A/N: Thankies to everyone who has read and reviewed the previous four chapters to date, we apologise for any oddities which have been appearing as Lillianna has decided to become a real life Voldielocks and work Etta to the bone! As usual we do not own anything anyone anyplace and last but not least any brains, big thankies to DucktheDuck for being our Beta (like she has a choice! hahahaha)
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Chapter Five
Voldielocks off on Holiday

It was a beautiful hot day on the white sands of Skegness, where we join our kind and lovely, ever so helping Voldielocks where he is laying on a beach towel getting a tan.
As he closed his eyes to relax in the hot sun, a shadow cast over him, blocking out his chances of a tan, flicking his eyes open quickly, he looked up to see a tall man with long blonde hair and charming young lady swooning over his arm.

"Lucius, Marie," Voldielocks said through gritted teeth as he recognised the couple.

"Master," Lucius said happily." We just wanted to stop by and let you know our honeymoon is going great on Mars and there is a knobbly knees competition happening in the community centre at the resort in thirty minutes."

"How very kind of you to inform me, now bugger off," Voldie snapped.

"Just so you know, you should put some sun block on your nose so that it doesn't blister and grow extremely larger then normal," Marie quipped as she skipped off with Lucius.

"Stupid women, they should be extinct!" He muttered, not noticing a small blonde headed girl looming near his feet.

As he closed his eyes once more, inhaled deeply let out a long low pitiful sigh and began to slip into a light snooze.

At that same moment the little girl was instructing a rather large cheeky looking crab, indicting with her fingers to the crab where to clamp its claw, our ever so evil one let out a howl which could have woke the aliens living on Uranus.

"ARGH GARG ARGH!!!" He roared as the crab clamped its claw down on his big toe.

Bolting upright he leaned down to his feet, picked the crab up and tossed it with one almighty throw into the sea. The little girl burst into wild tears. A woman who Voldie vaguely recognised came marching up to glaring at him for a second before realising who he was. Bending down over the child she spoke softly.

"Flissy," Voldie grunted.

"Ana, come to Mummy my poor little darling," Flissy cooed. "Now you need to leave this man alone otherwise Mr Wormtail won't become your new daddy."

"Grumble mumble grumble," Voldie muttered as Flissy picked Ana up and carried her away.

Tempting fate once more, he closed his eyes and lay back down on the sand, starting to relax he seemed to drift off into a soft sleep.

"MINE! It's mine I tell you!" Screamed a tall dark blonde haired girl with brown eyes as she wrestled around on the sand with a small girl who had blonde hair and blue eyes, but who also appeared to resemble a dwarf.

"No its not! ARGH! ELLY DON'T BITE!"

"Well give it back!" Elly roared as she put the other girl in a headlock.

"No! Its mine! Finders keepers, losers weepers!"

"BECKY!" Elly screamed as Becky slammed her knee into Elly's stomach. Scrambling to her feet, Becky waited for Elly to stand up before running at her, spearing her in the stomach and back onto the sand.

"HA!" Becky cheered triumph as she held a small shell in her hand.

"Give me a break!" Voldielocks roared jumping to his feet and stamping off towards his room at the resort.

Having slept for three hours, Voldielocks peeled himself off the soggy mattress, which was his bed and left the room, leaving behind his prized wig.

Walking slowly down through the resort streets he stood to a stand still as his eyes lingered over a large dome shaped building. Elly, the girl from the beach was standing outside. Her eyes fell on Voldielocks and his bare chest, cut-off denim shorts and bald head. She smiled inwardly as her brain screamed 'perfect'.

"Excuse me sir," Elly said approaching our fearless leader. "May I ask if you have an intentions of partaking in the competition which is about to be held in the community hall?"

"What, huh, eh?" Voldielocks gabbled. "What competition?"

"The um, best sun burn competition sir, you need someone under the age of fourteen to enter you and since my dad has done a bunk to Spain with my mum, I need someone - and the prize of seven nights in the Caribbean for the adult and a weeks stalking, accommodation included, of any band of the child's choice seems ideal for me, so how do you feel?" She asked him.

"Sure! Why not!" Voldielocks said as he rolled the idea of staying on an island far away from noisy kids and harassed parents for a week around his head.

"Brilliant, come with me and I'll sign you in, Dad," She winked at him and took hold of his hand before leading him inside the dome.

The cool air hit Voldielocks like an ice cube in his boxers as he walked through the foyer and into the large hall, where Elly left him for a moment before returning with a number. Leading him to the stage she fastened the number one to his shorts leg and gave him the thumbs up before jumping down and running off to a seat in the centre of the audience. Voldielocks looked around and pulled a strained smile at the seventeen other men who were taking part.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the sixteenth annual Skegness Knobbly Knees competition! First up is Mr V Locks, entered into the competition by his only daughter, Elly!" Cried a tall man wearing a penguin suit, into a microphone, Voldie was immediately pushed out onto stage and a large spotlight fell onto his knees. Inside his head, his small brain was trying to work out who to kill first, the two hundred strong audience of the guy on the mic. "Mr Locks, please, would you kindly tell us what your hobbies are?"

"Well, I do particularly enjoy Muggle killing, animal slaughters, going to the movies, oh and the zoo! And lets not forget clubbing and of course the all essential visit to Hair 2000 - my hairdressers!" Voldie said happily, deciding he would have the prize no matter what it was.

"The hairdressers? Oh I see! Hahahaha, very, very amusing," The guy said laughing as Voldie looked at him puzzled before touching his head, his face fell.

"My WIG!" He roared.

"Yes, yes, my wig, my wig, my kingdom for a wig!" The guy laughed, as did the audience. "Everybody please give it up for Mr Locks!"

An hour later Voldie was walking out of the hall, slightly drunk but happy of his newly acclaimed tiara, sash, and the title of Mr Knobbly knees 2006. Behind him, Elly skipped as she held her handcuffed hand out in the air the begrudging hand of Harry from McFly, who she had won as a prize for having the father with the best knobbly knees.

"Yo, Mr V!" She shouted at his back and Voldielocks turned around.

"Ah you!" He said as he swayed his hips on the spot.

"Yeah, me, listen thanks for letting me enter you, I love Harry here, so now I am going to take him home!" She said happily.

"No you're not," Voldie smiled as he pulled out his wand. "I forgot to punish you for your little stunt."

"But you can't take my prize home with you! We are handcuffed together!" She cried and pointed to a pleading Harry who seemed to want anything that allowed him to escape.

"Avada Kedavra," Voldielocks said, his wand aimed at Harry who fell over dead, taking Elly to the ground with him. "Toodles!"

Voldielocks waved goodbye to the screaming Elly as he swayed back to his room and his beloved wig.

A/N: Congrats on reaching the end of the chappie, sorry it's been so long on the updates, but we were running out of ideas, and Etta is still dealing with the devastating loss of Charmed, poor thing doesnt know who she is anymore, ALSO SHE BROKE HER COMPUTER!!! r&r and i'll make sure she never breaks another computer in her life! Lillianna