaze to the next freelancer, Maine. Maine didn't want to hand over the buzzer, so the waiter let him keep it. Wash stared longingly at the buzzer, while York chatted with Carolina.

The waiter gave them each a bowl of peanuts, but Texas stopped him before he left.

"What are these for?" she asked.

The young waiter was quick to respond, probably intimidated by their armor. "At the Texas Roadhouse, we break the nuts and our customers can leave them on the-"

Suddenly the waiter doubled over, and Tex was standing after having kicked him where it hurt.

Wash hesitantly spoke up from his seat across the table. "Agent Texas, I don't think that's what he meant by breaking nuts…" But he didn't get to continue, because Tex knocked him off of his chair and stomped down on his crotch.

Needless to say, Washington was in a hell load of pain.

"Why would you do that?" he moaned.

Texas moved on to her next victims, Maine and York, but North knew Maine would be okay. He'd been shot in the throat and fallen off of buildings- a kick to the crotch wouldn't kill him. Carolina and South did nothing as Tex began to kick every man in the building between their legs. That included North, who rolled around on the ground while he bit down on his lip to hold back (manly) tears.

Eventually they were kicked out because of the destruction that followed. Instead of getting revenge like Agent Texas insisted, they settled for eating at McDonalds.

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END

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I think the "Texas Roadhouse" might be a real place. I can't remember, but I know there's this place where they give you peanuts and the shells are literally all over the floor. Worst place to go for peanut allergies, I say ;)